Meaningless company slogans

[4737 Carlin]

Luke Warm said:

'We strive ...'

'Our commitment ...'

Zzz

also "Passionate about...."

So lame.

[kowalski655]

8Ace said:

I always used to like the signs that read: Lancashire, the place where everyone matters". They're replaced it with some st about careful driving now.

As seen when leaving:Blackpool, the place where only tourists matter!

[CB2152]

AlexRS2782 said:

Has anyone suggested the current Microsoft one yet?

"A more human way to do"

Edited by AlexRS2782 on Wednesday 2nd September 17:46

Have you seen the T-shirts Microsoft have sent to the people that have to sell the things?

"Respect the do"

bks.

[smn159]

'Theatre of Dreams'

[parabolica]

All these posts and no-one has mentioned the new iPhone slogan yet?

[funkyrobot]

parabolica said:

All these posts and no-one has mentioned the new iPhone slogan yet?

What is it?

'Goes 1 hour without charging.'?

[AlexRS2782]

parabolica said:

All these posts and no-one has mentioned the new iPhone slogan yet?

"If it's not an iPhone...it's not an iPhone"

That must've taken some serious thought by advertising & management

[TheEnd]

Johnnytheboy said:

There's a series of vans that I see around here that I keep thinking are a landscaping company like my firm. The van has a picture of a tree on it, and the slogan is something like "where people flourish". Ah here we are:





As far as I can tell they provide building maintenance services, but all their vans are covered in these daft slogans about how lovely they are to their staff, rather than offer any clue on what they actually do.

Yep, that's what happens when someone employs a wet behind the ears advertising guru.
Probably got them a twitter account too, but forget that no one would associate their company with a role, so it doesn't advertise anything.

[Rickyy]

Double whammy!

[motco]

Ari said:

motco said:

I obscured the company name so people can guess their function.

Go on then, what the hell is it?

Typically those running dot matrix signs at bus stops.

[A6Ced]

schmunk said:

Asterix said:

Could be worse - the could provide 'turnkey solutions'.

Please fk off over there and when you get there, fk off a bit more!

..and I'm in marketing! It's my life long aim to cut out all this bks.

How about Turkey Solutions...?

When I was working in Central and West London delivering bespoke residential property developments our 'Turnkey' strap-line within our marketing was purely as a advisory stance as in our properties can be handed over finished and fitted out if needed and you in turn, turn the key and move in.

[Blib]

LordGrover said:

From The Independent:

Belfast: The new Berlin

Are they referring to pre or post Wall Berlin?

[speedtwelve]

8Ace said:

TheEnd said:

I see a lot of "providing solutions" which should be reserved for chemical companies.

Oh god, this. anything that has the word solutions in the slogan or company name. Just awful meaningless dribble.

Unless, as above, it is a purveyor of dilute chemicals in solvent.

A few years ago I remember a supermarket chain advertised a range of 'meal solutions'. It's just fking food you pretentious s! Aaaarrgghhh!!!!!!

[Nuclear Biscuit]

8Ace said:

Oh god, this. anything that has the word solutions in the slogan or company name. Just awful meaningless dribble.

Unless, as above, it is a purveyor of dilute chemicals in solvent.

Private Eye used to have a "Solutions" corner for this sort of guff. My favourite is www.pirtek.co.uk fluid transfer solutions, or hoses, as normal people call them.

[ecs]

I used to work for a company who's slogan was "supporting excellence" - what the fking fk? The person who came up with that was awarded a bottle of expensive champagne too. The company name had solutions in it just to rub salt, vinegar and sulphuric acid into the wound too

[Quartz Ninja]

This makes me think of TNT with their slogan of ‘Sure we can’. With my experience of TNT (at work, I'd never use them personally), it is said with a sarcastic tone…

Can you deliver this package to Cardiff, this one to Nottingham and this one to Newcastle? (All clearly addressed, signed paperwork etc)

'Suuuure, we can'

The Cardiff Package ends up in Newcastle, The Nottingham one in Newcastle and the Newcastle ends up being returned to us… because they thought it was from Newcastle being delivered to us.

Can you deliver these lab samples which are fragile and contain hazardous substances? (All placed in specialist crates, designed to be virtually indestructable; all covered in the necessary hazardous, fragile and keep upright labelling.)

‘Suuuure, we can'

Only 4 of the 5 crates get delivered; the ones that are delivered look like they’ve been hit by an RPG; 2 of the delivered crates appeared to be covered in the contents of the missing 5th crate...

Useless Fers!!

Corporate slogans, Corporate buzzwords (e.g. Stakeholder Engagement, KPI's, Information Silo's etc), Corporate Strategies... all make my blood boil. All BS invented by worthless scrotes to try and make themselves sound important and intelligent; and the really galling fact is that they're earning a huge pay packet for it...

[Dilligaf10]

Rude-boy said:

My best bet is that they are very involved in property maintenance for a Housing Association or similar.

A few people I know have started to take the p out of stupid job titles recently. They have decided to take on their own and now we have the following:-

Head of Values
Head of Better
Head of Diversity, Improvement, Collaboration and Kindness (work it out )
Head of Visions

We are working on a few others...

My ex-neighbour's job title when he worked for a company that supplied power stations with conveyor belts for coal was "Head of Power". Just the best job title.

[hidetheelephants]

Quartz Ninja said:

.

Can you deliver these lab samples which are fragile and contain hazardous substances? (All placed in specialist crates, designed to be virtually indestructable; all covered in the necessary hazardous, fragile and keep upright labelling.)

‘Suuuure, we can'

Only 4 of the 5 crates get delivered; the ones that are delivered look like they’ve been hit by an RPG; 2 of the delivered crates appeared to be covered in the contents of the missing 5th crate...

Useless Fers!!

Perhaps, but with such specific needs and delicate cargo who made the shortsighted decision to use a hub/spoke courier rather than an independent who would take it direct to the consignee?

The thread brings to mind an anecdote from Billy Connolly; workers at the Armitage Shanks works in Barrhead were asked to help management come up with a corporate mission statement. The inevitable reply was 'Wur mission is to mak lavvies'.

[Gargamel]

Cyder said:

Bud Light in the US has the strapline when sponsoring sporting events "Bud Light, the perfect beer for whatever happens".

I think it's come in for some stick for;
a) being st and lazy
b) some believe it's promoting rape (not so sure how)

[anonymous-user]

Rickyy said:

Double whammy!

A good friend of mine owns a signwriting business making signs for shops, wrapping vans and all that kind of thing.

His company slogan is plastered on his vans in large letters: "Get the image your looking for".

It makes me incandescent every time I see it. I've explained the issue to him on several occasions but he doesn't understand the difference between your and you're in the slightest.

A signwriter of all people. I dispair.