Anyone else's 12 year old lad having major tantrums
Discussion
My middle son, who was and can be the sweetest boy around has, more or less since he started secondary school, the most horrible tantrums over the slightest thing. He lives with his mum who is actually getting scared of him as he's big like a 17 year old. Same size feet as me, 10s and almost as tall. I'm 6ft.
He uses the most foul language, smashes things and is causing such disruption in the house that it is making life hellish for his mum, her boyfriend (Who is a lovely bloke), and his elder sister and younger brother.
He's not very streetwise and is suffering at school as he is not into sports and the other kids make fun of him. I understand that this is making him very unhappy and we are doing everything with the school to help him. He has a 6th form mentor and they have a school counselling session for him once a week.
His mum recorded the sound of last night's outburst on her phone and I have just listened to it. When I talk to him about his behaviour he claims that nothing has happened and that his mum has made it all up.
The recording was proof.
His mum stays calm throughout as screaming back at him only prolongs the tantrum.
He was asked at 9.30pm to go to bed and he comes back all stroppy with you don't order me to go to bed that's up to me. He repeats this for a while as his temper flares. Very quickly it escalates to calling his mum awful names, that she hates him, I hate him and he hates all of us and that he will kill himself.
This went on for 45 mins with his mum staying calm throughout and it finally ends with him sobbing himself to sleep.
This morning he got up to go to school with no trouble or indeed reference to what went on last night. Normally the big tantrums have been in the morning.
A couple of weeks ago just me and him went on holiday to the Norfolk Broads. I was dreading it to be honest but we had a lovely chilled out time even though we slept, cooked, ate and watched DVDs in the same small cabin. He was fine and great company for the week.
He tells me that he will try to control himself yet even within hours of getting back he was screaming, slamming doors and swearing over some other minor thing.
My other kids are getting very upset by all this especially as they have realised how calm the house was when he came with me on holiday.
Sorry for going on but I'm just wondering if other parents have had similar trouble. Is it a phase or do I have to get him seen only to be tagged with a syndrome of some sort.
My daughter had a nasty phase around the early teens but got through it quite quickly.
Thanks for reading. Cheers.
He uses the most foul language, smashes things and is causing such disruption in the house that it is making life hellish for his mum, her boyfriend (Who is a lovely bloke), and his elder sister and younger brother.
He's not very streetwise and is suffering at school as he is not into sports and the other kids make fun of him. I understand that this is making him very unhappy and we are doing everything with the school to help him. He has a 6th form mentor and they have a school counselling session for him once a week.
His mum recorded the sound of last night's outburst on her phone and I have just listened to it. When I talk to him about his behaviour he claims that nothing has happened and that his mum has made it all up.
The recording was proof.
His mum stays calm throughout as screaming back at him only prolongs the tantrum.
He was asked at 9.30pm to go to bed and he comes back all stroppy with you don't order me to go to bed that's up to me. He repeats this for a while as his temper flares. Very quickly it escalates to calling his mum awful names, that she hates him, I hate him and he hates all of us and that he will kill himself.
This went on for 45 mins with his mum staying calm throughout and it finally ends with him sobbing himself to sleep.
This morning he got up to go to school with no trouble or indeed reference to what went on last night. Normally the big tantrums have been in the morning.
A couple of weeks ago just me and him went on holiday to the Norfolk Broads. I was dreading it to be honest but we had a lovely chilled out time even though we slept, cooked, ate and watched DVDs in the same small cabin. He was fine and great company for the week.
He tells me that he will try to control himself yet even within hours of getting back he was screaming, slamming doors and swearing over some other minor thing.
My other kids are getting very upset by all this especially as they have realised how calm the house was when he came with me on holiday.
Sorry for going on but I'm just wondering if other parents have had similar trouble. Is it a phase or do I have to get him seen only to be tagged with a syndrome of some sort.
My daughter had a nasty phase around the early teens but got through it quite quickly.
Thanks for reading. Cheers.
Check his diet. You'd be surprised how it affects kids that age.
A lot of kids are drinking energy drinks these days - all I know is that if my Son drank one of those he was a complete nightmare as he came down from the high (sugar/caffeine hit). Also breakfast cereals like coco pops turned him into the kid from hell.
A lot of kids are drinking energy drinks these days - all I know is that if my Son drank one of those he was a complete nightmare as he came down from the high (sugar/caffeine hit). Also breakfast cereals like coco pops turned him into the kid from hell.
My son has been going through a 'phase' also. Hated anyone in positions of authority (teachers, football managers etc.), said he hated us, going to kill himself, smashed up his football trophies, his room.....you name it.
He finally learnt about the consequences of his actions when he ripped all his school books up when having a major meltdown because of a teacher ringing home to report he hadn't done his homework...again. He took weeks of speaking to every teacher to explain what had happened, and received mainly b
kings and detentions to catch the work back up.
His problem is he doesn't live in the real world. He hasn't yet learnt that life is a game, and the sooner you play it -homework, yes sir no sir- the easier it all gets. Or work for yourself. He does have quite an addictive personality where it comes to playing the xbox, mine craft etc. so we have running battles about fair use.
In conclusion, we thought we were the only ones experiencing it and he was a straight up mentalist. But we arent and he isnt; he is just a teenager growing up.
He finally learnt about the consequences of his actions when he ripped all his school books up when having a major meltdown because of a teacher ringing home to report he hadn't done his homework...again. He took weeks of speaking to every teacher to explain what had happened, and received mainly b
kings and detentions to catch the work back up.His problem is he doesn't live in the real world. He hasn't yet learnt that life is a game, and the sooner you play it -homework, yes sir no sir- the easier it all gets. Or work for yourself. He does have quite an addictive personality where it comes to playing the xbox, mine craft etc. so we have running battles about fair use.
In conclusion, we thought we were the only ones experiencing it and he was a straight up mentalist. But we arent and he isnt; he is just a teenager growing up.
Sounds like the boy who lives in a neighbouring house - except he IS into sport and is the size of a well built company director!
Have you thought of taking him to the quack? Perhaps that will convince him that you think something is very wrong with his behaviour, and if the quack agrees then perhaps its the first step on the journey to getting your son the right care.
My 6 year old has a meltdown like this (without the name calling) every so often, the timeout seems to work - along with the loss of a privilege.
What consequences does your soon incur from his outbursts? If nothing then perhaps thats why he keeps doing it?
I hope things get better for you and your family soon.
Have you thought of taking him to the quack? Perhaps that will convince him that you think something is very wrong with his behaviour, and if the quack agrees then perhaps its the first step on the journey to getting your son the right care.
My 6 year old has a meltdown like this (without the name calling) every so often, the timeout seems to work - along with the loss of a privilege.
What consequences does your soon incur from his outbursts? If nothing then perhaps thats why he keeps doing it?
I hope things get better for you and your family soon.
DrDoofenshmirtz said:
Check his diet. You'd be surprised how it affects kids that age.
A lot of kids are drinking energy drinks these days - all I know is that if my Son drank one of those he was a complete nightmare as he came down from the high (sugar/caffeine hit). Also breakfast cereals like coco pops turned him into the kid from hell.
Really? his diet? come on man, kid obviously has some problems.A lot of kids are drinking energy drinks these days - all I know is that if my Son drank one of those he was a complete nightmare as he came down from the high (sugar/caffeine hit). Also breakfast cereals like coco pops turned him into the kid from hell.
I'd bet the bullying at school is a LOT worse than he's letting on and needs nipped in the bud asap.
Thanks Hman. He has the usual punishments of no telly, confiscated smart phone/tablet, no trips out etc
As to doctors, his mum was going to take him to a psychologist, but he refused. Admittedly I was relieved as his mum likes throwing money she hasn't got at every problem and had found a quack in Harley St charging £400 a session.
As to doctors, his mum was going to take him to a psychologist, but he refused. Admittedly I was relieved as his mum likes throwing money she hasn't got at every problem and had found a quack in Harley St charging £400 a session.
Asperger's or similar? How are the social skill etc?
Could be a meltdown.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/blogs-ouch-28746359
Could be a meltdown.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/blogs-ouch-28746359
croyde said:
Do we share the same son Selym?
If we do you can have him back! I will say it seems to be a phase, he can be incredibly sweet and utterly selfish in equal measures. Also known as a teenager. The fact your son is a big feller probably exacerbates the issue; my boy, like me, is pretty diminutive.
Go and speak to someone if it makes you feel better about it by all means, but I reckon a mix of diet (as mentioned by Doofenschmirtz), sport/working as part of a team and just growing up will put this to bed.
Good luck.
cwis said:
Asperger's or similar? How are the social skill etc?
Could be a meltdown.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/blogs-ouch-28746359
We have been wondering this as he does get really fixated on things, especially times and numbers.Could be a meltdown.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/blogs-ouch-28746359
eg if you say it happened a few years ago he will constantly ask, was it 10 years ago, was it 5 years ago, was it 11 etc
Times have to be correct, you can't say around half past.
spud989 said:
What's behind the difference with you? Perhaps still bitter about break-up, etc.? Just sounding out.
Also, what's he like with other authority figures? Anything from school?
Also, what's he like with other authority figures? Anything from school?
School says he's well behaved and he's fine with me one on one but can be trouble when I take all my kids out or on holiday. He's also given me a hard time some of the times I have been to the old family home.
My ex's boyfriend has been on the scene for 6 years so all the kids have grown up with him and he's always been good with them but seeing this behaviour is upsetting him and ruining their relationship. He's talking about moving out.
All a bit of a mess really especially as my ex has been through the horrors of breast cancer these past 2 years. Amazes me how she copes.
I realise that her illness has probably added to the frailty of the family.
sc0tt said:
Puberty?
The majority of males go through puberty, it's normal. Having tantrums and acting like a 2 year old isn't normal for makes of pubescent age.OP, it sounds like your boy has had too much of the carrot, he has been gorged on the carrot and his ego has become bloated, feculent and lazy. Time to give him the stick. Give him so much stick his head f
king spins, and he wishes he had his old life back. If you can talk like Bane from "The Dark Knight Rises", the situation will even more amusing for you, and less enjoyable for him.
GG89 said:
DrDoofenshmirtz said:
Check his diet. You'd be surprised how it affects kids that age.
A lot of kids are drinking energy drinks these days - all I know is that if my Son drank one of those he was a complete nightmare as he came down from the high (sugar/caffeine hit). Also breakfast cereals like coco pops turned him into the kid from hell.
Really? his diet? come on man, kid obviously has some problems.A lot of kids are drinking energy drinks these days - all I know is that if my Son drank one of those he was a complete nightmare as he came down from the high (sugar/caffeine hit). Also breakfast cereals like coco pops turned him into the kid from hell.
I'd bet the bullying at school is a LOT worse than he's letting on and needs nipped in the bud asap.
I'll never claim to be an expert on child behaviour but my first thought when seeing the title of this thread was "I wonder if it is something he is eating or drinking?" followed by "probably just being a teenager".
My daughter would turn hyper when she had eaten anything containing yellow/orange colouring and would be hyper long after her normal bedtime.
After reading the whole thread I wonder if there is something more serious going on, the break up, his mum battling cancer, trouble at school, who knows.
It needs sorting out sooner rather than later though, good luck.
My daughter would turn hyper when she had eaten anything containing yellow/orange colouring and would be hyper long after her normal bedtime.
After reading the whole thread I wonder if there is something more serious going on, the break up, his mum battling cancer, trouble at school, who knows.
It needs sorting out sooner rather than later though, good luck.
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