Ex - Hacked accounts, BPD, Obsession... Help /advice please
Discussion
So...
Seven years ago I left my wife and son for my childhood sweetheart. She was my first kiss, we were together at 13, 15, 17, 20, and 15 years on I believed that we would make it stick this time... Then after a few months the "mental" started (see *Several* other PH threads!). Every problem was my fault and even the tiniest thing meant "the end", I was either the white knight or the devil incarnate... We've all heard the story... I spent four years in therapy sorting out my shizzle, and the day I was assessed for BPD (which I didn't score on!) her life was spread out in front of me. Parental abandonment, abusive stepfather, eating problems, booze and coke, random behaviour within defined patterns. It was a revelatory moment, and my psychologist admitted that she had introduced it deliberately to try and show me the root of my own problems: the BPD relationship.
I stuck with it for another three years, God help me then finally ended things with her at the end of February. A week later she is "Facebook Official" (as I believe the young people say) with a mate - for whom I am deeply concerned - yet still sending me twisted messages even now.
A week ago I tried to log in to my Facebook account and found that my password had been changed. I regained access and found that further to a hack she made back in December (where she had deleted our entire message thread going back to before we even got back together) she had been snooping in messages with others, deleting references to stuff she'd done that could come back to bite her. Same in my Gmail account.
Having spent the whole day double locking all my account, I then downloaded Facebook and Google security logs... which make very interesting reading: other than my own logins (which are immediately obvious: BT Broadband, win xp, firefox, IP address established, Android and Chrome likewise), from Mar 25 to April 9th alone over 200 - Two! Hundred!! - logins were made from Sky Broadband, iPhone and iPad - all of which she uses, with IP's attached too.
Here's my dilemma. She's kind of in the public eye, and likely to be considerably more so in the coming months. I also know that she has been writing an "only the names changed" kiss and tell "novel".
A legal chum advises that it's criminal rather than civil and therefore a police matter - section 2A (3) of the PHA 1997, (d) monitoring the use by a person of the internet, email or any other form of electronic communication, and Sections 2, 3, 35 & 38 of the Computer Misuse Act 1990 - but I don't want to go down that route, even if I'm overly nervous about a BPD reaction. I just want her to leave me alone, and leave me out of her book.
Is there any such thing as Plod gently having a quiet word any more?
Thank you PHers. Be gentle...
Seven years ago I left my wife and son for my childhood sweetheart. She was my first kiss, we were together at 13, 15, 17, 20, and 15 years on I believed that we would make it stick this time... Then after a few months the "mental" started (see *Several* other PH threads!). Every problem was my fault and even the tiniest thing meant "the end", I was either the white knight or the devil incarnate... We've all heard the story... I spent four years in therapy sorting out my shizzle, and the day I was assessed for BPD (which I didn't score on!) her life was spread out in front of me. Parental abandonment, abusive stepfather, eating problems, booze and coke, random behaviour within defined patterns. It was a revelatory moment, and my psychologist admitted that she had introduced it deliberately to try and show me the root of my own problems: the BPD relationship.
I stuck with it for another three years, God help me then finally ended things with her at the end of February. A week later she is "Facebook Official" (as I believe the young people say) with a mate - for whom I am deeply concerned - yet still sending me twisted messages even now.
A week ago I tried to log in to my Facebook account and found that my password had been changed. I regained access and found that further to a hack she made back in December (where she had deleted our entire message thread going back to before we even got back together) she had been snooping in messages with others, deleting references to stuff she'd done that could come back to bite her. Same in my Gmail account.
Having spent the whole day double locking all my account, I then downloaded Facebook and Google security logs... which make very interesting reading: other than my own logins (which are immediately obvious: BT Broadband, win xp, firefox, IP address established, Android and Chrome likewise), from Mar 25 to April 9th alone over 200 - Two! Hundred!! - logins were made from Sky Broadband, iPhone and iPad - all of which she uses, with IP's attached too.
Here's my dilemma. She's kind of in the public eye, and likely to be considerably more so in the coming months. I also know that she has been writing an "only the names changed" kiss and tell "novel".
A legal chum advises that it's criminal rather than civil and therefore a police matter - section 2A (3) of the PHA 1997, (d) monitoring the use by a person of the internet, email or any other form of electronic communication, and Sections 2, 3, 35 & 38 of the Computer Misuse Act 1990 - but I don't want to go down that route, even if I'm overly nervous about a BPD reaction. I just want her to leave me alone, and leave me out of her book.
Is there any such thing as Plod gently having a quiet word any more?
Thank you PHers. Be gentle...
Thanks, chaps.
I believe that the first set of deletions came via a keystroke logger on her laptop - I have since obviously locked everything down with double verification where possible.
ajstephe - thank you. That's what I wanted to establish. Will probably be the route I end up going down.
Wildcat - the thought had occurred to me, but I don't want to sink to her level.
TooMany2CVs - she's already published and her media career is starting to go places. She's written the synopsis and already has three publishers sniffing round it, hence my nervouness.
TribalChestnut - almost certainly. <hangs head in shame>
JustinP1 and others - I meant the several other threads by fellow sufferers!
Again, thank you chaps. The ciphering stuff is jolly interesting...
I believe that the first set of deletions came via a keystroke logger on her laptop - I have since obviously locked everything down with double verification where possible.
ajstephe - thank you. That's what I wanted to establish. Will probably be the route I end up going down.
Wildcat - the thought had occurred to me, but I don't want to sink to her level.
TooMany2CVs - she's already published and her media career is starting to go places. She's written the synopsis and already has three publishers sniffing round it, hence my nervouness.
TribalChestnut - almost certainly. <hangs head in shame>
JustinP1 and others - I meant the several other threads by fellow sufferers!
Again, thank you chaps. The ciphering stuff is jolly interesting...
It/she became impossible - she's got a net worth and income for doing fook-all that most of us could only dream of, but unfortunately the sheer, absolute hide-your-bunnies-and-saucepans-ness of life with her meant I had to get out. As a friend commented, "You'll end up dead or doing life".
The hacks amount to over two hundred accesses to my Gmail and Facebook from 25/03-09/04 alone, and the deleted mails correspond to situations she has got herelf into, most especially something of a highly dubious legal nature last year. I also have dozens of unusual and creative hateful/obsessive/twisted text messages from her.
I've had a friendly chat with plod now, under the guise of "I'm concerned about a friend no names mentioned nudge wink".
Based on the security logs I've provided they would interview her under caution, seize her devices for investigation, and if proven issue her with the Part 1 warning as mentioned one p1 of the thread. The problem then is that they would also have evidence of the multiple hacks and would have to pass that to the CPS.
As I have previously mentioned, I don't want to screw her over (I couldn't do that to her daughter) but do want her warned off. Looks as though I've come to an impasse.
The hacks amount to over two hundred accesses to my Gmail and Facebook from 25/03-09/04 alone, and the deleted mails correspond to situations she has got herelf into, most especially something of a highly dubious legal nature last year. I also have dozens of unusual and creative hateful/obsessive/twisted text messages from her.
I've had a friendly chat with plod now, under the guise of "I'm concerned about a friend no names mentioned nudge wink".
Based on the security logs I've provided they would interview her under caution, seize her devices for investigation, and if proven issue her with the Part 1 warning as mentioned one p1 of the thread. The problem then is that they would also have evidence of the multiple hacks and would have to pass that to the CPS.
As I have previously mentioned, I don't want to screw her over (I couldn't do that to her daughter) but do want her warned off. Looks as though I've come to an impasse.
Edited by itsrodders on Saturday 19th April 13:09
Remembered that I had a very old chum in CID, so emailed him. Just received this.
"Hi XXXXX,
sorry to hear of your news.
As I see it you've got 3 options.
Firstly, you could go through a solicitor to seek civil redress or a none molestation order.
Secondly you can make a complaint to the police. We'd have to investigate. We'd have to prove your concerns (sounds straightforward given the evidence you've collected) then take appropriate action.
If your suspicions are proven to be correct we'd have a list of possible options available to us - not all of which would involve arrest and or prosecution, but CPS may decide to proceed depending on the circumstances and nature of the offences.
Without further information I couldn't commit to further advice. I don't know how sensitive the situation is, as I don't know your wife, but I'd have no concerns about speaking with a local officer who could go through it all and give you the best advice.
Your third option is to take no further action (but that doesn't sit well with me).
Whichever way you opt to go, let me know.
I have not recorded a crime at this time, however should you make a full complaint to us then we would look to fully recover the full details.
Best regards
XXXXX
Inspector XXXXX XXXXXX"
I am leaning towards the non-molestation order - quiet, fairly easy, no criminal proceedings.
Bearing in mind that most of the websites advising on these orders appear to be directed at female
victims of male abuse, I ask with some trepidation whether any contributors have personal experience of obtaining one?
"Hi XXXXX,
sorry to hear of your news.
As I see it you've got 3 options.
Firstly, you could go through a solicitor to seek civil redress or a none molestation order.
Secondly you can make a complaint to the police. We'd have to investigate. We'd have to prove your concerns (sounds straightforward given the evidence you've collected) then take appropriate action.
If your suspicions are proven to be correct we'd have a list of possible options available to us - not all of which would involve arrest and or prosecution, but CPS may decide to proceed depending on the circumstances and nature of the offences.
Without further information I couldn't commit to further advice. I don't know how sensitive the situation is, as I don't know your wife, but I'd have no concerns about speaking with a local officer who could go through it all and give you the best advice.
Your third option is to take no further action (but that doesn't sit well with me).
Whichever way you opt to go, let me know.
I have not recorded a crime at this time, however should you make a full complaint to us then we would look to fully recover the full details.
Best regards
XXXXX
Inspector XXXXX XXXXXX"
I am leaning towards the non-molestation order - quiet, fairly easy, no criminal proceedings.
Bearing in mind that most of the websites advising on these orders appear to be directed at female
victims of male abuse, I ask with some trepidation whether any contributors have personal experience of obtaining one?
What ho, chaps.
Lionel IS straight (apparently)!
You are all thinking a bit too "famous", as another poster pointed out. That could all be set to change over the next few months, however. A close relative of hers gets paid for being a vacuous gobsh*te, so I fear that it is inevitable...
Anyway, I decided on a plan. I have sent her copies of all data collected and correspondence between me and solicitor and me and BiB.
I worded it ever so nicely, hem-hem. Any further harassment and I shall make my complaint official.
Lionel IS straight (apparently)!
You are all thinking a bit too "famous", as another poster pointed out. That could all be set to change over the next few months, however. A close relative of hers gets paid for being a vacuous gobsh*te, so I fear that it is inevitable...
Anyway, I decided on a plan. I have sent her copies of all data collected and correspondence between me and solicitor and me and BiB.
I worded it ever so nicely, hem-hem. Any further harassment and I shall make my complaint official.
skwdenyer - I missed your post, apologies.
She is undiagnosed (she "tried" therapy for a week or two a few years ago but gave nothing away to the therapist, then declaring herself cured), but has all the triggers and behaviours and has disclosed/admitted to them individually over the years, if not in an all-in-one-go "I have a problem" recognition. Much of my own time therapy was spent in dealing with her shenanigans and their impact on my wellbeing.
I am extemely fortunate that I have no financial or parenting ties with her whatsoever.
Despite her having a new man she continues to stalk - she drove 30 miles to sit outide my flat in her car for an hour last night!
She is undiagnosed (she "tried" therapy for a week or two a few years ago but gave nothing away to the therapist, then declaring herself cured), but has all the triggers and behaviours and has disclosed/admitted to them individually over the years, if not in an all-in-one-go "I have a problem" recognition. Much of my own time therapy was spent in dealing with her shenanigans and their impact on my wellbeing.
I am extemely fortunate that I have no financial or parenting ties with her whatsoever.
Despite her having a new man she continues to stalk - she drove 30 miles to sit outide my flat in her car for an hour last night!
Edited by itsrodders on Thursday 24th April 13:30
LordGrover said:
?
Rumbled!!Ahem.
I promise that I will give a clue as soon as I'm sure it has all died down.
In the meantime, if someone guesses I promise that I won't deny it. The star is due to properly ascend in the next few months, the game would be better played then but I needed the advice now!!
Magog - my God!
TheExcession - thanks. Epecially for the Jedward bit!
TMM - Fair point. I honestly just want her to leave me the feck alone, but it shows no sign of abating.
More advice from a friend who works in family protection this pip emma. She knows something of the ex's past that I clearly don't (but wouldn't go into it) and said to report it to the police *immediately* - "don't waste a second!"
She then rang her pet brief and booked me an appointment for 9am tomorrow morning!!
I'm not going to make the complaint official yet for fear of stirring up the hornet's nest... But should be in a posish to update immediately after Shed O'Clock tomorrow morning.
TheExcession - thanks. Epecially for the Jedward bit!
TMM - Fair point. I honestly just want her to leave me the feck alone, but it shows no sign of abating.
More advice from a friend who works in family protection this pip emma. She knows something of the ex's past that I clearly don't (but wouldn't go into it) and said to report it to the police *immediately* - "don't waste a second!"
She then rang her pet brief and booked me an appointment for 9am tomorrow morning!! I'm not going to make the complaint official yet for fear of stirring up the hornet's nest... But should be in a posish to update immediately after Shed O'Clock tomorrow morning.
I got an hour and a half gratis in the end! Very long and in-depth talk and the brief clearly knew her stuff. My friend had also filled her in on whatever it was from the ex's past - she had two legal pads, one open and another closed and would occasionally look up, give me a very "serious look" then make some scribbles in the closed pad. I still have no idea what all that is about.
Her considered advice was:
1. Don't f
k about.
2. Report ALL past stuff to police, but ask them only to log the crime and not investigate for now.
3. Wait. At first sign of any "mental" report or call police again, repeat as necessary.
4. Police will do the rest, including PFH if necessary. Appaently the local force is absolutely brilliant with this stuff, having recently received up to date training.
For those who wish to know more about BPD and where it can take you this article reflects my experience extremely accurately:
http://gettinbetter.com/fallout.html
Her considered advice was:
1. Don't f
k about.2. Report ALL past stuff to police, but ask them only to log the crime and not investigate for now.
3. Wait. At first sign of any "mental" report or call police again, repeat as necessary.
4. Police will do the rest, including PFH if necessary. Appaently the local force is absolutely brilliant with this stuff, having recently received up to date training.
For those who wish to know more about BPD and where it can take you this article reflects my experience extremely accurately:
http://gettinbetter.com/fallout.html
Monkeylegend said:
Looking at the OP's current cars, it won't be anybody glamorous.
Halb said:
Many a good ride has been had in an old banger. As I'm sure the OP can attest.
t-meter"! I can reveal that they are, however, a surprisingly versatile and spacious vehicle.
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