Kids bed times during the holidays?

Kids bed times during the holidays?

Author
Discussion

MissChief

Original Poster:

7,095 posts

167 months

Monday 29th June 2015
quotequote all
Wanted to get a consensus of opinion as other kids really can't be trusted! I have two boys, 14 (two days ago as it happens!) and 16 1/2 and I usually tell them to get to bed around 10:30 during the holidays but thanks to Facebook emailing me some of their feed their friends seem to be up at all hours, even 1 or 2am regularly. Am I being overly draconian? Am I evil dad? I don't really remember what my parents did so I'm unsure. Should I just let them stay up as long as they want and let them sleep in if they want to unless we've somewhere to be?

Timmy40

12,915 posts

197 months

Monday 29th June 2015
quotequote all
No you aren't being unreasonable, they are still growing, they still need a good nights sleep for mental development and future social abilities ( one day they'll have to be able to get up for work ), 1-2am on a regular basis? That's mad.

10.30pm bedtime seems very reasonable in the holidays, if anything it's a bit late. You can't let them slip totally or how are you going to reign them back in after the holidays.

Miguel Alvarez

4,944 posts

169 months

Monday 29th June 2015
quotequote all
We had the niece and nephew over last holiday and they seemed to tell me they were going to bed whenever they feel like it. Not on my watch you don't. It's 9.30pm start getting ready for bed. Lights off at 10.30. They were 12 and 14.

The missus thought I was being a bit too strict but I seem to remember 10 as my bed time so that's what they got. I'm sure I'll be the same with my daughter when she's that age.

P-Jay

10,551 posts

190 months

Monday 29th June 2015
quotequote all
Mine is younger, 9 - but his bedtime doesn't change at the weekends or Holidays, 8PM. We're all early-to-bed, early-to-rise in my house.

Liszt

4,329 posts

269 months

Monday 29th June 2015
quotequote all
Yes, you are being Draconian.

Is there a need for them to be in bed by a certain time? They are on holiday too.

Get them up before mid day and they will settle on the right bed time eventually. They need to learn personal responsibility too, not have it forced upon them.

Thinking back to when I was nearly 17 I was still in the pub at 11 on a Friday night.

Edited by Liszt on Monday 29th June 13:35

TwigtheWonderkid

43,248 posts

149 months

Monday 29th June 2015
quotequote all
14 & 16, no bed time at w/ends and holidays. Why would they have a bed time, when they can get up as late as they like? Just imposing rules for the sake of it.

At 16 I stopped bed time even during school time. If a 16 y/o can't make sensible decisions about how much sleep they need in order to perform effectively at school the next day, then you've gone wrong somewhere.

Mine are now 17 & 19. 17 doing A levels. Sometimes during term time he goes to bed a midnight, sometimes at 8pm, depends how he feels.

MissChief

Original Poster:

7,095 posts

167 months

Monday 29th June 2015
quotequote all
Sao far we've had yes, no, maybe, what are you thinking? And oh my god how could you force that on your children!?

HRL

3,330 posts

218 months

Monday 29th June 2015
quotequote all
Lights out at 9:30pm during a school week for my 12yo daughter, any 'reasonable' time during her holidays.

If she seems really knackered one morning I just make a point of telling her to leave her tablet/phone outside her bedroom door at bedtime the next night.

98elise

26,376 posts

160 months

Monday 29th June 2015
quotequote all
Liszt said:
Yes, you are being Draconian.

Is there a need for them to be in bed by a certain time? They are on holiday too.

Get them up before mid day and they will settle on the right bed time eventually. They need to learn personal responsibility too, not have it forced upon them.

Thinking back to when I was nearly 17 I was still in the pub at 11 on a Friday night.

Edited by Liszt on Monday 29th June 13:35
This

16 and still having a set bedtime, that's mad. At 16 I'd left home and was serving in the Royal Navy!

We let our kids set their own bed times since about 11, as long as they can get themselves up at the right time. When they failed then they went back to a set bed time. My kids are now 13 and 16 and they can be trusted to work out when they should be in bed, and when to get up. They can iron their own clothes and make their own food. They also know to help around the house without being told.

At that age you should be teaching them to be adults, not doing everything for them.

Timmy40

12,915 posts

197 months

Monday 29th June 2015
quotequote all
MissChief said:
Sao far we've had yes, no, maybe, what are you thinking? And oh my god how could you force that on your children!?
Indeed. Parenting is a very individual thing. Some people think lying in bed until noon is absolutely fine, for others it's half the day wasted. I suppose it all depends on how we were brought up. For my part I worked on the weekends, and had a job in the school holidays ( I used to be up at 6.30am to cycle a hour to where I worked ), weekdays it was bed at 10am up at 7am. As an adult I'm in bed by 10.30pm at latest, and up at 7am. I'm buggered if I'm going to bed and leaving my kids still up watching TV or buggering about on the internet, they can do that at University or when they have their own houses. Likewise lying in bed half the day.

Edited by Timmy40 on Monday 29th June 13:51

sherman

13,071 posts

214 months

Monday 29th June 2015
quotequote all
10.30 was my bed time at that age. I used to go to bed after the news was finished or if there was a film to watch that night on tv after it finished which was usually around 10.30 anyway. No later than midnight at any time during the holidays if there was no reason.

0000

13,812 posts

190 months

Monday 29th June 2015
quotequote all
1030 is plenty late enough to head off their rooms. No need to be up later, if they want to join the RN then that'd be ok with me too, but I'd imagine the first thing the RN would do is ensure they were up early enough being physically active enough that they'd take themselves off to bed before 1030 anyway.

Timmy40

12,915 posts

197 months

Monday 29th June 2015
quotequote all
doogz said:
Your house, your rules.

But why? You'll be buggered if they're staying up and doing stuff when you decide it's time to sleep? Why?
Because the lights have been turned off, the doors have been locked, the TV has been turned off and it's time to sleep.

I have read a great deal about the long term impacts of disrupted/ irregular sleeping patterns. You believe a 14 y/o and 16 y/o are informed enough and responsible enough to understand the long term impact of an irregular sleeping pattern, I don't. I also feel that if anything the impacts are worse at that age than they would be in an adult.

Have a read. Make your own mind up. I know what I think.

http://nahic.ucsf.edu/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/S...

As I said we all parent individually. What you do in your house is none of my business and likewise. I offered the OP my opinion which is that he is quite right to insist on a bedtime, if you have a problem with that, sorry. Move on.

Edited by Timmy40 on Monday 29th June 14:12

Muzzer79

9,806 posts

186 months

Monday 29th June 2015
quotequote all
16 seems a little old to be having set bed times.

14 however is a little young to be allowing them to stay up until all hours

What are they doing during the day? At that age, I was wanting to earn money so had to get a good night's kip to be up for that.

Personally, I'd be letting the 16 year old have some freedom on it but 1030pm is perfectly reasonable for the 14 year old.

IceBoy

2,443 posts

220 months

Monday 29th June 2015
quotequote all
P-Jay said:
Mine is younger, 9 - but his bedtime doesn't change at the weekends or Holidays, 8PM. We're all early-to-bed, early-to-rise in my house.
Spot on there P-Jay.

Mine are nearly 10 & 13. 8.30-9.00pm lights out!

Mind you everyone in my family think I'm strict but I'm a firm believer of early to bed and early to rise.

We are all up at 6.30am like clock work.

IceBoy

RobinBanks

17,540 posts

178 months

Monday 29th June 2015
quotequote all
I probably wouldn't impose a bedtime on the 16 year old. I might make sure that the 16 year old gets up when you do. That may adjust the sleeping pattern into one that's comfortable for you all.

However at the moment I'd bet that they're both just sitting in their rooms with the lights off, chatting on Facebook anyway. At their age I could easily stay up until 3am messing around and get up at 6:30, only feeling groggy until I finished breakfast.

You'll probably find that the 16 year old doesn't fall asleep until well after midnight even if trying to sleep from 10:30 onwards. At that age the brain is very active circa 10pm-2am.



When I was 16 I was usually up until 2am in term time (though that was boarding so there were always other people my age around chatting and messing around) but usually 11:30-12am in holidays because I'd be bored by that time.

That said, it was a while until smartphones became a thing and although there probably was Facebook, I didn't really have a way to access it at that time in the evening.

Timmy40

12,915 posts

197 months

Monday 29th June 2015
quotequote all
doogz said:
Sounds like you need a nap though.
Not until 10.30pm wink

There's a lot of evidence that irregular sleep patterns bugger people up. Not just kids, shift work is terrible for the health. I've never read anything to suggest that letting kids stay up until 12, 1, 2am could result in anything positive for them. Anymore than it does for adults. And yes I think at 16-18 they are transitioning to being young adults so have to be allowed more freedom that equally there still have to be an element of 'do as I say' and yes teens hate that, but they will be sitting exams that will largely determine their future life choices.

Oakey

27,523 posts

215 months

Monday 29th June 2015
quotequote all
People who sleep longer die younger. Just saying.

6-8 hours sleep is the optimum.

TwigtheWonderkid

43,248 posts

149 months

Monday 29th June 2015
quotequote all
Timmy40 said:
You believe a 14 y/o and 16 y/o are informed enough and responsible enough to understand the long term impact of an irregular sleeping pattern, I don't.
My kids at 16 couldn't give a fk about research into irregular sleeping patterns, and I couldn't care less even now. But at 16 they were able to decide if they were tired or not, and if they needed to go to bed at 8pm or midnight.

At 16 you should be giving your kids advice, not laying down rules & regulations.

I might say "you look knackered, you might want to think about an early night" and they would reply "too right, I'm going to bed at 9 tonight", or "no, I'm fine and there's something I want to watch at 10:30." But to tell a 16 y/old it's time for bed, ridiculous.

Do you read them a story as well?

HTP99

22,443 posts

139 months

Monday 29th June 2015
quotequote all
My recently 16yo duaghter is pretty good at determining her own bed time, she is now on holiday as she has just finished her GCSE's and turns in when it suits her and we are fine with that; sometimes 10:30, sometimes we hear her on her phone to her boyfriend at midnight. If she has work the next morning, she will go to bed earlier of her own accord, we trust her and it works, I don't see any point in setting a rigid bed time when on holiday and the fact that she may have work the next day and we leave her to it will instill in her a sense or responsibility to go to bed at a reasonable time so that she is up and ready for work in the morning.

During term time, if boyfriend was round he had to be gone by 9:30 so she had an hour or so of winding down to sort herself out for the next day and generally she put her light out at around 10:30-11:00.

Weekends and when the boyfriend is on his summer holiday himself, we will make sure he is gone no later than 10:30.