Stuff that's happened which changed your outlook on life.
Discussion
Pagey said:
A very very good friend of mine - In fact he was my best mate, we had served and worked together for years and had been in some bad situations together, cue normal married life for Pete, he met and married a gorgeous girl (I was proud to be his best man) and they had a lovely baby boy.
We stayed best mates, I was always round the flat and was god parent to young Jake. Pete doted on Jake, he could be a big rough tough guy at work but when it came to his son he was a big softie.
Pete took Clare and Jake to visit his parents one weekend, driving home they were involved in an accident. Pete was badly hurt, Clare and Jake were both killed.
Without going into the finer details Pete blamed himself, he was tired, should have stopped for a break, if head stopped for a break......................
I was the one Pete turned to, he was a broken man. I helped with funeral arrangements, stood with him as he buried his wife and son - one of the worst days of my life
Pete wished he had died with them, then he wouldnt feel so guilty, lonely etc
I was always there for him as a shoulder to cry on, someone to talk to - sometimes not in person, if work took me away he knew he could call me at anytime, I would always answer even if it was to say I can't talk right now, I will call you back ASAP.
As time moved on, round came his wedding anniversary (I knew it was coming and made sure I was around for him) he hit the bottle quite hard for a while and I would get drunken phone calls, and I would always drop what I was doing and go sort him out.
I got to know his neighbours, as they would see me quite a lot taking him food etc when he was on a bad week. I took the girl from upstairs out for dinner and drinks and spent a bit of time with her. Sadly this clouded my judgement, Pete was on a downward spiral he constantly blamed himself for what happened, I tried my best to get him to go for councilling but he refused point blank.
I took his neighbour out one night, and Pete called me, for once I didn't answer, I was sidetracked, Pete tried calling me again later that evening and again I didnt answer, as the lady concerned looked at me and said leave it when my phone rang. I missed a third call from Pete that evening (I never heard the phone ring the third time)
Pete ended his life that evening, and I was no more than 40 feet away from him and I didn't pick up the phone I listened to his voice mail the next morning.......................
I could never admit to his parents that I ignored the phone
I've never ignored my phone since, it goes everywhere with me - toilet, on a shelf in the shower..........
Such a sobering post We stayed best mates, I was always round the flat and was god parent to young Jake. Pete doted on Jake, he could be a big rough tough guy at work but when it came to his son he was a big softie.
Pete took Clare and Jake to visit his parents one weekend, driving home they were involved in an accident. Pete was badly hurt, Clare and Jake were both killed.
Without going into the finer details Pete blamed himself, he was tired, should have stopped for a break, if head stopped for a break......................
I was the one Pete turned to, he was a broken man. I helped with funeral arrangements, stood with him as he buried his wife and son - one of the worst days of my life
Pete wished he had died with them, then he wouldnt feel so guilty, lonely etc
I was always there for him as a shoulder to cry on, someone to talk to - sometimes not in person, if work took me away he knew he could call me at anytime, I would always answer even if it was to say I can't talk right now, I will call you back ASAP.
As time moved on, round came his wedding anniversary (I knew it was coming and made sure I was around for him) he hit the bottle quite hard for a while and I would get drunken phone calls, and I would always drop what I was doing and go sort him out.
I got to know his neighbours, as they would see me quite a lot taking him food etc when he was on a bad week. I took the girl from upstairs out for dinner and drinks and spent a bit of time with her. Sadly this clouded my judgement, Pete was on a downward spiral he constantly blamed himself for what happened, I tried my best to get him to go for councilling but he refused point blank.
I took his neighbour out one night, and Pete called me, for once I didn't answer, I was sidetracked, Pete tried calling me again later that evening and again I didnt answer, as the lady concerned looked at me and said leave it when my phone rang. I missed a third call from Pete that evening (I never heard the phone ring the third time)
Pete ended his life that evening, and I was no more than 40 feet away from him and I didn't pick up the phone I listened to his voice mail the next morning.......................
I could never admit to his parents that I ignored the phone
I've never ignored my phone since, it goes everywhere with me - toilet, on a shelf in the shower..........
Pagey said:
A very very good friend of mine - In fact he was my best mate, we had served and worked together for years and had been in some bad situations together, cue normal married life for Pete, he met and married a gorgeous girl (I was proud to be his best man) and they had a lovely baby boy.
We stayed best mates, I was always round the flat and was god parent to young Jake. Pete doted on Jake, he could be a big rough tough guy at work but when it came to his son he was a big softie.
Pete took Clare and Jake to visit his parents one weekend, driving home they were involved in an accident. Pete was badly hurt, Clare and Jake were both killed.
Without going into the finer details Pete blamed himself, he was tired, should have stopped for a break, if head stopped for a break......................
I was the one Pete turned to, he was a broken man. I helped with funeral arrangements, stood with him as he buried his wife and son - one of the worst days of my life
Pete wished he had died with them, then he wouldnt feel so guilty, lonely etc
I was always there for him as a shoulder to cry on, someone to talk to - sometimes not in person, if work took me away he knew he could call me at anytime, I would always answer even if it was to say I can't talk right now, I will call you back ASAP.
As time moved on, round came his wedding anniversary (I knew it was coming and made sure I was around for him) he hit the bottle quite hard for a while and I would get drunken phone calls, and I would always drop what I was doing and go sort him out.
I got to know his neighbours, as they would see me quite a lot taking him food etc when he was on a bad week. I took the girl from upstairs out for dinner and drinks and spent a bit of time with her. Sadly this clouded my judgement, Pete was on a downward spiral he constantly blamed himself for what happened, I tried my best to get him to go for councilling but he refused point blank.
I took his neighbour out one night, and Pete called me, for once I didn't answer, I was sidetracked, Pete tried calling me again later that evening and again I didnt answer, as the lady concerned looked at me and said leave it when my phone rang. I missed a third call from Pete that evening (I never heard the phone ring the third time)
Pete ended his life that evening, and I was no more than 40 feet away from him and I didn't pick up the phone I listened to his voice mail the next morning.......................
I could never admit to his parents that I ignored the phone
I've never ignored my phone since, it goes everywhere with me - toilet, on a shelf in the shower..........
Holy sWe stayed best mates, I was always round the flat and was god parent to young Jake. Pete doted on Jake, he could be a big rough tough guy at work but when it came to his son he was a big softie.
Pete took Clare and Jake to visit his parents one weekend, driving home they were involved in an accident. Pete was badly hurt, Clare and Jake were both killed.
Without going into the finer details Pete blamed himself, he was tired, should have stopped for a break, if head stopped for a break......................
I was the one Pete turned to, he was a broken man. I helped with funeral arrangements, stood with him as he buried his wife and son - one of the worst days of my life
Pete wished he had died with them, then he wouldnt feel so guilty, lonely etc
I was always there for him as a shoulder to cry on, someone to talk to - sometimes not in person, if work took me away he knew he could call me at anytime, I would always answer even if it was to say I can't talk right now, I will call you back ASAP.
As time moved on, round came his wedding anniversary (I knew it was coming and made sure I was around for him) he hit the bottle quite hard for a while and I would get drunken phone calls, and I would always drop what I was doing and go sort him out.
I got to know his neighbours, as they would see me quite a lot taking him food etc when he was on a bad week. I took the girl from upstairs out for dinner and drinks and spent a bit of time with her. Sadly this clouded my judgement, Pete was on a downward spiral he constantly blamed himself for what happened, I tried my best to get him to go for councilling but he refused point blank.
I took his neighbour out one night, and Pete called me, for once I didn't answer, I was sidetracked, Pete tried calling me again later that evening and again I didnt answer, as the lady concerned looked at me and said leave it when my phone rang. I missed a third call from Pete that evening (I never heard the phone ring the third time)
Pete ended his life that evening, and I was no more than 40 feet away from him and I didn't pick up the phone I listened to his voice mail the next morning.......................
I could never admit to his parents that I ignored the phone
I've never ignored my phone since, it goes everywhere with me - toilet, on a shelf in the shower..........
t that's horrendous 
SBDJ said:
Sorry to hear that, I lost one of my twins to TTFS. I fought the NHS when I suspected something was wrong and was repeatedly told I was wrong.
When the worst happened they said 'no one could have predicted it'. My surviving son is still paying the price 6 years on.
Hi SBDJ, I'm sorry to hear that to. I would be interested in your thoughts and experience as your surviving son get older if you wouldn't mind me PM you?.. When the worst happened they said 'no one could have predicted it'. My surviving son is still paying the price 6 years on.
With regards the NHS we're still battling. In our case the coroner has an independent report which clearly concludes our son was killed by gross negligence yet the NHS's line is still 'it's just one of those things'!.. The arrogance and complete lack of basic compassion astounds me.
I think this is another area where my outlook on life has changed. I put my belief and trust in professionals thinking they had my child and my wife's (who was also gravely ill afterwards) best interested as a highest priority.. I was very wrong to do so. My advice, question everything and never assume they know what best..
pinchmeimdreamin said:
The beauty of this thread which sadly most members will miss is the fact not one person will mention anything material.
The one thing we all share billionaire or beggar, we all want to love and be loved.
When you lose someone who you loved/ loved you, a small peace of you dies, but from that good things can and do grow.
As a general though I too find this very interesting and have found the posts very sobering.. The one thing we all share billionaire or beggar, we all want to love and be loved.
When you lose someone who you loved/ loved you, a small peace of you dies, but from that good things can and do grow.
Edited by nekrum on Saturday 22 November 10:00
Edited by nekrum on Saturday 22 November 10:01
i mentioned it elsewhere once before, but my baby son passing away aged 9 weeks has undoubtedly altered my thoughts and cares and I know they will never return to what they once were. He left us 9.5 weeks ago so it is still relatively recent, but learning about myself and my ability to deal with this has been one of the things I have " noticed" the most.
It seems unfortunately that a number of us PH dads have had to go theough similar.
It seems unfortunately that a number of us PH dads have had to go theough similar.
Pagey said:
Very sobering stuff
That is a proper bd thing to happen but you have to stop beating yourself up over it.Many many years ago, when I was about 18, one of my sisters acquired a scary creepy stalker.
He would wait near her school, follow her home, make comments. etc. She was 14.
My old man was too busy going to the pub and bookies to take care of this matter so she turned to me and like any older brother would, I flipped, confronted the bloke and (so I thought) warned him off.
A few days later, I got home from work to find my mum & sister very upset as the bloke had tried to grab her. Obviously, she managed to get away and outrun him home.
I've never known such anger. You know where you read a newspaper where the story says somebody was in a blind rage and they killed someone? That's what I went to do.
I went to the blokes house (not that far away) kicked his front door in and basically started to beat him to death. No weapons or quick finish. I wanted him to feel every bone when it broke.
Fortunately, for me (and him I suppose) my brother was about a minute behind me having just arrived home as I'd left and my mother told him I was off to kill the nutter.
He pulled me off him and things calmed down a bit from there. Of course, the Police were involved but being the 70's, nothing came of it. Genuine "Gene Hunt" style policing.
Proper internet hard man story eh? What's my point?
Well, the bloke recovered and moved away. Happy ending and all that. Except for he became obsessed with another girl, kidnapped her and killed her.
f
k.Did I feel a little bit guilty about that? Yes & no. I saved my sister but I couldn't save the other girl. Was this my fault that the other girl died? I could have killed him but I have a life too. I would have gone to prison for murder.
Could you have answered the phone for your mate that night and saved his life?
Probably. You've got a life too though and that's what you were doing.
What's to say that at some point your battery was gone or you had no signal? What would happen then? Sometimes it's out of our hands and there's nothing we can do.
I didn't know the nutter would kill a different girl and you didn't know that your friend would take his life.
It's not fair but I've worked out it's not my fault. It's not your fault either.
You sound like a good bloke and you did everything you could for your friend.
Don't beat yourself up.
That's been quite cathartic tbh
In my case it was trying to save a life but despite sort of succeeding, him dying later anyway. And watching the impact on family since.
Life is more important than work - and I am more into living since than I ever was before. Ironically has been a good thing for me in the long run - not really a nice thought, but true.
Life is more important than work - and I am more into living since than I ever was before. Ironically has been a good thing for me in the long run - not really a nice thought, but true.
I've been around our local Co-op tonight, the sprightly 60 year old women, who has served me for the past 7 years, whose granddaughter goes to school with my eldest, who looked as healthy as can be, was being put into an Ambulance, she was deceased, don't know why yet.
Life's to short.
Enjoy it while you can.
Life's to short.
Enjoy it while you can.
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