You're 31, with £11,000, and failed miserably in life...

You're 31, with £11,000, and failed miserably in life...

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Leicesterdave

Original Poster:

2,282 posts

179 months

Monday 24th November 2014
quotequote all
What do you do? Where do you go? My grandad left me that sum when he passed away in 2006.

I've reached that age where I'm getting on a bit- and been ill for most of the last decade. Mentally ill that is... Which means no one really believes you're ill, which in turn puts you in the vicious circle of feeling more ill because you feel everyone is pointing the finger at you, that you're ill because of yourself and no one else etc..

My girlfriend has stuck by me- we've been together since the age of 17 and she's great but I feel so ashamed... We want to start a family but how can I- I want to feel like a new man, proud, bringing home the bacon etc...

I mean I have got skills, I'm half French, perfectly bilingual and good with people. I genuinely feel crap about myself but I do know that I have an eye for detail and I am a perfectionist...

I just want to start a new life- and one I can be proud of. Any ideas?

Edited by Leicesterdave on Monday 24th November 07:48

R6VED

1,364 posts

139 months

Monday 24th November 2014
quotequote all
You passed away in 2006 - bloody hell ghosts are real after all.

I have some experience with mental health issues, I suffered with diagnosed PTSD and Depression - you really need to get professional help is my best advice, as you have clearly suffered for far to long. I had some professional counselling and 10 years later I am married with 2 children and pretty happy.

You don't need to "man up" or "pull your socks up" you need help and it takes some guts to admit that and go and speak to your GP.

Good luck and I am still not sure of the relevance of the £11k - House deposit contribution would be my advise - or if you already have one then blow it on coke and hookers ?(just to redress the balance slomewhat) :-)

Leicesterdave

Original Poster:

2,282 posts

179 months

Monday 24th November 2014
quotequote all
R6VED said:
You passed away in 2006 - bloody hell ghosts are real after all.

I have some experience with mental health issues, I suffered with diagnosed PTSD and Depression - you really need to get professional help is my best advice, as you have clearly suffered for far to long. I had some professional counselling and 10 years later I am married with 2 children and pretty happy.

You don't need to "man up" or "pull your socks up" you need help and it takes some guts to admit that and go and speak to your GP.

Good luck and I am still not sure of the relevance of the £11k - House deposit contribution would be my advise - or if you already have one then blow it on coke and hookers ?(just to redress the balance slomewhat) :-)
Hehe edited! The £11k was to somehow perhaps start a business or to start a new life elsewhere.. I'm prepared to do anything it takes to get away from it all. Counselling and all the rest I've tried. For years.
One thing I've learnt is no therapy exists to cure you, or even really just get to the root of the problem. The real therapy or miracle pill is to get myself sorted. Only then will I be truly happy.

vrsmxtb

2,002 posts

155 months

Monday 24th November 2014
quotequote all
Get professional help for the illness, if you don't already, in terms of counselling etc.

Get out to work, in whatever is available, even if it's shelf stacking at first. Stuck in the house with your thoughts is sure to be unhealthy

Exercise and eat well.

Think about a lo g term career goal, using your skills. Maybe the lump sum could be invested in education/courses to help get you there.

Don't compare yourself to your peers. We are all different and success can't be quantified.

Be glad for what you do have. Many, including myself, would rather have a loving, committed partner than any trappings of "success".

Wish you well. You have not failed miserably and don't tell yourself that.



Edited by vrsmxtb on Monday 24th November 08:19

StottyEvo

6,860 posts

162 months

Monday 24th November 2014
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R6VED said:
You don't need to "man up" or "pull your socks up"
You'd be surprised at how well advice along these lines can help when you're in a very bad place.

andy-xr

13,204 posts

203 months

Monday 24th November 2014
quotequote all
Leicesterdave said:
I genuinely feel crap about myself......

I just want to start a new life- and one I can be proud of. Any ideas?
Yes, accept who you are then work out what you want to do with a) yourself b) your life and c) your money in that order. Running away dont solve anything, you really cant run away from yourself. Everywhere you go, there you are again!

The £11k is fk all, it doesnt mean anything to anyone, it's the thing where your Grandad left it to you to do something with and you're beating yourself up that you havent done it. Doesnt matter if it sits in the bank for another 7 years really

Willy Nilly

12,511 posts

166 months

Monday 24th November 2014
quotequote all
andy-xr said:
Yes, accept who you are then work out what you want to do with a) yourself b) your life and c) your money in that order. Running away dont solve anything, you really cant run away from yourself. Everywhere you go, there you are again!

The £11k is fk all, it doesnt mean anything to anyone, it's the thing where your Grandad left it to you to do something with and you're beating yourself up that you havent done it. Doesnt matter if it sits in the bank for another 7 years really
Wise words.

OP, buy your mrs some flowers for a start.

mr_spock

3,340 posts

214 months

Monday 24th November 2014
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With fluent French I could think of a number of ways to earn money. Deal with the depression first though.

Dr Interceptor

7,743 posts

195 months

Monday 24th November 2014
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OP.. I'm 31 and I wish I was in your position (mental illness aside).

You're with a partner who loves you unquestionably, with no ties (house, family, job), and £11k in the bank. You are young, you have key skills, you have a bit of cash - the world really is your oyster.

Get help with kicking the depression, establish what kind of job would give you satisfaction and where you'd like to work, talk it through with your other half, and come up with a plan. Plans are great, but even the best made plans don't work out, so don't beat yourself up if things don't go according to the plan.

Life starts now smile

g3org3y

20,606 posts

190 months

Monday 24th November 2014
quotequote all
Dr Interceptor said:
You're with a partner who loves you unquestionably
That's what I took from the OP. yes

In this way, you are very lucky. Many people don't have this.

Leicesterdave said:
The real therapy or miracle pill is to get myself sorted. Only then will I be truly happy.
But that doesn't have to be done alone. Support is invaluable.

A couple of questions OP:
- Do you have any formal qualifications?
- What treatment have you undergone for your depression? Medication? CBT?
- Are you undergoing treatment now?

Bungleaio

6,324 posts

201 months

Monday 24th November 2014
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I have a mate who teaches business English in Germany, I don't know the whole story of exactly what he does but it seems he teaches (mostly) German people the complicated words in English that you don't necessarily pick up in standard language classes.

It's something that I never knew existed, maybe you could look into doing similar?

Matttracker

630 posts

146 months

Monday 24th November 2014
quotequote all
Surely your bilingual ness is the key here. I have a friend who teaches English as a foreign language works all over the world and loves it. If you want to stay in the country there must be translator jobs available.
Go away with your mrs see the world if you haven't yet. It may give you a wider perspective on things
Good luck whatever you do

simoid

19,772 posts

157 months

Monday 24th November 2014
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You've not failed, it's not even half-time yet!

biggrin

smifffymoto

4,527 posts

204 months

Monday 24th November 2014
quotequote all
Go backpacking and see the world with your girlfriend.Take advantage,you have no responsibilities and it becomes very difficult when you have kids,mortgage etc.

Go and experience the world with somebody who really cares for you.

okie592

2,711 posts

166 months

Monday 24th November 2014
quotequote all
Travel. It's exactly what I plan to do. Go to thailand, sit on a beach. Get a job as a handman and enjoy life. You don't have to have a great job, a nice car a big house and kids. That's just what this country and people in it prefer you would do.

It's exactly what I'm going to do when I have enough saved to do it. Life's too important to spend it in a humdrum 9-5

simoid

19,772 posts

157 months

Monday 24th November 2014
quotequote all
okie592 said:
Travel. It's exactly what I plan to do. Go to thailand, sit on a beach. Get a job as a handman and enjoy life. You don't have to have a great job, a nice car a big house and kids. That's just what this country and people in it prefer you would do.

It's exactly what I'm going to do when I have enough saved to do it. Life's too important to spend it in a humdrum 9-5
I'm not sure I want to know what a job as a handman in Thailand involves.

Siko

1,976 posts

241 months

Monday 24th November 2014
quotequote all
Tough decisions......good luck with whatever you choose. How about starting a sport or activity you've always wanted to do?

Leicesterdave

Original Poster:

2,282 posts

179 months

Monday 24th November 2014
quotequote all
Thanks guys- it all helps. My girlfriend is wonderful but it's only one part of you that can be happy as a result. You have the greatest of partners but you can't really offer her anything bar 'love'. I'm just this guy she loves but whereas her friends have already got married and had the dream wedding and the babies we're always stuck at square one.
I'd love to give it all up and travel, believe me and so would she. Sadly (but thankfully really) she is career minded and retrained in law so is now working as a paralegal. She's got a way to go yet before she qualifies as a solicitor and earns more money but obviously with career means responsibility= you can't just leave and live on fresh air.

So I'm generally stuck at home with tons of ideas in my head- I could do this, and I could do that' and somehow nothing ever comes of it. What realistically can you do when your CV has more holes than swiss cheese? Who's going to give you a chance? I consider myself to be educated but on paper- I'm a nobody!

andy-xr

13,204 posts

203 months

Monday 24th November 2014
quotequote all
Really sounds like you're expecting your life should have turned out different.

Is it this?



You know....that dream that Marketers try and sell you on, dashingly good looking Dad, slightly too young for him and still hot Mum with 2 kids that seem so well behaved?

None of it's real you know? It's made up to make you feel st and go on holiday/buy shiny thing/ eat less / whatever

You've got where you are from whatever you've done, and it probably wouldnt have happened any other way. Any if's but's wouldacouldashoulda's really arent relevant.

Beating yourself up over the past doesnt change it, it just makes you feel st.

It's easier to look for positives than spend time swerving and jumping around negatives. But you know that already, right?

Maybe your g/f doesnt want or need anything other than you?

vrsmxtb

2,002 posts

155 months

Monday 24th November 2014
quotequote all
andy-xr said:
Really sounds like you're expecting your life should have turned out different.

Is it this?



You know....that dream that Marketers try and sell you on, dashingly good looking Dad, slightly too young for him and still hot Mum with 2 kids that seem so well behaved?

None of it's real you know? It's made up to make you feel st and go on holiday/buy shiny thing/ eat less / whatever

You've got where you are from whatever you've done, and it probably wouldnt have happened any other way. Any if's but's wouldacouldashoulda's really arent relevant.

Beating yourself up over the past doesnt change it, it just makes you feel st.

It's easier to look for positives than spend time swerving and jumping around negatives. But you know that already, right?

Maybe your g/f doesnt want or need anything other than you?
Best post in the Lounge for a long time! This man speaks so much truth.