Three in a bed - should I go there?

[goggs]

This is posted under a pseudonym for obvious reasons. My dilemma; my other half has bi-sexual leanings about which she fantasizes a lot. Unfortunately she now wants to put these fantasies into reality - she wants to meet another woman, have sex with her and watch me having sex with her. To this end she has signed up with adultfriendfinder and has been e-mailing women with a view to meeting up. She has had one or two hopeful replies. While I am not particularly averse to having sex with another person, I am not sure our relationship would stand the strain and beloved spending her whole time obsessing about whether I would shag anything, whether I have just settled for second best by being with her etc. On the other hand, she is a driven woman & has said that if I do't go along with it, she may just go off & do it without me, which I would consider a breach of trust and adultery. Now it needs to be said that I think our sex life is bloody good, and I have never wandered or felt the need to explore outside our relationship.(On top of this, I am not entirely happy about pictures of her and us going on the internet!)
What should I do? Go along with it or put my foot down & stop it? I am hoping that we'll get to the meeting stage, find out that women met through the internet are real munters and then the whole idea will wither on the vine.
Should I have written this to The Sun instead?

[goggs]

Scratching the itch is a good point. I was an itch she had to scratch, the result of which was her leaving a very longstanding relationship to move in with me....

What is an IP check and is it painful?

[goggs]

PetrolTed said:

dick dastardly said:

Can a Moderator IP check him please.

You think I haven't already

So, Ted, you'll know why i need anonymity. i'm trusting you on this one

[goggs]

ahhh moneypenny said:

I would also say go for it, but from my perspective I am the jelouse type, are you really sure she wouldn't get annoyed with you afterwards, a friend of mine did this and afterwards she said it was really wierd, and brought up in loads of jelouse arguements.

exactly!

[goggs]

Jinx said:

Worms, can of, opening - re-arrange these words into a well known phrase or saying.

By posting this query either you are A - just showing off in an carrera2 fashion or B - you own reservations are making you wary of such a motion.

If it is B then I suggest you need to look at this situation with open eyes (suggest a quick coffee bean moment to reduce hormonal influences). Obviously you are uncomfortable with the idea of bringing a third person into your relationship - can you be detatched enough to segment the lust side of the relationship from the loving side?
If you can cope with the inherent trust issues of a third player in the bedroom, then and only then could this work out and not be the beginning of the end for you and your other half.
I suspect this is the beginning of the end (it is difficult enough having a relationship with one other, never mind one other and a stream of cameo's) so - invite the "extra" in and have some fun before it goes pear shaped.

Wise words

[goggs]

The thing is, if I do go for it, I can't really tell my mates, so I'll just have to tell you lot instead! (and weather the resulting p1ss-take...)

[goggs]

Plotloss said:

If you do do it, any chance at a crucial moment in the proceedings you could chirp up in a high pitched voice 'Roll Over, Roll Over!'

As it would go some way to appeasing the comedy gods.

Thanks.

[goggs]

For any of you who doubt me, I can assure you that I posed the question originally in all seriousness and it is a problem that is giving me some heartache & doubts about my relationship. I am inclined not to go through with it - If that view results in the breakdown of our relationship, then at least I will walk away from it knowing that I did what I believed to be morally right and with my self-respect in tact.
Doesn't mean I don't appreciate the funny side though....

[goggs]

Oakey said:

Dude, this is all a sneaky set up to get you to agree to what she really wants... getting spit roasted. You have a MFF threesome now and then she'll come out with how she now wants a MMF one, and how it's 'only fair' as you'll have been with two women at once so why shouldn't she have two guys at once? And, of course, because you agreed to the MFF threesome you won't have a leg to stand on because you'll be made out to be a hypocritical bastard otherwise.

Also, think about this. She's going to be looking for other women who are interested in a threesome. What woman is going to be interested in a threesome for the guy? If they wanted to screw a bloke they could do that any time they wish, no, instead she'll be more interested in your girlfriend.

You know that scene in friends where Ross just gets left out whilst his missus and the girl go at it? That's you.

She denies wanting any other male involved, but I can see where you are coming from. It isn't a pleasant image, is it...

[goggs]

Mrs Trackside said:

If this is a serious post, and not just some troll waiting to be fed...

Everybody has fantasies, but there are some that need to stay as fantasies because the reality of them can be alot harsher than the idea. This sounds like every mans dream, but I suspect the reality would be very different for many of them, especially if their wife or long term partner suddenly decided she wanted to introduce a third party into the bedroom. This situation goes beyond just having anonymous sex with someone and never seeing them again. Once the other person has gone, you're left with you and your partner and a situation that either or both of you may not feel completely comfortable with and live to regret. Jealousy, feelings of inadequacy, lack of trust may all be thoughts and emotions that are left unresolved.

My view is that if you are BOTH happy to do this and think you can have enough trust and communciation in your relationship, then go ahead, but from reading your post it seems you have reservations. What worries me most is that your girlfriend has said she's going to do this with or without your consent, which says to me that she doesn't repect you or your relationship enough, and that I fear is where you are going to fall apart.

Good luck.

If you do go ahead, make sure you come back and post about it!

Serious, yes. Troll, no.
Those reservations are causing loss of sleep

[goggs]

Unfortunately, this is a woman I love & have done so for a very long time, we have children to consider also. My other half has always been a bit insecure, She may be testing me or our relationship, but frankly I do not want to play these games - there is too much at risk.
If our relationship needs help or reinforcement, then I would rather do that by talking or going to Relate. I don't think the answer lise at adultfriendfinder.com
Anyway, there is much more talking to be done between us.
Thanks for the help, all of you. I have a few things clearer in my mind now.
To be continued.....

[goggs]

Nick P said:

one of the problems i would have with a situation like this is........

she may be enjoying the lezza part of the action so much, that you are left on the sidelines and end up feeling left out and rejected.....before you know it, you've popped the tv on and are watching 'House of horrors' while they are strumming the gristle banjo together.

I'm not sure my fragile ego could take it....is that what is worrying you Goggs?

No, I would never watch House of Horrors!

[goggs]

angrys3owner said:

Just a thought, if you felt the need to hide your identity that probably means your a longish term member on here, which probably means your partner knows about pistonheads and she's not going to need to be a rocket scientist to figure out this is posted by you... lets hope she doesn't look at PH hey...

Any mention of cars/PH and she glazes over completely!

[goggs]

Vesuvius 996 said:

goggs said:

angrys3owner said:

Just a thought, if you felt the need to hide your identity that probably means your a longish term member on here, which probably means your partner knows about pistonheads and she's not going to need to be a rocket scientist to figure out this is posted by you... lets hope she doesn't look at PH hey...

Any mention of cars/PH and she glazes over completely!

If she ends up going for group action she'll definitely end up glazed.....

Lemon drizzle cake, anyone?
No, but seriously.....
Lots of very valid points on this thread - the more I read, the more idea I have which way I want to go with it. Some in depth chat on the cards tonight, I think.

[goggs]

anonymous said:

[redacted]

Yeah, don't choke with anticipation - it ain't gonna be that exciting, I doubt there will even need to be censorship. Will keep posting (Note to self; remember who you are logged on as!)

[goggs]

anonymous said:

[redacted]

Apologies to Oggs, cos it isn't him. I chose Goggs cos of the thickness of my specs - I look like that children's comedian (can't remember his name)!

[goggs]

Yertis said:

goggs said:

I chose Goggs cos of the thickness of my specs - I look like that children's comedian (can't remember his name)!

And I wonder why she's looking elsewhere?

[goggs]

Yertis said:

Oh go on it'll be a laugh.

Shall I wear the suit? (see above)

[goggs]

Thanks to all. I am going to sign off and return to my original identity, get home, have a beer, get the kids to bed & sit down with Mrs Goggs to see if we can sort it out.
Goggs will re-appear for follow up soon

[goggs]

Bloody hell, and not a padlock in sight! Clearly time for an update - Yup, I'm back.
Few points just to clarify;
My relationship is not screwed (...)
I am not underperforming (...)
I am not in any way related to Harry, Oggs or Nervy
I am not sad enough to rely on anyone's advice here - quite capable of making up my own mind what I am going to do
I am not a troll waiting to be fed, the post was put up for a bit of lively debate (successful) mixed with the possibility of getting some of PHers classic humour (also successful) and to give me some thinking space on how to approach the problem.

Anyway, the last 36 hours...
Mrs Goggs & I have had a very long, frank exchange of views such that I am really quite sleep deprived now. I have just cut out a whole paragraph of explanation & justification, cos I've realised it is none of your business, suffice to say an awful lot of issues have been aired & largely resolved. I am a much happier man than I was on Wednesday(!).
What is interesting is that the deeper you go into the whole thing, the less appealing it becomes - Mrs G is a great deal less keen than she was. Discussions about safe sex (we'll need HOW many condoms?), cheap hotels, meeting strangers in a bar all seem to rub the shine off the image. That combined with the choice of potential third parties available (Ooooooooooooow, Boiler, Woof, Crusher, Butch all spring to mind) and we are both pretty convinced that we would be unlikely to be engaging in any action anytime soon.

So the answer to the question on everybody's lips, will I or won't I? Err, still don't know... and I may not tell you when I do.

goggs returning to his normal identity in 3..2..1...