I'm in turmoil over my brothers wedding !

I'm in turmoil over my brothers wedding !

Author
Discussion

Thankyou4calling

Original Poster:

10,602 posts

173 months

Sunday 2nd August 2015
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No, not having to make a speech, im fine with that. I'm best man and the stag do is arranged, no issues, even the fact his intended made a play for me on a previous occasion isn't stressing me at all.

BUT!

It's his second marriage and they already live together so they've decided, rather than have gifts, that people who go to the wedding should give them cash to spend as they wish.

Now, apart from the fact that I actually quite like choosing presents I'm really at a loss as to how much to give and the principle of it doesn't sit comfortably.

Anyway, in summary. If you were best man at your brothers wedding and he wanted money how much would you give. I need some pointers.

Thanks.

Edited by Thankyou4calling on Sunday 2nd August 23:59

whoami

13,151 posts

240 months

Sunday 2nd August 2015
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£10K.

Mike22233

822 posts

111 months

Sunday 2nd August 2015
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£0

Thankyou4calling

Original Poster:

10,602 posts

173 months

Monday 3rd August 2015
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Thanks. It will definitely be somewhere between those two.

How about some justifications as well?

CR6ZZ

1,313 posts

145 months

Monday 3rd August 2015
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We've done it in the past. We usually give about the same amount as we would have spent on the gift.

mybrainhurts

90,809 posts

255 months

Monday 3rd August 2015
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Tell him you'll give him a fiver, but he's got to fight you for it.

Asterix

24,438 posts

228 months

Monday 3rd August 2015
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Sounds a bit crap to me tbh.

Obviously a toaster is a rubbish gift but some spend lots of thought buying something that a happy couple will enjoy, cherish and have with them for the rest of their married lives.

As I give it 6 months, 15 quid.

shep1001

4,599 posts

189 months

Monday 3rd August 2015
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We asked for cash to spend on trips when on our honeymoon or a donation to the local cats protection rather than gifts when we got wed. There was no point in asking for stuff I already had and most of what we would want, would be too expensive to expect anybody to buy as a wedding gift, so I would just buy it myself. The older you get & the more times you are married the less likely you are to need stuff to furnish your house together I guess.

Excluding the old dears we had gifts/donations between £10-50 from family and friends, a few people gave nothing but to be honest I could not have given a monkeys, for me it was all about getting 140 of my family & friends together and having an awesome day. We got a few quid to go hot air ballooning, Swimming with manatees & a couple of shows & the rescue kitties got a shopping trolly full of grub. Everybody was a winner.


Don't sweat it, give what you want, what you can afford, it will be fine.

anonymous-user

54 months

Monday 3rd August 2015
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Absolutely nothing. How crass.

DSLiverpool

14,741 posts

202 months

Monday 3rd August 2015
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Not knowing circumstances I'd go for £500
Enough to notice but not enough to hurt

Luke Warm

496 posts

144 months

Monday 3rd August 2015
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Thankyou4calling said:
they've decided ... that people ... should give them cash
Nothing.

h0b0

7,588 posts

196 months

Monday 3rd August 2015
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Not unusual in the U.S. Typically, you estimate how much they are paying for you to be there and give that in cash.

Chuck328

1,581 posts

167 months

Monday 3rd August 2015
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had ham said:
Absolutely nothing. How crass.
Agree with that, certainly for a second go.

Now if they had said cash to go to a charity of our choosing....

Jaroon

1,441 posts

160 months

Monday 3rd August 2015
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h0b0 said:
Not unusual in the U.S. Typically, you estimate how much they are paying for you to be there and give that in cash.
This is how to decide what to spend on a wedding present for normal guests so I'd stick to that. I think it's a tradition that the groom gives the best man a gift, so if he skimps on this, just sneak into the envelop and take a few quid out.;)

Impasse

15,099 posts

241 months

Monday 3rd August 2015
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I've got an unused Argos £5.00 gift card you can use. But it expires on the 21st August, so you'll have to be quick.

Studio117

4,250 posts

191 months

Monday 3rd August 2015
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Apply for the crystal maze on his behalf. He can damn well earn it.

trashbat

6,006 posts

153 months

Monday 3rd August 2015
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Cash is fine but they should at least dress it up.

Several of my friends have asked for cash, but with the purpose being their honeymoon, and in theory for buying various specific items, like miles of flight or a visit to a wildlife park or whatever. They then sent back thank you cards with pictures or whatnot relating to that thing.

Dan_1981

17,387 posts

199 months

Monday 3rd August 2015
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I do enjoy this thread every time it pops up.

Martin_M

2,071 posts

227 months

Monday 3rd August 2015
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I've never had to do it but if if it was a friend asking for money then probably £100 max - maybe not even as much.

For family, £500 max but part of me thinks that's too much - for me, somewhere between £250 and £500.

Bit of a brass neck asking for cash though lol although I suppose they can buy what they want/need and won't end up with stuff they'll never use etc.

anonymous-user

54 months

Monday 3rd August 2015
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familyish - £100

friendish - £50

get a gift card is a option.

500 quid is obscene