Being told " I don't love you anymore"

[EtcEtc]

Impasse said:

EtcEtc said:

I'd say it's pretty accurate.

It's not.

Was for me.

[Hasbeen]

If you are not in one, join a car club, or any club with something you are interested in.

They are always desperate for secretaries, treasurers & magazine editors. Volunteer for such a job, & do it well.

You'll meet new people, & will often be too busy to have time to think about yourself & your troubles. Nothing like a new interest to get you out of the old.

[9mm]

Baryonyx said:

Ari said:

The best advice I was given in not dissimilar circumstances was 'It will get worse before it gets better. But it will get better. The world will keep turning, the sun will keep coming up, and eventually you WILL come out the other side of this'.

This is just about the corniest thing I've ever read. It's off the scale on schmaltz.

I guess you don't live in America then.

[Ari]

EtcEtc said:

Impasse said:

EtcEtc said:

I'd say it's pretty accurate.

It's not.

Was for me.

Was for me too, but Impasse clearly speaks for The World.

[Impasse]

Ari said:

Was for me too, but Impasse clearly speaks for The World.

Oh FFS! Don't be such a drama queen.

[Ari]

Woteva

[Morningside]

Wolfer said:

...

Dogs will go with her, going to be hassle with banks, credit cards etc as everything has been joint for nearly all those 20 years
...

Get this sorted ASAP! Never do anything on trust. We had an 'agreement' that she paid bills/food and I paid the mortgage. Turned out that over six months she had been removing the money to pay and then pocketing it. (Approx £6000+) and because we both worked she had been hiding all the threatening letters from the building society ect.

[PAUL500]

EtcEtc said:

Impasse said:

EtcEtc said:

I'd say it's pretty accurate.

It's not.

Was for me.

and me

When you are going through this then its all you can think about night and day, you try to shift it from your mind but it always sneaks back in, hence the trouble sleeping even when shattered.

Very very slowly it drops away and you realise it all just life experience and the world keeps going as does your own life, you need to keep reminding yourself this with an occasional reality check, and that you have probably bored friends and family senseless with it all, if they are good people they understand and keep quiet to a degree until your in a better place, then give you a kick up the arse every now and again.

Darkest before the dawn and all that.

[twokcc]

Wolfer said:

Btw, how the hell do people who've been through this sleep?

I'm awake till at least 3am, then everytime I think "I'll try to get off now" I think of the good memories and am wide awake feeling kicked in the guts again. Tv goes back on.

Few things that helped in same situation(after nearly 30years married)
1)Started a diary/log just wrote all the things down that were going thro my head (good and bad) seemed to work for me in clearing head
2)Accept that you will have crap/bad times But think to yourself this is only going to last (say) 1 hour after which you are going to get on with your own life
As others have said exercise does help get yourself into routine of going to gym walking cycling or what ever you want to do at a specific day/time each week.

Things will get better.

[EtcEtc]

PAUL500 said:

and me

When you are going through this then its all you can think about night and day, you try to shift it from your mind but it always sneaks back in, hence the trouble sleeping even when shattered.

Very very slowly it drops away and you realise it all just life experience and the world keeps going as does your own life, you need to keep reminding yourself this with an occasional reality check, and that you have probably bored friends and family senseless with it all, if they are good people they understand and keep quiet to a degree until your in a better place, then give you a kick up the arse every now and again.

Darkest before the dawn and all that.

Quite right too.

[stargazer30]

Trying for a baby!

Very lucky escape (as aweful as it sounds). If she was pregnant, it would have been she gets the house, you pay for the next 18 years or longer.

[Leafspring]

DrDeAtH said:

K

Leafspring said:

Turned out she's lesbian

Did you not at least ask if you can watch from inside the wardrobe???????

Andy Zarse said:

I assume you have made a play for a partial reconciliation?

Even if you couldn't get the desires threesome, you could get her on top and ask her to tell you about her and her lass get up to...

Tried and failed... still friends though (still trying subtle hints )

But this is going OT and isn't about me

[cardigankid]

Wolfer said:

Cheers guys,
night on the sofabed, just trying to be strong.

Think I'll have to accept it as over, suppose I'd better tell my family later, that will be nice!

Good luck, this sort of thing is always a blow. My advice for what it's worth is detach emotionally, and look after number one. Treat her courteously, but get yourself sorted out. The chances are that someone else is involved, that or she is having some kind of breakdown. Either way it sounds like the end of a chapter in your life. Close it and move forward.

If there are no kids then it's a 50-50 split I expect. See a lawyer and get that stuff sorted Asap.

If it's your house, not sure why you are on the sofa.

Have you considered buying a Porsche?

Edited by cardigankid on Wednesday 26th November 21:15

[RobinBanks]

Wolfer said:

Btw, how the hell do people who've been through this sleep?

I'm awake till at least 3am, then everytime I think "I'll try to get off now" I think of the good memories and am wide awake feeling kicked in the guts again. Tv goes back on.

That will happen for some time. I'm having the same problem at the moment (but not as the result of a relationship). Eventually you'll have that good, long sleep that shows that everything is finally getting better.

[Harpo]

Corny? Nope. You will only understand the significance of it as and when it's your turn.

[Shnozz]

Look out. 'Humour' incoming.

[RAClNG SNAKE]

Wolfer said:

Btw, how the hell do people who've been through this sleep?

I'm awake till at least 3am, then everytime I think "I'll try to get off now" I think of the good memories and am wide awake feeling kicked in the guts again. Tv goes back on.

Get some audiobook MP3s, choose a narrator with a soothing voice.

[Wolfer]

I take it others find this normal then?

As in, I would guess up to a month ago, everything was or seemed, to be fine, probably much better than fine. Not long back from anniversary holiday, planning for the future, even more than we always had, and finishing our house, then those words!

Got the day off again, just going to remove the "cosy" touches around the house, pics of us, hearts with our names inscribed etc. (After watching "Them" I recorded last night) Then gonna get my ass in gear and have a shower, I may or may not be beginning to hum! Rest of the day is my oyster (crap analogy)

My family are upset by the news, but ive made out I'm not bothered.
I did think I may have been contacted by her family, but not so.

Cheers

[Landlord]

Baryonyx said:

Ari said:

The best advice I was given in not dissimilar circumstances was 'It will get worse before it gets better. But it will get better. The world will keep turning, the sun will keep coming up, and eventually you WILL come out the other side of this'.

This is just about the corniest thing I've ever read. It's off the scale on schmaltz.

I've always liked "Face the sun and your shadows fall behind you."

Made even better by staring, steely-eyed in to an imaginary sun. Slowly raising your hand aloft as you say the first bit, pausing after "sun" and then dramatically sweeping your hand backwards as you talk of the shadows. Close your eyes and bow your head at the end for extra points.

[StuntmanMike]

Wolfer said:

I take it others find this normal then?

As in, I would guess up to a month ago, everything was or seemed, to be fine, probably much better than fine. Not long back from anniversary holiday, planning for the future, even more than we always had, and finishing our house, then those words!

Got the day off again, just going to remove the "cosy" touches around the house, pics of us, hearts with our names inscribed etc. (After watching "Them" I recorded last night) Then gonna get my ass in gear and have a shower, I may or may not be beginning to hum! Rest of the day is my oyster (crap analogy)

My family are upset by the news, but ive made out I'm not bothered.
I did think I may have been contacted by her family, but not so.

Cheers

No, this isn't normal, it's horrible and it won't get any better whilst you live with her.
You've lost you lover, your best friend, your home, like people on here have suggested sell up and move on.
As for her family, my experience of this is they would have known before you and won't really see the point in continuing a relationship with you.
This will be painful.
You'll will get over this, you will put it down to experience in the future, don't stay friends with the Ex, be polite, keep in touch but your best friend has gone, the sooner you get your head around that the better.
Good luck.