Why did you have children?

[Skeptisk]

There have been discussions recently about having/not having children but I was wondering about the reasons for having them amongst those that have taken the plunge (so to speak!)

[RayDonovan]

I wasn't bothered either way really. Now have a 8 year old and (generally) love being a Parent.

Yes it's hard work, expensive and time consuming but the good parts outweigh the bad easily. I did really struggle when he was between 0-3 but it does get better, especially if you have a boy and can do activities with them.

I'd love a proper lie in now and again though

[PRO5T]

I wasn't arsed, wife always wanted them, now couldn't understand the point of life without them. Made hundreds, if not thousands of terrible decisions in life, some worked out good, others bad but had many laughs along the way.

Kids change everything, including you.

[heisthegaffer]

I always wanted children and after 2 miscarriages, when our lad arrived it was all the more special.

It helps he is pretty chilled, well behaved, hard working school wise and really funny.

There are times when he was younger (colic was frankly horrendous) where it was much tougher exasperated by me suffering from depression but actually it made me re evaluate how and why I felt the way I did and things started getting better after that.

I can clearly recall a particularly st day at work and I opened the front door as he was walking past twisting his nose oinking like a pig and carrying a pig toy cos he'd just learnt to oink and twist his nose. He had just had his 21st birthday.

Seriously, he was about 2 and from that moment I made a decision to leave my st day outside. He made me laugh so much it was one of the most beautiful times of my life.

We have a brilliant relationship; I had an unconventional and not very happy childhood so I am driven to make his the best I can with none of the shouting, violence or general parent being a to their kids that I had.

That means spending lots of time with him, talking and asking him things. Asking for his view/opinion. Making him laugh, reading with him, playing football as much as I can, fixing his bike with him helping.

He's not far off being a teen. It'll be interesting to see if my opinion changes much when he becomes Kevin the teenager!

[Slowboathome]

heisthegaffer said:

I always wanted children and after 2 miscarriages, when our lad arrived it was all the more special.

It helps he is pretty chilled, well behaved, hard working school wise and really funny........

Lovely post.

Respect to you mate.

[Bill]

I've ticked "wife always wanted them" as best fit although that only became clear later on as we got together in our early 20s.

I was never interested so when she hit her 30s it was a question of whether I'd be less happy with kids or without her. Now we're in our 50s it looks like I chose well.

[996Type]

heisthegaffer said:

I always wanted children and after 2 miscarriages, when our lad arrived it was all the more special.

It helps he is pretty chilled, well behaved, hard working school wise and really funny.

There are times when he was younger (colic was frankly horrendous) where it was much tougher exasperated by me suffering from depression but actually it made me re evaluate how and why I felt the way I did and things started getting better after that.

I can clearly recall a particularly st day at work and I opened the front door as he was walking past twisting his nose oinking like a pig and carrying a pig toy cos he'd just learnt to oink and twist his nose. He had just had his 21st birthday.

Seriously, he was about 2 and from that moment I made a decision to leave my st day outside. He made me laugh so much it was one of the most beautiful times of my life.

We have a brilliant relationship; I had an unconventional and not very happy childhood so I am driven to make his the best I can with none of the shouting, violence or general parent being a to their kids that I had.

That means spending lots of time with him, talking and asking him things. Asking for his view/opinion. Making him laugh, reading with him, playing football as much as I can, fixing his bike with him helping.

He's not far off being a teen. It'll be interesting to see if my opinion changes much when he becomes Kevin the teenager!

Really interesting post, thank you.

I have wondered from my own experience if having children in itself is such a shock to the system that it triggers depression in the father shortly after.

It certainly did with myself and a few others that I know.

Mixture of sleep deprivation and life recalibration once the dust has settled and the enormity / reality kicks in within the first couple of years maybe….

Also the trigger to try and work through it or get outside help brought on by a small event but of vast importance to yourself, when you realise you have to pull yourself back up.

Sadly know a few who just couldn’t and left their kids without a father, just kept it all bottled up.

[thebraketester]

RayDonovan said:

I wasn't bothered either way really. Now have a 8 year old and (generally) love being a Parent.

Yes it's hard work, expensive and time consuming but the good parts outweigh the bad easily. I did really struggle when he was between 0-3 but it does get better, especially if you have a boy and can do activities with them.

I'd love a proper lie in now and again though

Can't one do activities with girls?

[dundarach]

Both wanted them, not an option on the poll.

[RayDonovan]

thebraketester said:

RayDonovan said:

I wasn't bothered either way really. Now have a 8 year old and (generally) love being a Parent.

Yes it's hard work, expensive and time consuming but the good parts outweigh the bad easily. I did really struggle when he was between 0-3 but it does get better, especially if you have a boy and can do activities with them.

I'd love a proper lie in now and again though

Can't one do activities with girls?

One can do whatever one wants to do.

[Antony Moxey]

PRO5T said:

I wasn't arsed, wife always wanted them, now couldn't understand the point of life without them. Made hundreds, if not thousands of terrible decisions in life, some worked out good, others bad but had many laughs along the way.

Kids change everything, including you.

This, exactly, word for word.

[v9]

I ticked ‘other’. The dog chewed up the wife’s contraceptive pills and (after a call to the vet to check the dog was OK) we just kind of looked at each other and decided it’d be fun!
It (mostly) has been. They are lovely, frustrating, expensive, tiring, joyful, sulky, demanding, annoying, exhausting, great fun and properly life changing. Oh, and did I mention expensive?

[Silvanus]

thebraketester said:

RayDonovan said:

I wasn't bothered either way really. Now have a 8 year old and (generally) love being a Parent.

Yes it's hard work, expensive and time consuming but the good parts outweigh the bad easily. I did really struggle when he was between 0-3 but it does get better, especially if you have a boy and can do activities with them.

I'd love a proper lie in now and again though

Can't one do activities with girls?

I thought the same, I have a 10 year old daughter and we do all sorts of cool stuff together.

[E3134]

I lost two boys in infancy, two years apart, had another some years later, she was and is a nightmare.

[DirtyHarley]

I've always wanted kids. My ex-wife swung between wanting/not wanting and after a series of miscarriages she decided she wanted a 'responsibility free life' (also transpired she was shagging multiple other blokes on the side, but hay-ho) and we ended up seperating.

I decided that I'd lead a single life and take advantage of some of the opportunities life presents however I ended up going to for quiet drink with a couple of friends the day my divorce absolute was issued to celebrate being free of her and ended up chatting to a lovely lady 10 years younger than I - we've now been together for fives years and I now have a 3 year old daughter who is the cheekiest thing imaginable and a 9 year old step son who looks, sounds, and acts just like me. I cherish them both equally and, although it can be bloody hard work, find being a parent incredibly rewarding.

The Mrs is talking about a 3rd in the enxt 2 years though... now that I am not sure on with the whole being outnumbered by them thing!

[Hub]

Voted other because the options don't fit. 'Always wanted them' isn't true, your views can change over time. Wife and I didn't want them to start with - but then something changed after a point and we both had a desire to give it a go.

[StevieBee]

We thought it handy should we require a new organ in the future. Grow your own spare parts.

[StevieBee]

Both my wife and I are fortunate to have come from strong and brilliant families. Family plays an important part of our lives. We never discussed having children - it was a given that we'd have them. It felt natural. They're 29 and 24 now. I'm 57 and cannot imagine how poorer our lives would have ended up had we not had them.

[Sheets Tabuer]

First one was an accident, I wasn't very paternal and never wanted kids, found out he had a life limiting condition, his mum ran off with someone from work "as a coping mechanism" so feeling very much like I'd had my life snatched away I jumped at the chance to have another go at life if you will.

Have sole custody of her too and I treat her like a princess.

[ChocolateFrog]

I always wanted them but it wasn't the be all and end all. Then got to my early and mid 30's and was single so assumed it probably wouldn't happen and I wasn't overly bothered at the time.

I now have 2 toddlers and I don't know what I'd do without them.

I genuinely think if I was childless and heading into later life there's a reasonable chance I'd have committed suicide and I don't say that lightly. Just don't see the point and I'm prone to bouts of depression as it is.

Now the vast majority of the decisions I make or the actions I take revolve around them and life is better for it.