Broaching the subject of her weight gain

Broaching the subject of her weight gain

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Discussion

waynedear

Original Poster:

2,158 posts

166 months

Saturday 10th January 2015
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How do you go about it without getting killed ??
















































anonymous-user

53 months

Saturday 10th January 2015
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Walk behind her, possibly when going up some stairs. Ask her if her jeans have shrunk.

Impasse

15,099 posts

240 months

Saturday 10th January 2015
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"I'm really cross with your mate, Jenny. She said you're getting fat and got very shouty when I told her not to be so rude."

Definitely try that approach.

Wacky Racer

38,099 posts

246 months

Saturday 10th January 2015
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waynedear said:
How do you go about it without getting killed ??

Say "Get your act together you fat cow"...

I got away with two black eyes and a broken arm.....

Road2Ruin

5,167 posts

215 months

Saturday 10th January 2015
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Crikey luv, look at the size of your shadow..!!

Monkeylegend

26,226 posts

230 months

Saturday 10th January 2015
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"Does my bottom look big in this?"

"Yes"

At the point of saying yes you should be at least an arms length plus a bit away from her.

king arthur

6,538 posts

260 months

Saturday 10th January 2015
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"Does my bottom look big in this?"

"In what, the room?"

DrTre

12,955 posts

231 months

Saturday 10th January 2015
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She'll know already. And maybe she's fine with it... Which leads onto:

How you handle it depends on whether it's for your 'benefit' (IYSWIM), you're simply trying to be nice, or both... But if it's both then really it's for your benefit, at least that's the way it's likely to be perceived.

Maybe make it into a joint 'thing' to do, for support etc, rather than being seen as criticism?





jogon

2,971 posts

157 months

Saturday 10th January 2015
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Find some holiday snaps from a time when you were happy with her weight, maybe one of her lying on a beach in bikini, and leave them up on the computer screen before she might use it.

Joey Ramone

2,150 posts

124 months

Saturday 10th January 2015
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Just be honest. My wife was prescribed medication by her doctor that caused her to gain about 4 stone in 3 months, from 8.5 stone to 12.5 in what to me was the blink of an eye. It was an extraordinary and entirely unwelcome transformation, made worse by the fact that her doctor hadn't warned her of the potential weight gain (he later said he was worried she wouldn't take it if he had). It got to the stage where it looked like someone had stuck her head on someone else's (fat) body. I just couldn't get my head round it and told her that it was unacceptable (neither of us put it down to the medication. We assumed that it was as a by product of a recent miscarriage). I paid for her to see a personal trainer -she'd never needed to to exercise before and hated it - and although it made a bit of a difference initially, the doc upped her meds and the weight went back on. I'm ashamed to admit that I just couldn't look at her in the same way as before. As far as I was concerned I was living with another person who happened to look a bit like my wife, except for the massive belly, arms and legs. It was quite destructive (although I still adored her).

Anyway, about two months ago, after a year of personal training making no huge physical difference (outwardly) and having twigged about the meds some time before, made the decision to stop taking them (difficult, when they are designed to combat depression). The result has been extraordinary. She has dropped nearly all the weight and in fact looks better than before this all happened. She also loves the gym, goes 4 times a week, has a great group of friends there, and is much fitter and healthier than before. The exercise also has a massively beneficial effect on her mental health.

But I go back to my original point. I told her that I didn't like the weight gain. I still loved her, but I didn't love what it had done to her body, and that I would help her address it but it had to be something she sought to address as well. I'm sure some would rage at me for objectifying her, but I couldn't lie to myself that it didn't matter.

waynedear

Original Poster:

2,158 posts

166 months

Saturday 10th January 2015
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Loving some of the replies, which I hasten to add I will not be using....

Centurion07

10,381 posts

246 months

Saturday 10th January 2015
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Joey Ramone said:
Just be honest. My wife was prescribed medication by her doctor that caused her to gain about 4 stone in 3 months, from 8.5 stone to 12.5 in what to me was the blink of an eye. It was an extraordinary and entirely unwelcome transformation, made worse by the fact that her doctor hadn't warned her of the potential weight gain (he later said he was worried she wouldn't take it if he had). It got to the stage where it looked like someone had stuck her head on someone else's (fat) body. I just couldn't get my head round it and told her that it was unacceptable (neither of us put it down to the medication. We assumed that it was as a by product of a recent miscarriage). I paid for her to see a personal trainer -she'd never needed to to exercise before and hated it - and although it made a bit of a difference initially, the doc upped her meds and the weight went back on. I'm ashamed to admit that I just couldn't look at her in the same way as before. As far as I was concerned I was living with another person who happened to look a bit like my wife, except for the massive belly, arms and legs. It was quite destructive (although I still adored her).

Anyway, about two months ago, after a year of personal training making no huge physical difference (outwardly) and having twigged about the meds some time before, made the decision to stop taking them (difficult, when they are designed to combat depression). The result has been extraordinary. She has dropped nearly all the weight and in fact looks better than before this all happened. She also loves the gym, goes 4 times a week, has a great group of friends there, and is much fitter and healthier than before. The exercise also has a massively beneficial effect on her mental health.

But I go back to my original point. I told her that I didn't like the weight gain. I still loved her, but I didn't love what it had done to her body, and that I would help her address it but it had to be something she sought to address as well. I'm sure some would rage at me for objectifying her, but I couldn't lie to myself that it didn't matter.
That's the most important bit.

If she isn't as bothered about it as you, and chances are she isn't since she apparently hasn't noticed, you're on a hiding to nothing.

Monkeylegend

26,226 posts

230 months

Saturday 10th January 2015
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Leave your laptop lying around so she reads this thread.

wolfracesonic

6,941 posts

126 months

Saturday 10th January 2015
quotequote all
Joey Ramone said:
Just be honest. My wife was prescribed medication by her doctor that caused her to gain about 4 stone in 3 months, from 8.5 stone to 12.5 in what to me was the blink of an eye. It was an extraordinary and entirely unwelcome transformation, made worse by the fact that her doctor hadn't warned her of the potential weight gain (he later said he was worried she wouldn't take it if he had). It got to the stage where it looked like someone had stuck her head on someone else's (fat) body. I just couldn't get my head round it and told her that it was unacceptable (neither of us put it down to the medication. We assumed that it was as a by product of a recent miscarriage). I paid for her to see a personal trainer -she'd never needed to to exercise before and hated it - and although it made a bit of a difference initially, the doc upped her meds and the weight went back on. I'm ashamed to admit that I just couldn't look at her in the same way as before. As far as I was concerned I was living with another person who happened to look a bit like my wife, except for the massive belly, arms and legs. It was quite destructive (although I still adored her).

Anyway, about two months ago, after a year of personal training making no huge physical difference (outwardly) and having twigged about the meds some time before, made the decision to stop taking them (difficult, when they are designed to combat depression). The result has been extraordinary. She has dropped nearly all the weight and in fact looks better than before this all happened. She also loves the gym, goes 4 times a week, has a great group of friends there, and is much fitter and healthier than before. The exercise also has a massively beneficial effect on her mental health.

But I go back to my original point. I told her that I didn't like the weight gain. I still loved her, but I didn't love what it had done to her body, and that I would help her address it but it had to be something she sought to address as well. I'm sure some would rage at me for objectifying her, but I couldn't lie to myself that it didn't matter.
Quite ironic, in a good way in the end, that coming off anti-depressants has helped your OH more than being on them.

anonymous-user

53 months

Saturday 10th January 2015
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swerni said:
everytime she sits down on the same sofa as you, launch yourself in the air, then sit down and sheepishly apologise.
hehe

northwest monkey

6,370 posts

188 months

Saturday 10th January 2015
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Take a bag of flour to bed or buy her a sexy outfit to wear.




Jonny_

4,108 posts

206 months

Saturday 10th January 2015
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Don't mention hers, at all, until she does.

How about "I'm going to try to eat a bit less crap and do a bit more exercise love, I've put on a few pounds over xmas."

She then has opportunity to say "yep, me too", if she wants to do something about it. If she doesn't immediately join in, at least you then have your own reason for buying/cooking/serving healthier grub at mealtimes, rather than the direct approach of "no takeaway tonight, you're looking a bit chubby lately"!

Whatever you do don't try to force the issue, it won't end well.

Steamer

13,846 posts

212 months

Saturday 10th January 2015
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Put this on her ipod:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vANcgolYNds

Would you get away with writing those lyrics today?

Hoofy

76,253 posts

281 months

Saturday 10th January 2015
quotequote all
Impasse said:
"I'm really cross with your mate, Jenny. She said you're getting fat and got very shouty when I told her not to be so rude."

Definitely try that approach.
That's clever.















Until she asks her friend. And together they work out what is really going on. So at least do it with an enemy of hers, not a friend. biggrin

Hoofy

76,253 posts

281 months

Saturday 10th January 2015
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One thing you could try is focusing on fitness and heart health. Say you think you both ought to get fitter to reduce the risk of heart attack or stroke and discuss some kind of sport you could both take up (or fitness class). Once you get into the swing of things, she'll start seriously considering eating less st. Overall that should improve her size, but there's still no guarantee. "I did an hour of walking at 1mph so will treat myself with two KFC family buckets and a box of eclairs."