People being personal ?
Discussion
This is something at really annoys me, what is it about people that feel they need to state the bleeding obvious ?
Girl I work with is quite tall, 6ft, wears heels as well, goes out and so many people tell her she is tall, sometimes in a very rude way, sometimes being positive but she is aware she is quite tall.
You go to a social function and someone points out your weight, receding hairline or whatever, you are out for a nice evening and someone feels the need to point out some physical flaw ?
I went to a family gathering and a girl I know says "My dad said you were dead fat these days but actually you arent all that fat really", well I decided to not mention her years of honking up everything she ate and all the therapy stuff or her dads secret visits to massage parlours....
My disabled mate gets all sorts of stupid directed at him, a lot is well meaning people but there are an awful lot of complete cretins who really cant seem to exist in society.
I find it kind of takes you aback, even when it isnt directed at yourself, makes things very uncomfortable one way or another.
Have you had any instances of this, family friends, complete strangers or do you do it ? what is the psychology behind it ?
Girl I work with is quite tall, 6ft, wears heels as well, goes out and so many people tell her she is tall, sometimes in a very rude way, sometimes being positive but she is aware she is quite tall.
You go to a social function and someone points out your weight, receding hairline or whatever, you are out for a nice evening and someone feels the need to point out some physical flaw ?
I went to a family gathering and a girl I know says "My dad said you were dead fat these days but actually you arent all that fat really", well I decided to not mention her years of honking up everything she ate and all the therapy stuff or her dads secret visits to massage parlours....
My disabled mate gets all sorts of stupid directed at him, a lot is well meaning people but there are an awful lot of complete cretins who really cant seem to exist in society.
I find it kind of takes you aback, even when it isnt directed at yourself, makes things very uncomfortable one way or another.
Have you had any instances of this, family friends, complete strangers or do you do it ? what is the psychology behind it ?
I tend to find that the people that do this are very insecure about themselves, pointing someone else's flaws just makes them feel that tiny bit better about themselves.
I had a manager who was a total cock, always finding a flaw in anyone, he even said to me a few times "you arrive at work and the first thing that you do is go to the toilet", err and?! I also went to the bank a lot; well once a week, twice tops, the wife was paid in cash and or cheque and it was easier for me to get the bank "you are always going to the bank", so f
king what.
Every customer, especially disabled ones, were ripped to shreds amongst himself and his side kick, however if you look deeper he was a very insecure man.
I had a manager who was a total cock, always finding a flaw in anyone, he even said to me a few times "you arrive at work and the first thing that you do is go to the toilet", err and?! I also went to the bank a lot; well once a week, twice tops, the wife was paid in cash and or cheque and it was easier for me to get the bank "you are always going to the bank", so f
king what.Every customer, especially disabled ones, were ripped to shreds amongst himself and his side kick, however if you look deeper he was a very insecure man.
My wife lost some weight around the time she was 40, she did really well, went from a little bit podgy round the middle to really pretty slim, she looked great, felt great and treated herself to some new clothes which fitted her perfectly, her friend came round and was obviously jealous as she fluctuates and at the time was really quite large, so says "Dont lose any more weight, you are starting to look gaunt", which was absolute bks, just a jealous woman trying to piss on her bonfire.
I just try to pay compliments, and even then keep it vague and sincere, if someone has obviously gone to some effort, recognise it and be sincere, and try not to sound creepy, so many men get that wrong when talking to women.
ks, just a jealous woman trying to piss on her bonfire.I just try to pay compliments, and even then keep it vague and sincere, if someone has obviously gone to some effort, recognise it and be sincere, and try not to sound creepy, so many men get that wrong when talking to women.
I find this too - my favourite approach which I've used a couple of times is, "Well, if it's open season on personal comments......." Genius it is not, but I've used this line without even having to add in the bit about fat ankles, dip-st spouses or unacceptably nasal vowels. Keep them guessing.
t spouses or unacceptably nasal vowels. Keep them guessing.paul789 said:
I find this too - my favourite approach which I've used a couple of times is, "Well, if it's open season on personal comments......." Genius it is not, but I've used this line without even having to add in the bit about fat ankles, dip-st spouses or unacceptably nasal vowels. Keep them guessing.
Like that, going to borrow that one t spouses or unacceptably nasal vowels. Keep them guessing.
Makes the point without actually retaliating and the inevitable escalation.
Foliage said:
J4CKO said:
Girl I work with is quite tall, 6ft, wears heels as well, goes out and so many people tell her she is tall, sometimes in a very rude way,
The vile practice of negging thenPretty standard these days.
She came back having sent him away with his tail between his legs, she said she told him, it was pity as she was totally on the prowl tonight and gagging for it but he had messed it up, never did say whether she was serious about that last bit.
Worked with another tall lady who was much less self assured, one of the contractors used to make the odd height quip, he got told in no uncertain terms his contract would end there and then if he said anything like that again.
I'm sure others have been in this situation, but when you get married or get pregnant, there's something that comes over your friends that they then need to have an opinion on things that arent really anything to do with them.
Eg 'Oooh, newlyweds? Wont be long til we hear the patter of tiny feet then'
They dont know anything about us, it's possible that one of us cant have kids. Or we dont want them
Then, when you are pregnant it's things like
'Oooh, do you know what you're having?'
No concern for whether we know or indeed want to tell them. It doesnt stop there, it carries on to names. If you say something like 'yep, we're going to call him John' you get
'Have you thought about Steve? I know George is popular, what do you think about David'
Like I havent sat there with a 5000 listings names book, talked about it, decided waht we each like and dislike every night for over a month. Thanks - David, never thought about it
It still doesnt stop there. The closer you get to a birth date it's
'Oooh, you're never going to sleep, and you'll never manage to do x, y and z from now on. And you'll always have to watch that they dont do this. And you'll need to change this, and you cant have this in your house, no - baby will hurt themselves/
Like - it's our house and our kid. fk off and worry about your own stuff
Really really gets on my tits how people suddenly jump into every little aspect of what you're doing with their 'advice' however well meaning it was meant to be
I've made a promise with my wife that if any of our friends get pregnant/get married, we're going to say 'everyone told us what we should be doing, and it really annoyed us, so I'm sure you can work it out. let us know if we can help' and leave it at that
Eg 'Oooh, newlyweds? Wont be long til we hear the patter of tiny feet then'
They dont know anything about us, it's possible that one of us cant have kids. Or we dont want them
Then, when you are pregnant it's things like
'Oooh, do you know what you're having?'
No concern for whether we know or indeed want to tell them. It doesnt stop there, it carries on to names. If you say something like 'yep, we're going to call him John' you get
'Have you thought about Steve? I know George is popular, what do you think about David'
Like I havent sat there with a 5000 listings names book, talked about it, decided waht we each like and dislike every night for over a month. Thanks - David, never thought about it
It still doesnt stop there. The closer you get to a birth date it's
'Oooh, you're never going to sleep, and you'll never manage to do x, y and z from now on. And you'll always have to watch that they dont do this. And you'll need to change this, and you cant have this in your house, no - baby will hurt themselves/
Like - it's our house and our kid. f
k off and worry about your own stuff Really really gets on my tits how people suddenly jump into every little aspect of what you're doing with their 'advice' however well meaning it was meant to be
I've made a promise with my wife that if any of our friends get pregnant/get married, we're going to say 'everyone told us what we should be doing, and it really annoyed us, so I'm sure you can work it out. let us know if we can help' and leave it at that
andy-xr said:
I'm sure others have been in this situation, but when you get married or get pregnant, there's something that comes over your friends that they then need to have an opinion on things that arent really anything to do with them.
Eg 'Oooh, newlyweds? Wont be long til we hear the patter of tiny feet then'
They dont know anything about us, it's possible that one of us cant have kids. Or we dont want them
Then, when you are pregnant it's things like
'Oooh, do you know what you're having?'
No concern for whether we know or indeed want to tell them. It doesnt stop there, it carries on to names. If you say something like 'yep, we're going to call him John' you get
'Have you thought about Steve? I know George is popular, what do you think about David'
Like I havent sat there with a 5000 listings names book, talked about it, decided waht we each like and dislike every night for over a month. Thanks - David, never thought about it
It still doesnt stop there. The closer you get to a birth date it's
'Oooh, you're never going to sleep, and you'll never manage to do x, y and z from now on. And you'll always have to watch that they dont do this. And you'll need to change this, and you cant have this in your house, no - baby will hurt themselves/
Like - it's our house and our kid. fk off and worry about your own stuff
Really really gets on my tits how people suddenly jump into every little aspect of what you're doing with their 'advice' however well meaning it was meant to be
I've made a promise with my wife that if any of our friends get pregnant/get married, we're going to say 'everyone told us what we should be doing, and it really annoyed us, so I'm sure you can work it out. let us know if we can help' and leave it at that
Isn't that just called "making conversation". Same as if you go to a car show, someone will always come up and say "oh, I had one of them once. Watch out for the gearbox/engine/diff disintegrating". People like to share their experiences. It's part of being human.Eg 'Oooh, newlyweds? Wont be long til we hear the patter of tiny feet then'
They dont know anything about us, it's possible that one of us cant have kids. Or we dont want them
Then, when you are pregnant it's things like
'Oooh, do you know what you're having?'
No concern for whether we know or indeed want to tell them. It doesnt stop there, it carries on to names. If you say something like 'yep, we're going to call him John' you get
'Have you thought about Steve? I know George is popular, what do you think about David'
Like I havent sat there with a 5000 listings names book, talked about it, decided waht we each like and dislike every night for over a month. Thanks - David, never thought about it
It still doesnt stop there. The closer you get to a birth date it's
'Oooh, you're never going to sleep, and you'll never manage to do x, y and z from now on. And you'll always have to watch that they dont do this. And you'll need to change this, and you cant have this in your house, no - baby will hurt themselves/
Like - it's our house and our kid. f
k off and worry about your own stuff Really really gets on my tits how people suddenly jump into every little aspect of what you're doing with their 'advice' however well meaning it was meant to be
I've made a promise with my wife that if any of our friends get pregnant/get married, we're going to say 'everyone told us what we should be doing, and it really annoyed us, so I'm sure you can work it out. let us know if we can help' and leave it at that
andy-xr said:
I'm sure others have been in this situation, but when you get married or get pregnant, there's something that comes over your friends that they then need to have an opinion on things that arent really anything to do with them.
Eg 'Oooh, newlyweds? Wont be long til we hear the patter of tiny feet then'
They dont know anything about us, it's possible that one of us cant have kids. Or we dont want them
I get annoyed at this at weddings. The oldies always start with the "ooooh, it'll be you next"Eg 'Oooh, newlyweds? Wont be long til we hear the patter of tiny feet then'
They dont know anything about us, it's possible that one of us cant have kids. Or we dont want them
I now say the same thing to them at family funerals.
I'm quite tall. Not basketball player or anything like that.
If someone comes up to me at a function or something and states the obvious, I just look at them but don't say anything and then, depending on the age/sex of the person asking one of two things happens.
A) they realise I'm not going to say anything and then - to try to breathe life in to the dead end conversation they started - ask how tall I am.
I usually say 6'3 or 6'4 ( not exactly sure which I am) and they always know someone 1" or 2 inches taller. Then they look at me as if I should be impressed that they know someone taller than me, and perhaps I know him from the 'tall club' that all tall people go to to be freakily tall together.
B) women and gay men of a similar age (+-10 yrs) always ask what size shoe I am and how big my hands are and 'is it true'.
This will also happen when my girlfriend present.
I usually ask what their experience is of this, then they either go quiet or get massively crude.
If someone comes up to me at a function or something and states the obvious, I just look at them but don't say anything and then, depending on the age/sex of the person asking one of two things happens.
A) they realise I'm not going to say anything and then - to try to breathe life in to the dead end conversation they started - ask how tall I am.
I usually say 6'3 or 6'4 ( not exactly sure which I am) and they always know someone 1" or 2 inches taller. Then they look at me as if I should be impressed that they know someone taller than me, and perhaps I know him from the 'tall club' that all tall people go to to be freakily tall together.
B) women and gay men of a similar age (+-10 yrs) always ask what size shoe I am and how big my hands are and 'is it true'.
This will also happen when my girlfriend present.
I usually ask what their experience is of this, then they either go quiet or get massively crude.
andy-xr said:
I'm sure others have been in this situation, but when you get married or get pregnant, there's something that comes over your friends that they then need to have an opinion on things that arent really anything to do with them.
Eg 'Oooh, newlyweds? Wont be long til we hear the patter of tiny feet then'
They dont know anything about us, it's possible that one of us cant have kids. Or we dont want them
Then, when you are pregnant it's things like
'Oooh, do you know what you're having?'
No concern for whether we know or indeed want to tell them. It doesnt stop there, it carries on to names. If you say something like 'yep, we're going to call him John' you get
'Have you thought about Steve? I know George is popular, what do you think about David'
Like I havent sat there with a 5000 listings names book, talked about it, decided waht we each like and dislike every night for over a month. Thanks - David, never thought about it
It still doesnt stop there. The closer you get to a birth date it's
'Oooh, you're never going to sleep, and you'll never manage to do x, y and z from now on. And you'll always have to watch that they dont do this. And you'll need to change this, and you cant have this in your house, no - baby will hurt themselves/
Like - it's our house and our kid. fk off and worry about your own stuff
Really really gets on my tits how people suddenly jump into every little aspect of what you're doing with their 'advice' however well meaning it was meant to be
I've made a promise with my wife that if any of our friends get pregnant/get married, we're going to say 'everyone told us what we should be doing, and it really annoyed us, so I'm sure you can work it out. let us know if we can help' and leave it at that
Decent rant but not enough swearing. Mostly very true.Eg 'Oooh, newlyweds? Wont be long til we hear the patter of tiny feet then'
They dont know anything about us, it's possible that one of us cant have kids. Or we dont want them
Then, when you are pregnant it's things like
'Oooh, do you know what you're having?'
No concern for whether we know or indeed want to tell them. It doesnt stop there, it carries on to names. If you say something like 'yep, we're going to call him John' you get
'Have you thought about Steve? I know George is popular, what do you think about David'
Like I havent sat there with a 5000 listings names book, talked about it, decided waht we each like and dislike every night for over a month. Thanks - David, never thought about it
It still doesnt stop there. The closer you get to a birth date it's
'Oooh, you're never going to sleep, and you'll never manage to do x, y and z from now on. And you'll always have to watch that they dont do this. And you'll need to change this, and you cant have this in your house, no - baby will hurt themselves/
Like - it's our house and our kid. f
k off and worry about your own stuff Really really gets on my tits how people suddenly jump into every little aspect of what you're doing with their 'advice' however well meaning it was meant to be
I've made a promise with my wife that if any of our friends get pregnant/get married, we're going to say 'everyone told us what we should be doing, and it really annoyed us, so I'm sure you can work it out. let us know if we can help' and leave it at that
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