Drink Driving - a question!
Discussion
Brief bit of background info.
Ex-OH and I split up six years ago, had two kids together (twins, now age 10) and we live about three miles apart. I've been single since then, she has had a succession of relationships, the first of which was with a convicted drink driver who even drove (with my kids in the car)under his ban.
. Ever since then, she seems to have had a higher than normal dependency on alcohol.
Three months ago she had a bitter row with her latest bloke one night which ended up with him walking out, her getting pissed and falling down the stairs fracturing her cheekbone. She was taken to hospital, ambulance (or should that be ambiwlans) men not impressed with her self inflicted injuries, and returned home later that day swearing she wouldn't be seeing him again.
Obviously the inevitable happened and last night after seeing him again for a few weeks, another row and he walked out about midnight. She had "a drink" then decided it would be a good idea to drive over to his house (three miles or so). Ended up putting her car into a hedge or kerb and was then picked up by a passing motorist who took her home. Drank more alcohol then the police knocked on her door, breathalysed her and she was twice over the limit. Stuck in cells and released earlier this morning.
Police say that she is free to drive pending the sample being sent to forensics, I'm guessing to determine whether she was drunk before she drove or whether she imbibed later on while at home. They've told her it might be a couple of months before she hears, is this normal? Also, how accurate can the police be in finding out when she was actually drinking? She's worried about losing her licence obviously but will they be able to tell that precisely when the alcohol was drunk. As a timeline, I'd say she had 'a drink' about 1230 - 100, drove between 100 and 130 and was breathalysed at home around 200.
Sorry for the long post, I guess 99% of it is pointless but needed to get thoughts down on paper.
Ex-OH and I split up six years ago, had two kids together (twins, now age 10) and we live about three miles apart. I've been single since then, she has had a succession of relationships, the first of which was with a convicted drink driver who even drove (with my kids in the car)under his ban.
. Ever since then, she seems to have had a higher than normal dependency on alcohol.Three months ago she had a bitter row with her latest bloke one night which ended up with him walking out, her getting pissed and falling down the stairs fracturing her cheekbone. She was taken to hospital, ambulance (or should that be ambiwlans) men not impressed with her self inflicted injuries, and returned home later that day swearing she wouldn't be seeing him again.
Obviously the inevitable happened and last night after seeing him again for a few weeks, another row and he walked out about midnight. She had "a drink" then decided it would be a good idea to drive over to his house (three miles or so). Ended up putting her car into a hedge or kerb and was then picked up by a passing motorist who took her home. Drank more alcohol then the police knocked on her door, breathalysed her and she was twice over the limit. Stuck in cells and released earlier this morning.
Police say that she is free to drive pending the sample being sent to forensics, I'm guessing to determine whether she was drunk before she drove or whether she imbibed later on while at home. They've told her it might be a couple of months before she hears, is this normal? Also, how accurate can the police be in finding out when she was actually drinking? She's worried about losing her licence obviously but will they be able to tell that precisely when the alcohol was drunk. As a timeline, I'd say she had 'a drink' about 1230 - 100, drove between 100 and 130 and was breathalysed at home around 200.
Sorry for the long post, I guess 99% of it is pointless but needed to get thoughts down on paper.
ZOLLAR said:
I can't help and I don't mean any offense in this but I hope your Kids live with you.
No offence taken, Zollar, and thanks for your comment.
When we split up, I went for joint custody around the time that she was going out with the convicted DD. I failed in my application but did succeed in getting a PRO (Parental Responsibility Order) and access rights in writing (she's never infringed these at all - probably glad to get rid of them at weekends tbh). The kids go football training with me on Tuesdays (3.30pm - 4.30pm), I have them on Wednesdays from school end to 7.30pm and each weekend from school end on Friday until 5.00pm on Sunday but it would be great to have them full time.
It is crossing my mind about re-applying but I haven't got the mountain of money necessary, I'm afraid.
Thanks for all your replies...
I'm rubbish at multi-quoting so I'll take the replies one by one.
Uncle Ric - thanks very much, I really appreciate your best wishes.
LeoSayer / SteveScooby - I have to take it at face value that he wasn't there when she fell down the stairs. The kids were still awake that night when she plummeted and none of them have mentioned it (she also has a 14-y-o daughter from a previous relationship).
Derek - thank you too for your information. I know what you are saying with your final comments. I feel really bad for thinking like this but maybe my best hope of getting full custody or shared residence is if she gets banned. The boys' school is about half a mile away but she always drives - I can't see her fancying the walk every day and the public transport isn't great either. I work from home with one day a week travelling to work an hour away so feel better suited for coping with them.
Edited to add: Just seen DVD's post as well, thank you. Some interesting reading there and I'll be looking through it after the school run! Cheers again.
I'm rubbish at multi-quoting so I'll take the replies one by one.
Uncle Ric - thanks very much, I really appreciate your best wishes.
LeoSayer / SteveScooby - I have to take it at face value that he wasn't there when she fell down the stairs. The kids were still awake that night when she plummeted and none of them have mentioned it (she also has a 14-y-o daughter from a previous relationship).
Derek - thank you too for your information. I know what you are saying with your final comments. I feel really bad for thinking like this but maybe my best hope of getting full custody or shared residence is if she gets banned. The boys' school is about half a mile away but she always drives - I can't see her fancying the walk every day and the public transport isn't great either. I work from home with one day a week travelling to work an hour away so feel better suited for coping with them.
Edited to add: Just seen DVD's post as well, thank you. Some interesting reading there and I'll be looking through it after the school run! Cheers again.
Edited by Smart Mart on Thursday 10th March 14:21
No real update as yet. She's still waiting for her courtesy car as apparently her's is undriveable due to damage on the front wheels and bumper and is in the hands of the insurance company.
What is sadder to see is that she is back with her bloke now.
I'm not sad because I have any feelings for her, more a case that when he's around, she's more likely to drink and get into trouble. I couldn't give a damn about how she is and what scrapes she wants to get into but when the kids are involved, that's my business.
No idea where to go now.... but certainly not going to have a drink, that's for sure.
What is sadder to see is that she is back with her bloke now.
I'm not sad because I have any feelings for her, more a case that when he's around, she's more likely to drink and get into trouble. I couldn't give a damn about how she is and what scrapes she wants to get into but when the kids are involved, that's my business.No idea where to go now.... but certainly not going to have a drink, that's for sure.
Time for action has arrived, I think. Just rung home as I usually do to say goodnight and their sister answered saying their mum was drunk in bed, hadn't picked them up from school and that she (her daughter) had collected them, given them tea,taken them to cubs and was bathing them tonight. All at fourteen years old.
I'm at work now and going round a little later but I think the time for a residency application has arrived. Don't want to do it but have no option.
I'm at work now and going round a little later but I think the time for a residency application has arrived. Don't want to do it but have no option.
All is peaceful now, the ex has just spoken saying she had a migraine earlier. Also says that she and her boyfriend have finished again and that this time it's for good.
Has also asked that I take the boys to school tomorrow morning (which I obviously will) and I'm due to have them tomorrow night as well after school till 8pm. I think I'll fire a speculative email off to the family solicitor that helped me get access and a PRO tomorrow and see what she says...
Has also asked that I take the boys to school tomorrow morning (which I obviously will) and I'm due to have them tomorrow night as well after school till 8pm. I think I'll fire a speculative email off to the family solicitor that helped me get access and a PRO tomorrow and see what she says...
pistonchris said:
Read the whole story and hope you do end up with the kids it would be better and safer for them.
But can not help but feel sorry for her daughter who will still live with her and in away lose her brother and sister
That has crossed my mind, pistonchris, but there's no way on earth that I would ever stop her daughter seeing her twin brothers. In fact, it could work out really well as her daughter goes to a school literally 100 yards up the road - she could call in on the way home from school whenever she wanted (and I was there) and I'd happily give her a lift home.But can not help but feel sorry for her daughter who will still live with her and in away lose her brother and sister
Anyhowe the only news today is that I found the solicitor that dealt with me five years ago re PRO and Access rights and she is meeting me next Wednesday as the initial step towards beginning residency proceedings.
Yes she has, she was abused by her stepdad for more than a decade from the age of five to fifteen. It has obviously impacted greatly on her ability to form "normal" relationships though she has had four years of counselling just after she went to the police about him.
That said, I met her in 1999 and she only ever drank alcohol at Christmas and occasionally on nights out. It was the relationship she had after we split up (with an alcoholic and drink/driving banned man) that scuffed everything up.
That said, I met her in 1999 and she only ever drank alcohol at Christmas and occasionally on nights out. It was the relationship she had after we split up (with an alcoholic and drink/driving banned man) that scuffed everything up.
Brief update.
Ex phoned up today to get my postcode for a letter to be sent. Turns out that Social Services have been in touch following the "drink drive" incident and been round to see the kids being that it was the second time alcohol had played a part in an incident when she had the children with her (remember the stair fall?).
She said they've been round and met her, the boys and her daughter and that SS are going to be monitoring her. She's cheesed off that they have done a report on her and will be sending one to me, her daughter's dad and both the respective schools, hence the request for a postcode.
Hopefully the report will get here by Wednesday when my appointment is with the solicitor - that will give the brief more idea as to the seriousness of the situation although I may be clutching at straws. I'm relieved that SS are getting involved because (selfishly) it takes pressure off me to make that decision.
Ex phoned up today to get my postcode for a letter to be sent. Turns out that Social Services have been in touch following the "drink drive" incident and been round to see the kids being that it was the second time alcohol had played a part in an incident when she had the children with her (remember the stair fall?).
She said they've been round and met her, the boys and her daughter and that SS are going to be monitoring her. She's cheesed off that they have done a report on her and will be sending one to me, her daughter's dad and both the respective schools, hence the request for a postcode.
Hopefully the report will get here by Wednesday when my appointment is with the solicitor - that will give the brief more idea as to the seriousness of the situation although I may be clutching at straws. I'm relieved that SS are getting involved because (selfishly) it takes pressure off me to make that decision.
Edited by Smart Mart on Sunday 3rd April 17:43
And the boys informed me when I rang a few minutes ago that mum said that the ex and her had split up when they went to school this morning but tonight, she told them they were back together again.
I f
king give up. I ask anyone to say you should treat ten year old kids this way. Sorry, this is going off the original topic so I might just stick to the drink driving stuff from now on...
I f
king give up. I ask anyone to say you should treat ten year old kids this way. Sorry, this is going off the original topic so I might just stick to the drink driving stuff from now on...Ms Demeanor said:
I don't think they have bailed her for 2 months to get their own back calculations report. Can you tell me if she gave a blood sample rather than breath? That would be the only normal reason for the delay at this stage.
The police will normally just charge (if she was over the limit) and then leave it to her to get a back calculation report to show that she was under the limit at the time she was driving and it was only the post driving drink that took her over....tell me more..
If she blew between 40-50 in breath they will offer an alternative blood or urine sample to double. That could explain it.
Hi Ms Demeanor and thanks for your post. The police will normally just charge (if she was over the limit) and then leave it to her to get a back calculation report to show that she was under the limit at the time she was driving and it was only the post driving drink that took her over....tell me more..
If she blew between 40-50 in breath they will offer an alternative blood or urine sample to double. That could explain it.
I can't be 100% sure whether it was blood or breath but I'm pretty sure she said that the reading was 70+ when I asked her at the time which would suggest a breath test, would it not? She did say that she was twice over the limit which again suggests it would be a breath test but doesn't explain the delay.
Solicitors appointment at 10am this morning.
Just an update.
The Social Services report arrived through my letterbox today. The social worker's recommendation at the bottom reads...
"At this stage there appears to be no role for children's services. The children are achieving academically and appear to have a wide range of family networks around.
However this is the second alcohol related incident that has left the children in a vulnerable situation. Having discussed this with my manager, it has been decided that if there is another referral received related to irresponsible drinking behaviour, Child Protection procedures will be considered."
The report is twelve pages long and has several inaccuracies; for instance, it says she has a stable relationship with her present boyfriend, it also says she disputes having fractured her cheekbone when she fell down the stairs (so how does she say she did it?), she never drinks when the kids are at home (well I have my two every Friday and Saturday and her daughter goes to her dads every other weekend so drinking time would be two nights a fortnight) and it also says she has no financial concerns either (dhe went bankrupt last year).
Finally it says that it is the police who are using an alcohol unit back calculation system to ascertain whether she was drunk at the time she crashed her car.
Until I speak to my solicitor early next week, it would seem there is little chance of anything further happening until she blows up again which will happen at some point. I guess at this stage I have to hope and pray that the kids will be all right when that happens. Until then, there's nothing more I can do.
The Social Services report arrived through my letterbox today. The social worker's recommendation at the bottom reads...
"At this stage there appears to be no role for children's services. The children are achieving academically and appear to have a wide range of family networks around.
However this is the second alcohol related incident that has left the children in a vulnerable situation. Having discussed this with my manager, it has been decided that if there is another referral received related to irresponsible drinking behaviour, Child Protection procedures will be considered."
The report is twelve pages long and has several inaccuracies; for instance, it says she has a stable relationship with her present boyfriend, it also says she disputes having fractured her cheekbone when she fell down the stairs (so how does she say she did it?), she never drinks when the kids are at home (well I have my two every Friday and Saturday and her daughter goes to her dads every other weekend so drinking time would be two nights a fortnight) and it also says she has no financial concerns either (dhe went bankrupt last year).
Finally it says that it is the police who are using an alcohol unit back calculation system to ascertain whether she was drunk at the time she crashed her car.
Until I speak to my solicitor early next week, it would seem there is little chance of anything further happening until she blows up again which will happen at some point. I guess at this stage I have to hope and pray that the kids will be all right when that happens. Until then, there's nothing more I can do.
It had all been very quiet over the past four weeks. On suggestion from my solicitor, I contacted the school to see how they thought the SS report looked and they had only received it the day before, almost four weeks after it was written!!
SS didn't tell the school what the report was about (client confidentiality I suppose) but the headmaster who spoke to me intimated that their answers re their welfare may well have been different had they known about the previous troubles, incidents 1 and 2. I'm awaiting an answer now as to whether they have contacted SS about incident 3 or not but I doubt it.
Tonight the older twin rang me in tears saying his mum was drunk, that she had shouted "I hate you" at him and all because he was having an argument with his brother. She told them both that she couldn't cope with them and that they would go into care if they didn't behave so I've gone over there and picked them up, calmed them down and they're stopping over here tonight. Bless them, they had to pack their own bag for tomorrows uniform etc but have forgotten their school bags so I'll have to go round there tomorrow before school.
And no need to shout "breaking news" at the fact that she has split up with the boyfriend again.
SS didn't tell the school what the report was about (client confidentiality I suppose) but the headmaster who spoke to me intimated that their answers re their welfare may well have been different had they known about the previous troubles, incidents 1 and 2. I'm awaiting an answer now as to whether they have contacted SS about incident 3 or not but I doubt it.
Tonight the older twin rang me in tears saying his mum was drunk, that she had shouted "I hate you" at him and all because he was having an argument with his brother. She told them both that she couldn't cope with them and that they would go into care if they didn't behave so I've gone over there and picked them up, calmed them down and they're stopping over here tonight. Bless them, they had to pack their own bag for tomorrows uniform etc but have forgotten their school bags so I'll have to go round there tomorrow before school.
And no need to shout "breaking news" at the fact that she has split up with the boyfriend again.
davepoth said:
Silly though it may sound, you need to make a big effort to get them home ASAP. Social Services will still be on her side at the moment, and if she wanted to kick up a big stink she could right now.
Dave, she's blind drunk at the moment, I can't take them back while she's like that. How do I know that she won't go after the boyfriend like she did before, sorry I appreciate the thought but I'm not taking the chance. She knows I have them, has agreed that they come over tonight and she'll see them before school in the morning as I have to collect their school bags.Here, life is quiet, safe and alcohol free and I can no longer guarantee that if they go home.
Another update today.
Took the boys to school today and about an hour after I got back home, received a phone call from the ex's doctor saying that she had rung him in a state threatening to harm herself; no-one cared and that the boys didn't love her anymore etc etc. The doctor rushed round there and calmed her down a little then asked me for any numbers of friends and family that could go round there.... apparently she's in line to have a psychiatric assessment soon.
Keeping an eye, a close eye, on things from now on. Solicitor recommends getting paperwork sorted soon in case anything goes wrong.
Took the boys to school today and about an hour after I got back home, received a phone call from the ex's doctor saying that she had rung him in a state threatening to harm herself; no-one cared and that the boys didn't love her anymore etc etc. The doctor rushed round there and calmed her down a little then asked me for any numbers of friends and family that could go round there.... apparently she's in line to have a psychiatric assessment soon.
Keeping an eye, a close eye, on things from now on. Solicitor recommends getting paperwork sorted soon in case anything goes wrong.
Thanks Tom and others.
Solicitors have all paperwork now, Social Services are visiting after her latest outburst two weeks ago. One twin's behaviour has suffered recently as he now believes that both of us prefer the other one which comes as a result of her screaming at her last week.
I'd love to think this was soon coming to an end but I fear the opposite.
Edited to add: Bizarrely, she was due to report to a police station tonight as part of her bail conditions but the test results on her blood still haven't come back. The incident was on 25th February!!
Solicitors have all paperwork now, Social Services are visiting after her latest outburst two weeks ago. One twin's behaviour has suffered recently as he now believes that both of us prefer the other one which comes as a result of her screaming at her last week.
I'd love to think this was soon coming to an end but I fear the opposite.
Edited to add: Bizarrely, she was due to report to a police station tonight as part of her bail conditions but the test results on her blood still haven't come back. The incident was on 25th February!!
Edited by Smart Mart on Sunday 22 May 23:30
funster said:
What a terrible situation, I hope you can get the kids into your care soon, and hopefully also help your previous step-daughter too. With regards to the above quote I don't think she's being fully honest with you about things regarding the case.
It does seem strange - from what I've read on here and other forums, the results should have been sorted out a lot quicker than that. She wrote off her car that night in the accident, has received the settlement, bought another car and is driving it around now. It had crossed my mind that she might be banned but I can't believe she'd pull a stunt like that.Not much of an update to this thread really.
I've been refused legal aid to go for residence because we weren't referred to mediation. Both of us visited the same mediator independently who advised it was a waste of time going for a joint mediation as we were poles apart in our views. However I have agreed (and so has she) so we are going on Wednesday to a joint meeting!!
One thing still puzzles me though. I received a report that Social Services did on her and that I got as a parent of the children. It advises that they are happy with how the kids are treated although it accepts she needs to find a different emotional coping mechanism than drink when things go wrong.
In the report, it says that she still hasn't received word from the police re the drink driving "allegation". How much longer can it be and do you think she's spinning a yarn? She has informed SS that she is concerned she might struggle if she loses her licence.
I've been refused legal aid to go for residence because we weren't referred to mediation. Both of us visited the same mediator independently who advised it was a waste of time going for a joint mediation as we were poles apart in our views. However I have agreed (and so has she) so we are going on Wednesday to a joint meeting!!
One thing still puzzles me though. I received a report that Social Services did on her and that I got as a parent of the children. It advises that they are happy with how the kids are treated although it accepts she needs to find a different emotional coping mechanism than drink when things go wrong.
In the report, it says that she still hasn't received word from the police re the drink driving "allegation". How much longer can it be and do you think she's spinning a yarn? She has informed SS that she is concerned she might struggle if she loses her licence.
Been doing a lot of thinking recently, hence the burning smell coming out of my house recently...
To update in a brief way. The twins mum had her test results back last week and was found to have no alcohol in her system at all and that she is clear. Obviously this has little influence in the potential court case except that maybe there might be an extra 1% chance of me getting the boys if she had no licence...
The SS report came back also last week and suggests that the children are all doing very well, twins are gifted, socially very good, intelligent and generally doing great. This, though very good to hear, basically means I have little chance of getting residence for them. Although I am disappointed in the outcome, of course first and foremost I'm very pleased that an authority has decided they aren't in any danger.
Therefore there seems to be little point in continuing in the court case. I have good contact, never have a problem seeing the boys and can have them extra nights whenever (like tomorrow night for example). Although I have several issues regarding her parenting, it is clear that the people who count (the SS, the health visitors and the boys) seem happy with the status quo.
I love the boys with every fibre of my being. They are the most gorgeous little chaps that ever walked the earth but, reading between the lines and going on snippets of what they have said to me in private moments, I can't be 100% sure they would be happy in coming to live with me as they would see it as abandoning mummy.
Therefore, hard as it is, I have to let go and swallow hard. After all, it's their happiness that counts more than mine.
To update in a brief way. The twins mum had her test results back last week and was found to have no alcohol in her system at all and that she is clear. Obviously this has little influence in the potential court case except that maybe there might be an extra 1% chance of me getting the boys if she had no licence...
The SS report came back also last week and suggests that the children are all doing very well, twins are gifted, socially very good, intelligent and generally doing great. This, though very good to hear, basically means I have little chance of getting residence for them. Although I am disappointed in the outcome, of course first and foremost I'm very pleased that an authority has decided they aren't in any danger.
Therefore there seems to be little point in continuing in the court case. I have good contact, never have a problem seeing the boys and can have them extra nights whenever (like tomorrow night for example). Although I have several issues regarding her parenting, it is clear that the people who count (the SS, the health visitors and the boys) seem happy with the status quo.
I love the boys with every fibre of my being. They are the most gorgeous little chaps that ever walked the earth but, reading between the lines and going on snippets of what they have said to me in private moments, I can't be 100% sure they would be happy in coming to live with me as they would see it as abandoning mummy.
Therefore, hard as it is, I have to let go and swallow hard. After all, it's their happiness that counts more than mine.
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