The DIY and professional trades c*ck-up confessional
Discussion
Origin Unknown said:
I umm'd and ahh'd about cutting the skirting to wrap around the stair string and decided it would look s
t.
Wife said my way would look st. Damn you for supporting her view*
You should have known better than to disagree with SWMBO. She was correct.t. Wife said my way would look s
t. Damn you for supporting her view* *You're both right
Knocking down a wall that was leading to an old outhouse to extend the kitchen.
Outhouse had no roof for 3 months. Electrics disconnected. One double socket on the wall had to be removed.
As I grabbed my cutters the wife said is that live. "Er No, It leads outside and thats been dead for ages" I take the mick and jump in the air whilst cutting wire.
BANG. Sparks.....ooops.
Course it was live it was the other side that had been disconnected.
Not a major issue.
Apart from at 19:58 on a sat evening. Without any spare fuse wire.
Outhouse had no roof for 3 months. Electrics disconnected. One double socket on the wall had to be removed.
As I grabbed my cutters the wife said is that live. "Er No, It leads outside and thats been dead for ages" I take the mick and jump in the air whilst cutting wire.
BANG. Sparks.....ooops.
Course it was live it was the other side that had been disconnected.
Not a major issue.
Apart from at 19:58 on a sat evening. Without any spare fuse wire.
After spending half my life on building sites i could be here all day but i'll chose one cock up i carried out in my own garage....
Was in the process of stripping an MX5 for a kit car build and the time came to lift the shell off. The shell weighs, iirc, about 250kgs. There was no way i could have lifted it off by myself and there were no mates around but i wanted it done then and there!
That was when my moment of genius happened. I had a block and tackle and an old RSJ laying around so it was just a case of knocking a whole in each wall of the garage, span the beam across and attach the block and tackle! Happy days!
The hammer and chisel came out and not before long two lovely holes were created. Struggled a bit with the beam but got one end resting on one side then went to position the other end.....Ever heard of that phrase mark twice cut once?....well i didnt even mark or measure anything! Turns out the beam was about 600mm too short! Considering my job involves surveying and measuring things i had made the school boy error of all school boy errors.
However, i also had some timber, large bucket and some postcrete laying around! Phase two, which involved the construction of a lifting frame, started and went much better than phase 1!
Was in the process of stripping an MX5 for a kit car build and the time came to lift the shell off. The shell weighs, iirc, about 250kgs. There was no way i could have lifted it off by myself and there were no mates around but i wanted it done then and there!
That was when my moment of genius happened. I had a block and tackle and an old RSJ laying around so it was just a case of knocking a whole in each wall of the garage, span the beam across and attach the block and tackle! Happy days!
The hammer and chisel came out and not before long two lovely holes were created. Struggled a bit with the beam but got one end resting on one side then went to position the other end.....Ever heard of that phrase mark twice cut once?....well i didnt even mark or measure anything! Turns out the beam was about 600mm too short! Considering my job involves surveying and measuring things i had made the school boy error of all school boy errors.
However, i also had some timber, large bucket and some postcrete laying around! Phase two, which involved the construction of a lifting frame, started and went much better than phase 1!
I haven't made any major cock ups, but the recent one that springs to mind is ordering the slate to go in the fire place. It needed to be cut to size, with a 5mm gap to each of the 3 walls. So I measured it, twice, then got the missus to measure it, to make sure we had the right size.
Ordered the slate at the size we'd measured on the Friday, on the Saturday the skirting board was fitted, which went right up to the fireplace - meaning the slate would now either be level with the wall, or level with the skirting board, but with a 20mm gap at the back of the fireplace. Doh.
Ordered the slate at the size we'd measured on the Friday, on the Saturday the skirting board was fitted, which went right up to the fireplace - meaning the slate would now either be level with the wall, or level with the skirting board, but with a 20mm gap at the back of the fireplace. Doh.
How did that conversation go?Craikeybaby said:
I haven't made any major cock ups, but the recent one that springs to mind is ordering the slate to go in the fire place. It needed to be cut to size, with a 5mm gap to each of the 3 walls. So I measured it, twice, then got the missus to measure it, to make sure we had the right size.
Ordered the slate at the size we'd measured on the Friday, on the Saturday the skirting board was fitted, which went right up to the fireplace - meaning the slate would now either be level with the wall, or level with the skirting board, but with a 20mm gap at the back of the fireplace. Doh.
Put skirting at the back of the fireplace!Ordered the slate at the size we'd measured on the Friday, on the Saturday the skirting board was fitted, which went right up to the fireplace - meaning the slate would now either be level with the wall, or level with the skirting board, but with a 20mm gap at the back of the fireplace. Doh.
Biggest cock up was not a professional one but I should have known better.
Running a motorbike around my Dad's fields with zero cash meant the chain gets knackered - the easy way to "recondition" it, is to boil it in a pan of oil.
So I get a camping stove, old saucepan and engine oil - place chain in and bring to the boil in my Dads barn.
Suddenly the fumes catch fire and I have 8" flames above the pan, I try blowing them out to no avail and they get bigger and a nice amount of smoke too.
I ran to get some water
Yes I knew not to put water on a chip pan fire but THERE WERE NO CHIPS INVOLVED so that thought never entered my teenage head.
I threw the water on the fire and then dived backwards as a pillar of flames blew outward and upward from the pan perhaps 4' wide and hitting the roof 20' above my head.
Utter panic for a split second as I thought I'd set the barn alight but then it extinguished itself.
Yes children it turns out chips are NOT the issue, it's the water sinking under the oil, instantly boiling and taking the oil upwards with it, through the flames, where upon it instantly catches fire, still being propelled upwards by the steam.
Lesson learnt, no damage done - Dad never knew.
Running a motorbike around my Dad's fields with zero cash meant the chain gets knackered - the easy way to "recondition" it, is to boil it in a pan of oil.
So I get a camping stove, old saucepan and engine oil - place chain in and bring to the boil in my Dads barn.
Suddenly the fumes catch fire and I have 8" flames above the pan, I try blowing them out to no avail and they get bigger and a nice amount of smoke too.
I ran to get some water
Yes I knew not to put water on a chip pan fire but THERE WERE NO CHIPS INVOLVED so that thought never entered my teenage head.
I threw the water on the fire and then dived backwards as a pillar of flames blew outward and upward from the pan perhaps 4' wide and hitting the roof 20' above my head.
Utter panic for a split second as I thought I'd set the barn alight but then it extinguished itself.
Yes children it turns out chips are NOT the issue, it's the water sinking under the oil, instantly boiling and taking the oil upwards with it, through the flames, where upon it instantly catches fire, still being propelled upwards by the steam.
Lesson learnt, no damage done - Dad never knew.
paulrockliffe said:
Craikeybaby said:
I haven't made any major cock ups, but the recent one that springs to mind is ordering the slate to go in the fire place. It needed to be cut to size, with a 5mm gap to each of the 3 walls. So I measured it, twice, then got the missus to measure it, to make sure we had the right size.
Ordered the slate at the size we'd measured on the Friday, on the Saturday the skirting board was fitted, which went right up to the fireplace - meaning the slate would now either be level with the wall, or level with the skirting board, but with a 20mm gap at the back of the fireplace. Doh.
Put skirting at the back of the fireplace!Ordered the slate at the size we'd measured on the Friday, on the Saturday the skirting board was fitted, which went right up to the fireplace - meaning the slate would now either be level with the wall, or level with the skirting board, but with a 20mm gap at the back of the fireplace. Doh.
worsy said:
paulrockliffe said:
Craikeybaby said:
I haven't made any major cock ups, but the recent one that springs to mind is ordering the slate to go in the fire place. It needed to be cut to size, with a 5mm gap to each of the 3 walls. So I measured it, twice, then got the missus to measure it, to make sure we had the right size.
Ordered the slate at the size we'd measured on the Friday, on the Saturday the skirting board was fitted, which went right up to the fireplace - meaning the slate would now either be level with the wall, or level with the skirting board, but with a 20mm gap at the back of the fireplace. Doh.
Put skirting at the back of the fireplace!Ordered the slate at the size we'd measured on the Friday, on the Saturday the skirting board was fitted, which went right up to the fireplace - meaning the slate would now either be level with the wall, or level with the skirting board, but with a 20mm gap at the back of the fireplace. Doh.
I thought the issue was the heat of the oil splits water into Hydrogen and Oxygen, both of which are combustible. Your thing sounds plausible too, so now I'm wondering what really happens?
paulrockliffe said:
I thought the issue was the heat of the oil splits water into Hydrogen and Oxygen, both of which are combustible. Your thing sounds plausible too, so now I'm wondering what really happens?
Dissociation of water only starts to happen >600C so will not be happening in a chip pan or with V8RX7's motorbike chain, it's just water boiling that causes the sturm und drang.Where do I start?
my 1st car was a cortina with a knackered ring gear on the flywheel. I spent over 4 hours not getting the gearbox back in when a mate came round and asked "have you centralised the clutch?".....What?
1st house - putting up kitchen units and bang...drilled though the cooker cable. Next job was putting up lounge cupboards and bang.... through a power point cable. Then I had the front strut out of the car (not the cortina) and the spring compressor slipped off. Knocked out one tooth and perforated my bottom lip. All evening in A&E and then the next day in the dental hospital.
2nd house - no DIY issues here but swapping the tyres round on the car the jack gave way and trapped my hand between the wheel which was off the car and the top of the wheel arch. I was stuck there as I could not move until someone drove past and I could flag him down with the other hand.
Then there was the time we'd had a very liquid lunch on the day I was making picture frames. I ended up gluing the frames to the glass as I could not get the joints right. I'm still ribbed about that one.
3rd house - built a new garage but funds were tight so we did it ourselves. SWMBO thought I was joking when I said I'd hired a mini-digger and a dumper. I was OK but she rolled the dumper, She was bloody furious but the neighbours pissed themselves.
This house - by now I should have wised up but I spent 99p one Sunday in B&Q on a three-pack of waste pipe clips to fix the loose washing machine waste pipe, and then £200 for the emergency plumber for fix the leak when I drilled though the central heating pipe.
Now I pay to get a bloke in for pretty well everything.
my 1st car was a cortina with a knackered ring gear on the flywheel. I spent over 4 hours not getting the gearbox back in when a mate came round and asked "have you centralised the clutch?".....What?
1st house - putting up kitchen units and bang...drilled though the cooker cable. Next job was putting up lounge cupboards and bang.... through a power point cable. Then I had the front strut out of the car (not the cortina) and the spring compressor slipped off. Knocked out one tooth and perforated my bottom lip. All evening in A&E and then the next day in the dental hospital.
2nd house - no DIY issues here but swapping the tyres round on the car the jack gave way and trapped my hand between the wheel which was off the car and the top of the wheel arch. I was stuck there as I could not move until someone drove past and I could flag him down with the other hand.
Then there was the time we'd had a very liquid lunch on the day I was making picture frames. I ended up gluing the frames to the glass as I could not get the joints right. I'm still ribbed about that one.
3rd house - built a new garage but funds were tight so we did it ourselves. SWMBO thought I was joking when I said I'd hired a mini-digger and a dumper. I was OK but she rolled the dumper, She was bloody furious but the neighbours pissed themselves.
This house - by now I should have wised up but I spent 99p one Sunday in B&Q on a three-pack of waste pipe clips to fix the loose washing machine waste pipe, and then £200 for the emergency plumber for fix the leak when I drilled though the central heating pipe.
Now I pay to get a bloke in for pretty well everything.
paulrockliffe said:
worsy said:
paulrockliffe said:
Craikeybaby said:
I haven't made any major cock ups, but the recent one that springs to mind is ordering the slate to go in the fire place. It needed to be cut to size, with a 5mm gap to each of the 3 walls. So I measured it, twice, then got the missus to measure it, to make sure we had the right size.
Ordered the slate at the size we'd measured on the Friday, on the Saturday the skirting board was fitted, which went right up to the fireplace - meaning the slate would now either be level with the wall, or level with the skirting board, but with a 20mm gap at the back of the fireplace. Doh.
Put skirting at the back of the fireplace!Ordered the slate at the size we'd measured on the Friday, on the Saturday the skirting board was fitted, which went right up to the fireplace - meaning the slate would now either be level with the wall, or level with the skirting board, but with a 20mm gap at the back of the fireplace. Doh.
We need to fill the 3mm gaps at the side, so whatever we use for that, we will also use for the back.
I know this is off-topic, but I was going to say I did the hearth's in two bedrooms, which also won't have fires, using an off-cut of Oak to make a frame, spare bits of oak flooring to fill the space and bits of the old dining room floor to do all the structure. Cost nothing and look really good. But when I saw your post you'd already bought the slate.
1st year apprentice panel beater in 2004, not a lot to do so was standing outside the booth watching the boss lay down some clearcoat on an evo3 roof, I thought? find something to do! always best to atleast look busy, there was a wee Cooper we had just finished waiting to be collected, wheels looked dusty and I noticed a can of son of a gun tyre cleaner so gave them a going over, got to the 2nd wheel and can hear the boss go nuts in the booth F'ing and blinding,- the silicones from the tyre cleaner got in the air intake for the booth and the whole roof was covered in fisheyes 
Paid for the materials to redo it and had to explain why the owner couldn't have his car back on time,
Paid for the materials to redo it and had to explain why the owner couldn't have his car back on time, Edited by BigBo on Saturday 20th December 18:30
gaunty said:
I was working with my brother to re decorate a house while working on the stairs the old banister on the wall had to come off as it was old and only held on by a couple of screws.
So I decided just to rip the thing off I did this in great fashion and proceed to hit myself right in the nuts some how with it.
I have never felt pain like it I worked on even though the pain just would not go away.
Two days latter I was in curry's getting a TV and the pain just hit me again so I took myself up to the hospital for a check to see if I had done anything. Well I did I was rushed into surgery as I had managed to twist one of my testicles from the force of the impact
I had to take 2 weeks off due to me being to lazy to go and get a screwdriver!!
That just had me in stitches ,I would have been rolling about the floor if I'd been there and seen that,sorry there just something hilarious about someone causing injury to themselves .So I decided just to rip the thing off I did this in great fashion and proceed to hit myself right in the nuts some how with it.
I have never felt pain like it I worked on even though the pain just would not go away.
Two days latter I was in curry's getting a TV and the pain just hit me again so I took myself up to the hospital for a check to see if I had done anything. Well I did I was rushed into surgery as I had managed to twist one of my testicles from the force of the impact
I had to take 2 weeks off due to me being to lazy to go and get a screwdriver!!Gassing Station | Homes, Gardens and DIY | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff