Difficult Employee - Advice Needed!

[romeogolf]

I have a member of staff who seems to have a slight attitude problem. Almost any comment which isn't entirely “yes please, definitely, thank you” is taken by her as an insult or direct attack. She's quick to brand anyone rude or arrogant.

This leads to her having a fairly short nerve with most situations and complaining to me when she thinks people are assuming she’s too young, stupid or inexperienced to be in her role. Mostly she assumes other people are ‘getting short’ with her when in actual fact, having heard her phone conversations (at least her side of things) it’s her own tone which comes across as aggressive or abrasive. I also find she doesn't always fully explain herself, leading to the other person to jump to conclusions and causing even more of a perceived 'attitude'.

Sadly I've inherited her as a member of staff rather than having her hired myself, and her original hirer is a director who thinks the sun shines out of her backside, so I've got little support to manage her within ‘the company’.

Her review is coming up and I really want to address these issues. Whenever they crop up in day-to-day work I address them individually and have said that she needs to realise people aren't attacking her, but perhaps she needs to explain herself more clearly so they can give the correct answers.

Her usual line is “they speak to you differently because you’re the manager” which may be true, but only if they’re aware of that. Which often in a quick phone conversation to collect documentation etc, they wouldn't be.

I'm finding this tough – Our HR department are hugely over-worked and getting any kind of response is not only time consuming but when the response comes it’s usually “you just need to manage the situation as it arises.”

She is quite immature for her age (despite being just a year younger than I am) and has a very short temper which needs to be managed. My question is really how to approach this without the temper tantrum she usually puts on (a few months ago in a conversation with HR she stormed out the building claiming she’s being bullied. She’s not, at all.)

I've not had a huge amount of experience in people management (my role is majority sales and facilities management) so any advice people can give would be fantastic. Happy to give exact scenarios etc if anyone has specific questions.

[romeogolf]

Hoolio said:

I've been in this situation before as a manager. The person was unaware it was them with the problem rather than others. In order to make them realise they had to change I selected a few people at random across different levels of the business to do 360 review on said person to "open their eyes" to the problem. The feedback was taken well and there was a dramatic change for the better.

Feedback is the breakfast of champions!

Thanks Hoolio - Unfortunately we're a company with a large number of small branches. So here we have just 4 staff: Myself, the staff member in question and two other staff members who are managed jointly by the staff member in question and myself. I think it would be a little awkward/improper to ask them to review their line manager in that way, no?

[romeogolf]

Hoolio said:

Are you not able to ask a cross section of the company from outside your office? People she speaks to / deals with on a regular basis?

I'll ask HR if there's any policy on this. Other than people in this office the only company employees she would talk to regularly would be two members of finance, HR and 'facilities coordinator' (Health and Safety).

[romeogolf]

anothernameitist said:

(a few months ago in a conversation with HR she stormed out the building claiming she’s being bullied. She’s not, at all.)

And HR duid nothing about this, thats very poor, they should have at least investigated or advised you to investigate.

You need HR support or if you are meeting with her you need a credible witness to support you.

The conversation was with HR about HR themselves, so while I was made aware of it, it didn't need any further input from me. Complicated situation regarding childcare and flexible working arrangements.

Asterix said:

Do you have a call recording policy?

Often they have no idea how they sound to others - they may think they're being 'assertive'.

Nothing like that, but that would be helpful.

[romeogolf]

PurpleTurtle said:

Is he porking her?
If not, does he have any kind of friend/family connection to her?

I've found in various jobs over the years that one or the other can lead to people extracting the urine, as she seems to be.

Hah! He can be overly familial and HR have palpitations when he opens his mouth, but no - He's almost definitely not. I'm not sure what the background/connection is but he's very fond of her and thinks she just needs help/support. Sorta frustrating from a management perspective.

[romeogolf]

Nick Grant said:

How long has she been employed?

Approximately two years. She was on maternity leave when I joined the company a year ago and returned a few months ago.

The Beaver King said:

Stick her on a Customer Service course as part of her development. Make sure it is one with a decent sized group.

These courses tend to give people the opportunity to compare their methods/styles against others and hopefully pick up some of the positive aspects. The course leader will be a unbiased third-party, so any constructive criticism will be based on their perception of your member of staff.

Usually they are one day affairs and the feedback can be invaluable.

That sounds fairly useful, thanks. I'll suggest this to HR and see what we can find.

andy-xr said:

There's 2 types of feedback; corrective and constructive. Some managers think they're giving one, when they're actually giving the other and often they think or tell themselves they're being constructive when they're being overly corrective. That leads to the employee thinking they're not being listened to.

Whatever you show her as 'I do it like this' leads her to think 'he's telling me I'm doing it wrong'

Ask her for answers, you dont need to provide them. Explore through questions aimed at getting to the heart of the problem, and what fixes she thinks she could make that would make things run smoother. If it's her idea, a) it's not yours and b) she's more invested in making it work then tell her it's a job well done when it's working

I also think you need to get out of the mindset of seeing her as difficult. The situation is difficult, and that's down to how well you're trained. It's not that the person themselves or their attitude is difficult, it just needs a set of skills you need to pull out from somewhere

Food for thought, Andy. It's a tough situation for sure. I've made comments about distancing herself from the personal side of the comments (she thinks) she's hearing.

I've also asked specific questions like "What did he say that makes you think he thinks you're rubbish at this [her words]?" but her replies are a little bit "well it's just his tone of voice, you can just tell" etc. So it's definitely a perception issue. Probably rooted in very low self-confidence but exacerbated by the fact that unfortunately she's not very good at communicating ideas either verbally or in writing.

Her emails are appalling and even when I know what she's trying to say I have trouble making sense of them (especially as a result of poor spelling/grammar). When she's talking she can come across as very stroppy/short. Examples being "Hi, there's no tea bags in the kitchen?" gets a reply of "Oh, okay" and a blank stare before goes to get some [part of her role, not unexpected].

[romeogolf]

edc said:

Corridor conversations are great but how much of the first post and these events is documented? From what you write airing this at review will be a bit of a surprise. Rather than criticising what have you done to show her how you want her to behave and communicate?

The prompt for this post was a conversation she had yesterday. She told me the person she was on the phone to was "giving attitude", talking over her, not being helpful etc. I asked if she'd been clear in what she was asking for and she cut in with "I know you think it's just my perception but seriously, he was being well rude to me and I ain't taking it. I don't need to be spoken to like that!"

So, she's aware of the conversations we've had and she knows I feel she needs to re-evaluate how she thinks people are treating her. I'm stuck as to how I can make her see that there's an issue on her end.

I'd like her to communicate more clearly. It's silly things, like her emails being poorly worded/spelt with appalling grammar. Or she'll say "Can you do X?" rather than "could you do X?" Subtle things which are quite hard to demonstrate without coming across as too attacking (which would obviously make things worse). I'm aware that I can be quite a confrontational person sometimes so the effort for me is to make sure that I don't do this the wrong way!

[romeogolf]

anothernameitist said:

Vicky Pollard?

If Vicky had a decent hair-cut and wore a suit to work; Yes.

[romeogolf]

Standard scenario just occurred.

Employee: *describes scenario in which a customer is short with her*
Me: That seems unlike him.
E: I ain't lying
Me: I'm didn't say you were [laughing] I just mean it's unlike him to be like that.
E: Ask *other colleague*! She was there! You're always telling me I'm seeing things wrong, but, really, he was really off.

I didn't reply at the further.

[romeogolf]

andy-xr said:

You're not the right manager for her. You need to either get on the same side and figure it out together as a team or you'll be distances apart and one of you will leave, probably under a tribunal or other cloud.

How would you have treated that reply then? I'm looking for help because I don't want the scenario you describe.

[romeogolf]

andy-xr said:

It's my opinion only, but if I raised up a small problem with someone and they laughed at me and told me the opposite of what I thought was true, I'd start questioning whether they're helping me. If they're not helping me, are they hindering me, and how.

If you keep saying to someone that they're wrong, then everything they do is wrong. That cant feel nice.

If the same problem keeps coming up, then you need to work with this person and ask them to show you how what someone's saying to them is personal. Would they have been rude to anyone, or just them. If it's just them, why would that be. You're going to need to take a bit of a child mentality, because I think that's what you're dealing with.

They could well be building a case for leaving and justifying it to themselves, then to you. Bullying would be somewhere near the list.

If you dont have the skills for this, you're better off pulling in people who do. Work with this woman and if needs be through HR as well, but I think you need to show you're bothered about helping sort the problem more than you have been doing, even if you're not.

Part of that might be to start recording calls with agreement from HR/the person and set aside half an hour on a Friday to go through some highlights and lowlights

Edited by andy-xr on Thursday 23 July 13:41

Sorry, I should have made it clearer that my laughing was in a "this is lighthearted / not serious" way rather than a "oh, you're so silly" way. Ultimately I want to help her. She's very good at many other aspects of the role, so it's my best interests to get the edges rounded off.

I've contacted HR this afternoon so I'll have to see what they come back with, although it can take weeks sometimes.

[romeogolf]

PurpleTurtle said:

OP, having read your updates, it's basically that she's a thick gobby bint with an attitude problem, isn't it? Good luck solving that one.

My mate does a lot of hiring and, occasionally, firing. His normal approach to dealing with this scenario is:

1) Give an appraisal
2) Provide positive feedback, but also highlight areas of weekness that need improvement
3) Put them on a PIP (Personal Improvement Plan) with regular monitoring/feedback. Involve HR to make sure all doen above board.
4) This will involve them either upping their game (a win/win) or quietly Foxtrot Oscar'ing, problem solved.

Mrs PurpleTurtle had similar issues with a bloke who works for her, complicated by him (supposedly) having a 'diagnosed personality disorder' amongst myriad other complaints, largely manufactured to get him out of any hard graft. After one too many nights of her coming home crying due to stress and me wanting to punch the bloke's lights out I suggested the above approach and, him finally seeing the writing was on the wall that he was being tippy-toe'd down the road to dismissal, resulted in a complete change in attitude and he is now a productive, hassle-free employee. Their relationship has improved - deep down I think he knew he was taking the piss and needed the subtle threat of his P45 to refocus his mind.

Maternity returnee you say? Does she do hours to suit her? Might be worth politely reminding her that cushy numbers like that aren't so easy to come by.

You're not far wrong to be honest. Will discuss PIP options with HR in a scheduled call today.

As for her working hours, she's full-time. She requested flexible hours but it was declined in her current role. She was offered part-time work in another role but declined it to return full-time (hence the accusation of bullying; Although this decision didn't involve me, it was HR/senior management).