Absolutely seething - advice required
Discussion
Just had a phone call from my OH, she has gone into school to pull our 16yr old daughter out.
To cust a rather long story short, there is one vile creature in my Daughters circle of friends who scares most of the other girls & has cuased us amongst others no end of grief. We have had meetings with School in the past & counsellors etc have been involve along with PCSO's.
I thought we had left it all behind but no, today our daughter couldn't even face going into lessons. She cancelled her 16th birthday party plans this week, guess why.
My OH has suggested reporting this to the Police (online bullying, trolling etc), I believe it's the schools responsibility to deal with it.
There is a meeting scheduled with school on Monday morning, am I right in demanding that they escalate this? What is the chain of command in a school?
They have pre-lims coming up, this vile specimen will end up as a dead beat, our daughter is bright & intelligent & has prospects, not letting anybody ruin that.
To cust a rather long story short, there is one vile creature in my Daughters circle of friends who scares most of the other girls & has cuased us amongst others no end of grief. We have had meetings with School in the past & counsellors etc have been involve along with PCSO's.
I thought we had left it all behind but no, today our daughter couldn't even face going into lessons. She cancelled her 16th birthday party plans this week, guess why.
My OH has suggested reporting this to the Police (online bullying, trolling etc), I believe it's the schools responsibility to deal with it.
There is a meeting scheduled with school on Monday morning, am I right in demanding that they escalate this? What is the chain of command in a school?
They have pre-lims coming up, this vile specimen will end up as a dead beat, our daughter is bright & intelligent & has prospects, not letting anybody ruin that.
State school, online abuse mainly. 15yr old girl dropping the C bomb just to set a level.
It's the fact that the school have been 'managing' this for the last couple of years that makes me so angry with them & makes me want them to sort it out once & for all.
She really is a truly vile specimen, the whole family is, part of me feels sorry for the girl but her family problems aren't going to ruin our daughters future.
Sod it, we'll contact the Police directly. Shall we do this before the school meeting on Monday?
Ironically, the local PCSO is a personal friend of my OH.
It's the fact that the school have been 'managing' this for the last couple of years that makes me so angry with them & makes me want them to sort it out once & for all.
She really is a truly vile specimen, the whole family is, part of me feels sorry for the girl but her family problems aren't going to ruin our daughters future.
Sod it, we'll contact the Police directly. Shall we do this before the school meeting on Monday?
Ironically, the local PCSO is a personal friend of my OH.
AndStilliRise said:
We had something similar although in junior school, endless meetings with the school, headmasters and teachers and nothing really got done. In the end we enrolled him into some martial arts and get no hassle now.
Hope this helps.
I used to teach karate, it wouldn't help in this instance. I wouldn't want it to either to be fair.Hope this helps.
Dan_M5 said:
Online, Block her simple. If then it moves into in person its a different ball game
Not that simple sadly, that would almost certainly make it worse.And because this vile creature scares & intimidates most of the other girls (she's a big unit as well as nasty), they are scared to stand with our daughter leaving her out on her own.
Maybe Hitler was on to something all along.
Our daughter has a life outside of school, she is an active member of a local sports club & is a sports leader at school.
She has been shown how to defend herself if she really has to, nasty but effective stuff that anybody can do, hope she never needs to go there though. Sadly for her, her brother is younger & smaller, he'll be a big lad in a year or two but she'll be at college & away from it all by then.
Spoken to our PCSO friend & he told OH to enail 101 & make a complaint, if school don't escalate it with them on Monday then they will automatically follow it up anyway.
Thanks for all the advice, it is worse than I care to share on here so it is appreciated. Will update next week.
She has been shown how to defend herself if she really has to, nasty but effective stuff that anybody can do, hope she never needs to go there though. Sadly for her, her brother is younger & smaller, he'll be a big lad in a year or two but she'll be at college & away from it all by then.
Spoken to our PCSO friend & he told OH to enail 101 & make a complaint, if school don't escalate it with them on Monday then they will automatically follow it up anyway.
Thanks for all the advice, it is worse than I care to share on here so it is appreciated. Will update next week.
elanfan said:
I wonder if there might be something in what roofer I think it was said above. Take it to the parents particularly the dad and explain your background and state that if it doesn't cease you'll be the one doing the bullying - of him.
On another front the Governors details should be on the school website.
If you think I'm dragging myself into their gutter then you are very much mistaken. On another front the Governors details should be on the school website.
Edited by elanfan on Saturday 19th November 00:08
They are proving that violence & intimidation are NOT the way forward.
Thanks for the tips on Governors etc, this will not be left to lie now, it needs to be dealt with once & for all.
sim72 said:
If the bullying is mostly occurring online your first stop should be the police, not the school. Obviously let the school know you are doing this, though. The Malicious Communications Act is pretty clear - if the online communications fall into the relevant categories an offence has been committed.
Category 1:Communications which may constitute threats of violence to the person or damage to property.
Category 2:Communications which specifically target an individual or individuals and which may constitute harassment or stalking, controlling or coercive behaviour, disclosing private sexual images without consent, an offence under the Sexual Offences Act 2003, blackmail or another offence.
When this type of thing arises at our school our first port of call is to escalate it to the police (we have a PCSO that liaises with us). However, you will need good evidence via screenshots - make sure you get these before you approach the police as if the bully gets wind of it they may be able to delete much of the evidence that they've posted.
In my experience the police are very good at dealing with this sort of thing. Obviously if the behaviour has spread into school we can deal with it as well, but our hands are somewhat tied if it is purely online harassment.
It has been reported to the Police, if the school don't escalate with them after tomoorows meeting they will escalate it regardless as we have complained to them, we will be informing the school of this at the meeting in the morning. Category 1:Communications which may constitute threats of violence to the person or damage to property.
Category 2:Communications which specifically target an individual or individuals and which may constitute harassment or stalking, controlling or coercive behaviour, disclosing private sexual images without consent, an offence under the Sexual Offences Act 2003, blackmail or another offence.
When this type of thing arises at our school our first port of call is to escalate it to the police (we have a PCSO that liaises with us). However, you will need good evidence via screenshots - make sure you get these before you approach the police as if the bully gets wind of it they may be able to delete much of the evidence that they've posted.
In my experience the police are very good at dealing with this sort of thing. Obviously if the behaviour has spread into school we can deal with it as well, but our hands are somewhat tied if it is purely online harassment.
This family are scum, legal letters & Police knocking on the door won't bother them, business as usual really. They let their not quite 16yr old daughters older b/f sleep with her in their house FFS.
Ok, the meeting was with the Deputy Head responsible for safeguarding & another member of teaching staff who personally knows our daughter.
The usual routine really, we underestand blah blah blah - no, you really don't! Neither had read back through previous notes so were unaware of the full back story
We were aware of one other girl being targeted, they told us there was at least one other so at least three in total. They will get them all in to interview them, review any evidence (screenshots mainly), & take statements.
They will do their best to remove the offender from the four clasees she shares with our Daughter, no guaranttes given due to timetables etc.
We informed them we have reported to Police, they took log No. & seemed happy we'd done that, they are happy to work with the Police.
I said that if no satisfactory conclusion comes from this we will seek private legal advice & pursue it, that will be a last resort & was not a threat.
They asked what we would ideally like, I said we'd obviously like the offender removed but as they said, that is pretty much unheard of. They ran through their options - detention, exclusion for 2-3 days, swap to a different school for a few days, restorative justice work with the Police. The offender would also have to sign a (behavioural?)contract when she returns to school.
Not convinced any of this will work to be honest, they have tried & the offender has had counselling & even been made a prefect to try & change her behaviour!
After my OH told them what she had shown other pupils on her phone they will seize it & go through it, if nothing else that should pee her off & I bet they find plenty on there.
She is a very intimidating girl & most other pupils are scared of her so won't stand by the ones she's picking on, making it even worse for them.
We have made it very clear that this has been ongoing for 2-3 years and stops NOW, their prelims start this week & this is one of the most important years of their lives. They said they will make the teachers aware of the situation so they can keep a close eye out & make any allowances. We have pointed out that we will hold the school responsible if our daughters results are poorer than predicted as a result.
They will call us later this afternoon with an update, the Police will be in touch soon too I guess.
The usual routine really, we underestand blah blah blah - no, you really don't! Neither had read back through previous notes so were unaware of the full back story
We were aware of one other girl being targeted, they told us there was at least one other so at least three in total. They will get them all in to interview them, review any evidence (screenshots mainly), & take statements.
They will do their best to remove the offender from the four clasees she shares with our Daughter, no guaranttes given due to timetables etc.
We informed them we have reported to Police, they took log No. & seemed happy we'd done that, they are happy to work with the Police.
I said that if no satisfactory conclusion comes from this we will seek private legal advice & pursue it, that will be a last resort & was not a threat.
They asked what we would ideally like, I said we'd obviously like the offender removed but as they said, that is pretty much unheard of. They ran through their options - detention, exclusion for 2-3 days, swap to a different school for a few days, restorative justice work with the Police. The offender would also have to sign a (behavioural?)contract when she returns to school.
Not convinced any of this will work to be honest, they have tried & the offender has had counselling & even been made a prefect to try & change her behaviour!
After my OH told them what she had shown other pupils on her phone they will seize it & go through it, if nothing else that should pee her off & I bet they find plenty on there.
She is a very intimidating girl & most other pupils are scared of her so won't stand by the ones she's picking on, making it even worse for them.
We have made it very clear that this has been ongoing for 2-3 years and stops NOW, their prelims start this week & this is one of the most important years of their lives. They said they will make the teachers aware of the situation so they can keep a close eye out & make any allowances. We have pointed out that we will hold the school responsible if our daughters results are poorer than predicted as a result.
They will call us later this afternoon with an update, the Police will be in touch soon too I guess.
Jonno02 said:
As much as this situation has my blood boiling. I fear the teachers have very limited options available to them as a product of a system that sees horrific bullies as previous little flowers that need to be supported and loved.
I remember in school there were a few particularly nasty b
ds. They got about 50% more of the teachers time than anybody else and they didn't even want the help. Stupid, stupid country.
This is what my OH pointed out to them today, our daughter has stopped going to the school for support as all she see's is the bully getting all the help! Don't get me wrong, bullies clearly do need help but so do the victims. I remember in school there were a few particularly nasty b
ds. They got about 50% more of the teachers time than anybody else and they didn't even want the help. Stupid, stupid country.And yes, sadly they do have limited options which is why I am pessimistic that this will be sorted.
QuickQuack said:
Is it possible for her to go to a different school? Do you have the option of being able to send her to a private school?
Even if that was possible, it wouldn't be very sensible with them starting prelims this week. As somebody raised above, blocking doesn't really work (she has blocked her). This eveil little cow contacted a boy my daughter has been friends with for years (not at the same school) to ask if he had performed certain sexual acts with my daughter - blocking her doesn't stop her causing untold damage I'm afraid.
Spoke to a teacher yesterday (socially), she was telling me that she taught in the Seychelles for a while where there was little internet access & the kids were all much haappier for it & far better at communicating - sad isn't it that us developed countries are so far behind in so many ways.
SpamCan said:
Just be safe in the knoweldge that the foul individual that is causing the problems will likely never amount to anything other than the swamp donkey of a wife to some low life chav, forever sponging of the benefits system - not that they should get a penny mind. They will eventually drink and smoke themselves into an early grave, unfortunatly not before they have spawned some more horrific offpsring to continue the cycle.
Glad it worked out for you, sorry but the paragraph quoted did make me 
, probably because it's so close to the truth!esxste said:
I refer back to my previous point - for the mental well being of your daughter, make sure she's got friends who're completely outside of the situation, who won't see the st being spread online about your daughter and if they do will back your daughter up.
Make sure you keep the pressure up on the school and the police to deal with the issue. Make sure you keep a log of all the incidents. Make sure stuff on snapchat/facebook gets reported so that they can ban the user responsible.
While you go through the process with the school and police, you need to do everything you can to look after your daughters mental health. Bullying is mental torture, and even the strongest can crack.
Some excellent advice, thanks.t being spread online about your daughter and if they do will back your daughter up. Make sure you keep the pressure up on the school and the police to deal with the issue. Make sure you keep a log of all the incidents. Make sure stuff on snapchat/facebook gets reported so that they can ban the user responsible.
While you go through the process with the school and police, you need to do everything you can to look after your daughters mental health. Bullying is mental torture, and even the strongest can crack.
Our daughter is quite introverted & has only a few friends, anybody else is an acquaintance really, sadly they are all through school as that's where she spends most of her time.
Interesting point about reporting to FB/Snapchat, never even occurred to me.
We are concerned about the effect on her mental health, my OH is taking her abroad for a few days but long term we are unsure of what to do for the best?
esxste said:
As I said before, get her into activity groups out of town; so she can meet new people entirely unrelated to whats going on at school.
Not sure what your daughters interests are; but there's bound to be social groups for some of them.
Also talk Anti-bullying charities, see what advice they can give.
Her main interests are outside of school, they're summer biased though so we need to get her into something new for the winter.Not sure what your daughters interests are; but there's bound to be social groups for some of them.
Also talk Anti-bullying charities, see what advice they can give.
Anti bulling charities are a great idea, thanks.
School rang yesterday afternoon as promised, they have had 1 other pupil & 1 parent express concern so far, they are meeting the parent today.
They confiscated phones from 5 pupils in the offenders friend group, sadly she was off sick (happens frequently apparently) so she's had chance to clear her phone before it can be confiscated, the School contacted her parents (divorced I believe) and asked them to go through the phone with their daughter, don't believe that will happen. The confiscated phones were being handed over to the parents who have all been contacted with the request that they go through them with their children.
The PCSO has been in & the school are keeping them informed as they gather evidence, they have taken statements from everybody & asked the parents to take one from their daughter who is off sick.
More than one girl has said whats happening is wrong but they are scared of standing up to her, they have found NO evidence of our daughter doing anything wrong.
I was left with the impression that they are very much taking this seriously, especially as there are other concerns around the girl involved, not relating to our daughter. They will be in touch again today, we'll see where this goes before taking any further action.
We are looking at activities outside of school for our daughter, think we have found something ideal which will only help.
Thanks once again for all the advice & support, it really is much appreciated
They confiscated phones from 5 pupils in the offenders friend group, sadly she was off sick (happens frequently apparently) so she's had chance to clear her phone before it can be confiscated, the School contacted her parents (divorced I believe) and asked them to go through the phone with their daughter, don't believe that will happen. The confiscated phones were being handed over to the parents who have all been contacted with the request that they go through them with their children.
The PCSO has been in & the school are keeping them informed as they gather evidence, they have taken statements from everybody & asked the parents to take one from their daughter who is off sick.
More than one girl has said whats happening is wrong but they are scared of standing up to her, they have found NO evidence of our daughter doing anything wrong.
I was left with the impression that they are very much taking this seriously, especially as there are other concerns around the girl involved, not relating to our daughter. They will be in touch again today, we'll see where this goes before taking any further action.
We are looking at activities outside of school for our daughter, think we have found something ideal which will only help.
Thanks once again for all the advice & support, it really is much appreciated
Red Devil said:
Prelims? I thought they were specific to Scotland. If so the above link won't be applicable. I assumed from your profile that you are in England.
In England. Have made it very clear that this stops here, we will do whatever it takes to make that happen. I do not give up easily, they must be royally pissed with this girl by now, they want her to pack it in just as much as we do I'm sure.
Daughter has been informed today by the Deputy Head that the girls mother has made an allegation, we are very interested to hear what this allegation may be, and who it may be about. Strange it's only just been made...
School has just appointed a new Head, this has now been referred to him, a file 3" thick apparently. OH has been in touch with PCSO's, they will be back in School today or next Monday.
Edited by LordHaveMurci on Wednesday 23 November 12:25
PCSO's have been to see us, there is no criminal act been commited sadly so they can do very little, they were going to the girls house when they left us, they were going to suggest restorative justice as a way forward, we don't think her or her mother will agree but we'll see. They pretty much confirmed the girl was known to them, that she was the main instigator & what had been said (written) was rather unpleasant.
They did stress that our daughter needs to delete & block her an ALL social media platforms (which she had already done) and keep her blocked, no more trying to build bridges.
Mainly down to school to deal with now so we'll see what the new Head decides to do, hopefully hear later today.
Our daughter is just pleased that it's been taken seriously this time, she got up with a spring in her step this morning.
They did stress that our daughter needs to delete & block her an ALL social media platforms (which she had already done) and keep her blocked, no more trying to build bridges.
Mainly down to school to deal with now so we'll see what the new Head decides to do, hopefully hear later today.
Our daughter is just pleased that it's been taken seriously this time, she got up with a spring in her step this morning.
davepoth said:
Push back on the PCSOs, or take it to their superiors. It seems that an offence has been committed, but it's not a simple "he punched me in the face" one that they can sort out easily.
http://www.cps.gov.uk/legal/s_to_u/stalking_and_ha...
http://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1997/40/sectio...
PCSO's told us that because it was all private messages then no offence had been committed.http://www.cps.gov.uk/legal/s_to_u/stalking_and_ha...
http://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1997/40/sectio...
Our neighbour was a D.I. until last year, turns out he was in child protection when he retired, we declined his offer of sitting in on the PCSO's visit but will run what they said past him.
98elise said:
Keep putting pressure on.
My son suffered bullying and the school did nothing for quite some time. We complained multiple times and got nowhere but it was completely denied by the bully, and his parents. It came to a head when the bully started asking classmates for money to see him give my son a good beating at lunchtime the next day.
I sent my son in with a letter saying that they were to ring me ASAP to assure me that the beating would not be occurring, and if they couldn't assure me I would be arriving at 11 to remove my son from school. I also said that if the beating occurred before I got there then I would involve the police. It was a polite and business like letter, just facts.
By 10 o'clock they had stopped the class and got witness statements from every kid. The head asked the kids to write down all instances of bullying that was occurring in the class. My son was not singled out. My sons explanation of what happened was backed up multiple times, an apparently quite a few other issues came out.
A part from a few idle threats the bullying stopped.
What happened to the bully? It has been recognized by the school & the Police that this one girl is the main instigator & that there is no evidence of our daughter doing anything wrong, the main thing is how they handle it & how they stop her from continuing.My son suffered bullying and the school did nothing for quite some time. We complained multiple times and got nowhere but it was completely denied by the bully, and his parents. It came to a head when the bully started asking classmates for money to see him give my son a good beating at lunchtime the next day.
I sent my son in with a letter saying that they were to ring me ASAP to assure me that the beating would not be occurring, and if they couldn't assure me I would be arriving at 11 to remove my son from school. I also said that if the beating occurred before I got there then I would involve the police. It was a polite and business like letter, just facts.
By 10 o'clock they had stopped the class and got witness statements from every kid. The head asked the kids to write down all instances of bullying that was occurring in the class. My son was not singled out. My sons explanation of what happened was backed up multiple times, an apparently quite a few other issues came out.
A part from a few idle threats the bullying stopped.
We have told the school & the Police that ideally we would like her moved, both looked at us like we were mad. We have no issue wither her NOT being moved as long as she winds her neck in & starts to behave in an acceptable manner.
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