Being told " I don't love you anymore"

Being told " I don't love you anymore"

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Discussion

Wolfer

Original Poster:

185 posts

126 months

Saturday 22nd November 2014
quotequote all
Anyone had this?
Before you say, no pics, no-one else involved, just came out the blue tonight.

20 years, from 16 years old, no kids, live and work together, not one problem in 20 years, one slip-up a few years back when she had depression, but thats it.

Says she still cares for me, doesn't want me to move out, but sat here now (pissed) wondering "wtf"

Reckon this is it chaps?

nightwalker

3,553 posts

186 months

Saturday 22nd November 2014
quotequote all
Need more info tbh, women are fickle creatures and if you're living and working together perhaps you're just seeing too much of each other!

What's life like day to day? Act like friends or is there still a spark?

EtcEtc

20,566 posts

171 months

Saturday 22nd November 2014
quotequote all
Yep, after 12 years (long time ago now).

It gave me an invaluable set of tools and a strong appreciation of self respect.

B17NNS

18,506 posts

246 months

Saturday 22nd November 2014
quotequote all
You deserve someone who DOES love you. Don't waste energy on someone who doesn't.

By all means be amicable and respect her decision and her honesty but it's time to strap a pair on.

Dig deep and find your self respect. Organise an amicable separation and move on.

Happened to me (hasn't it happened to most?). A mate said to me when I was going through it, what advice would you give to me if I were in your position?

What advice would you give to a friend if he were in the same boat?

Life is short. You both deserve happiness. Go find yours.

Good luck smile

Edited by B17NNS on Saturday 22 November 23:17

craigjm

17,908 posts

199 months

Saturday 22nd November 2014
quotequote all
B17NNS said:
You deserve someone who DOES love you. Don't waste energy on someone who doesn't.

By all means be amicable and respect her decision and her honesty but it's time to strap a pair on.

Dig deep and find your self respect. Organise an amicable separation and move on.

Life is short. You both deserve happiness. Go find yours.

Good luck smile
This 100%

visitinglondon

332 posts

188 months

Saturday 22nd November 2014
quotequote all
Usually means she's seeing someone else ...

Kaj91

4,705 posts

120 months

Saturday 22nd November 2014
quotequote all
visitinglondon said:
Usually means she's seeing someone else ...
Not necessarily, she may be bored, stuck in a rut.

OP if you think the relationship is worth saving then work at it, if not then follow the sound advice earlier in the thread. Good Luck.

oldcynic

2,166 posts

160 months

Saturday 22nd November 2014
quotequote all
See how it unfolds, but it's probably the beginning of the end. As many on here will tell you, this is a new beginning in itself but it does get pretty stty in between the end and the beginning.

My ex managed one step further - "I never really loved you anyway".

Urban Sports

11,321 posts

202 months

Sunday 23rd November 2014
quotequote all
Without doubt it's the slip up.

Pommygranite

14,229 posts

215 months

Sunday 23rd November 2014
quotequote all
Just accept it - by the time that comes out she's already planning her exit strategy.

Be civil, no lawyers, be amicable and without anger.

Just as you can't help chemistry with someone sometimes you can't stop it from fading. Brave and decent move by your (soon to be) ex by being honest with you without finding someone else first.

TheLordJohn

5,746 posts

145 months

Sunday 23rd November 2014
quotequote all
Pommygranite said:
Just accept it - by the time that comes out she's already planning her exit strategy.
Most useful/appropriate post on this thread!
st news OP. Good luck getting sorted out smile

Wacky Racer

38,099 posts

246 months

Sunday 23rd November 2014
quotequote all
Is it possible to live with somebody if you don't "love" them,....... you can "like" them, "respect" them etc.

Isn't "love" something that only happens to sixteen year old schoolgirls living in a fantasy world?


btw, We have been happily married 34 years.............I was just posing the question.

Sheets Tabuer

18,898 posts

214 months

Sunday 23rd November 2014
quotequote all
visitinglondon said:
Usually means she's seeing someone else ...
This is my experience, happened to me once. I've also had a few mates that had the it's not you it's me or I don't love you spiel. Then the wife met a new bloke at work you've never heard of five minutes after the bloke moved out.

Another thing, if a woman tells you she doesn't love you then I'm sorry to say she doesn't love you.

You still made an effort though right, still went to the gym, held of on the cakes etc?

snood

107 posts

140 months

Sunday 23rd November 2014
quotequote all
Yes, had this and more. fking stinks, doesn't it - you sincerely have my sympathy.

We 'met' again after decades, via 'Friends Reunited'. She wanted me to flirt and ended up visiting. We married the next year.

Ten years on, the secret inscription in the signet ring she bought me is now "your thing". The loving verses I put in birthday, Christmas and anniversary cards became, "Well, you can write anything." My being in the room when she gets things out of her underwear drawer is "creepy". (Her) booze was the catalyst - it always was.

We're separated and she wants to go to court over the divorce. Meanwhile, my legal mate is bankrolling my solicitor's fees.

That's life on the razor's edge, which also fking stinks.

Petrus1983

8,521 posts

161 months

Sunday 23rd November 2014
quotequote all
TheLordJohn said:
Pommygranite said:
Just accept it - by the time that comes out she's already planning her exit strategy.
Most useful/appropriate post on this thread!
st news OP. Good luck getting sorted out smile
Agree with this unless it was stupid argument/alcohol related. If it's worth fighting for I'd still try the counseling routes though to atleast find out why.

Loudy McFatass

8,842 posts

186 months

Sunday 23rd November 2014
quotequote all
Wolfer said:
Anyone had this?
Before you say, no pics, no-one else involved, just came out the blue tonight.

20 years, from 16 years old, no kids, live and work together, not one problem in 20 years, one slip-up a few years back when she had depression, but thats it.

Says she still cares for me, doesn't want me to move out, but sat here now (pissed) wondering "wtf"

Reckon this is it chaps?
Leave.

grumbledoak

31,499 posts

232 months

Sunday 23rd November 2014
quotequote all
Wolfer said:
Reckon this is it chaps?
It's over buddy. As it is too late to say "I've been faking my orgasms for a while now, too" it is probably best to organise a dignified split and move on.

Pferdestarke

7,179 posts

186 months

Sunday 23rd November 2014
quotequote all
Get to the bottom of everything for your understanding. Otherwise you'll have lots of questions never answered.

Prepare to move forwards without her.

Wolfer

Original Poster:

185 posts

126 months

Sunday 23rd November 2014
quotequote all
Cheers guys,
night on the sofabed, just trying to be strong.

Think I'll have to accept it as over, suppose I'd better tell my family later, that will be nice!

HollywoodStig

901 posts

148 months

Sunday 23rd November 2014
quotequote all
Wolfer said:
Cheers guys,
night on the sofabed, just trying to be strong.

Think I'll have to accept it as over, suppose I'd better tell my family later, that will be nice!
It might be nicer than you think, right now you are on your 4rse but your family will always be there for you.

Stay strong.