Non-molestation order
Discussion
Hi guys I had a call yesterday from someone wanting to serve me notice of a "non-molestation order" from the ex... I am awaiting a copy of the specific paperwork however as far as I am aware it's a case of I can't contact the ex nor be within 100m of her property. There are a number of issues here...
• I have a 2 year old daughter with the ex who I collect from her property every 2nd weekend... how will this now happen if I can't contact the ex or be within 100m of her house?
• I am the ex's rent guarantor and up until now was happy for this to continue, but as I am no longer able to be in contact with her or near the property I am now uncomfortable with this legal obligation... is there a way I can get my name removed?
• I have googled the person I am talking to who wants to serve me notice and his email address is a yahoo address with a legal sounding business name and when searched comes up with.... "No longer registered as an Appointed Representative This is an appointed representative (AR) that is no longer an agent of an authorised firm. Do not start to do business with an AR that is listed as 'former'.... what does this mean?
I have no issue with the no contact bit... I don't WANT to speak to the ex, however, the important part to me is that I do not want it impacting my contact with my little girl...
Please help, I am way over my head on this and feel so desperate I already have had over 50 hours a month with my little girl (2 full over night stop on the weekends and 2 mid week play dates a month) reduced to every other Saturday 9-5 :-(
• I have a 2 year old daughter with the ex who I collect from her property every 2nd weekend... how will this now happen if I can't contact the ex or be within 100m of her house?
• I am the ex's rent guarantor and up until now was happy for this to continue, but as I am no longer able to be in contact with her or near the property I am now uncomfortable with this legal obligation... is there a way I can get my name removed?
• I have googled the person I am talking to who wants to serve me notice and his email address is a yahoo address with a legal sounding business name and when searched comes up with.... "No longer registered as an Appointed Representative This is an appointed representative (AR) that is no longer an agent of an authorised firm. Do not start to do business with an AR that is listed as 'former'.... what does this mean?
I have no issue with the no contact bit... I don't WANT to speak to the ex, however, the important part to me is that I do not want it impacting my contact with my little girl...
Please help, I am way over my head on this and feel so desperate I already have had over 50 hours a month with my little girl (2 full over night stop on the weekends and 2 mid week play dates a month) reduced to every other Saturday 9-5 :-(
Greendubber said:
Get a solicitor, one that specialises in family law.
They will be much better to advise than anyone on here.
I am currently away with work until Friday, but that is the first thing I'll be doing Friday morning... until then I wanted to bat it around on here as there may be someone who has been through the same thingThey will be much better to advise than anyone on here.
Alex_225 said:
I can't offer any advice OP on the legal front but you have my sympathies on the lack of time getting to see your daughter.
My little girl is 3 and lives 130 miles away with her mum as she moved back to Bristol when we separated. I have her every other weekend but it's hard not seeing her. Fortunately I get on fairly well with my ex and know the little one is the most important thing so any bullsh!t gets put aside.
All the best.
Thank you, it's killing me not seeing her :-(My little girl is 3 and lives 130 miles away with her mum as she moved back to Bristol when we separated. I have her every other weekend but it's hard not seeing her. Fortunately I get on fairly well with my ex and know the little one is the most important thing so any bullsh!t gets put aside.
All the best.
Alex_225 said:
SickFish said:
Thank you, it's killing me not seeing her :-(
I can appreciate that mate. Not being on good terms with your Ex must make it harder as I suspect you don't hear anything until your daughter? Alex_225 said:
SickFish said:
Nope, not a sausage until the Saturday I am due to see her... so I go 2 weeks with nothing :-(
Gutting mate. Sadly, sometimes separated parents put the needs of their kids behind their own wants/issues/anger etc.
I do consider myself lucky that my ex and I do things as 'right' as you can for not being together.
Christmassss said:
I am surprised that they called you. When my current partner has one served to her Ex, the court officials just turned up and handed it to him.
If it is not too intrusive, what grounds has the order been raised on? Has your ex also filed for anything else ie residency or contact order?
I have recently moved and the ex didn't know my new address - otherwise I suspect that would have been the case.If it is not too intrusive, what grounds has the order been raised on? Has your ex also filed for anything else ie residency or contact order?
I don't know the specifics yet, not having the paperwork to hand isn't helpful as I am away with work so can't have it "delivered" yet... although I suspect she is (falsely) claiming domestic abuse as that's a drum she has been beating recently, mainly because I stopped bending to her will and started saying no, so called me a bully etc.
My daughter isn't mentioned in the order from what I gather, I am waiting on this court official to contact me with regards to me seeing my daughter, otherwise the ex would have been using the court order as a means of limiting access to my daughter...
Alex_225 said:
SickFish said:
We did... until she found out i have moved on and I am with someone else... hence me agreeing to be her guarantor for her rent, as I didn't want my daughter to go to the scummy drug den flat she was offered by the local council
That's often when things can go t!ts up although again, not yours or your daughters fault you've moved on. It's not an easy thing for others to understand that trying to keep an ex happy for the sake of your kid is not about your ex's feelings but balancing all the s*ite that does with it.
Fair play to you for helping out with the flat side of things too, I'd have done the same in your situation.
MrJingles705 said:
Christmassss said:
I am surprised that they called you. When my current partner has one served to her Ex, the court officials just turned up and handed it to him.
If it is not too intrusive, what grounds has the order been raised on? Has your ex also filed for anything else ie residency or contact order?
This is the meat and potatoes of it.If it is not too intrusive, what grounds has the order been raised on? Has your ex also filed for anything else ie residency or contact order?
You've mentioned that the relationship wit hthe ex has gone sour since she found out you've moved on, so my initial thought was she's just made up some accusations out of spite; but you also mentioned that visitation has already been trimmed back (I'm assuming through the family court) - this would have been in direct response to something.
You're under no obligation to tell any of us squat.... but that detail (why access got curtailed) will influence the quality of any advice given. Your call really.
(But in any case, generally if you don't know where to start with on this seek out a solicitor ... good investment of money to avoid a long term and potentially difficult to reverse sequence of actions that could fall out of this).
For the record, I have never struck/ harmed my ex nor threatened her, yes I have lost my temper and raised my voice, after being goaded by her which won't work in my favour I fear...
Christmassss said:
SickFish said:
I have recently moved and the ex didn't know my new address - otherwise I suspect that would have been the case.
I don't know the specifics yet, not having the paperwork to hand isn't helpful as I am away with work so can't have it "delivered" yet... although I suspect she is (falsely) claiming domestic abuse as that's a drum she has been beating recently, mainly because I stopped bending to her will and started saying no, so called me a bully etc.
My daughter isn't mentioned in the order from what I gather, I am waiting on this court official to contact me with regards to me seeing my daughter, otherwise the ex would have been using the court order as a means of limiting access to my daughter...
Not a nice situation, i do sympathise. As someone has stated i would def get some legal advice. I would also imagine as the non-molestation has been granted there will also be a preliminary court date set.I don't know the specifics yet, not having the paperwork to hand isn't helpful as I am away with work so can't have it "delivered" yet... although I suspect she is (falsely) claiming domestic abuse as that's a drum she has been beating recently, mainly because I stopped bending to her will and started saying no, so called me a bully etc.
My daughter isn't mentioned in the order from what I gather, I am waiting on this court official to contact me with regards to me seeing my daughter, otherwise the ex would have been using the court order as a means of limiting access to my daughter...
I also might be wrong, but my recollection was that the Non molestation order doesn't come into effect until it is physically in your hands.
ETA. You have had your visitation cut down to every other saturday 9-5. Was this court mandated, agreed in mediation or just her telling you thats the way it is?
Edited by Christmassss on Wednesday 22 March 12:46
Christmassss said:
Ok, based on the information you have given so far, it does look like your Ex is doing her best to punish you by restricting contact. This will not look very good in court for her.
It looks like it is heading to court, so:
Her claims of domestic abuse, whilst it might get her the non molestation granted initially. It will get overturned by a judge as their main focus is the child. As long as there is no risk to the child then there will be no reason to keep the non molestation order in place. The judge will say that it gives too much power to your ex.
Cafcass will get involved and will hear both sides of the story and then put a report together for the judge.
If you haven't been too mediation, i would imagine that the judge will suggest/advise this is the best course of action.
Make sure you have plenty of evidence, texts, emails, a general idea of how specific conversations went. This will help if it continues further down the court route, although initially it is a case of 'he said, she said' rather than a hearing of evidence.
Lots of help there - thank you. It looks like it is heading to court, so:
Her claims of domestic abuse, whilst it might get her the non molestation granted initially. It will get overturned by a judge as their main focus is the child. As long as there is no risk to the child then there will be no reason to keep the non molestation order in place. The judge will say that it gives too much power to your ex.
Cafcass will get involved and will hear both sides of the story and then put a report together for the judge.
If you haven't been too mediation, i would imagine that the judge will suggest/advise this is the best course of action.
Make sure you have plenty of evidence, texts, emails, a general idea of how specific conversations went. This will help if it continues further down the court route, although initially it is a case of 'he said, she said' rather than a hearing of evidence.
- this information is based on my very recent experience of this exact process, but take it all with a pinch of salt!
I had my daughter weekend before last and have lots of pictures of her smiling and playing etc. (Which I hope are good type of evidence?) strangely, the ex didn't think she was in danger that Saturday when I was picking my girl up, nor any of the other weekends.... until she found out I was with someone else.
As the order has been given "without notice" I believe there is a hearing date on 20th April... this again is from the conversations with the chap that is trying to hand me notice
It's ridiculous... I have told the ex I am not interested in talking with her on a personal level, I have said this countless times, ideally it would have been nice to at least be on talking terms about my daughter but even that has fallen through.
I have emails from the ex telling me to not contact her at all... then 7 days later emailing me telling me I was a "s
t dad" for not asking about my daughter... I can't win!!!
I have done some reading up on this and instead of a court order this can be changed to an "undertaking" basically a promise made that is enforceable... I.e "I promise not to contact XXXXXX unless it is to do with my daughter"
The way I see it is, we are both her parents, I'm on the birth certificate and I have as much rights as her... unfortunately I fear that the powers that be won't see it that way :sad:
I have emails from the ex telling me to not contact her at all... then 7 days later emailing me telling me I was a "s
t dad" for not asking about my daughter... I can't win!!!I have done some reading up on this and instead of a court order this can be changed to an "undertaking" basically a promise made that is enforceable... I.e "I promise not to contact XXXXXX unless it is to do with my daughter"
The way I see it is, we are both her parents, I'm on the birth certificate and I have as much rights as her... unfortunately I fear that the powers that be won't see it that way :sad:
Boosted LS1 said:
The order sounds like an interim order as it was obtained in your absence. There will probably be a return date in a fortnight when you could attend at court and explain your viewpoint.
At that stage you could either fight it, accept it or wisely go for the middle ground and give an undertaking that you won't behave badly.
I'd either contest the allegations (if they're false or exagerated) or offer the undertaking as then you'll be entitled to easier access to your child. If a more permanant order is granted against you, you may end up having to collect your child from a contact centre, church or relatives address. Which can be a pain.
A lot of this also depends on what your ex has been accusing you off. Whatever you do, don't lose your cool with the process server, your ex or at court.
I think an undertaking is the best outcome.... or even accept the order - as long as it does not impact access to my daughter.At that stage you could either fight it, accept it or wisely go for the middle ground and give an undertaking that you won't behave badly.
I'd either contest the allegations (if they're false or exagerated) or offer the undertaking as then you'll be entitled to easier access to your child. If a more permanant order is granted against you, you may end up having to collect your child from a contact centre, church or relatives address. Which can be a pain.
A lot of this also depends on what your ex has been accusing you off. Whatever you do, don't lose your cool with the process server, your ex or at court.
Edited by Boosted LS1 on Wednesday 22 March 13:56
Boosted LS1 said:
You'll be able to make a more informed decision once you've seen what her allegations are. They may be ridiculous or seem severe. If they have substance then maybe go for the undertaking.
Non Molestation orders usually have a power of arrest attached to them or used to back in the day. The last thing you want is one of those over your head because your ex could phone the police any time she liked and have you arrested if there was even a minor breach :-(
Non Molestation orders usually have a power of arrest attached to them or used to back in the day. The last thing you want is one of those over your head because your ex could phone the police any time she liked and have you arrested if there was even a minor breach :-(
Boosted LS1 said:
As for the 'representitive stuff. It just means that he used to belong to an umbrella organisation and has probably since branched out on his own. Anybody can serve court process, the documents are usually given to the agent's by the solicitors but can also be collected directly from the court. He's unlikely to be a bailiff or court official.
I think (hope...) I will be pushing for the undertaking, as the 100m restriction makes life MASSIVELY difficult with picking up my daughter, given that the ex does not drive nor has family in the area... plus the non-molestation order does have a 5 year sentence attached if breached, so I could be picked up if the ex was feeling exceptionally spiteful. Thank you for your help, lots of good info there
Pieman68 said:
MrJingles705 said:
Christmassss said:
Cafcass will get involved and will hear both sides of the story and then put a report together for the judge.
Your experience of cafcass appears to be different than my friends; they were next to useless. He still is working through a complaint with them based on their report, given they did not speak to even the older (teenage) child.The representatives from Cafcass were so bad in his case that they were torn a new one by the judge eventually
Still spent 18 months going through a contact centre and £35k to get access to his daughter - then found it very difficult to actually get her to go with him on his access days as "Mummy had said that Daddy wouldn't bring her home"
Drugs tests, psych evaluations etc. - All based upon the mother's say with no evidence
This from a woman who forced him to keep all his music collection in the shed as it was "devil music" - she found God and lost the plot completely before he left her
Christmassss said:
SickFish said:
Jut waiting on a response from her solicitors with regards to instructions about where/ when to collect my little girl... not holding my hopes up... this is heart breaking 
I was so excited for seeing her on Saturday....
You've got to remain positive, I know it is hard. I was so excited for seeing her on Saturday....
You can use this whole situation to get more time back with your daughter. When you go to court you can ask for full weekends every other weekend and an evening or two a week. Then it'll be court mandated and your ex cant use your Daughter as a weapon against you again.
I would imagine it be will suggested a 3rd party does collection/drop off or meeting in a public place
Boosted LS1 said:
SickFish said:
Just heard back from her solicitor, she doesn't want me to have contact with my daughter as she is applying for me to only have contact at a contact centre!!!
This is fking ridiculous!!!!
She's going to let you have contact with your daughter. The Ct will set a collection time and a return time. Put it another way, you won't have to face your ex again so it could work out alright in the end. If my ex was like yours I wouldn't want to see her again.This is f
king ridiculous!!!!You still have the option of attending ct to deal with the injunction/undertaking etc.
It's just horrible.... as I have it in writing she agreed to let me have her on Saturday and now to deny me access like this is so unreasonable!
It's been nearly 2 weeks (this Saturday) since I've seen her
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