Discussion
I just learned that an old friend of mine topped himself last week.
Guy was 29, I went to school with him. He was married with a 3-year old and a 3-month old. He was due to be best-man for another old school friend of mine in weeks time and it was the groom who found him. He'd left notes for his wife and the guy who's getting married. He'd also ordered a big grocery shop from the asda website which was delivered the day after he killed himself.
Nobody apparently had any clue he was going to do it but he obviously had planned it all in some detail and well in advance. Unbelievable. What could drive somebody to that? No apparent personal difficulties according his close family - they're all stumped.
Guy was 29, I went to school with him. He was married with a 3-year old and a 3-month old. He was due to be best-man for another old school friend of mine in weeks time and it was the groom who found him. He'd left notes for his wife and the guy who's getting married. He'd also ordered a big grocery shop from the asda website which was delivered the day after he killed himself.
Nobody apparently had any clue he was going to do it but he obviously had planned it all in some detail and well in advance. Unbelievable. What could drive somebody to that? No apparent personal difficulties according his close family - they're all stumped.
jollygreen said:
I just learned that an old friend of mine topped himself last week.
Guy was 29, I went to school with him. He was married with a 3-year old and a 3-month old. He was due to be best-man for another old school friend of mine in weeks time and it was the groom who found him. He'd left notes for his wife and the guy who's getting married. He'd also ordered a big grocery shop from the asda website which was delivered the day after he killed himself.
Nobody apparently had any clue he was going to do it but he obviously had planned it all in some detail and well in advance. Unbelievable. What could drive somebody to that? No apparent personal difficulties according his close family - they're all stumped.
I had 2 friends do this within weeks of each other (totally independant of each other), and it came as a hell of a shock as both appeared to be happy go lucky types with kids.Guy was 29, I went to school with him. He was married with a 3-year old and a 3-month old. He was due to be best-man for another old school friend of mine in weeks time and it was the groom who found him. He'd left notes for his wife and the guy who's getting married. He'd also ordered a big grocery shop from the asda website which was delivered the day after he killed himself.
Nobody apparently had any clue he was going to do it but he obviously had planned it all in some detail and well in advance. Unbelievable. What could drive somebody to that? No apparent personal difficulties according his close family - they're all stumped.
So sad.
People, esp blokes bottle things up. We laugh things off, and banter, but never frankly talk about our problems.
That after all is often met with the refrain "Grow a pair" on PH. After all if you're a man there is no problem that you shouldn't be able to sort out yourself and emotions are a bit GAYE.
So we have a huge suicide rate compared to women.
Commonest cause of death in men under 35............ Suicide.
That after all is often met with the refrain "Grow a pair" on PH. After all if you're a man there is no problem that you shouldn't be able to sort out yourself and emotions are a bit GAYE.
So we have a huge suicide rate compared to women.
Commonest cause of death in men under 35............ Suicide.
Very sad. I haven't known anyone personally who has committed suicide, but imagine the signs are hard to spot and the reasons illogical to others. A tragedy that will leave everyone thinking 'could I have prevented this?'.
It will, of course, have a terrible impact on the wedding day too....
Timmy35 said:
People, esp blokes bottle things up. We laugh things off, and banter, but never frankly talk about our problems.
That after all is often met with the refrain "Grow a pair" on PH. After all if you're a man there is no problem that you shouldn't be able to sort out yourself and emotions are a bit GAYE.
So we have a huge suicide rate compared to women.
Commonest cause of death in men under 35............ Suicide.
Very true.That after all is often met with the refrain "Grow a pair" on PH. After all if you're a man there is no problem that you shouldn't be able to sort out yourself and emotions are a bit GAYE.
So we have a huge suicide rate compared to women.
Commonest cause of death in men under 35............ Suicide.
I've carried a lot of baggage through my life which hs caused a lot of pain and stress, thinking "i can cope". And I couldn't.
My 'special friend' says that each of us has a limited amount of resources to cope with life and when that is all used up, problems occur....anger, stress, depression etc. I used my resources up many years ago, but only recently sort help as I always considered doing this to be a bit soft or a failure.
Although not one to consider suicide I'm glad I did as it is helping me to see life in a different way and react to things better rather than being unable to cope with things that really don't matter.
Cara Van Man said:
Timmy35 said:
People, esp blokes bottle things up. We laugh things off, and banter, but never frankly talk about our problems.
That after all is often met with the refrain "Grow a pair" on PH. After all if you're a man there is no problem that you shouldn't be able to sort out yourself and emotions are a bit GAYE.
So we have a huge suicide rate compared to women.
Commonest cause of death in men under 35............ Suicide.
Very true.That after all is often met with the refrain "Grow a pair" on PH. After all if you're a man there is no problem that you shouldn't be able to sort out yourself and emotions are a bit GAYE.
So we have a huge suicide rate compared to women.
Commonest cause of death in men under 35............ Suicide.
I've carried a lot of baggage through my life which hs caused a lot of pain and stress, thinking "i can cope". And I couldn't.
My 'special friend' says that each of us has a limited amount of resources to cope with life and when that is all used up, problems occur....anger, stress, depression etc. I used my resources up many years ago, but only recently sort help as I always considered doing this to be a bit soft or a failure.
Although not one to consider suicide I'm glad I did as it is helping me to see life in a different way and react to things better rather than being unable to cope with things that really don't matter.
I did the same thing after a awful time with my ex and general nasty time of my life, where I lost all confidence who I was pretty much. It is amazing what an hour a week has sorted out in my head over the last few months, and just how important (for me at least) it is to let it out, deal with problems and feelings etc.
It's also interesting to understand how deep rooted some of my issues are, and why I react like I do, and how I work.
I'm sorry to hear about your school friend too.
Timmy35 said:
Commonest cause of death in men under 35............ Suicide.
Yow... didn't know that. Mind you, if you read the papers you would think it was murder, but that's another story.Thankfully I am a few years older than that. Do you know what the figures are and how they compare to women?
I think there are lots of blokes who carry on putting on a brave face and laughing things off, when they'd do better telling their mates or a professional that they're finding it hard to cope. There is no shame in it at all.
I knew a bloke who drove over beachy head a few years ago. I'd been at his a few days earlier having a BBQ and a few beers. He seemed on fine form. Perhaps he was less stressed as he thought he had found a way out, who knows.
If you're having problems, bottling them up never helps in the long run.
I knew a bloke who drove over beachy head a few years ago. I'd been at his a few days earlier having a BBQ and a few beers. He seemed on fine form. Perhaps he was less stressed as he thought he had found a way out, who knows.
If you're having problems, bottling them up never helps in the long run.
Cara Van Man said:
Timmy35 said:
People, esp blokes bottle things up. We laugh things off, and banter, but never frankly talk about our problems.
That after all is often met with the refrain "Grow a pair" on PH. After all if you're a man there is no problem that you shouldn't be able to sort out yourself and emotions are a bit GAYE.
So we have a huge suicide rate compared to women.
Commonest cause of death in men under 35............ Suicide.
Very true.That after all is often met with the refrain "Grow a pair" on PH. After all if you're a man there is no problem that you shouldn't be able to sort out yourself and emotions are a bit GAYE.
So we have a huge suicide rate compared to women.
Commonest cause of death in men under 35............ Suicide.
I've carried a lot of baggage through my life which hs caused a lot of pain and stress, thinking "i can cope". And I couldn't.
My 'special friend' says that each of us has a limited amount of resources to cope with life and when that is all used up, problems occur....anger, stress, depression etc. I used my resources up many years ago, but only recently sort help as I always considered doing this to be a bit soft or a failure.
Although not one to consider suicide I'm glad I did as it is helping me to see life in a different way and react to things better rather than being unable to cope with things that really don't matter.
I know for some time now I've felt so backed into a corner I can't see any way out, period. Fortunately I'm too much of a wimp to consider ending it all but I'm certainly very much past the resources available to me!
off_again said:
Timmy35 said:
Commonest cause of death in men under 35............ Suicide.
Yow... didn't know that. Mind you, if you read the papers you would think it was murder, but that's another story.Thankfully I am a few years older than that. Do you know what the figures are and how they compare to women?
Did you know less than 20% of men under 35 who commit suicide had any contact with a GP or mental health professional before they killed themselves? The death toll is around 5000 a year in England....mainly young men.
Funny isn't it.....given all the campaigning, speedtraps, courses to stop us speeding. No one seems either aware or overly concerned about epidemic suicide amongst young men.
Edited by Timmy35 on Thursday 24th July 11:42
Timmy35 said:
People, esp blokes bottle things up. We laugh things off, and banter, but never frankly talk about our problems.
That after all is often met with the refrain "Grow a pair" on PH. After all if you're a man there is no problem that you shouldn't be able to sort out yourself and emotions are a bit GAYE.
So we have a huge suicide rate compared to women.
Commonest cause of death in men under 35............ Suicide.
I've thought about it. The only thing that stopped me is knowing my reaction to hearing of someone else's suicide. That after all is often met with the refrain "Grow a pair" on PH. After all if you're a man there is no problem that you shouldn't be able to sort out yourself and emotions are a bit GAYE.
So we have a huge suicide rate compared to women.
Commonest cause of death in men under 35............ Suicide.
Last night I got home to find my wife in her usual "You are so f
king useless" mode of operation, and I lost it completely, really fking lost it. She took the kids out and I sat in a corner sobbing. In fact the pain was so great that for a short while, I thought death would be a welcome relief. The only thing that stopped me in knowing no-one would say "She pushed him to it" but rather, "If it was that bad he could just have left" Cara Van Man said:
Although not one to consider suicide I'm glad I did as it is helping me to see life in a different way and react to things better rather than being unable to cope with things that really don't matter.
I thought about suicide in my early twenties when I went through a little hell with some bh, lots of lies, a couple of kids that were supposed to be mine etc, and I found the option of suicide was quiet calming, as you knew there was an 'out' if things ever got really bad. I never actually seriously contemplated, 'planned' on doing it, but at the time life was pretty crappy, crap job, crap relationship, and I felt like there was not a lot to miss if I did top myself. It wasn't any great 'oh my god, I wish i was dead' scenario, just a nice option to end all the grief and misery.Of course a lot of drugs and drink fueled that rationale at the time.
I think that the last figures I read were that 20 times as many women attempt suicide (ie make a pretence of doing it so that people will notice and give them the attention and help they need) than men and 6 times as many men actually successfully commit suicide.
If no one knows how you are feeling, they cannot help.
If no one knows how you are feeling, they cannot help.
Davi said:
Cara Van Man said:
Timmy35 said:
People, esp blokes bottle things up. We laugh things off, and banter, but never frankly talk about our problems.
That after all is often met with the refrain "Grow a pair" on PH. After all if you're a man there is no problem that you shouldn't be able to sort out yourself and emotions are a bit GAYE.
So we have a huge suicide rate compared to women.
Commonest cause of death in men under 35............ Suicide.
Very true.That after all is often met with the refrain "Grow a pair" on PH. After all if you're a man there is no problem that you shouldn't be able to sort out yourself and emotions are a bit GAYE.
So we have a huge suicide rate compared to women.
Commonest cause of death in men under 35............ Suicide.
I've carried a lot of baggage through my life which hs caused a lot of pain and stress, thinking "i can cope". And I couldn't.
My 'special friend' says that each of us has a limited amount of resources to cope with life and when that is all used up, problems occur....anger, stress, depression etc. I used my resources up many years ago, but only recently sort help as I always considered doing this to be a bit soft or a failure.
Although not one to consider suicide I'm glad I did as it is helping me to see life in a different way and react to things better rather than being unable to cope with things that really don't matter.
I know for some time now I've felt so backed into a corner I can't see any way out, period. Fortunately I'm too much of a wimp to consider ending it all but I'm certainly very much past the resources available to me!
just dont f
k with me though.Mr POD said:
Last night I got home to find my wife in her usual "You are so fking useless" mode of operation, and I lost it completely, really fking lost it. She took the kids out and I sat in a corner sobbing. In fact the pain was so great that for a short while, I thought death would be a welcome relief. The only thing that stopped me in knowing no-one would say "She pushed him to it" but rather, "If it was that bad he could just have left"
Book yourself into see a Relate councillor. They've got branches all over. king useless" mode of operation, and I lost it completely, really fking lost it. She took the kids out and I sat in a corner sobbing. In fact the pain was so great that for a short while, I thought death would be a welcome relief. The only thing that stopped me in knowing no-one would say "She pushed him to it" but rather, "If it was that bad he could just have left" You can have some seperate sessions, then some with your wife.
Seriously.
http://www.relate.org.uk/
It will be £40 well spent mate.
Edited by Timmy35 on Thursday 24th July 11:44
off_again said:
Timmy35 said:
Commonest cause of death in men under 35............ Suicide.
Yow... didn't know that. Mind you, if you read the papers you would think it was murder, but that's another story.Thankfully I am a few years older than that. Do you know what the figures are and how they compare to women?
Unfortunately the opposite is normally true for men. They tend to decide what they are going to do and make sure it works, hence little or no warning for the people around them.
I am no expert though and would be very interested to see some figures if anyone has them.
ETA: Too slow as usual!
Edited by Mr Will on Thursday 24th July 11:52
Mr POD said:
Timmy35 said:
People, esp blokes bottle things up. We laugh things off, and banter, but never frankly talk about our problems.
That after all is often met with the refrain "Grow a pair" on PH. After all if you're a man there is no problem that you shouldn't be able to sort out yourself and emotions are a bit GAYE.
So we have a huge suicide rate compared to women.
Commonest cause of death in men under 35............ Suicide.
I've thought about it. The only thing that stopped me is knowing my reaction to hearing of someone else's suicide. That after all is often met with the refrain "Grow a pair" on PH. After all if you're a man there is no problem that you shouldn't be able to sort out yourself and emotions are a bit GAYE.
So we have a huge suicide rate compared to women.
Commonest cause of death in men under 35............ Suicide.
Last night I got home to find my wife in her usual "You are so f
king useless" mode of operation, and I lost it completely, really fking lost it. She took the kids out and I sat in a corner sobbing. In fact the pain was so great that for a short while, I thought death would be a welcome relief. The only thing that stopped me in knowing no-one would say "She pushed him to it" but rather, "If it was that bad he could just have left" DO some anger management exercise (can be found online and in books).
Just cos you are seeking help doesn't automatically put you in the wrong or make things your fault......
ETA: part of anger issues are negative thinking and feeling like people are against you, in your post i picked up on these straight away.........
Edited by Cara Van Man on Thursday 24th July 11:50
I've (briefly) considered it many many times. Daily on occasions. Even choosen the preferred methodology (large tree at speed in a car) Even chosen the flaming tree... :-) . Fortunatly always manage to snap out of it. Wouldnt take too much though to actually push you over the edge. Family/friends would be totally mystyfied if it ever happened.
"Futility of existance" seems to be the number one cause of my own issues.
Never spoken to a 'professional' of this isuse. It would only end up as a lable on a computer report that would ultimatly only push up ones life insurance premiums anyway.
"Futility of existance" seems to be the number one cause of my own issues.
Never spoken to a 'professional' of this isuse. It would only end up as a lable on a computer report that would ultimatly only push up ones life insurance premiums anyway.
Gassing Station | The Pie & Piston Archive | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff