Major car accident - what happens next?
Discussion
I wouldn't mind getting some feedback on this situation.
The short version is that my brother was driving his wife and toddler home last month when a LR Discovery came over a hill on their side of the road and hit them head on, apparently having lost control.
My brother and his wife were killed but their three year old son survived. Those car seats are amazing. The emergency crews got him out of the car and straight to intensive care. His legs were smashed up, he was covered in cuts, he was without oxygen for a few minutes and he had a big smack on the head so it remains to be seen what long term effects there will be but he's making an astonishing recovery so far and looks set to be discharged within the next week or so. We're hopeful he'll make something close to a full recovery.
What I would like to know is how these things usually play out - what sort of things we should prepare for over the next few months (and years...?). We do have excellent legal support but they obviously have to watch what they tell us whereas you lot aren't involved so can be more honest
The main things I'm unsure of are:
- two post-mortems were carried out and an inquest has been opened and adjourned so does this mean a prosecution is likely?
- what sort of timeline should we expect if that happens?
- my brother's car insurance company haven't been brilliant so far so tips on how to deal with them would be most welcome.
- the solicitor mentioned a possible personal injury claim on behalf of the toddler but stressed it was not their area of expertise. My only exposure to that world is the awful "ambulance chasers" but this is obviously a bit more serious than a dubiously sore neck, so is this something we should look into?
The short version is that my brother was driving his wife and toddler home last month when a LR Discovery came over a hill on their side of the road and hit them head on, apparently having lost control.
My brother and his wife were killed but their three year old son survived. Those car seats are amazing. The emergency crews got him out of the car and straight to intensive care. His legs were smashed up, he was covered in cuts, he was without oxygen for a few minutes and he had a big smack on the head so it remains to be seen what long term effects there will be but he's making an astonishing recovery so far and looks set to be discharged within the next week or so. We're hopeful he'll make something close to a full recovery.
What I would like to know is how these things usually play out - what sort of things we should prepare for over the next few months (and years...?). We do have excellent legal support but they obviously have to watch what they tell us whereas you lot aren't involved so can be more honest
The main things I'm unsure of are:
- two post-mortems were carried out and an inquest has been opened and adjourned so does this mean a prosecution is likely?
- what sort of timeline should we expect if that happens?
- my brother's car insurance company haven't been brilliant so far so tips on how to deal with them would be most welcome.
- the solicitor mentioned a possible personal injury claim on behalf of the toddler but stressed it was not their area of expertise. My only exposure to that world is the awful "ambulance chasers" but this is obviously a bit more serious than a dubiously sore neck, so is this something we should look into?
Thanks for the comments. Forgot to add that my wife and I will be his guardians from now on. My wife is giving up her job to look after him full time so that's about 35% off our income although she may be entitled to adopters leave or something so we're looking into that. To put it in PH terms, I have officially cancelled my search for a Monaro.
If we were to pursue a PI claim after any potential court case, should we be doing something like getting a doctor to formally document his development do you think e.g. if he has learning problems or anything like that?
If the legal process takes a long time then it'll be more difficult to refer back to things that are happening now.
If we were to pursue a PI claim after any potential court case, should we be doing something like getting a doctor to formally document his development do you think e.g. if he has learning problems or anything like that?
If the legal process takes a long time then it'll be more difficult to refer back to things that are happening now.
Anonamoose said:
Fingers crossed that he suffers no lasting damage but I can't see how anyone would think claiming compensation for this kind of accident is the same as the 'whip lash' lot.
I should just clarify that point - what I meant was I don't know how you distinguish between the types of companies who are primarily going for the ambulance chasing cases and those who deal with the more legitimate side of things (if indeed there is a distinction).Perhaps this is unfair but I worry I'll be sitting in a reception next to Barry, who is suing Adidas because he put his shoes on the wrong feet and fell over.
Gah, just write a big reply but lost it. Currently in a fold out bed next to my nephew in the children's ward and hospital Wi-Fi ain't great.
The quick version is simple - thank you sincerely for ALL the replies. I'm not the most compassionate bloke when on the flip side so I'm totally humbled by your response.
The quick version is simple - thank you sincerely for ALL the replies. I'm not the most compassionate bloke when on the flip side so I'm totally humbled by your response.
Again I'm a bit rushed (been tyring to child proof a house! 
) but wanted to say I've been dipping into the thread all day and the response here has been bloody amazing. Thanks for all the offers of help in particular. When I get more time I'll try and absorb all the information here a bit more thoroughly although all the parents are now telling me there's no such thing as your own time once you have a kid 
We had the funerals last week so our minds had been on that but now we move on to sorting stuff out, hence the thread. We've seen the solicitor again today and started to form a plan. Other than continuing with the obvious admin like identifying and closing accounts etc., I think we are going to wait and see what the Police come back with before looking into anything more contentious. It feels a bit premature to be considering litigation until the car insurers have reached some sort of conclusion, and also until we know whether there will be a prosecution or not.
One thing that we learned that was odd today was that the surviving child should sue his Dad's car insurer, who will then sue the third party (we believe they were insured - at least we haven't been told otherwise). I don't fully understand that but the solicitor suggested it was a quirk of the system and entirely normal.
To quickly answer a few questions:
Yes they had wills which has made our lives so much easier.
They will both get death in service from their employers too, so that should help with the legal fees.
They also had life insurance but we haven't yet found out the details on that as they obviously need proof of death.
It was no surprise they had all this stuff in place. My little brother was the most cautious, risk-averse person I've ever known. He wouldn't have a drink for 24 hours before driving, he wasn't interested in cars but checked his tyre pressures and oil every fortnight, he never spent more than he earned - that sort of thing. The rest of us are relative lunatics so it just goes to show you cannot escape your fate.
So if you love your family, get a will sorted. Seriously. If anything happens to you it will save them a lot of pain.
Their car was a 2004 Ford Focus. We heard it was crushed to half its original length so the fact my nephew survived at all is astonishing. That he seems to be well on the way to being discharged from hospital just five weeks later is beyond belief.
Regarding donations, that is remarkably generous but I just don't know how I'd feel spending other people's money. I would be terrified that I wasn't spending the money responsibly or wisely. We are looking to set up a trust fund for my nephew so that a group of people have to approve any expenditure which would ease the burden on us significantly. I'm not sure how that works exactly but if I can then I'll put the info up here once it's done and maybe people could pay into that if they wanted.
What I can ask in the meantime is that people donate to Cambridgeshire Air Ambulance or Addenbrooke's Hospital who have been nothing short of brilliant. All the services involved dropped in to visit my nephew when he was in intensive care which is a wonderfully touching gesture, and some even attended the funerals last week.
If anyone does donate off the back of this then could you please do it in the name of Lucas, my nephew.
Regarding bereavement, we are basically fine. We have a strong family, good mates and incredible support from all sides so that has all helped. My nephew's recovery being a largely uninterrupted stream of good news certainly offered a welcome distraction too.
My brother's life has always revolved around family and I believe he's gone at the happiest time of his life. We'd had a big family do a few weeks before and he loved stuff like that, he was deeply in love, had a promising future (he'd just passed his bookkeeping exams and was about to embark on a new career), and has left a lasting legacy in his son.
It's been a frantic few weeks so I know I'm far from over it but I think I can accept it on those terms.
) but wanted to say I've been dipping into the thread all day and the response here has been bloody amazing. Thanks for all the offers of help in particular. When I get more time I'll try and absorb all the information here a bit more thoroughly although all the parents are now telling me there's no such thing as your own time once you have a kid We had the funerals last week so our minds had been on that but now we move on to sorting stuff out, hence the thread. We've seen the solicitor again today and started to form a plan. Other than continuing with the obvious admin like identifying and closing accounts etc., I think we are going to wait and see what the Police come back with before looking into anything more contentious. It feels a bit premature to be considering litigation until the car insurers have reached some sort of conclusion, and also until we know whether there will be a prosecution or not.
One thing that we learned that was odd today was that the surviving child should sue his Dad's car insurer, who will then sue the third party (we believe they were insured - at least we haven't been told otherwise). I don't fully understand that but the solicitor suggested it was a quirk of the system and entirely normal.
To quickly answer a few questions:
Yes they had wills which has made our lives so much easier.
They will both get death in service from their employers too, so that should help with the legal fees.
They also had life insurance but we haven't yet found out the details on that as they obviously need proof of death.
It was no surprise they had all this stuff in place. My little brother was the most cautious, risk-averse person I've ever known. He wouldn't have a drink for 24 hours before driving, he wasn't interested in cars but checked his tyre pressures and oil every fortnight, he never spent more than he earned - that sort of thing. The rest of us are relative lunatics so it just goes to show you cannot escape your fate.
So if you love your family, get a will sorted. Seriously. If anything happens to you it will save them a lot of pain.
Their car was a 2004 Ford Focus. We heard it was crushed to half its original length so the fact my nephew survived at all is astonishing. That he seems to be well on the way to being discharged from hospital just five weeks later is beyond belief.
Regarding donations, that is remarkably generous but I just don't know how I'd feel spending other people's money. I would be terrified that I wasn't spending the money responsibly or wisely. We are looking to set up a trust fund for my nephew so that a group of people have to approve any expenditure which would ease the burden on us significantly. I'm not sure how that works exactly but if I can then I'll put the info up here once it's done and maybe people could pay into that if they wanted.
What I can ask in the meantime is that people donate to Cambridgeshire Air Ambulance or Addenbrooke's Hospital who have been nothing short of brilliant. All the services involved dropped in to visit my nephew when he was in intensive care which is a wonderfully touching gesture, and some even attended the funerals last week.
If anyone does donate off the back of this then could you please do it in the name of Lucas, my nephew.
Regarding bereavement, we are basically fine. We have a strong family, good mates and incredible support from all sides so that has all helped. My nephew's recovery being a largely uninterrupted stream of good news certainly offered a welcome distraction too.
My brother's life has always revolved around family and I believe he's gone at the happiest time of his life. We'd had a big family do a few weeks before and he loved stuff like that, he was deeply in love, had a promising future (he'd just passed his bookkeeping exams and was about to embark on a new career), and has left a lasting legacy in his son.
It's been a frantic few weeks so I know I'm far from over it but I think I can accept it on those terms.
Edited by durbster on Tuesday 6th May 22:12
These are the links for donations:
Addenbrooke's Hospital - www.act4addenbrookes.org.uk
East Anglian Air Ambulance - www.eaaa.org.uk
If you can mention my nephew's name (*removed*) and PICU (the intensive care unit) for Addenbrooke's that'd be brilliant.
Addenbrooke's Hospital - www.act4addenbrookes.org.uk
East Anglian Air Ambulance - www.eaaa.org.uk
If you can mention my nephew's name (*removed*) and PICU (the intensive care unit) for Addenbrooke's that'd be brilliant.
Edited by durbster on Monday 12th January 20:40
RSoovy4 said:
Son will claim against the Dad's insurer because he was a passenger in the car when the accident happened. Dad's insurer will then instruct lawyers to claim from the third party's insurer based on fault.
Thanks for that. I think it raised eyebrows because I was thinking of it as a three year old suing his own father for an accident apparently caused by somebody else which seems absurd. I guess I should be more detached and think of it as an innocent party suing an insurance company.Edit: Thank you so much to everyone donating money - it's a fantastic gesture and very much appreciated by me, the families and I'm sure both organisations. I've been on the internet pretty much since the mid-90s and I'm really not used to seeing "the internet" being so bloody nice!
Edited by durbster on Friday 27th September 14:27
My wife and I spent the whole weekend at the hospital and he was discharged on Monday, so I haven't had chance to read through and respond properly here, but just wanted to say thanks for all the support. It really does help.
He's settling in OK. We've had some difficult moments when he's been talking abouth his parents but we're encouraging him to do that anyway. I guess we'll be dealing with that issue for quite a while. He seems to have accepted they are gone and that we're looking after him though, so that's progress.
So the legal stuff has been on hold this week while we learn how to be parents!
He's settling in OK. We've had some difficult moments when he's been talking abouth his parents but we're encouraging him to do that anyway. I guess we'll be dealing with that issue for quite a while. He seems to have accepted they are gone and that we're looking after him though, so that's progress.
So the legal stuff has been on hold this week while we learn how to be parents!
AndrewEH1 said:
How is the boy's health? Unless I missed an update?
There are still plenty of questions that will only be answered in time but at the moment the signs are good.Both legs were broken but the bone doctor seemed confident he'd be running around again once his leg muscles are back up to strength, albeit probably with a limp. He's crawling a bit now and has tried standing a few times but isn't quite there yet. Hopefully that won't be long, although it is handy that he can't get far while we're still desparately trying to organise the house
One of his arms appears weaker than the other but they both work and his co-ordination seems OK. He soon mastered my Android tablet, unfortunately.
His skull was fractured but that healed quickly, and he had a big cut from his brow right up onto his scalp that I presume will scar even at his age. Hopefully that'll get him some ladies later on.
The brain injury is the big mystery. He was without oxygen for up to five minutes and there was damage but nobody can answer whether this will have a noticeable impact or not. So far his memory and sense of humour seems intact so that's good, but they've told us he could be into his teens (basically when he starts having to make his own decisions) before we know the full extent.
Feels a bit odd to bring this thread back up but I needed to read through it again and just wanted to post a little update and thank everyone again for their words.
Since I last posted on here Lucas has settled into our home and continued to recover well. The major lasting damage seems to be limited to his legs because while he can walk and run OK, he needs a corrective brace that could be with him for a couple of years to try and prevent him having a limp further down the line.
He wasn't keen on the brace at first but with some encouragement from his cousins who arrived one day wearing their PE kit shinpads in solidarity, he soon accepted it
The best news is there seem to be no noticeable learning issues. He loves numbers and can count, add and subtract, and he can write all our names.
Most importantly of all he's got a wicked sense of humour so that'll get him through everything else.
He has no memory of the crash, thankfully, but often asks of his parents. I naively thought their memories may have begun to fade but far from it, so we're walking the delicate line between pandering to a demanding and bossy three year old (nearly four!), and offering him as much love and support as we can. That's probably the hardest part because we never quite know whether there's more going on than it seems.
Lucas started pre-school a couple of months ago so my wife returned to work part time and that has helped stabilise things (and keep her sane!). We've got him into a local primary school which is very highly rated so we have confidence for his education. He may even have the means for a private education later on which would be a first for our family.
I've had to buy a sensible new family car so I picked up a Forester 2.5XT which is rather ace. I sold the Celica but haven't quite had the heart to put the MX-5 advert up yet, so that ad sits in drafts while the poor thing sits on the driveway going nowhere. I've had it almost 12 years so it's hard to say goodbye but it's got to go.
We have spent the last few months concentrating on settling the boy and sorting out the estates, and now those things are coming to a conclusion we're looking to the future which is why I've returned to this thread - with a clearer head this time.
The prosecution is due to begin next month so that begins the next chapter of that, and meanwhile we're looking at personal injury lawyers. I've got Slater and Gordon and Stewarts Law from here and if anyone can recommend others I'm all ears.
Ta.
Since I last posted on here Lucas has settled into our home and continued to recover well. The major lasting damage seems to be limited to his legs because while he can walk and run OK, he needs a corrective brace that could be with him for a couple of years to try and prevent him having a limp further down the line.
He wasn't keen on the brace at first but with some encouragement from his cousins who arrived one day wearing their PE kit shinpads in solidarity, he soon accepted it
The best news is there seem to be no noticeable learning issues. He loves numbers and can count, add and subtract, and he can write all our names.
Most importantly of all he's got a wicked sense of humour so that'll get him through everything else.
He has no memory of the crash, thankfully, but often asks of his parents. I naively thought their memories may have begun to fade but far from it, so we're walking the delicate line between pandering to a demanding and bossy three year old (nearly four!), and offering him as much love and support as we can. That's probably the hardest part because we never quite know whether there's more going on than it seems.
Lucas started pre-school a couple of months ago so my wife returned to work part time and that has helped stabilise things (and keep her sane!
). We've got him into a local primary school which is very highly rated so we have confidence for his education. He may even have the means for a private education later on which would be a first for our family.I've had to buy a sensible new family car so I picked up a Forester 2.5XT which is rather ace. I sold the Celica but haven't quite had the heart to put the MX-5 advert up yet, so that ad sits in drafts while the poor thing sits on the driveway going nowhere. I've had it almost 12 years so it's hard to say goodbye but it's got to go.
We have spent the last few months concentrating on settling the boy and sorting out the estates, and now those things are coming to a conclusion we're looking to the future which is why I've returned to this thread - with a clearer head this time.
The prosecution is due to begin next month so that begins the next chapter of that, and meanwhile we're looking at personal injury lawyers. I've got Slater and Gordon and Stewarts Law from here and if anyone can recommend others I'm all ears.
Ta.
LoonR1 said:
Sorry to be all "business" but I'd suggest getting things moving from a legal perspective. There us no value in waiting for the conclusion of the criminal / driving offences trial.
Yeah we've realised that and are getting on with it now. I know it was advised here earlier but it was just something we weren't quite ready to deal with earlier in the year when we had so many other things to think about. Now things have settled into more of a routine we're looking to the future.ali_kat said:
Does he sleep well? Keep an ear open for nightmares, they could be the start of PTSD
He has slept pretty well but does cry occasionally in the night. Not too often, maybe once every three nights. Interesting that you mention that though because he stayed at his grandparents the other night and they said he was really restless and calling out and shouting angrily. I might start paying a bit more attention to his sleep though as we hadn't really thought much about it. This is exactly the kind of thing that's really tricky to judge at the moment. We don't want to spoil him by running to him every time he starts whinging but also don't want to misjudge it and ignore him when he's genuinely upset.
ali_kat said:
How's he getting on with your dog now?
james_tigerwoods said:
How's the boy settling with the dog? I remember a thread where you asked how to integrate the two. I can only imagine what it's like to have a small child in this situation for him to not have arrived with you in a more controlled manner
The dog's been absolutely brilliant. She was obviously a bit confused when Lucas first moved in and the sudden introduction of tantrums terrified her, but we made sure she wasn't left out of anything and got her back into a routine as quick as possible and she's been faultless. She now recognises when there's about to be some screaming and goes and stands in the garden until its over 
james_tigerwoods said:
Does he call you by your first names or Uncle/Aunty? [Sorry to ask, I'm genuinely curious]
First names at the moment. It's a bit of a delicate one this because not everyone is comfortable with him calling us mum and dad, so we agreed not to force it on him and see how it went. I'm really hoping he will call us mum and dad when he starts school though to save him any unecessary grief.Fastra said:
DURBS - can I ask about your own situation - sorry if I've missed it earlier on.
Taking on a child as you did is such a huge undertaking, but what is/was your own situation?
How old are you? Do you have any children already – I know you had to child proof your house, but yours might have grown up and left.
Had you and your wife ever discussed having children?
Me and the wife are in our 30s and have no kids. We've been together for over ten years so were ready to start a family soon anyway. In many ways we have a similar environment to where he was before.Taking on a child as you did is such a huge undertaking, but what is/was your own situation?
How old are you? Do you have any children already – I know you had to child proof your house, but yours might have grown up and left.
Had you and your wife ever discussed having children?
Both families sat down and worked out what he would need over the next 15 years, so the grandparents acknowledged they weren't best placed to take him. My other brother and sister offered but their respective circumstances would have been more difficult, so coming to us was the sensible choice and we were happy to do it.
We've got great support from all the families involved which made the whole thing much easier for us, particularly in the early days. Without them it would have been much, much harder. I can't imagine how people can deal with this stuff on their own.
For me personally I think the hardest part has been forming that bond, especially when I'm not that good at the hugging and compassion stuff that he clearly needs. I can make him laugh all day long but it turns out there's a bit more to parenting than that
As for dealing with the loss of my little brother and sister-in-law, this'll sound a bit odd but there's a line in a song that says, "sooner or later in life, the things you love you lose". For some reason that stuck with me many years ago and I realised I should accept that I was inevitably going to experience tragedy at some point in my life. The sad truth is we're going to lose our grandparents, parents, family or friends, and it's pointless to pretend otherwise. Obviously I never expected this but I think this helped me to accept the loss pretty quickly.
This also means I try not to put anything off so I don't feel this is robbing me of my life or anything like that. I'm not looking at the boy and thinking he's ruined my plans to go travelling, because we did that when we could. Instead, I can't wait to tell him our travel stories
But it's really how that applies to the small things that has helped. For example, the day before my brother died they were visiting my parents which isn't far from me. I didn't need to see them but I hate thinking, "I can't be bothered, I'll see them later", so I got off my arse and went over to see them for an bit.
I teased Lucas, had a chat about mortgages with my brother, had a good laugh with some Photoshopped family snaps then came home. It was all very ordinary but I'm so glad I didn't put it off because that was the last time I saw them.
Ah, yes. I wondered whether to post the story.
The article tells you all you need to know really. She changed her plea at the very last minute so the trial was abandoned and we were sent home. She'll be sentenced next month.
Meanwhile, I'm happy to say the little lad is doing great.
He started school (foundation) last September and loves it. He's learning to read at the moment and enjoys that so that all bodes well for his future. We lucked in and have an excellent school near us, so it all helps.
He still doesn't quite understand the situation and drops some difficult questions on us every now and again, but seems to have accepted the situation remarkably well.
The bottom line is that he seems to be happy, so we can't have hoped for more than that.
The article tells you all you need to know really. She changed her plea at the very last minute so the trial was abandoned and we were sent home. She'll be sentenced next month.
Meanwhile, I'm happy to say the little lad is doing great.
He started school (foundation) last September and loves it. He's learning to read at the moment and enjoys that so that all bodes well for his future. We lucked in and have an excellent school near us, so it all helps.
He still doesn't quite understand the situation and drops some difficult questions on us every now and again, but seems to have accepted the situation remarkably well.
The bottom line is that he seems to be happy, so we can't have hoped for more than that.
AyBee said:
durbster! Echo the above - absolute hero!Hope you don't mind me asking, but any indication why she changed her plea having already pleaded not guilty? IANAL but it seems slightly strange.
The court process began with the defence asking the judge to indicate would happen if she did change her plea. As you might imagine, the judge wasn't impressed with this and told them bluntly that he wouldn't answer that, and that they should go away and come back with a decision.
We were sent out, then called back in later on to be told she had been advised to plead guilty. It seems the last minute change of heart certainly wasn't for the sake of the families, shall we say.
Martin4x4 said:
Now the case is over can you tell us any more about how she caused the accident?
Nothing is certain but my personal understanding is that she drifted onto the wrong side of the road due to inattention (she wasn't on the phone, drunk or anything like that), corrected too violently and this unsettled the back of the car, eventually fishtailing onto the opposite side of the road over the brow of a hill and directly into the front of my brother's car. She claims the steering shuddered so there must have been a fault but I've done enough trackdays to know what a sliding car feels like so I suspect this was just that sensation.
There were three independent eye-witness accounts that verified this.
One of the witnesses was driving the car in front of my brother and they had seen the Discovery weaving past them, then watched events unfold in their rear view mirror. We briefly met them after the court proceedings and learned something of the effect it had had on them and other witnesses, which is something I hadn't really considered. They've been suffering because they knew nothing of the aftermath; they didn't know how the boy was or what was happening on the legal side. It was really nice to be able to tell them he's doing fine.
By the way, if there is a hero to be found in all this then it's my wife. She readily agreed to take him on, then gave up her job to become a full time mum for several months while we were settling the boy in, and now only works part-time because of school arrangements.
She's been absolutely amazing, frankly, and can offer him the things only a mother can which is so incredibly important for him. She's the one he clings to when he's frightened and the first one he runs to when he needs a cuddle. If you met her you would think she's a timid little mouse but bloody hell can she stand strong way after I've given in and am whimpering in the corner!
Don't really know what to say here other than thank you. You can never be sure how things will go when posting on the internet so this amazing good will and support has been gratefully received from the day I started this thread, especially from those who got in touch to offer services and advice.
We had an enormous amount of good will from people, particularly in Peterborough where they lived. Their whole community organised fundraising events or donated money and things. Aside from a single person who used the event to make a few quid out of people's good will, we've had nothing but amazing support and it's been immensely helpful.
I've always been a bit cynical about what impact the well-wishes of strangers can be, especially over the internet, but it's really quite amazing how comforting it is.
king when necessary
Last year was by far the hardest of my life but we're settled into it now, and I think we can say we feel like a family.
We told him what had happened pretty early on, while he was still in hospital in fact.
Between the families and medical professionals we all agreed that the only way was to be frank and honest from the start. There's no religion in our families so complicated and confusing concepts like heaven weren't necessary, and three years old is a good age to listen and accept. My dad took on the task and simply told him there had been an accident and his parents had died.
At home he has pictures of his mum and dad in his bedroom and we encourage him to talk or ask about them if he wants to. My sister wrote and illustrated a book that sort of explains how it all happened too and he loves that.
Whenever the subject comes up - which is fairly regularly - we talk about it as casually as possible. He still thinks they are somewhere so it's a tricky concept to explain. In fact the only time he has really got upset when discussing it was when the thought occurred to him that they'd gone because they didn't want to look after him any more. I think my angry reaction made it clear how wrong that was.
We do worry what will happen if he tells people at school what has happened. At the moment he probably doesn't realise how rare it is.
We had an enormous amount of good will from people, particularly in Peterborough where they lived. Their whole community organised fundraising events or donated money and things. Aside from a single person who used the event to make a few quid out of people's good will, we've had nothing but amazing support and it's been immensely helpful.
I've always been a bit cynical about what impact the well-wishes of strangers can be, especially over the internet, but it's really quite amazing how comforting it is.
rambo19 said:
Can I ask OP, are you going to raise the little chap as your own, or are you going to tell him what happened to his parents?
Yep, as far as we're concerned he's our son and we're his new mum and dad. Everything is handled with that attitude, so his situation doesn't make him immune to a bking when necessary Last year was by far the hardest of my life but we're settled into it now, and I think we can say we feel like a family.
We told him what had happened pretty early on, while he was still in hospital in fact.
Between the families and medical professionals we all agreed that the only way was to be frank and honest from the start. There's no religion in our families so complicated and confusing concepts like heaven weren't necessary, and three years old is a good age to listen and accept. My dad took on the task and simply told him there had been an accident and his parents had died.
At home he has pictures of his mum and dad in his bedroom and we encourage him to talk or ask about them if he wants to. My sister wrote and illustrated a book that sort of explains how it all happened too and he loves that.
Whenever the subject comes up - which is fairly regularly - we talk about it as casually as possible. He still thinks they are somewhere so it's a tricky concept to explain. In fact the only time he has really got upset when discussing it was when the thought occurred to him that they'd gone because they didn't want to look after him any more. I think my angry reaction made it clear how wrong that was.
We do worry what will happen if he tells people at school what has happened. At the moment he probably doesn't realise how rare it is.
boobles said:
It reminds me of the young chap (only 6 I believe) who survived a plane crash close to where I live only to lose both parents. He is in hospital making a good recovery but I am unsure whether or not they have told him about his parents.
Funnily enough I saw that story and showed it to my wife the other day. I wondered whether it would be suitable to write something to the family but didn't really know how I could get in touch.Yep, we were in court for the sentencing today. The main details are all here:
http://www.nottinghampost.com/A47-crash-Debra-West...
It's very difficult to associate a punishment with what's happened and although many people think this is lenient, for me at least it's an appropriate outcome. The judge (who was excellent) detailed how he arrived at the result, starting from the legal guidelines and then how the various factors affected the outcome. The bottom line is that it was triggered by little more than a moment of carelessness and it's hard to pretend any of us are immune to that. That moment coupled with a poor response to losing control ended with the accident.
The tragic consequences were balanced against her driving safely before the accident, her clean record, her plea and her remorse (which was not apparent to us but was made clear in court).
Regarding insurance, my brother's insurers were a pain but, frankly, this was just incompetence rather than deviousness. The policy was basic so their costs were minor and there was little reason for them to be difficult. As for the other driver's insurance, that is ongoing so it remains to be seen.
And the Merc offer is very kind of you
http://www.nottinghampost.com/A47-crash-Debra-West...
It's very difficult to associate a punishment with what's happened and although many people think this is lenient, for me at least it's an appropriate outcome. The judge (who was excellent) detailed how he arrived at the result, starting from the legal guidelines and then how the various factors affected the outcome. The bottom line is that it was triggered by little more than a moment of carelessness and it's hard to pretend any of us are immune to that. That moment coupled with a poor response to losing control ended with the accident.
The tragic consequences were balanced against her driving safely before the accident, her clean record, her plea and her remorse (which was not apparent to us but was made clear in court).
Regarding insurance, my brother's insurers were a pain but, frankly, this was just incompetence rather than deviousness. The policy was basic so their costs were minor and there was little reason for them to be difficult. As for the other driver's insurance, that is ongoing so it remains to be seen.
Palmers said:
I've just read this from the start. I didn't really twig until i got till the end but I'm from Peterborough, and i also work at Indesit.
I genuinely take my hat off to you, Sir. I know you have had to scrap the idea of a Monaro, but if you ever fancy a German V8, feel free to come and take the Merc for a spin.
Just wanted to add that Indesit and everyone who worked with my brother has been great. They even organised a memorial bench for my brother and his wife I genuinely take my hat off to you, Sir. I know you have had to scrap the idea of a Monaro, but if you ever fancy a German V8, feel free to come and take the Merc for a spin.
And the Merc offer is very kind of you
Edited by durbster on Friday 13th February 20:20
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