Notification of death or serious injury
Discussion
In films and TV shows, the American police always pick up the phone to notify the family of a death, even of a murder, whereas UK shows (accurately, I assume) show the notification being made by the police from the family's local force.
Is that really the way other countries do it?
For that matter, is it true that a police officer always knocks on the door in the UK? Would notification of life-threatening injury also be made in person?
Just idle curiosity, really. This came up in conversation because, many years ago, a Canadian friend of my wife got into trouble in her first week as a nurse in a UK hospital because she told a relative who had 'phoned the ward that a patient had died. Apparently that was OK in Canada, where she trained, but in the UK the policy is to say something along the lines of "Your relative has taken a turn for the worse, you should visit as soon as possible.".
Is that really the way other countries do it?
For that matter, is it true that a police officer always knocks on the door in the UK? Would notification of life-threatening injury also be made in person?
Just idle curiosity, really. This came up in conversation because, many years ago, a Canadian friend of my wife got into trouble in her first week as a nurse in a UK hospital because she told a relative who had 'phoned the ward that a patient had died. Apparently that was OK in Canada, where she trained, but in the UK the policy is to say something along the lines of "Your relative has taken a turn for the worse, you should visit as soon as possible.".
) "Get here NOW!" (unless they are familiar with you and have a working relationship with you - don't ask 
As far as possible, the police will always try to deliver the message in person. It's not always possible though. A friend of mine who is a police officer dealt with the unexpected death of a 12 year old boy who required 24 hour care. His mother was on holiday in the Mediterranean, taking a break and the boy was being cared for whilst she was away. To have to deliver news like that over the phone, which will shatter someone's life, cannot be easy.
My sister and brother in law were on holiday in the UK when my brother in laws brother died unexpectedly. I can't recall how they found them (think my parents told them) but they arranged local police to tell them in person. My sister said its was far from being a nice sight seeing a copper walk up to the door and take his hat off on the way but very much appreciated.
Perhaps it's because my family have never failed the attitude test with the police.
Perhaps it's because my family have never failed the attitude test with the police.
gareth_r said:
For that matter, is it true that a police officer always knocks on the door in the UK? Would notification of life-threatening injury also be made in person
Can't answer the second part but I did do a number of 'death messages' during my time in the job. Usually unexpected by the recipient & while you try & break it as gently as possible & offer what support you can - in the limited time you can spend with them - it's one of the more unpleasant duties.Jonsv8 said:
My sister and brother in law were on holiday in the UK when my brother in laws brother died unexpectedly. I can't recall how they found them (think my parents told them) but they arranged local police to tell them in person. My sister said its was far from being a nice sight seeing a copper walk up to the door and take his hat off on the way but very much appreciated.
Perhaps it's because my family have never failed the attitude test with the police.
You know when you see that several people are just about to have the worse day of their life, and one has just had their last Perhaps it's because my family have never failed the attitude test with the police.
cirian75 said:
You know when you see that several people are just about to have the worse day of their life, and one has just had their last
Yep. There was a scene on one of the police shows a few years ago which showed the cop walking up to the door filmed from back in the car, hat in hand, occupant opening the door then the camera fading away as the officer is allowed inside.One of the most sobering bits of TV I've ever seen and must be one of the hardest jobs in the world to be that copper.
Boydie88 said:
cirian75 said:
You know when you see that several people are just about to have the worse day of their life, and one has just had their last
Yep. There was a scene on one of the police shows a few years ago which showed the cop walking up to the door filmed from back in the car, hat in hand, occupant opening the door then the camera fading away as the officer is allowed inside.One of the most sobering bits of TV I've ever seen and must be one of the hardest jobs in the world to be that copper.
I did loads in my days..the worst by a long way was to notify of the death of a child in a very nasty RTA.....as I walked up the drive another family member was on the phone telling them of the accident. They saw me walk up and twigged straight away...still had to say the words and have never seen a family destroyed so quickly.
Several years ago we received a call from the hospital saying my father in law had had an accident and could we get there asap.
We were pretty sure what that meant, however I still might have ignored a few traffic laws on the drive there. As it happens he had a heart attack and cracked his head open as he fell down so he had actually been dead for some time.
I understand why the system is as it is, however not knowing how urgent the call is could lead to further consequences.
ETA - I didn't mean that to read like I was complaining, I was happy to risk a speeding ticket on the off chance I would get there soon enough for my wife to say goodbye and would again in a similar situation. In some respects knowing you had very little time might make you take even larger risks.
We were pretty sure what that meant, however I still might have ignored a few traffic laws on the drive there. As it happens he had a heart attack and cracked his head open as he fell down so he had actually been dead for some time.
I understand why the system is as it is, however not knowing how urgent the call is could lead to further consequences.
ETA - I didn't mean that to read like I was complaining, I was happy to risk a speeding ticket on the off chance I would get there soon enough for my wife to say goodbye and would again in a similar situation. In some respects knowing you had very little time might make you take even larger risks.
Edited by Toltec on Wednesday 22 April 12:40
A close relative of mine died alone at their home abroad, and the local police ignored the contact information available to them, and instead contacted the British Embassy - who in turn contacted Cumbria Police who sent local officers round to inform us.
This took from 10.00 am until late evening - by which time a neighbour had rung us from abroad to offer their condolences - the first we knew.
Sometimes, arranging a personal visit can take too long - a phone call would be better given the speed at which some take to Facebook or Twitter to pass on bad news these days!
This took from 10.00 am until late evening - by which time a neighbour had rung us from abroad to offer their condolences - the first we knew.
Sometimes, arranging a personal visit can take too long - a phone call would be better given the speed at which some take to Facebook or Twitter to pass on bad news these days!
Mill Wheel said:
A close relative of mine died alone at their home abroad, and the local police ignored the contact information available to them, and instead contacted the British Embassy - who in turn contacted Cumbria Police who sent local officers round to inform us.
This took from 10.00 am until late evening - by which time a neighbour had rung us from abroad to offer their condolences - the first we knew.
Sometimes, arranging a personal visit can take too long - a phone call would be better given the speed at which some take to Facebook or Twitter to pass on bad news these days!
I didn't mind hearing it first from a friend rather than the Police. I was pleased to be able to tell them I already knew so they didn't have to "break it" to me.This took from 10.00 am until late evening - by which time a neighbour had rung us from abroad to offer their condolences - the first we knew.
Sometimes, arranging a personal visit can take too long - a phone call would be better given the speed at which some take to Facebook or Twitter to pass on bad news these days!
V8forweekends said:
I didn't mind hearing it first from a friend rather than the Police. I was pleased to be able to tell them I already knew so they didn't have to "break it" to me.
Yes, it was the same for me, as I knew the neighbour.My point was that these days personal contact is often too late.
I also had the job of informing my brother who was away on a skiing holiday at the time, and he said the same - the phone call was preferable to a stranger calling.
At an IAM talk one evening the policeman presenting told of his colleague knocking on the door of a house and informing the woman of said property, her husband had just died in an RTA. She responded in a flash with an incredibly fast right hook, which knocked him out cold. It was the total shock which made her do it and she apologised immediately.
The police thought that pressing charges under the circumstances would be inappropriate this time.
The police thought that pressing charges under the circumstances would be inappropriate this time.
bucksmanuk said:
At an IAM talk one evening the policeman presenting told of his colleague knocking on the door of a house and informing the woman of said property, her husband had just died in an RTA. She responded in a flash with an incredibly fast right hook, which knocked him out cold. It was the total shock which made her do it and she apologised immediately.
The police thought that pressing charges under the circumstances would be inappropriate this time.
I've delivered quite a few death messages and people react in different ways. Some break down totally, some are calm as anything and some get really aggro.The police thought that pressing charges under the circumstances would be inappropriate this time.
Thank you all.
If it's true that the Americans use the phone rather than personal notification by the local police, I think our system is better, not least because of the possible reaction of the relative.
I inferred from a couple of the replies that the notification is always made by a uniformed officer?
If it's true that the Americans use the phone rather than personal notification by the local police, I think our system is better, not least because of the possible reaction of the relative.
I inferred from a couple of the replies that the notification is always made by a uniformed officer?
You tell the next of kin that from now on their plans have ended. That they will look back on this moment in years to come and the emotion will well up. You tell them that they will regret, for the rest of their lives, not telling the person how much they loved them. That they will stand alone when others around are couples. That there is absolutely nothing they anyone can do to make it better.
You don't put it in those words of course, but that is what each individual death message is.
Not a duty you ever get used to. Thankfully, I've only had a few, just single figures and never a kid, and I can remember them all. I would assume that those who have done more can remember all of theirs as well.
It is like beating them. In fact they would have preferred to be punched.
A friend of mine was a traffic pc and left the unit because he couldn't cope with the continual death messages.
You don't put it in those words of course, but that is what each individual death message is.
Not a duty you ever get used to. Thankfully, I've only had a few, just single figures and never a kid, and I can remember them all. I would assume that those who have done more can remember all of theirs as well.
It is like beating them. In fact they would have preferred to be punched.
A friend of mine was a traffic pc and left the unit because he couldn't cope with the continual death messages.
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