Sean Connery Joke
Discussion
I know this isnt a joke forum, but couldnt resist this one.
Sean Connery gets a call from his agent one day. The agent goes "Sean, I've
got you a job - starts tomorrow, early. You'll have to be there for 10-ish".
Sean furrows his brow and says
"Tennish? but I dont even have a racket."
Sean Connery gets a call from his agent one day. The agent goes "Sean, I've
got you a job - starts tomorrow, early. You'll have to be there for 10-ish".
Sean furrows his brow and says
"Tennish? but I dont even have a racket."
Nice one 2 blondes are walking down the road and they stumble across a mirror 1st one picks it up and looks at it and says "i know the face but cant put a name to it ?"
so the second blonde grabs the mirror off her and says "are you stupid its me" !!
Drrrumroll please
>> Edited by ZZR600 on Monday 25th March 21:05
>> Edited by ZZR600 on Monday 25th March 21:05
2 blokes looking in Burton's shop window at a shirt -
"That's the one I'd get" says one bloke, and Cyclops came round the corner and punched his head in...
OR
Englishman, Irishman, and a Scotsman, are talking about where they got their names.
"My name is George, because I was born on St. George's Day" says the Englishman.
"My name is Andrew, because I was born on St. Andrew's day, says the Scotsman.
They both turn to the Irishman, and say, "What day were you born on, Pancake?!"
"That's the one I'd get" says one bloke, and Cyclops came round the corner and punched his head in...
OR
Englishman, Irishman, and a Scotsman, are talking about where they got their names.
"My name is George, because I was born on St. George's Day" says the Englishman.
"My name is Andrew, because I was born on St. Andrew's day, says the Scotsman.
They both turn to the Irishman, and say, "What day were you born on, Pancake?!"
quote:
Englishman, Irishman, and a Scotsman, are talking about where they got their names.
"My name is George, because I was born on St. George's Day" says the Englishman.
"My name is Andrew, because I was born on St. Andrew's day, says the Scotsman.
They both turn to the Irishman, and say, "What day were you born on, Pancake?!"
a scotsman an italian and an irishman were at a pub one night , when the scots man says "at my local you buy the 1st drink and the 2nd drink, they buy you the third drink free"
"thats nothing" says the italian "at home in my country, youa buya the 1st drink they buya you the 2nd drink and you gat a freea pasta meala "
the irish man looks up and says " thats nothing in dublin THEY buy you the 1st drink and the sencond drink and the 3rd then they take you down the alleyway and give you a damn good
"
"Wow" say the scots man and the italian "has this happend to you ?!
"no" says the irishman " but thats what my sister says "
i'll get me coat
"thats nothing" says the italian "at home in my country, youa buya the 1st drink they buya you the 2nd drink and you gat a freea pasta meala "
the irish man looks up and says " thats nothing in dublin THEY buy you the 1st drink and the sencond drink and the 3rd then they take you down the alleyway and give you a damn good
" "Wow" say the scots man and the italian "has this happend to you ?!
"no" says the irishman " but thats what my sister says "
i'll get me coat
quote:
a scotsman an italian and an irishman were at a pub one night , when the scots man says "at my local you buy the 1st drink and the 2nd drink, they buy you the third drink free"
"thats nothing" says the italian "at home in my country, youa buya the 1st drink they buya you the 2nd drink and you gat a freea pasta meala "
the irish man looks up and says " thats nothing in dublin THEY buy you the 1st drink and the sencond drink and the 3rd then they take you down the alleyway and give you a damn good
"Wow" say the scots man and the italian "has this happend to you ?!
"no" says the irishman " but thats what my sister says "
i'll get me coat
Can't beat that ZZ!
A man is walking his dog on a deserted beach when he comes across the dead body of an attractive young woman. Stunned, he runs to phone for help. On his return, he finds a man busy humping away on the body. Shocked, he says 'stop, dont you know that woman is dead!!?' to which the interupted shagger replies 'really!!! I thought she was English...'
boom boom.
boom boom.
David Beckham is in Selfridges when he sees an interesting object on the shelf. "s'cuse me Miss.." he asks the assistant "..but what's that?"
"It's a thermos flask, David" she replies.
"What's that do then?"
"It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold" she responds.
"Brilliant! I'll have one of those then" says David.
When he gets home Victoria asks whet it is he bought.
"It's a thermos flask darlin', it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"
"That's clever.." she squeaks " you can use it when you go training"
David duly turns up at training with his new thermos when Alex Ferguson enquires to what it is.
"It's a thermos flask, it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"
"What have you got in it then David?"
"Two cups of coffee and a choc ice......"
Boom Boom!
"It's a thermos flask, David" she replies.
"What's that do then?"
"It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold" she responds.
"Brilliant! I'll have one of those then" says David.
When he gets home Victoria asks whet it is he bought.
"It's a thermos flask darlin', it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"
"That's clever.." she squeaks " you can use it when you go training"
David duly turns up at training with his new thermos when Alex Ferguson enquires to what it is.
"It's a thermos flask, it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"
"What have you got in it then David?"
"Two cups of coffee and a choc ice......"
Boom Boom!
Queen mother goes to heaven and is walking round some beautiful gardens when she bumps into Princess Diana
"Hi Gran, how are you?" says Diana
"Oh, not to bad thankyou. Where do you go to get your Halo?" askes Queen Mum
"Halo?" says a puzzled looking Diana.
"Yes. Like the one you have arround your head" says the Queen Mum
"Thats a F$*cking steering wheel!" squeels Diana
Sorry ...........
"Hi Gran, how are you?" says Diana
"Oh, not to bad thankyou. Where do you go to get your Halo?" askes Queen Mum
"Halo?" says a puzzled looking Diana.
"Yes. Like the one you have arround your head" says the Queen Mum
"Thats a F$*cking steering wheel!" squeels Diana
Sorry ...........
Victoria Beckham and her driver were cruising along a country road one evening when they ran over a cow. so posh told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and tell them what happend. an hour later the driver came staggering back to the car in disarray. he was holding a wine bottle in one hand a cigar in the other and smiling happily.
"what happend?" asked posh.
The driver replied "the farmer gave me the wine , his wife gave me the cigar , and their beautiful daughter shagged me senseless."
"my god what did you tell them?" asked posh.
"i just said im victoria beckham's driver , and i just killed the cow."
"what happend?" asked posh.
The driver replied "the farmer gave me the wine , his wife gave me the cigar , and their beautiful daughter shagged me senseless."
"my god what did you tell them?" asked posh.
"i just said im victoria beckham's driver , and i just killed the cow."
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