Naughtiest thing youve done in your car

[vikingaero]

Vacumatic said:

Naughtiest thing was Suzannah, she liked "rough" treatment in my van. She liked her arse smacked and whipped.

She screamed out once to be whipped, looking round for something suitable I unscrewed the aerial and gave her some, probably a bit too hard.

She had to go to the doctors, he said it was the worse case of van aerial disease he had seen.

That was so bad it was brilliant! Had me PMSL.

[Ilovejapcrap]

Local barmaid, happy days

It was an r reg mitsubishi colt 1.3 in white with 15 inch alloys (100+ was make I think ? ) loved that car

[Leptons]

daveofedinburgh said:

Threesome. Back seat of my old 1999 Mitsubishi Colt.

A good friend and I tag-teamed a charming young Scottish lady with questionable morals at the end of a boozy evening.*

This grubby liaison was 'cozy' in the worst possible sense of the word, and interspersed with moments of slightly uncomfortable eye contact.

The car intermittently rocking on its cheap Halfords lowering springs coupled with very steamy windows must have been a dead giveaway in hindsight.

Wonder what the list of offences would have been had Plod showed up?

• For legal reasons the activities described and persons mentioned are entirely fictional.

Ilovejapcrap said:

Local barmaid, happy days

It was an r reg mitsubishi colt 1.3 in white with 15 inch alloys (100+ was make I think ? ) loved that car

So there you have it ladies and gents, the Mitsubishi Colt. The shaggers weapon of choice.

[Hoofy]

Turned left without signalling. My excuse is that I was on the phone while breast-feeding my youngest.

[daveofedinburgh]

Leptons said:

So there you have it ladies and gents, the Mitsubishi Colt. The shaggers weapon of choice.

For any keen shaggers looking to build the ultimate passion wagon, here is a brief guide:

-Buy a 1999(T) Mitsubishi Colt. The 1.3 'Maui' model proved super-effective for me. Remove Hawaiian-themed factory stickers from the C-pillar immediately. Hold out for a car with red paint, as this will fade to a pinkish colour with time (slags are drawn to pink).

-Purchase 15 inch 'Wolfrace Enigma' wheel and tyre package from Halfords. 'Shadow Chrome' was my chosen finish- developed a delightfully flaky patina after only one Scottish winter. This must-have modification brings the added bonus of exposing your slightly corroded drum brakes.

-Have a totally uneccesary exhaust custom made. Twin exit (obviously) with 'burnt titanium' look tips made mine a foolproof clunge magnet. This 'upgrade' achieved the desired 'tiny-engine-farting-through-an-oversized-pipe' note that we all know and love.

-Purchase cheapest available lowering springs (avoid anything from a respected suspension manufacturer), preferably from Halfords. You can now impress your (hopefully young/ promiscuous/ female) passengers by scraping your expensive new exhaust on even the smallest of sleeping policemen.

-Fit an Ebay DVD player and connect it to an Ebay LCD screen (recommend placing this high on the dash so local law enforcement can clearly see you watching it whilst driving and quite rightly pull you over for a stern telling-off).

-Finish with a Sony 'XPlod' subwoofer/ amplifier package (again, Halfords). Protip: use your new sound system to play RnB music, as this is scientifically proven to be the most efficient knicker-dropping musical genre.

Optional:

-Try garnishing with various pointless tat such as 'JDM' square number plates or clear indicators to (lack of) taste.

Following the above steps WILL get you attention from societies' most 'high-risk' girls, so make sure you carry protection. I recommend pepper spray or a small taser.