When i am King/Demigod/lord of all

[citizensm1th]

1. OAP's who food shop at the weekends first offence to be placed in the stocks until they mend their ways second offence shot.

2. Parents who take their children shopping in supermarkets hung drawn and quartered.

3. lawyers to have a finger removed for every proven case of ineptitude and or ambulance chasing

4. Unsolicited cold call marketing phone calls outlawed on pain of the ducking stool.

[Vaud]

citizensm1th said:

2. Parents who take their children shopping in supermarkets hung drawn and quartered.

I'm delighted that you are offering to shop for me as king/demigod/lord and chief spasmoid.

[Impasse]

I have many measures in mind and some that involve a large hole and some quicklime, but for now I think I'd bring back the stocks for low level crime.
Vandalism, brawling, dropping litter - that sort of thing would mean a day or two having the public ridicule you while lobbing rotten fruit towards your prone face.

[Vaud]

Impasse said:

I have many measures in mind and some that involve a large hole and some quicklime, but for now I think I'd bring back the stocks for low level crime.
Vandalism, brawling, dropping litter - that sort of thing would mean a day or two having the public ridicule you while lobbing rotten fruit towards your prone face.

You have forgotten the crime of "being French"

[jingars]

citizensm1th said:

1. OAP's who food shop at the weekends first offence to be placed in the stocks until they mend their ways second offence shot.

So what would the penalty be for the offences of use of a grocer's apostrophe, and poor sentence construction?

[Vaud]

anonymous said:

[redacted]

Wow. Going for the big stuff.

[Johnnytheboy]

Braking when driving down a straight, level road with nothing in front of you will make your car (and by extension: you) instantly vaporise.

[northwest monkey]

Anyone who has still has Christmas decorations up longer than they should (e.g. outside lights still up in March) will be evicted from their homes.

[jimbobs]

I'm going to change the laws of gravity so that gravity will only apply to those who walk at a sufficient speed. Anyone who fails to maintain sufficient walking speed will simply float off into space.

Thus I will rid the world of bimblers, dawdlers and lollygaggers!

[Itsallicanafford]

When I am king, you will be first against the wall

[rehab71]

Ban bottled water! A colossal waste of resources.

Death penalty for people who litter.

[Impasse]

Itsallicanafford said:

When I am king, you will be first against the wall

How excitingly erotic.

[Iva Barchetta]

OP forgot to mention freedom for Tooting.

Under 30s won't get that.

[Moominho]

Itsallicanafford said:

When I am king, you will be first against the wall

With your opinion which is of no consequence at all.

[antspants]

Impasse said:

Itsallicanafford said:

When I am king, you will be first against the wall

How excitingly erotic.

For some reason I read that as fisted against the wall

[popeyewhite]

jimbobs said:

I'm going to change the laws of gravity so that gravity will only apply to those who walk at a sufficient speed. Anyone who fails to maintain sufficient walking speed will simply float off into space.

Now I know who nicked my LSD

[Impasse]

antspants said:

For some reason I read that as fisted against the wall

Don't knock it until you've tried it. It won't be illegal in my kingdom.

[northwest monkey]

Impasse said:

antspants said:

For some reason I read that as fisted against the wall

Don't knock it until you've tried it. It won't be illegal in my kingdom.

Julian Clary will definitely vote for you.

[Willy Nilly]

Vaud said:

You have forgotten the crime of "being French"

We will be invading France when I am President

[Hooli]

Vaud said:

You have forgotten the crime of "being French"

That's not a crime, it's birth defect.