Thursday 30th October 2014

Enough exhaust noise already: Tell Me I'm Wrong

As volleys of fake exhaust crackle echo across the land Dan asks if it's all getting a bit much

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Bonfire night isn't until next week but the Boxster GTS we've got in at the moment seems rather keen on conducting itself like it's a rolling firework display.

Ah yes, the thorny issue of the contrived exhaust note rears its head once more. And we're an ungrateful bunch aren't we? Ducts, resonators and all manner of other physical aural enhancements have been around for ages in response to dulled down modern engine notes. Some we're aware of, many we're not.

Lovely car, just likes to shout about it

More recently things have become more digitised, BMW copping an awful lot of flak on these pages for the speaker-enhanced V8ness of the current M5. More recent culprits include the synthesised drone of the Golf R, annoying enough that it pretty much ruins the car for me. Porsche, like many, has at least attempted to give us what we want with some 'real' sound in the shape of some contrived exhaust crackle on many of its new models. Contrived as in it's clearly been written into the map to happen all ... the ... bloody ... time.

Double standards
This is going to sound exceptionally curmudgeonly and more than a bit hypocritical given how loud I've made my Eunos but it drives me up the wall. Porsche isn't alone with this of course; the Boxster GTS is just the most extreme example I've yet encountered. But what these theatrics don't take account of is that the carefully cultivated exhaust crackle is something that should be earned on merit, not supplied on demand.

Loud'n'louder? Make your mind up Trent

About one gearshift in 10 on a spirited drive in the Eunos I'll get a properly invigorating 'thwap!', but only if I've been pressing on for a good stretch and only if certain random factors contrive to make it happen. The joy is in its unpredictability and the fact it's very much an indication that the car is getting a proper thrashing. Likewise 'my' dearly departed C63 AMG, a masterclass in sound engineering if ever there was one. A proper upshift pop from that was a very rare occurrence, given that you had to be absolutely on it to even stand a chance of it happening. And therefore all the more satisfying when it did. We'll have to see how the new C63's fancy new fully active exhaust flaps manage the task of making the new turbo V8 sound 'proper'; let's just hope it's less frenetic than the A45, another car that sounds like a firing squad every time you lift your foot off the throttle.

Peace and tranquility about to be shattered

Life and soul
Knowing when it's appropriate to act life and soul of the party and when to just shut the hell up is a sign of class and maturity. But, frankly, the Boxster is just too much of a gobs**te, unleashing an inappropriate fusillade of bangs and crackles with even the most moderate lift of the throttle. Amusing on a B-road blast, downright embarrassing while slowing for a pedestrian crossing on the High Street. A shame because in every other respect it sounds absolutely fabulous.

Leading me to the tricky dilemma of the V8 Jaguar F-Type, a car which has been extensively sound engineered for maximum excitement. I'm wavering here. It does the contrived banging and popping thing I'm railing against here. But it also achieves perhaps the most blistering V8 noise ever achieved in a mainstream production car. On track it had me in mind of the onboard in that video of Peter Brock's banzai 1991 Bathurst quali lap in the flame spitting V8 Holden Commodore. Praise doesn't come any higher than that either. But it is still artificially enhanced and there are times you wish it would just stop bellowing in your ear.

Bit more choke and she'd have started
Same with the Ferrari 458. The noise has been very carefully managed for maximum attention seeking effect but it's sometimes weirdly out of sync with revs, throttle position and engine load, making for socially awkward situations where you want an eruption of noise and instead get a disappointingly muted drone.

The 'socially awkward' Ferrari 458 Italia

And then, just as you're backing out of it or want to keep quiet, a sudden and inopportune blare of look-at-me noise. Forgive the scatological analogy but it's like attempting what the Viz Profanisaurous would describe as a discreet 'one cheek sneak' in a high powered board meeting and instead getting an inopportune trouser trumpet.

Matt, who had the Boxster over the weekend, proffers sage advice. Option one for the Porsche is to leave the exhaust button unpressed and not stray into the Sport or Sport Plus modes, where it's even more flatulent and in the latter compounds the issue with extravagant downshift blips. Option two is, in his words, "never lift", which has merit in its PHness but isn't always entirely practical. Leaving what? A sock up the exhaust? Time to hand in my PH badge and gun and drive a diesel?

Not sure, but as it stands my flush of embarrassment every time that volley of artificially enhanced pops erupts is as crimson as the Boxster's roof. Sport Auspuff? I never thought I'd say it but nein danke.

Boxster noise terror

 

[MogulBoy]

You're not wrong.

P.S. Do we know how all these pops and crackles are created? Is it unburned fuel being allowed through and ignited in the cats or something else? If it is fuel then how can they get away with it when every ml counts?

[mrclav]

You're wrong.

[chrisironside]

When I think back to past cars I miss the most I often recall rambunctious exhaust notes.
A (DC2) Honda Integra I had with a titanium exhaust, and a BMW 335 with the exhaust valves deactivated produced intoxicating sounds when passing through tunnels, canyons and built-up areas with a spot of acceleration. A very significant part of my motoring memories.

One of my early cars was a Renault 5 GT Turbo that had a after-market exhaust which I don't remember so well. I think it was maybe more of a grumbler, a good wail is perhaps key.

Everyone should have a screamer at least once!

[TimLambert7]

The Boxster sounds fecking awesome

BUT

is that it in completely 'normal' driving mode? If so, I can understand how it'd get a bit annoying. If that's it in the Sport modes then I'm all for it.

[Oddball RS]

I don't really see your problem, try not driving with the throttle 'on' 'off' its not a switch, its just exhaust design, Copper S's went through a phase where they all did it, then a design change and it stops, i'd rather this than fake noise through the speakers and 28 exhaust pipes.

[JPF40]

You are wrong. Enjoy that sound while it lasts.

And if you don't like the sound then don't buy the car!

[kambites]

It does strike me as a bit odd that people are happy with artificially but mechanically created pops and crackles but get up in arms about electronically created ones. Long gone are the days when the noise an engine makes was purely a byproduct of the job it was doing; I don't really see much difference between intentionally allowing fuel into the exhaust to make it pop and playing a pop through the speakers.

[daveco]

The BMW 335 has the same crackle and popping noise when slowing down in first gear.

IMO it adds to the fun of driving the car.

[White Lightning]

Sorry but you're wrong. That sounds spectacular. I'd never get bored of that in a highstreet, or a multi-storey carpark. Love it, Love it, Love it!!

[moffat]

I do love the way my C63 makes random noises like this and different ones too, from the snap from near redline full bore gear changes to the crackling and popping on the odd over-run.

However, much like the A45 this is just too much and I think it would drive me mad too. Here there is much need for an optional 'noise' or sport button to engage the boy racer mode and normal driving should be a bit quieter.

Much like the C63 which seems to get noisy when the gearbox mode is S+ or Manual.

[Dan Trent]

TimLambert7 said:

The Boxster sounds fecking awesome

BUT

is that it in completely 'normal' driving mode? If so, I can understand how it'd get a bit annoying. If that's it in the Sport modes then I'm all for it.

'For illustrative purposes' that vid was shot in Sport Plus, which puts the exhaust in Sport mode and does the over extravagant self blipping thing. And, again, to make the point I was being a bit binary with the throttle. On the way back there was actually a better demonstration on a road with speed bumps but the damned battery on the GoPro conked out.

It is a little more muted in standard mode but it still does a stupid little rumble of thunder when you come off the throttle.

I love the exhaust and induction noise on the Boxster - my specific gripe here is with the ridiculous overrun banging and popping. See also the DSG 'burp' on VW group cars, the '45 AMGs, Minis, Abarth 500s, etc...

But you're also more than welcome to tell me I'm talking out of my tailpipe!

Cheers!

Dan

[plasticpig]

For the F-Type I would prefer to hear the supercharger whine rather than pops and crackles.

[James1972]

Agree fully, V8 Jag went past last night and gave it a squirt which sounded fantastic but all the time...
I was once told my a nice traffic officer I had the noisiest car in Nottinghamshire.. I was so proud of my little 136 rapid with works rally exhaust But you did have to work at it and I was in my 20's not my 40's - acceptable then but now I think I'd struggle.

[Steve vRS]

Random bangs can be embarrassing too. My old Impreza Type R once decided to emit a massive backfire just as I was passing a funeral party leaving a church.

Steve

[Crusoe]

Is the answer on the porsche not to buy one with a manual gearbox

[OutOfSync]

I think that it comes down to the fact that the noises are so predictable. There is less enjoyment when you know that it is programmed to make that pop and crack and also that it will do it every time.

I had a go in an F Type S the other day and some of the noises it makes are great, but the farting noise that it makes on an upshift at full throttle sounded just a bit rubbish to my ears.

In short, pops and bangs = good when randomly appearing; bad when predictable or sound like a botty burp.

ps love the Viz-isms. "Better an eviction than a bad tenant".

[Urban Sports]

Utter tripe.

[Richyvrlimited]

MogulBoy said:

You're not wrong.

P.S. Do we know how all these pops and crackles are created? Is it unburned fuel being allowed through and ignited in the cats or something else? If it is fuel then how can they get away with it when every ml counts?

Massively retarded ignition and a leaner than stoich mixuture creates pops and burbles. This won't use fuel, it'll actually use less. You're igiting the fuel late and too lean so the combustion is incomplete/completing as it exits the exhaust.

Overly rich causes loud bangs, which also have a tendency to tear catalytic converters and exhaust baffles to pieces.

I have tuned my car to create the former, but I also have table switching in place so i can turn it off when I don't want it i.e. the commute to work.

[x chunk x]

I think you need to go write for Horse and Hound magazine not Pistonheads if your in some way offended by spirited exhaust noise my friend.
Its becoming more and more difficult and more antisocial not to mention dangerous to drive a car in the way necessary to get these types of pops and crackles from a vehicle in a none simulated way, as you put it "you'd have to be 100 percent on it to get this noise from your car" therefore its not practical to do so 90 percent of the time is it?!?!
I currently own a mildly tuned de silenced V8 and I love the fact that it will give off a beautiful burble and pop by just pulling away slowly and not having to race everywhere to get my Dailey exhaust sound fix, but if I am in a position to "get on it" then that sound increases exponentially. everyone's a winner.

[j90gta]

A mate had a Quattro with an after-market exhaust; by the time we'd driven to Goodwood and back I had a headache! It seems that with Ferraris like the F50/F40 the lure of an after-market exhaust is not what it was a few years back. Cars with a standard exhaust command a premium (I wonder how many standard systems were just thrown away in the quest to go a bit faster and make more noise!!!) Having said that the F512M I used to drive had a Fuchs system and the noise over 4,000 rpm was just awesome.