Marriage breakdown
Discussion
After 5 years of marriage (and 3 or 4 years of living together before that), my wife left me last week and is currently staying with friends. The split is entirely driven by her and she acknowledges that there is no “fault” on my part and that I’ve been a good husband, but that she doesn’t feel the same way about me as she did when we got married.
She’s now suggesting we go through mediation to decide how to divide our assets. She hasn’t yet mentioned divorce, but my understanding is that grounds for divorce are either adultery, unreasonable behaviour or being separated for at least 2 years. I’m confident she has no grounds on the first 2 and clearly the last one doesn’t yet apply as we’ve been separated for little over a week.
What I’m trying to understand is whether the discussion on the division of assets is even relevant unless or until she petitions for divorce? Things are pretty amicable at the moment and we are both reasonable people, so I’m more than happy to have a sensible discussion about the division of “stuff”. I’m not about to try and deprive her of her CD collection, but should we even be discussing the bigger financial aspects, such as the property itself, savings, pensions and so on?
She seems to be after some money to set herself up with a property of her own, but I’m unsure whether there would be any benefit to me in agreeing to giving her any money at this stage and if I did how this would be reflected in any future divorce settlement?
Some background which may or may not be pertinent:
She’s now suggesting we go through mediation to decide how to divide our assets. She hasn’t yet mentioned divorce, but my understanding is that grounds for divorce are either adultery, unreasonable behaviour or being separated for at least 2 years. I’m confident she has no grounds on the first 2 and clearly the last one doesn’t yet apply as we’ve been separated for little over a week.
What I’m trying to understand is whether the discussion on the division of assets is even relevant unless or until she petitions for divorce? Things are pretty amicable at the moment and we are both reasonable people, so I’m more than happy to have a sensible discussion about the division of “stuff”. I’m not about to try and deprive her of her CD collection, but should we even be discussing the bigger financial aspects, such as the property itself, savings, pensions and so on?
She seems to be after some money to set herself up with a property of her own, but I’m unsure whether there would be any benefit to me in agreeing to giving her any money at this stage and if I did how this would be reflected in any future divorce settlement?
Some background which may or may not be pertinent:
- The house is in my name and was purchased with a substantial deposit from my savings as she was essentially penniless when we got together.
- All bills are in my name and she has been paying me a monthly fixed “rent” which doesn’t even cover half the mortgage payment, let alone any of the other bills & costs
- All house improvements have been funded by me
- She is now ceasing these payments (after agreement from me)
- We both work full time, although I earn more than she does
- We don’t have any children
- Things are currently amicable and we both want to keep it that way. She says she doesn't want to force the sale of the house or "screw me over" financially but I'm aware that this can easily change over time, particularly when 3rd parties get involved, so I'm keen to protect my interests however I can.
GuitarPlayer63 said:
Step 1: Get legal advice now
Step 2: Try to figure out what the "buy-out" price is that doesn't leave you hating her forever
Step 3: Get on with the rest of your life and be happy
That's essentially the plan! Step 2: Try to figure out what the "buy-out" price is that doesn't leave you hating her forever
Step 3: Get on with the rest of your life and be happy
Got a solicitor lined up, filled in the world's longest questionnaire and have the first meeting on Monday. At £200+ per hour, he'd better talk quickly!
Also trying to get the wife to name her price as an opening gambit for step 2 - unsuccessfully so far, but I'll keep plugging away!
benters said:
Sorry to read of another relationship gone wrong.
I am glad to read that no children are involved, and at least there appears to be a desire currently to split things in a fair fashion.
Given the reaction of others and the comments so far, it is hard as a bystander to think that the simplest of splits is actually ever possible.
Wish you like OP, I cannot offer any advice, wisdom or if 'I were you comment' but I do hope that common sense prevails, to me its not about saving face or winning, as you and the wife have already lost.
Wise words, thanks...I am glad to read that no children are involved, and at least there appears to be a desire currently to split things in a fair fashion.
Given the reaction of others and the comments so far, it is hard as a bystander to think that the simplest of splits is actually ever possible.
Wish you like OP, I cannot offer any advice, wisdom or if 'I were you comment' but I do hope that common sense prevails, to me its not about saving face or winning, as you and the wife have already lost.
Gassing Station | Speed, Plod & the Law | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff