Cancer.......there, I said it....cancer

[HoHoHo]

Cancer.

Apparently two out of three people will be affected by cancer, yet more people who are diagnosed with it now live rather than die which is a brilliant result for cancer research.

My dad who I loved and admired more than anything in the world died of it 11 years ago. I think of him probably every day and still talk to him, I miss him so much.

My brother (who doesn't read this forum at all) has just been told his 55 year old wife probably has 6 months to live

He lives in Canada, we're not close simply because he moved over there 30 years ago, met said young lady and never came back. As a consequence aside from a wedding and odd visit our lives went in different directions - shame really as I think he's genuinely a really nice bloke.nour family is one of many continents rather than different streets in the same town. Perhaps a shame now we're getting on a bit.

I feel sad and numb and don't know what to think or say to him. I know death is something we tend not to talk about yet we hear about it all the time. Only today in the papers yet another ISIS video of a young man digging his own grave prior to being beheaded. But it's in the papers and let's be honest as st and shocking as it is, we're not part of it, we're just viewing the event, and that's one of a hundred thousand or so who died today across the world.

I'm calling him but don't want to start being OTT, he's got enough on his plate.

How do other people deal with cancer and the thought of a date with your destiny?

I'm not looking for sympathy, I'm very fortunate and have great family and all that life can offer, I'm fit and healthy and feel very fortunate.

Just wondered what others might do.

[Terminator X]

Day to day we feel invincible but of course we'll all succumb one day. I try not to think about it but when it comes close to home as with you, be as supportive as possible I guess. Perhaps get out there for a visit?

TX.

[Biggles111]

I would say if you can make a visit, perhaps staying in a hotel so they don't feel they have to put you up then go for it, after giving them a while to start to get their heads around it - people often seem to turn up for funerals, but find it difficult to meet up whilst people are still alive. Don't be afraid of saying the wrong thing, it is better to say something than spend the time walking on eggshells.

At the right time giving support to your brother, in the form of just listening, or just knowing that he has other people about that he can talk to would be great. Macmillan's the source might be of interest https://source.macmillan.org.uk/

Situations vary between people, but helping with finances so they can enjoy their time together/your brother can take time off can sometimes be helpful, but is a sensitive area.

[audikentman]

'm fighting my own battle with Hodgkins Lymphoma atm, its serious but 80% treatment success rate, I'm hoping I'm not in the 20%. As I keep telling people I'm not dying I just have cancer. Not sure how I would deal with it if I was in the unfortunate position of your brother.
The worst thing is people who before this where close friends avoid me, as if they don't know what to say, and when they do its always about fking cancer, I don't always want to talk about it, just try talking to him about normal things it can take everyone's mind off things even if its just for an hour.
Is a visit to him out of the question?

[HoHoHo]

Thanks for your replies, all of which are appreciated.

I'm told it's now quality of life rather than cure which makes me very sad. I've not spoken to my brother again yet, I'm currently away on business in France and with colleagues it's not the time or place.

I will visit just not sure when yet, as you can understand I don't want to appear to be a vulture the instant bad news is with us. I'll leave it a few weeks or more and then go from there. I think he's also in shock, I'm sure his matter of fact attitude is a giveaway and I need him to come to terms with his predicament and news, then I'll go over.

Once again thanks and I'll keep you posted.