Am I being a selfish b@$&%£d?

Am I being a selfish b@$&%£d?

Author
Discussion

BIGYIN1314

72 posts

204 months

Wednesday 22nd October 2014
quotequote all
I suppose everyone has different thoughts / priorities in life.

My 2p worth is that 2 years ago we found out my wife was pregnant. At the time I was driving my S3 which I loved and was looking to replace my recently sold motorbike.

Wife was supportive of the replacement bike (even though she hated me having one) and was happy for me to keep the S3 even though it was the 3 door variant on the premise that her car could be used as the family hack. Fast forward to the Wee man being born, I again have my sports bike and still have the S3. 6 months later I accept that the S3 is completely impractical for having a small child and buy myself a Practical and sensible 330d (Which although was a decent enough car, I hated it and sold it 12 months later). Bought the car thinking “at least I have the bike for fun”. I rode the bike during the summer and found myself feeling guilty for A) Going out on the bike, given the dangers involved with going out for a burn and B) Not spending those hours with the Wee Man. Subsequently the bike got sold after only 12 months of ownership. Recently I sold the BMW and got myself an S4 instead, it meets all the ticks all the practicality boxes, and has plenty poke for me to have a bit of fun.

Before we had the Wee man, I thought that I would be able to manage time with the boy and still play with my ‘toys’, and unlike you had the full support of the other half. Turns out that the way I thought and felt changed dramatically after having him. Had I known what I know now, I wouldn’t have blown money on the bike, I would have sold the S3 and bought a more practical car with the performance that I desired and would have saved money in the long run.

Ultimately its your call, but I’d be astounded if your priorities and feelings didn’t change when your wee one comes along. I would offer the opinion of holding onto the cash until your new arrival comes and then make informed decisions.

Oh and I fully agree with everyone that says children are expensive. I considered myself to be very comfortable, in the last 18 months of the wee man being here I have noticed a steady decline in how much is being put away into my savings account. No matter if you think you’ve bought everything (we did the same), they still destroy your bank account. When I told my mate my wife was expecting his reply was “welcome to financial destitution”, I thought he was joking ……………………………… he wasn’t!

bennyboysvuk

3,491 posts

247 months

Thursday 23rd October 2014
quotequote all
ClarkPB said:
Even on the odd occasion where you maybe get a couple of hours to yourself on a weekend you either end up sitting doing bugger all just to recoup some energy or you end up doing the jobs you couldn't do while looking after the little one.
This is so true. I've not been out on my R1 for a blast since my son was born 16 months ago. I've only used it for commuting in the summer.

I won't even go into nursery costs. £££

Bill

52,472 posts

254 months

Thursday 23rd October 2014
quotequote all
bqf said:
Bill said:
Love the "Yeah, fk it, I just got a Ferrari/Aston" type advice. I suspect your finances are in a slightly different league to the OP. hehe
it's all the same principle, whether it's a £1,000 MX5 or a ferrari or aston....it's having toys vs kids.

Kids win for a few years, then toys clap
Agreed, in principle, but having £30k for a used 'Rari suggests finances that are in rude health as opposed to a modest windfall that could be better spent elsewhere.

KarlMac

4,457 posts

140 months

Thursday 23rd October 2014
quotequote all
Change Polo to wafty estate barge for a few grand.

Buy NA MX5 for £1500

Use the change to keep wafty old barge running and fettle the mazda.

Seems like the ultimate compromise?

TwistingMyMelon

6,385 posts

204 months

Thursday 23rd October 2014
quotequote all
Thing is OP might have enough time and money for a second car , I and many other do.

BUT, its always worth waiting to see how it pans out , then after a couple months of birth splashing the cash, because things might be different to expectations. It will shake your world, I was ok at first , 2 months after birth, its like "blimey"!


I set aside about 4k for the birth of our latest little one, just a bit extra for the first 6 months and the last few months when my misses stopped working. Its all gone and it went bloody quickly! Thats being careful, holding back and having the experience of two other kids , we bought nothing extravagant, most of it was just covering basics and extra bills and one "main salary" coming in.

Each to their own, every family is different. One family can fit everything in a 10 year old Focus, another family struggles to fit 1 child in a brand new S-Max etc

Stuart70

3,910 posts

182 months

Thursday 23rd October 2014
quotequote all
V
Muzzer79 said:
If you can afford to:

> Let your Mrs stop working, at least until the little one is in a nursery

> Maintain a decent lifestyle whilst this is happening (couple of meals out every now and again, decent-ish holiday once a year, etc)

> Save cash for the future

> Buy everything that the baby does and will need in the near future

> Replace the Polo when you discover that it's not big enough.

Whilst blowing a valuable £6k on another car, and another £x000 insuring/maintaining it then by all means do it.

If not, don't spend a valuable £6k on a stupid car when you have more pressing priorities.
This is the smartest, most responsible post on this whole topic. You are about to bring another life into the world, build a family and take on a whole new perspective on life.

Your response, can I spend a bit of "extra" short term money on a toy for ME,ME,ME?

As someone with an xfr and a Caterham, I am in no way saying you should not have toys, but have you got the mortgage paid off, redundancy rainy day pot, funds for future larger house and college/university fund for sprog all sorted. I would suggest at this stage "your" bonus is a contribution to financial security. But, hey; I am just a dull risk averse saver with lots of toys...

anonymous-user

53 months

Thursday 23rd October 2014
quotequote all
Stuart70 said:
V
Muzzer79 said:
If you can afford to:

> Let your Mrs stop working, at least until the little one is in a nursery

> Maintain a decent lifestyle whilst this is happening (couple of meals out every now and again, decent-ish holiday once a year, etc)

> Save cash for the future

> Buy everything that the baby does and will need in the near future

> Replace the Polo when you discover that it's not big enough.

Whilst blowing a valuable £6k on another car, and another £x000 insuring/maintaining it then by all means do it.

If not, don't spend a valuable £6k on a stupid car when you have more pressing priorities.
This is the smartest, most responsible post on this whole topic. You are about to bring another life into the world, build a family and take on a whole new perspective on life.

Your response, can I spend a bit of "extra" short term money on a toy for ME,ME,ME?

As someone with an xfr and a Caterham, I am in no way saying you should not have toys, but have you got the mortgage paid off, redundancy rainy day pot, funds for future larger house and college/university fund for sprog all sorted. I would suggest at this stage "your" bonus is a contribution to financial security. But, hey; I am just a dull risk averse saver with lots of toys...
So you think you need to pay the mortgage off before you're allowed toys if you have kids? Wtf?

SickFish

Original Poster:

3,503 posts

188 months

Thursday 23rd October 2014
quotequote all
St John Smythe said:
Stuart70 said:
V
Muzzer79 said:
If you can afford to:

> Let your Mrs stop working, at least until the little one is in a nursery

> Maintain a decent lifestyle whilst this is happening (couple of meals out every now and again, decent-ish holiday once a year, etc)

> Save cash for the future

> Buy everything that the baby does and will need in the near future

> Replace the Polo when you discover that it's not big enough.

Whilst blowing a valuable £6k on another car, and another £x000 insuring/maintaining it then by all means do it.

If not, don't spend a valuable £6k on a stupid car when you have more pressing priorities.
This is the smartest, most responsible post on this whole topic. You are about to bring another life into the world, build a family and take on a whole new perspective on life.

Your response, can I spend a bit of "extra" short term money on a toy for ME,ME,ME?

As someone with an xfr and a Caterham, I am in no way saying you should not have toys, but have you got the mortgage paid off, redundancy rainy day pot, funds for future larger house and college/university fund for sprog all sorted. I would suggest at this stage "your" bonus is a contribution to financial security. But, hey; I am just a dull risk averse saver with lots of toys...
So you think you need to pay the mortgage off before you're allowed toys if you have kids? Wtf?
I thought it was an odd post too... he must have missed the part where I have said that bills are covered relatively easily with my monthly wage and this still leaves some in the pot to save and for nice things like meals out and day trips etc.

anonymous-user

53 months

Thursday 23rd October 2014
quotequote all
SickFish said:
St John Smythe said:
Stuart70 said:
V
Muzzer79 said:
If you can afford to:

> Let your Mrs stop working, at least until the little one is in a nursery

> Maintain a decent lifestyle whilst this is happening (couple of meals out every now and again, decent-ish holiday once a year, etc)

> Save cash for the future

> Buy everything that the baby does and will need in the near future

> Replace the Polo when you discover that it's not big enough.

Whilst blowing a valuable £6k on another car, and another £x000 insuring/maintaining it then by all means do it.

If not, don't spend a valuable £6k on a stupid car when you have more pressing priorities.
This is the smartest, most responsible post on this whole topic. You are about to bring another life into the world, build a family and take on a whole new perspective on life.

Your response, can I spend a bit of "extra" short term money on a toy for ME,ME,ME?

As someone with an xfr and a Caterham, I am in no way saying you should not have toys, but have you got the mortgage paid off, redundancy rainy day pot, funds for future larger house and college/university fund for sprog all sorted. I would suggest at this stage "your" bonus is a contribution to financial security. But, hey; I am just a dull risk averse saver with lots of toys...
So you think you need to pay the mortgage off before you're allowed toys if you have kids? Wtf?
I thought it was an odd post too... he must have missed the part where I have said that bills are covered relatively easily with my monthly wage and this still leaves some in the pot to save and for nice things like meals out and day trips etc.
Just buy the car. You can always sell it if you find out you need the cash.

cheesesliceking

1,571 posts

239 months

Thursday 23rd October 2014
quotequote all
If you can afford it then why not.


Having any time to actually use it... that's another matter.

JuniorD

8,616 posts

222 months

Thursday 23rd October 2014
quotequote all
SickFish said:
After actually sitting down with the Mrs last night and talking about this (the "selfish bd" bit is semi in jest... she is actually pretty decent as far as women go wink )

The option that I get the feeling she prefers is the best of two worlds.....

Spend a small percentage of the money on a nice sports bike, she hates the things but knows I desperately miss being out on two wheels, and then bank the remainder of the money for any unforeseen eventualities or a properly nice holiday when our lil'un is a little bigger.

It's worth noting that she has said "it's your money, it's up to you" but I think the bike is the best option for US because as hard as I fight it I know that I do need to start considering my family more than ever smile

Not very fitting with the "SWT" "smash her backdoors in" etc PH mantra but hey.... least then we are all happy.... And as a side note, I felt her kick properly last night.... biggrin

..... heads off to PH classifieds thumbup

Edited by SickFish on Wednesday 22 October 10:41
Haha, your missus has you sussed out. You're just dreaming and passing away the time. Your thoughts are just idle distractions. She knows, as does everyone else here, that you won't be buying a weekend car and you won't be buying a motorcycle either.

hehe


SickFish

Original Poster:

3,503 posts

188 months

Thursday 23rd October 2014
quotequote all
JuniorD said:
SickFish said:
After actually sitting down with the Mrs last night and talking about this (the "selfish bd" bit is semi in jest... she is actually pretty decent as far as women go wink )

The option that I get the feeling she prefers is the best of two worlds.....

Spend a small percentage of the money on a nice sports bike, she hates the things but knows I desperately miss being out on two wheels, and then bank the remainder of the money for any unforeseen eventualities or a properly nice holiday when our lil'un is a little bigger.

It's worth noting that she has said "it's your money, it's up to you" but I think the bike is the best option for US because as hard as I fight it I know that I do need to start considering my family more than ever smile

Not very fitting with the "SWT" "smash her backdoors in" etc PH mantra but hey.... least then we are all happy.... And as a side note, I felt her kick properly last night.... biggrin

..... heads off to PH classifieds thumbup

Edited by SickFish on Wednesday 22 October 10:41
Haha, your missus has you sussed out. You're just dreaming and passing away the time. Your thoughts are just idle distractions. She knows, as does everyone else here, that you won't be buying a weekend car and you won't be buying a motorcycle either.

hehe
She knew it will inevitably happen sooner or later wink

As I now have this spare cash coming in in the New Year it means it can happen a little sooner than anticipated.

Marvib

528 posts

145 months

Thursday 23rd October 2014
quotequote all
A child you say? Time to buy a people carrier.

Something like this....

http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&a...

Stuart70

3,910 posts

182 months

Thursday 23rd October 2014
quotequote all
SickFish said:
St John Smythe said:
Stuart70 said:
V
Muzzer79 said:
If you can afford to:

> Let your Mrs stop working, at least until the little one is in a nursery

> Maintain a decent lifestyle whilst this is happening (couple of meals out every now and again, decent-ish holiday once a year, etc)

> Save cash for the future

> Buy everything that the baby does and will need in the near future

> Replace the Polo when you discover that it's not big enough.

Whilst blowing a valuable £6k on another car, and another £x000 insuring/maintaining it then by all means do it.

If not, don't spend a valuable £6k on a stupid car when you have more pressing priorities.
This is the smartest, most responsible post on this whole topic. You are about to bring another life into the world, build a family and take on a whole new perspective on life.

Your response, can I spend a bit of "extra" short term money on a toy for ME,ME,ME?

As someone with an xfr and a Caterham, I am in no way saying you should not have toys, but have you got the mortgage paid off, redundancy rainy day pot, funds for future larger house and college/university fund for sprog all sorted. I would suggest at this stage "your" bonus is a contribution to financial security. But, hey; I am just a dull risk averse saver with lots of toys...
So you think you need to pay the mortgage off before you're allowed toys if you have kids? Wtf?
I thought it was an odd post too... he must have missed the part where I have said that bills are covered relatively easily with my monthly wage and this still leaves some in the pot to save and for nice things like meals out and day trips etc.
Fair point, I was aiming at mortgage paid rather than paid off. I am miserable on these things though; mortgage overpayments and pension top up come before toys for me ; but I know I am a tight fecker!

longblackcoat

5,047 posts

182 months

Thursday 23rd October 2014
quotequote all
SickFish said:
St John Smythe said:
Stuart70 said:
V
Muzzer79 said:
If you can afford to:

> Let your Mrs stop working, at least until the little one is in a nursery

> Maintain a decent lifestyle whilst this is happening (couple of meals out every now and again, decent-ish holiday once a year, etc)

> Save cash for the future

> Buy everything that the baby does and will need in the near future

> Replace the Polo when you discover that it's not big enough.

Whilst blowing a valuable £6k on another car, and another £x000 insuring/maintaining it then by all means do it.

If not, don't spend a valuable £6k on a stupid car when you have more pressing priorities.
This is the smartest, most responsible post on this whole topic. You are about to bring another life into the world, build a family and take on a whole new perspective on life.

Your response, can I spend a bit of "extra" short term money on a toy for ME,ME,ME?

As someone with an xfr and a Caterham, I am in no way saying you should not have toys, but have you got the mortgage paid off, redundancy rainy day pot, funds for future larger house and college/university fund for sprog all sorted. I would suggest at this stage "your" bonus is a contribution to financial security. But, hey; I am just a dull risk averse saver with lots of toys...
So you think you need to pay the mortgage off before you're allowed toys if you have kids? Wtf?
I thought it was an odd post too... he must have missed the part where I have said that bills are covered relatively easily with my monthly wage and this still leaves some in the pot to save and for nice things like meals out and day trips etc.
You asked "am I being a selfish bd?" and most people have said that to some extent or other, yes, you probably are.

I suspect you didn't want to hear that. Yes, the bills are covered, and yes, you have some spare, but the point that's been made repeatedly is that you'll be short of money for a while (just accept it, it WILL happen and you'll have minimal spare time to play with cars/bikes/whatever.

If you don't want to listen, then why ask the question.

SickFish

Original Poster:

3,503 posts

188 months

Thursday 23rd October 2014
quotequote all
longblackcoat said:
You asked "am I being a selfish bd?" and most people have said that to some extent or other, yes, you probably are.

I suspect you didn't want to hear that. Yes, the bills are covered, and yes, you have some spare, but the point that's been made repeatedly is that you'll be short of money for a while (just accept it, it WILL happen and you'll have minimal spare time to play with cars/bikes/whatever.

If you don't want to listen, then why ask the question.
Does anyone ever want to hear their life will change and they will have to give up everything they love confused

I have read the comments and as I have already said; the Mrs and I have come to a mutually agreeable conclusion whereby I spend a percentage of the money on something I sorely miss and the rest gets stashed "for a rainy day"

Why do some people have to comment so abrasively? Its one part of PH I hate.

405dogvan

5,326 posts

264 months

Thursday 23rd October 2014
quotequote all
Some people seem to believe that once they have a child they should throw everything they have at that child - money is all that's required to make it everything you want it to be...

Some people believe kids are expensive too - usually the same people who have HD Baby Monitors, toddler Adidas, Recaro Baby Seats and other st which is actually for themselves and not the kid ;0

This all results in a chain of useless sacks of DNA churning-out other useless sacks of DNA who's only purposes is to churn out other... you get the idea.

To avoid that, live a little - buy nice things for yourself - develop as a parent as well as developing your child. We remember the cool things our parents did, we do not remember them eating Ramen noodles and driving a st car just so we could goto a school we hated.

A kid (and a car!) can and will suck-up all the money you want to throw at it - doesn't mean you should do it.

Giving your kid a memorable childhood is as much about you as it is about them tho - remember that and you'll be a lot happier - and so will your kids.

Also - couples need ground rules on who's money is who's because the 'all money is our money' idea will only lead to endless argument. Decide between yourselves what needs to be spent or saved - put money into a pot to fund that and the rest is for whoever earned it to spend on whatever they want (or in the case of a single earner - split accordingly)

Garvin

5,156 posts

176 months

Thursday 23rd October 2014
quotequote all
SickFish said:
Does anyone ever want to hear their life will change and they will have to give up everything they love confused
Your life will definitely change and, hopefully, for the better. You would not giving things up, merely putting them on hold for when your life will change again and you will have more time to enjoy them. Indeed having a break and coming back to them can generate an excitement all over again!

SickFish

Original Poster:

3,503 posts

188 months

Thursday 23rd October 2014
quotequote all
405dogvan said:
Some people seem to believe that once they have a child they should throw everything they have at that child - money is all that's required to make it everything you want it to be...

Some people believe kids are expensive too - usually the same people who have HD Baby Monitors, toddler Adidas, Recaro Baby Seats and other st which is actually for themselves and not the kid ;0

This all results in a chain of useless sacks of DNA churning-out other useless sacks of DNA who's only purposes is to churn out other... you get the idea.

To avoid that, live a little - buy nice things for yourself - develop as a parent as well as developing your child. We remember the cool things our parents did, we do not remember them eating Ramen noodles and driving a st car just so we could goto a school we hated.

A kid (and a car!) can and will suck-up all the money you want to throw at it - doesn't mean you should do it.

Giving your kid a memorable childhood is as much about you as it is about them tho - remember that and you'll be a lot happier - and so will your kids.

Also - couples need ground rules on who's money is who's because the 'all money is our money' idea will only lead to endless argument. Decide between yourselves what needs to be spent or saved - put money into a pot to fund that and the rest is for whoever earned it to spend on whatever they want.
We have the perfect solution to this one.... We have a joint account that enough gets thrown into to cover all bills etc and whatever is in our personal accounts is "ours" to do what we will with it.

This is less so now that she is on mat leave as her income has now greatly reduced (obviously) so I have had to start giving her some pocket money wink

anonymous-user

53 months

Thursday 23rd October 2014
quotequote all
longblackcoat said:
You asked "am I being a selfish bd?" and most people have said that to some extent or other, yes, you probably are.

I suspect you didn't want to hear that. Yes, the bills are covered, and yes, you have some spare, but the point that's been made repeatedly is that you'll be short of money for a while (just accept it, it WILL happen and you'll have minimal spare time to play with cars/bikes/whatever.

If you don't want to listen, then why ask the question.
Angry Dad alert smile