Need some really good divorce advice!

[MrTurtle]

Long term Pistonheader looking for some advice re my ongoing divorce.

I can't use my real username as I suspect my wife monitors my posts on here.

This has been dragging on for nearly a year and I'm in danger of loosing everything I've worked for over the last 25 years.

She's being unreasonable, nasty, spiteful and is basically out to punish me as much as she can. This is starting to make me ill and my three kids are also suffering. I just want to get on with my life and forget all about her tbh.

To summarise: -

Split September 2014
I moved out
I've continued to pay the mortgage on the family home
Also paid child maintenance (overpaid tbh)
Wife refuses to discuss finances and I've finally had to take her to court.
She's aiming to take the family home, half my business and is also asking for spousal maintenance.

Just had the first court appearance and I think my solicitor hasn't got a clue!

I really need some decent advice as to what to do next or I'm screwed.

Thanks in advance.

[MrTurtle]

Now accepting email.

No fault here. Had a few issues to deal with from some st in my childhood which was a bit traumatic for me through 2014 (only discovered at the start of 2014). Ended up getting accused of being emotionally abusive (had to look that up TBH). She made things very difficult for me through 2014, I had to leave for my own sanity. Initial agreement for me moving out was for a six month break, as soon as I was gone she informed me she wanted a divorce.

I tried to reason with her with regard to me seeing the kids, I requested the odd weekend with them in the family house but was told 'NO, it's my house now'. She later used this request as evidence of abuse in her divorce petition (which ran to two A4 sheets listing each and every fault over the last 18 years). She also accused me of domestic violence in the petition.

It then became impossible to visit my kids in their home, she would stand at the doorway and she would refuse entry, she then changed the locks.

I've tried to do the right thing for the past year. Paid the mortgage for fear of being blacklisted, paid more child maintenance that I should have done. Continued to pay for her phone, kids pocket money etc.

I'm currently renting a 2 bed flat, don't go out, don't drink, don't smoke, mainly just work. I don't spend a thing on myself tbh.

I tried to get her to discuss finance and how to amicably settle things so that we could both move forward with our lives but she refused to engage. I suggested mediation and went to a session on my own. The mediator then phone my wife to invite her along to discuss matters but she refused. I'm now going down the court route but have become dismayed by the whole thing.

Despite spending thousands on solicitors, accountants reports etc I'm now in a position where she's requested a valuation on my business to which she is claiming half. The valuation costs 5k alone.

All of my family simply cannot believe how she's behaving after we've been together all this time.

It was hard enough dealing with my issues from childhood but now I'm in a position where I'm broke, will probably loose every asset I own and will have to continue to pay to support her whilst she accepts money off myself and the state to live. She's well educated btw having 2 degrees (one of which she recently acquired, guess who paid for that).

Can't tell you how difficult this is, I can understand why people end it all.

[MrTurtle]

TooMany2cvs said:

What are you, some kind of saint?

TWO A4 SHEETS? Each and EVERY fault in eighteen years...?

Jesus wept. Is that all?

Trust me, that was just her top 1%

Thanks for all the advice. Would love to take time off work but being the sole employee (sole trader trading as Ltd) I'd loose all my customers.

My business was started before I met my wife, she's never been involved in the business but still insists on a wage and half the dividend even though we split up last year! I've worked it out and with all she's requesting I'd have nothing left to live on, nuts!

[MrTurtle]

randlemarcus said:

Child support, work it out from your wage, and reduce to that. Wage, NOT dividend - two very different things.

Hmmm... that's interesting. thought it was based on total income?

My old business which was 50/50 owned (I only put her name on the books in 2013 so she could gain access to my business accounts, invoices etc should I fall under a bus) is stopping trading next month. New business now up and running.

The value is zero according to my accountant. There is no stock, no premises, just me working on site. If I leave the business it's worthless and she knows this. Why call for a 5k valuation? she's just rolling the dice and expects me to pick up the 5k bill.

[MrTurtle]

photosnob said:

A letter from you accountant will probably be enough for a court.

It wasn't. They argued against it (accountant taking my side etc) so the judge allowed it. Why my solicitor didn't speak up and say she only went on the business 2 years ago, paid nothing for it, never works and has never worked for it etc, I don't know?

I didn't say anything as it was my first time in court and you really don't know what you can and can't say. Will speak up for myself at the next hearing.

Oh and I forgot to mention. Picked two of my kids up on Monday morning to take them out for the day. Whilst I was waiting I popped the garage door open to get a couple of things out and my wife appears at the door. Ordered to get off her property and if I didn't she's call the police. I ignored her and carried on doing what I was doing, she laughed and said 'okay then, you leave me no choice'. She then goes inside and in front of my 11 year old son calls the police. My son then appears at the door and we leave.

The more I type the more I can't believe what I'm typing!

Edited by MrTurtle on Tuesday 25th August 21:40

[MrTurtle]

davepoth said:

What sort of assets are in the business aside from goodwill?

A 7k van on which I've got a 7k loan. A small unit which I rent, a little bit of stock, that's it.

[MrTurtle]

9mm said:

Op - you need to spend the time you're posting on here talking to a solicitor instead.

I know where you're coming from but I've received some great advice from a lot of knowledgeable people on here. Also made some good friends so it's usually the first place I turn to when I need help.

[MrTurtle]

Thanks chaps.

I'm in Cheshire btw.

[MrTurtle]

Yup, crazy to spend 5k when it's obviously worth nothing without my involvement.

I'd love to know my actual rights re entering the house or even moving back in Not sure if I can, now that I've moved out?

[MrTurtle]

Well I'm a little clearer on a few things. I've also put a few plans into action although I'm still not sure if I'm doing the right thing or not.

I'd also like to know If, a year after splitting, my wife has any claim on the money I've been earning this year either through my old or new business?

[MrTurtle]

randlemarcus said:

Be a little wary about splitting the business right now. Until the decree absolute comes in, your assets and her assets are marital assets. You are better off not doing something that will look dodgy if a Judge pokes at it, whether that is hiding income, or artificially creating a new business that looks and smells like the old one. Unlike Phoenixing the business to avoid paying people, a Judge in a divorce case can simply give her half of the new business instead. Not fair, but who said life was?

But this is my point, half of what?

The business is valueless, the only asset is the money I've earned since we split. If the business account show a balance of 30k does she get half? If I was employed would she be within her rights to take half my wage since Sept 2014 because it amounts to the same thing.

[MrTurtle]

Ex Boy Racer said:

I got divorced 15 years ago.
It was awful.

Solicitor advised me that I should stop using words like fair - it isn't fair to the husband and never will be. he said the important thing was to think about the kids and their happiness, bite the bullet and move on.

She got my house, a £1500 monthly payment and an£80k lump sum. It was a nightmare at the time; now it seems like a bargain.

Get it over with, and then move on. Negative stuff destroys lives.

Well that's cheered me up!

Can't believe she can take half of my current earnings even though we split a year ago. Looks like the longer she strings this out the more it'll cost me.

[MrTurtle]

I'm a fking idiot.

Went round tonight, walked in, found my wife on the sofa and she went ballistic. Screamed at me to get out, ran round to the neighbours and called the police. We then had a slanging match on the front lawn. I left, taking the front door key with me.

Phone call from the police and it's now on record. Think she's basically saying I've been physically abusive in the past and that she feared for her safety.

Call her later on, apologised for upsetting her but admitted I wanted a reaction. She has apparently recorded the call. Returned the key an hour later and I'm now sat here regretting the whole thing. Good mind to just sign the lot over and end this nightmare.

I give up.

[MrTurtle]

I recorded the whole thing on my phone. I simply walked in, said 'hello', she said 'you can't do this' I said I can. I then proceeded to ask where the documents were for the car.

She then started screaming at me to 'get out, get out, get out of my house!', I simply remained calm and said I wasn't being difficult and knew my rights.

Edited by MrTurtle on Wednesday 26th August 23:15

[MrTurtle]

Thanks everyone, It's nice to have support both through my family and even strangers online! (well, some strangers).

I'm considering handing the house over and keeping everything else. I'd be down around 50k compared to my ex but that's life I guess. Not holding out much hope though, I've a feeling she'll see this through to the end, both legally and financially.

I just want this over and to never see or hear from her again, nasty piece of work.

[MrTurtle]

Well I paid for everything for 3 months until I realised I was getting nowhere. I cancelled all joint bank accounts, utilities, memberships etc. Since then I've paid child maintenance above the level required and kept up the mortgage payments.

I've also opened myself a new Ltd Co and will be resigning from my current company in September.

Just had an email from my solicitor and apparently the other side are rubbing their hands. My ex is now applying for an occupation order and asking me to foot the bill.

I've also learned that apart from half my business she wants the family house signing over and spousal maintenance. So not only does she want 100% of every asset we own she also want cash on top for her valuation of the business. A business that is basically just me on my own as a sole trader.

So that will see me with nothing and I get to work for the next ten years paying not only for her maintenance but also to pay of a large loan for the legal expenses and her lump sum. I'd be lucky to rent a 1 bedroom flat with whats left.

Edited by MrTurtle on Thursday 27th August 16:53

[MrTurtle]

ClaphamGT3 said:

She can ask for whatever she likes; what the court will award may be very different.

If you haven't already look at the attached - applying for an occupation order could back fire on her rather spectacularly.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/relationships/re...

VERY interesting, I may apply myself.

From the word go I ask to be allowed access for the odd weekend so I could stay over with the kids. This was when she said 'no, this is my house now', changed the locks and used my request as evidence of abuse.

[MrTurtle]

johnfm said:

She will require some evidence for an occupation order. That will be interesting.

DON'T BE A DOORMAT is all I will add. You get no medals for being nice. Look after #1 (you) so that you can look after your kids.

How? Feel like I hold no cards and whatever I try and do I just seem to dig a bigger hole. Asserting myself just plays into her argument of emotional abuse.

[MrTurtle]

ClaphamGT3 said:

Mr T - if it takes a random chartered surveyor on a motoring forum to point you to info on an occupation order, sack your current solicitors pronto and get someone on the case who's up to the job otherwise your wife and her team are going to be inserting a very large c*ck up your butt

The problem you have is you can't tell a good solicitor from a bad solicitor until it's too late. I could change but how do I know the next one will be any better, they may be worse.

Looking at the info on the occupation order it should have been the first think I asked for.

[MrTurtle]

ClaphamGT3 said:

Agreed. Recommendations are all in this area. Where in the UK are you?

Cheshire