Sean Connery Joke (Volume IV)

Continued from: Volume III

175 pages is a little bit long and since it is ten-ish, it seems like a good time to start volume four.

[Justayellowbadge]

Sean Connery's agent calls him up and says: "Sean, I've got you an audition tomorrow morning about 10ish"

To which Sean replies "Tennish? I don't even have a racquet"




Lest we forget

[ali_kat]

said:

175 pages is a little bit long and since it is ten-ish, It seems like a good time to start volume four.

Mr Will, you forgot this!!

[madbadger]

So there is this ventriloquist in Wales.......

[DrTre]

Troop of cavalry on patrol in the American West, accompanied by an old Native American tracker who knows the land and how to live off it.

Running low on rations the Cavalry Officer instructs the tracker to seek out food.

The tracker gets down off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and waits for a few seconds.

Finally he gets up and solemnly says, "Buffalo come".

The officer replies, "Amazing, how do you know that?! You can hear their hooves?"

The tracker shakes his head, "Sticky ear"

Edited by DrTre on Friday 8th May 10:29

[apotek]

Two dyslexic skiers at the top of a slope one says do we zig zag down or do we zag zig the other guy says I don`t know either but we could ask this guy pulling his sledge.When asked the guy says I don`t know I`m a toboganist skier says OH fk it give us a pack of Benson and Hedges

[Arese]

apotek said:

Two dyslexic skiers at the top of a slope one says do we zig zag down or do we zag zig the other guy says I don`t know either but we could ask this guy pulling his sledge.When asked the guy says I don`t know I`m a toboganist skier says OH fk it give us a pack of Benson and Hedges

Heheh, the old ones are the best.

[Glassman]

knock knock

[Poledriver]

Who's there?

[HUW JONES]

Biggish.

[Poledriver]

OK, just for Old Time's sake............Biggish who?

New jokes only please!

[HUW JONES]

No thanks,I bought one earlier.

[Poledriver]

BA-DOOM-TISH!

[Justayellowbadge]

I got a card through the door from the postman saying I had a package that I had to collect as it was damp.

It had postage dew.

[Mc Lovin]

oh go on then:

blond wife calls her husband "i've run out of petrol, i'm scared to fill up because of swine flu"

Husband replies" you daft cow, its in mexico, not Texaco"

Sigh..

[Justayellowbadge]

Little known fact, all tennis players are witches.

Yes, all of them.

Murray? Yep.

Nadal? Him too.

Goran? Even he's a witch.

Edited by Justayellowbadge on Friday 8th May 11:18

[PhantomHumper]

Whats the difference between Chris Moyles and a vibrator?

The vibrator is an artificial representation of a cock.

[Plotloss]

Out!

Go on, don't bother with your coat.

[brum]

Justayellowbadge said:

Little known fact, all tennis players as witches.

Yes, all of them.

Murray? Yep.

Nadal? Him too.

Goran? Even he's a witch.

[pc.iow]

Time for volume 6 if the above are anything to go by!

Judge says to skinhead "You have been found guilty of throwing a Muslim to his death off the 10th floor, have you anything to say before I pass sentence?"
Skinhead says "He was only a pki!"
Judge responds "That’s not the point, he could of landed on someone!"

Edited by pc.iow on Friday 8th May 11:21