Classic from the Mrs!

[xRIEx]

wolfracesonic said:

Usget said:

"The trouble with pheasants is, they cross the road so palatially."

Mmmmm.... 'palatially', trying to think of the word your OH was actually striving for. Have you any idea?

'Glacially'?

[Vaud]

OlberJ said:

"I almost got run off the road this morning by one of those bloody bt reach around vans!"

Genius.

[randomeddy]

I was told by someone that.....'oh you know such abodys wife is a real serious vegitarian,he loves his steak but she has this little hammer and beats the c##p out of the steak before she cooks it she hates meat that much'.

Driving to a job one day with a real cock end of a lad,proper know it all (not),it was when VW had brought out their TFSI/FSI range of engines,we were behind a Golf FSI and someone asked what the FSI stood for,billy big mouth pipes up 'oh I know,I know, it means full service history.

An apprentice we had for a while thought Land Rovers had flaps below the windscreen so soldiers could poke their guns out and shoot the enemy.

[hidetheelephants]

Vaud said:

OlberJ said:

"I almost got run off the road this morning by one of those bloody bt reach around vans!"

Genius.

I know someone who works for Openreich; I'll pass it on.

Edited by hidetheelephants on Saturday 19th April 00:55

[kowalski655]

OlberJ said:

"I almost got run off the road this morning by one of those bloody bt reach around vans!"

That service is an additional £3.99/month,plus line rental

[HD Adam]

hidetheelephants said:

Vaud said:

OlberJ said:

"I almost got run off the road this morning by one of those bloody bt reach around vans!"

Genius.

I know someone who works for Openreich; I'll pass it on.

Edited by hidetheelephants on Saturday 19th April 00:55

[Dr Jekyll]

While I was checking train times so that I can get to work by public transport on Tuesday.

"Why aren't you using the (motor)bike?"

"I thought I'd said, I'm going out for a curry with Steve and Mick after work."

"But curry isn't alcoholic."

[gwm]

She obviously thinks butter wouldn't melt!

[Yiliterate]

(Whilst recalling a holiday)

Yil's Mum: We saw some muffins, didn't we?

Yil's Dad: Puffins...

Edited by Yiliterate on Monday 21st April 08:36

[Blib]

[callmedave]

Her: what's it called? 'Disposable thumbs?
Me: aposable thumbs.
Her: exposable?
Me: no, aposable, means it can move in a different direction to your fingers
Her: il just say disposable, people will know what I mean....

[stanthebiker]

callmedave said:

Me: no, aposable, means it can move in a different direction to your fingers
Her: il just say disposable, people will know what I mean....

Just so long as neither of you says "opposable"...

[MacW]

stanthebiker said:

callmedave said:

Me: no, aposable, means it can move in a different direction to your fingers
Her: il just say disposable, people will know what I mean....

Just so long as neither of you says "opposable"...

2 hours and 18 minutes for someone to pick up on that, was the internet down or something?

[CharlesdeGaulle]

MacW said:

2 hours and 18 minutes for someone to pick up on that, was the internet down or something?

I suspect the midnight to 0200 crowd is largely un-bothered by spelling mistakes, shocking though it was.

[DickyC]

MacW said:

stanthebiker said:

callmedave said:

Me: no, aposable, means it can move in a different direction to your fingers
Her: il just say disposable, people will know what I mean....

Just so long as neither of you says "opposable"...

2 hours and 18 minutes for someone to pick up on that, was the internet down or something?

I just thought he knew a really posh word for it.

[xRIEx]

stanthebiker said:

callmedave said:

Me: no, aposable, means it can move in a different direction to your fingers
Her: il just say disposable, people will know what I mean....

Just so long as neither of you says "opposable"...

That would be apposite.

[Tyy]

Not the Mrs but a girl at work, who was telling us a story about when she was a kid...

Girl at work: Dad used to catch Ferrets and hang them up on the porch so we could eat them for dinner.
Me: Do you mean Pheasant?
Girl at work: Oh yeah! Ferrets are the ones that look kind of like a skinny Ox?
Me: Do you mean Otters?
Girl at work: Yeah the ones that build dams...

I literally gave up at this point, I almost said 'simples' just to confuse her a little more

[Edition87]

Tyy said:

Not the Mrs but a girl at work, who was telling us a story about when she was a kid...

Girl at work: Dad used to catch Ferrets and hang them up on the porch so we could eat them for dinner.
Me: Do you mean Pheasant?
Girl at work: Oh yeah! Ferrets are the ones that look kind of like a skinny Ox?
Me: Do you mean Otters?
Girl at work: Yeah the ones that build dams...

I literally gave up at this point, I almost said 'simples' just to confuse her a little more

Quality!

[FairfieldSteve]

Tyy said:

Not the Mrs but a girl at work, who was telling us a story about when she was a kid...

Girl at work: Dad used to catch Ferrets and hang them up on the porch so we could eat them for dinner.
Me: Do you mean Pheasant?
Girl at work: Oh yeah! Ferrets are the ones that look kind of like a skinny Ox?
Me: Do you mean Otters?
Girl at work: Yeah the ones that build dams...

I literally gave up at this point, I almost said 'simples' just to confuse her a little more

Admin Girl at work gives us some howlers...."Name a country beginning with Zambia", "How do you know if you've got an outside tap?", "Is homicide gay murder?" are a few of them....

[havoc]

If we extend this to "Classics from the dumb bint at work", we're going to need at least two new threads, and probably 1 extra server at PH towers...