Job application covering letter...is this OK?

[VeeTEC]

Mods feel free to move if you wish, but I wouldn't mind the opinions of a wider audience.


My GF has just had a preliminary interview for a sales and customer services admin role.

She's asked me to draft a covering letter and I'd like some opinions. What would you add? What would you leave out? Would you change anything?

Here's what I've got (I've left out certain details at my GF's request):

Dear Sir/Madam,
I am applying for the role of Sales and Customer Services Administrator, and would like to take this opportunity to outline why I would be the ideal candidate for this role.

Firstly, having read the person specification, I feel that I fit the criteria perfectly, amply covering both the essential and desirable technical and behavioural skills set out.

Furthermore, from my roles at ********** and ********** I have the requisite experience to tackle all of the key responsibility areas laid down in the job description. Reporting directly to the logistics and customer services manager at *********, I was responsible for the administration and logistical organisation of multi- million pound orders on projects including (2 large well known recent building projects)

My time at ********** has helped me to develop my customer services and sales skills, bestowing me with an excellent grasp of all forms of interpersonal communication. I have dealt with complaints on a daily basis and feel that I do so in a compassionate and sympathetic manner, doing what is in the best interests of both customer and employer. Working within tight time constraints and to strict FSA regulations, I have an exceptional sales record.

In addition my my professional skill set, I am diligent, conscientious, hard working and driven by success, accepting nothing but the best from myself and those around me.

Away from work I consider myself to be a fun, sociable person. I love the outdoors and particularly enjoy cycling in the countryside and coastal walks. I am a keen gardener and enjoy producing a wide range of home grown vegetables. I am an avid music fan, regularly attending live concerts and the ******** Festival

I look forward to hearing from you in due course.

Yours faithfully,

VeeTEC's GF

[VR6time]

That'll doo.

Honestly, as a recruiter, I pay scant regard to a cover letter, choosing to focus more on the CV and looking for potential holes that could be unearthed during an interview.

[GTIR]

Far too long.

Keep is short and simple.

[TotalControl]

The Covering Letter said:

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am applying for the role of Sales and Customer Services Administrator. I feel that I fit the criteria perfectly, amply covering both the essential and desirable technical and behavioural skills set out.

Furthermore, from my roles at ********** and ********** I have the requisite experience to tackle all of the key responsibility areas laid down in the job description. Reporting directly to the logistics and customer services manager at *********, I was responsible for the administration and logistical organisation of multi- million pound orders on projects including (2 large well known recent building projects)

My time at ********** has helped me to develop my customer services and sales skills, bestowing me with an excellent grasp of all forms of interpersonal communication. I have dealt with complaints on a daily basis and feel that I do so in a compassionate and sympathetic manner, doing what is in the best interests of both customer and employer. Working within tight time constraints and to strict FSA regulations, I have an exceptional sales record.

In addition to my professional skill set, I am diligent, conscientious, hard working and driven by success, accepting nothing but the best from myself and those around me.

I look forward to hearing from you in due course.

Yours faithfully,

VeeTEC's GF

I took out some of the things and shortened it a little. How's this then?

[amare32]

Sounds pretty much spot on. Although I'd be tempted to take out 'driven by success' as I see that as potential employee who may use the company as a short term platform to move onto to something else quickly. Nothing wrong with that in essence - some may not see it quite that way though.

[h0b0]

If she needs you to write a letter for her she may be aiming a little high.

[captainzep]

VeeTEC said:

...bestowing me with an excellent grasp of all forms of interpersonal communication.

Starfleet recruiting?

"I am an effective communicator" is fine.

Why does she want to work for that company? What is it about their objectives and philosophy that she wants to be a part of?

[VeeTEC]

h0b0 said:

If she needs you to write a letter for her she may be aiming a little high.

She's perfectly capable of writing a letter for herself, but I write a bit better than what she does.

captainzep said:

Starfleet recruiting?

"I am an effective communicator" is fine.

Why does she want to work for that company? What is it about their objectives and philosophy that she wants to be a part of?

I struggled with that bit which is why it came across a bit wky. I'll edit it. Thanks

[captainzep]

VeeTEC said:

I struggled with that bit which is why it came across a bit wky. I'll edit it. Thanks

Its a minor criticism within a good letter, that you've been kind enough to help out with, which marks you out as an unusually decent chap.

Best of luck with it all.