Marriage, How much is she worth?

[julian64]

Just read yet another thread regarding a marriage heading for the rocks.

I can't help think that some people need marriage guidance before they anter a relationship. I also can't help think that I have a vastly different idea about what marriage is than most of the people who post on here.

For a start if your wife pays you rent to stay in your house, she is a lodger, not a wife, and you have no business calling it a marriage.

If you are married to someone its because you have effectively allowed them to become a part of your life, the good bits and the bad bits, and than includes the bank account. If she divorces you one day after the marriage, she still owns half your wealth, and you own half of hers.

Going into a marriage where one partner owns all the money and all the assets and the other partner just brings their charm is simply a parent child dependancy relationship. If with that knowledge the two parties still decide its love than they should still be regarded as equal partners in the assets once married.

I just don't understand the whole retrospectively deciding how much one person contributed. Simply don't get married, and stop pretending that you are.

[PurpleMoonlight]

Men need protection from the little brain taking over the big brain.

[R8Steve]

It's easy saying all that in hindsight though, isn't it?

I'm pretty sure anyone thats marriage is on the rocks, thinking about splitting assets, etc didn't for one minute think the marriage wouldn't last so who in their right mind would go to marriage counselling before they even got married?

And when they do split i think it's entirely reasonable to think of their own interests.

[boyse7en]

I don't get why people get married at all.

Been with my partner 23 years, two kids, don't see any reason to get married.

[Axionknight]

boyse7en said:

I don't get why people get married at all.

Been with my partner 23 years, two kids, don't see any reason to get married.

You will do if one of you ends up insensible in a care home/coma/dead and the legal wranglings of not being married arise, I know it's a small chance and a terrible thing to think of but such a circumstance has caused people problems in the past.

[Captain Muppet]

I wish I'd known I was signing half my house away when I got married. It wouldn't have made any difference to the marriage, but it would have made the divorce much easier to cope with.

I'm still hugely resentful that the registrar can sign you up without even hinting at the small print. No one I knew had been divorced until I was, and it all came as something of a shock.

If differential financial status puts you off marrying someone then you shouldn't be getting married anyway. Its supposed to be romantic.

[Captain Muppet]

Axionknight said:

boyse7en said:

I don't get why people get married at all.

Been with my partner 23 years, two kids, don't see any reason to get married.

You will do if one of you ends up insensible in a care home/coma/dead and the legal wranglings of not being married arise, I know it's a small chance and a terrible thing to think of but such a circumstance has caused people problems in the past.

See? Romance.

[Axionknight]

[RizzoTheRat]

Captain Muppet said:

I wish I'd known I was signing half my house away when I got married. It wouldn't have made any difference to the marriage, but it would have made the divorce much easier to cope with.

I find it weird that anyone getting married would not realise that? In fact if living together and not married she'd still usually get a fair bit of of it if you split up.

Re the OP's rent comment, when my then girlfiend moved in I already owned the house, so it made sense for her just to transfer what she was paying in rent to me towards the mortgage, I suppose it could be seen as her paying rent but it just seemed a simple solution. We were going to get a joint account when we got married but she pays less tax than me so I just transferred a load of savings in to her name If/when we have kids a joint account would probably make life simpler though.

boyse7en said:

I don't get why people get married at all.
Been with my partner 23 years, two kids, don't see any reason to get married.

After 15 years I got fed up with the hints and proposed

Edited by RizzoTheRat on Friday 4th September 15:39

[TwigtheWonderkid]

boyse7en said:

I don't get why people get married at all.

Been with my partner 23 years, two kids, don't see any reason to get married.

Then you don't know much about the law.

[Axionknight]

RizzoTheRat said:

After 15 years I got fed up with the hints and proposed

Edited by RizzoTheRat on Friday 4th September 15:39

We have been together for just over five years, no kids as of yet and the hints do keep rolling in, I'm holding out for a full decade though - there is no rush.

Lest I end up in the care home ETC, but I'll take my chances at 27 years old.

[RizzoTheRat]

The longer you leave it the more her parents will have saved up for the wedding, but you need to be careful not to leave it so long that they think you're never going to bother and spend it instead

[CaptainSlow]

RizzoTheRat said:

Re the OP's rent comment, when my then girlfiend moved in I already owned the house, so it made sense for her just to transfer what she was paying in rent to me towards the mortgage, I suppose it could be seen as her paying rent but it just seemed a simple solution.

No, it would be seen as her contributing to the mortgage and as such being able to demonstrate having a beneficial interest in the property so if a split had happened it would have cost you.

[anonymous-user]

RizzoTheRat said:

In fact if living together and not married she'd still usually get a fair bit of of it if you split up.

Why do people make this stuff up?

[SeeFive]

Captain Muppet said:

I wish I'd known I was signing half my house away when I got married. It wouldn't have made any difference to the marriage, but it would have made the divorce much easier to cope with.

I'm still hugely resentful that the registrar can sign you up without even hinting at the small print. No one I knew had been divorced until I was, and it all came as something of a shock.

If differential financial status puts you off marrying someone then you shouldn't be getting married anyway. Its supposed to be romantic.

Only half. You lucky bugger

[RizzoTheRat]

CaptainSlow said:

RizzoTheRat said:

Re the OP's rent comment, when my then girlfiend moved in I already owned the house, so it made sense for her just to transfer what she was paying in rent to me towards the mortgage, I suppose it could be seen as her paying rent but it just seemed a simple solution.

No, it would be seen as her contributing to the mortgage and as such being able to demonstrate having a beneficial interest in the property so if a split had happened it would have cost you.

I meant seen by some on here not legally

garyhun said:

RizzoTheRat said:

In fact if living together and not married she'd still usually get a fair bit of of it if you split up.

Why do people make this stuff up?

Why do people make such aggressive comments on internet forums?. A mate split up with his girlfriend who he'd been living with for several years and ended up costing him about £40k. It was a somewhat unfriendly split and she was trying to get a lot more out of him. Legal advice reckoned she had contributed to the mortgage and upkeep on the house and if it went to court it would cost a lot more in legal fees. Came close to having to sell the house (which he owned before he met her) to settle it.

Edited by RizzoTheRat on Friday 4th September 16:01

[Monkeylegend]

julian64 said:

Just read yet another thread regarding a marriage heading for the rocks.

I can't help think that some people need marriage guidance before they anter a relationship. I also can't help think that I have a vastly different idea about what marriage is than most of the people who post on here.

For a start if your wife pays you rent to stay in your house, she is a lodger, not a wife, and you have no business calling it a marriage.

If you are married to someone its because you have effectively allowed them to become a part of your life, the good bits and the bad bits, and than includes the bank account. If she divorces you one day after the marriage, she still owns half your wealth, and you own half of hers.

Going into a marriage where one partner owns all the money and all the assets and the other partner just brings their charm is simply a parent child dependancy relationship. If with that knowledge the two parties still decide its love than they should still be regarded as equal partners in the assets once married.

I just don't understand the whole retrospectively deciding how much one person contributed. Simply don't get married, and stop pretending that you are.

Never been divorced have you

[D1ckie]

RizzoTheRat said:

Captain Muppet said:

I wish I'd known I was signing half my house away when I got married. It wouldn't have made any difference to the marriage, but it would have made the divorce much easier to cope with.

I find it weird that anyone getting married would not realise that? In fact if living together and not married she'd still usually get a fair bit of of it if you split up.

Wrong - there is a big difference between living together and marriage, been there done that, more than once. Each time I've owned the house. The fact you are sleeping together makes no difference. Comparison - if you were living with your best friend for 5 years and then your friendship ended your friend would NOT be able to claim part of your house, assets etc.

Also, lived together with joint mortgage, not married, split and OH wanted house, pensions etc etc, again as not married, house was split 50/50 but all my private stuff was mine. And she had a very expensive solicitor to advise her of this crap!!!

[Captain Muppet]

RizzoTheRat said:

Captain Muppet said:

I wish I'd known I was signing half my house away when I got married. It wouldn't have made any difference to the marriage, but it would have made the divorce much easier to cope with.

I find it weird that anyone getting married would not realise that?

Realise it how? I had no previous divorce experience, and the legal representative of the government made no mention of it in either of our meetings or in any of the literature. In a world where there are warnings that coffee is hot I find it extremely weird that my house was put at risk without warning. It's the least transparent financial transaction of my life, and the third most expensive one too.

[Impasse]

Marriage. What's in it for men?