You're 31, with £11,000, and failed miserably in life...

[Vocal Minority]

Haven't read the whole thread - so this may have been suggested.

If you are good with people and bi-lingual....tutoring or translation work may be good for you. I know there is google translate, but that is only basic and if you want it done properly is a bit st.

Leicester has something like 45,000 students in - some of them must be doing French and want conversational practice with a native speaker. Use all of that sort of thing to build a foundation and go on from there.

[TheJimi]

Bluebarge said:

No it isn't.

Mate, I get the impression you enjoy feeling sorry for yourself.

You need to get yourself out of the house and do something, anything. Forget the money, do some volunteering (plenty of websites suggesting opportunities) - it will get you meeting people and into a routine; it will be an opportunity to contribute - make someone else happy. Once you have shown you have stuck at something, then you become much more employable.

Your biggest problem is self-pity.

With the exception of the volunteering suggestion, that was a spectacularly unhelpful post.

Perversely, I'm glad you wrote it though, because it demonstrates that you have little concept of how debilitating clinical depression can be, and thus indicates that you haven't experienced it yourself - which is a good thing and long may that continue.

[Jimmy No Hands]

I think a new career would sort out a lot of your issues, I know that isn't a terribly helpful statement mind. I'd be putting all my efforts into finding new work. With a new role you'll meet new people, you'll have work nights out and plenty of opportunities to socialize. A tough working life can really overcast the good things you have, it affects us quite dramatically. It can be exhausting perusing the classifieds and sending out application upon application, often getting no reply, but something will crop up. Have a browse and you might even see something you never considered. All the best with it, I hope something changes for you soon.

If it helps I'm nearly 26 and have zero clue about what I want to do still, and currently I'd love to have £11k.

[Bluebarge]

TheJimi said:

Bluebarge said:

No it isn't.

Mate, I get the impression you enjoy feeling sorry for yourself.

You need to get yourself out of the house and do something, anything. Forget the money, do some volunteering (plenty of websites suggesting opportunities) - it will get you meeting people and into a routine; it will be an opportunity to contribute - make someone else happy. Once you have shown you have stuck at something, then you become much more employable.

Your biggest problem is self-pity.

With the exception of the volunteering suggestion, that was a spectacularly unhelpful post.

Perversely, I'm glad you wrote it though, because it demonstrates that you have little concept of how debilitating clinical depression can be, and thus indicates that you haven't experienced it yourself - which is a good thing and long may that continue.

Clinical depression and feeling sorry for yourself are bloody obviously different.

I was referring to the consistent theme on this thread where the OP says "I can't do this, I can't do that, I wish I was able to do this". There is no hint from the OP that he is currently unwell - quite the opposite - he has asked for suggestions as to how to get out of his current situation of sitting at home pissing about on PH.

To which the answer is - you can do anything if you give yourself a push - whether that involves getting therapy or getting out of the house and trying to do something positive, is best determined by the OP and his GF.

OP, sitting at a computer bemoaning your lot will do nothing to improve your feelings of self-worth. get your coat on, get down to your local charity shop, soup kitchen or animal rescue centre and ask if they need a hand.

[alfettagtv2000]

Leicesterdave said:

What do you do? Where do you go? My grandad left me that sum when he passed away in 2006.

I've reached that age where I'm getting on a bit- and been ill for most of the last decade. Mentally ill that is... Which means no one really believes you're ill, which in turn puts you in the vicious circle of feeling more ill because you feel everyone is pointing the finger at you, that you're ill because of yourself and no one else etc..

M
I just want to start a new life- and one I can be proud of. Any ideas?

Edited by Leicesterdave on Monday 24th November 07:48

Yes depression Affects us all at some point in our lives. I've found it quite life limiting myself. At least you got left a small sum to do something good with. Mine left his entire estate and my £500000 to charity following a cheeky will change. I wouldn't mind but this is a guy that loathed anything and everything to do with charity.

[andymc]

Tannedbaldhead said:

andy-xr said:

Really sounds like you're expecting your life should have turned out different.

Is it this?



You know....that dream that Marketers try and sell you on, dashingly good looking Dad, slightly too young for him and still hot Mum with 2 kids that seem so well behaved?

None of it's real you know? It's made up to make you feel st and go on holiday/buy shiny thing/ eat less / whatever

You've got where you are from whatever you've done, and it probably wouldnt have happened any other way. Any if's but's wouldacouldashoulda's really arent relevant.

Beating yourself up over the past doesnt change it, it just makes you feel st.

It's easier to look for positives than spend time swerving and jumping around negatives. But you know that already, right?

Maybe your g/f doesnt want or need anything other than you?

I'm looking at his abs and now am feeling as desolate as the OP.

I'm looking at her tits, sorry

[crofty1984]

Could you try doing something else?

And what I mean is fking anything else. Day off? Would you normally go for a walk? If not, then go for a walk. Maybe make a sandwich. Faced with a decision? Well the way you have been doing things doesn't seem to be working for you, so deal with it the opposite way to how you normally would. Think of a thing you've never done, then do it. Scare the pants off yourself and get some decent stories to tell.

Have you ever tried riding a horse? Ride a horse!
What about going to see some local banger racing?
Try having swimming lessons.
Take up art?
Yoga? Gym?
Buy a little project motorcycle to play with.
Go on a track day?
Grab your missus one Friday, go to the nearest station and get on the first train you see and have a weekend there.

I speak as an expert in precisely fk-all, but it's got to be worth a go.
If nothing else, it gives you some experiences to draw on while making new friends.

[Leicesterdave]

Dr Interceptor said:

It's no substitute for a proper buddy I know. I take it your username reflects your location? Well if you ever find yourself a bit further south, shout me if you fancy a beer.

I'm even further up north, so unfortunately it won't be possible! Had it been- I really would have appreciated that, thanks!

[vrsmxtb]

Short term, I've said it before but start your day with exercise. Honestly, a good 5 mile walk, 20 mile cycle, hour gym session, whatever you enjoy, works wonders.
It'll boost your mood, keep you in shape and motivate the rest of your day. It's so easy to get sucked in to a laptop or tv as soon as you get up, then you feel crap for having done nothing all day.

[andy-xr]

Leicesterdave said:

I'm even further up north, so unfortunately it won't be possible! Had it been- I really would have appreciated that, thanks!

Avoidance

[Leicesterdave]

vrsmxtb said:

Short term, I've said it before but start your day with exercise. Honestly, a good 5 mile walk, 20 mile cycle, hour gym session, whatever you enjoy, works wonders.
It'll boost your mood, keep you in shape and motivate the rest of your day. It's so easy to get sucked in to a laptop or tv as soon as you get up, then you feel crap for having done nothing all day.

I hear you. I joined the gym in June 2014 and by October 2014 I'd lost interest. This is what worries me- I just seem to have no interest in anything. All I saw was loads of people laughing together and I was puffing and panting on the treadmill and weights area feeling a bit crap really!

[Dr Interceptor]

Leicesterdave said:

I'm even further up north, so unfortunately it won't be possible! Had it been- I really would have appreciated that, thanks!

How far up North are you?

[Leicesterdave]

Dr Interceptor said:

How far up North are you?

In Manchester!

[vrsmxtb]

Leicesterdave said:

vrsmxtb said:

Short term, I've said it before but start your day with exercise. Honestly, a good 5 mile walk, 20 mile cycle, hour gym session, whatever you enjoy, works wonders.
It'll boost your mood, keep you in shape and motivate the rest of your day. It's so easy to get sucked in to a laptop or tv as soon as you get up, then you feel crap for having done nothing all day.

I hear you. I joined the gym in June 2014 and by October 2014 I'd lost interest. This is what worries me- I just seem to have no interest in anything. All I saw was loads of people laughing together and I was puffing and panting on the treadmill and weights area feeling a bit crap really!

So not the gym then! Or get involved in group sessions and be part of the people having a laugh together.

I know weather is bit crap, but are you rural or in a town? If rural, grab an OS map, find a few footpaths and go for a walk. Amazing how much it chills you out. If in a town, perhaps not quite as relaxing but find some quiet roads / green spaces.

I know it's a horrid cliche, and very difficult to embrace when you are wrapped up in your own brain, but PMA! Be proactive! I try and remind myself this as much as possible as I do empathise with the thoughts you've described and it's not easy, but it won't improve until you start setting the building blocks to change. Only you can do this.

[Leicesterdave]

vrsmxtb said:

So not the gym then! Or get involved in group sessions and be part of the people having a laugh together.

I know weather is bit crap, but are you rural or in a town? If rural, grab an OS map, find a few footpaths and go for a walk. Amazing how much it chills you out. If in a town, perhaps not quite as relaxing but find some quiet roads / green spaces.

I know it's a horrid cliche, and very difficult to embrace when you are wrapped up in your own brain, but PMA! Be proactive! I try and remind myself this as much as possible as I do empathise with the thoughts you've described and it's not easy, but it won't improve until you start setting the building blocks to change. Only you can do this.

I need you as a mate! It's the most interest been shown to me in a long time. Again, yes I hear you. And....
Drum roll...
I have actually applied for a job. It ain't much but I want to move forward. We want to buy a house and just generally move on- so, gradually, I'm trying. It won't happen overnight, and the human race is continually disappointing me but I guess I can either whine forever or just try and get on with things.
I just hope when I get to by called dad (planned for mid next year) I'll be a different person. I don't want my kid to think of me as anything other than their hero.

[Leicesterdave]

andy-xr said:

Avoidance

?

[andy-xr]

Leicesterdave said:

andy-xr said:

Avoidance

?

- PH "Hey, Dave, fancy a beer?"
- Dave "Nah, too far away"

Leicesterdave said:

I'm even further up north, so unfortunately it won't be possible! Had it been- I really would have appreciated that, thanks!

- PH "Hey, Dave, how about joining a gym?"
- Dave "Nah, I look daft"

Leicesterdave said:

I hear you. I joined the gym in June 2014 and by October 2014 I'd lost interest. This is what worries me- I just seem to have no interest in anything. All I saw was loads of people laughing together and I was puffing and panting on the treadmill and weights area feeling a bit crap really!

- PH "Hey, Dave - how about getting out and maybe trying to make some new friends?"
- Dave "Nah, too hard"

Leicesterdave said:

I feel I'd struggle to make friends anyway as my life as been so empty for over a decade now- I mean what really have I got to contribute to a friendship?

Do you see avoidance there? Are they excuses you're telling yourself so that you dont fail?

I'm not beating on you from frustration or anything malicious, I'm trying to point out how your word machine is working, you might already be aware of it, you might not.

[n3il123]

vrsmxtb said:

So not the gym then! Or get involved in group sessions and be part of the people having a laugh together.

I know weather is bit crap, but are you rural or in a town? If rural, grab an OS map, find a few footpaths and go for a walk. Amazing how much it chills you out. If in a town, perhaps not quite as relaxing but find some quiet roads / green spaces.

I know it's a horrid cliche, and very difficult to embrace when you are wrapped up in your own brain, but PMA! Be proactive! I try and remind myself this as much as possible as I do empathise with the thoughts you've described and it's not easy, but it won't improve until you start setting the building blocks to change. Only you can do this.

Or take a walk/ cycle and find a "locals" pub, you know the type where you can have a chat to a couple of old guys over a pint of coke for half an hour, just chat about the weather, the horse racing or whatever happens to be on the front page of the Sun today. It will get you out of the flat, bit of exercise and talking to some people.

[Leicesterdave]

Easier said than done when confidence is majorly down! These aren't excuses- just how it is.

[andy-xr]

Leicesterdave said:

Easier said than done when confidence is majorly down! These aren't excuses- just how it is.

I think that's an excuse. I'll quote what I put earlier in response:

andy-xr said:

You're in an avoidance circle. If you imagine that you're at a fork in the road, on the right hand side is the way you always deal with things, the one that has your coping strategy in it. That could be not sleeping, speaking to people on Pistonheads instead of at the bus stop, looking at car magazines, the odd posh wk. You're still here, so that's worked before, right? Except it hasnt, as you're back where you started and now it's bigger in your mind because you've been here before. So you start again.

If you look to the left, there's all these unknowns. You put yourself up for being vulnerable by trying to make friends. You might look daft. People could think you're weird. But going left might actually start making some changes, and maybe doing the opposite of what you've always done, just because you can is possibly the best way to start dealing with all these 'wants' you have.

What's actually stopping you getting up right now, going outside and saying "Hello" and smiling to the next person you see on the street. Not in a shop, they're paid to be nice. Not someone you know, some complete stranger, the first person you see walking the other way to you.

What would physically stop you doing that, and what would mentally stop you doing that?

Need a shower? Got to put shoes on? Might get stabbed? What if they say hello back?

What I'm trying to do is challenge your thoughts and opinions. I'm not trying to score points or make you look bad. There's a danger in treating subjective opinions as facts.

EG:

Leicesterdave said:

I am a perfectionist...

Are you? All the time? Liar! If you were a perfectionist then you'd have bulldozed through that gym routine, making each and every step the best it could be.

Maybe you're not a perfectionist all the time? If that's true, then maybe you're not useless all the time? Maybe you're not under confident all the time?

You see how opinions can get muddled with facts? I own a car. To me, it's a good car, but I'm seeing the good in the car. It's not 'in' the car

Edited by andy-xr on Wednesday 26th November 13:35