Losing a pet

[Craphouserat]

Hi all

Just typing this in the hope it may somehow make me feel better.

Finished my night shift at 7am and at 9am had to put my dog to sleep - he became very ill after his morning walk. He was 12 years old and had been a true friend to me over the years, I spent a lot of time off work due to a serious back injury and the wee man kept me sane when i was doped up to the eyeballs with painkillers.

I am genuienly distraught at the minute. Even at 12 yrs old everyone in our village thought he was a pup he was so cute. His pic is in my profile if you want a look.

I feel i want to punch a wall or something jst now - I'm feeling guilty/very upset and pretty bloody lost at the minute.

I'd never had a small terrier before but when i met my now wife they came as a package....I loved the wee fellla from the off. Got to start another nightshift at 11pm....not sure how I'll get through that.

I'm presuming time heals etcc etc but my god it hurts like hell - work won't give me the night off.

Anyway - miss you already Ozz - rest in peace wee man.

[Craphouserat]

Thanks for moving this.

Thank you all for your comments - it was quite sudden. He was a character and a real one off. Not sure how I'm going to get through a night shift tonight. Want to be home with my wife - we don't have kids so I guess we've treated him as one.

Hopefully when we get the ashes back home I might feel better. The thought of him lieing in a freezer alone is not pleasant. He always wanted to be near us and for a wee dog he could jump quite a height and would always be found beside my wife.

He was a great wee man.

THank you all again.

[Craphouserat]

markw996 said:

I lost my Staffordshire bull terrier Max last Saturday, he was my best friend. I was distraught for the whole weekend and had to wear sunglasses at the Sunday Service as my eyes were so red. Struggled to get through work on Monday just staring at my laptop screen and mostly ignoring the phone. He was 12 too, acted just like a puppy and never grew up, I rushed him to the emergency out of hours vets after he collapsed, but he passed away peacefully on the vets table before they had chance to even take his temperature.

I felt distraught for a few days, then very angry for a few, but after a week (and 3 1/2 hours) I can now look at photos and videos on my phone without welling up too much, and although typing this is difficult, it does get easier.

I'm so sorry for you - you have said just how i feel rights now. I also feel ashamed and angry...can't even say at what. I feel guilty I never properly apprecited the last time he greeted me on my return home from work...or apreciated and took took extra time on his last walk around the village.

He vommited blood on the vets table and the vet put her head in her hands and we cryed - everyone knew...thats it.


The house feels so empty at this time of night - he would always come through from the main bedroom and join me on the couch for Match of the Day..always !!!!


Went into work and they sent me home..in my work i have to be on the ball - cannot take my probs in. This one is had not to carry around.


Thanks you all again - reading your posts makes me reaslie there are nice people in this world..

cchheers

Barry

[Craphouserat]

Thanks you all so much.

Your own stories have made sure I cannot see the screen as I type !!

He was so special - maybe not having another dog or any kids makes it worse..I don't know. Today I see him everywhere jusrt looking up at me with those big brown eyes. We had crap weather the last week of his life so walks were pretty short. Yesterday and today the sun has been out. The type of autumn days I loved to walk with him. Not looking forward to meetiing the dog walking regulars - he got so much attention from them all.

We never thought we'd get another but I'm not sure I can live without one. I'm on rest days from work next few days and my wife works tomorrwo - I'm not looking forward to being alone in this house tomorrow. The wee man kept me company - always ensuring he was under my feet when I was getting on with housework !! We're about to get some good photos together on amemory stick.

RIP Ozz

[Craphouserat]

keslake said:

These threads get me everytime:-(

I know what lurks on the pages and how upsetting each one is but still i read them all and then this supposed
tough builder sits here blubbing!

Barry...my thoughts are with you and one piece of advise i would like to offer is NEVER feel ashamed of grieving, no matter where you are or whose company you are in, your wee fella was special, as all our pets are.

Until anyone has owned a Dog, they have no idea just how strong that bond is and tbh i do not think there is any stronger bond in life.

Thanks for that.

Before I met my wife I'd always had Golden Retrievers...what I thought a real dog was. Doesn't matter the size or breed of the dog - they look at you like no human ever could. They give you everything unconditionally and would die for you.

Ozz may have been small - but he thought he was a rottweiller - never scared to challenge any bigger dog he thought was up to something. He was funny and loving...as they are.

Like you Kes many wouldn't imagine me sitting at a pc bubbling away to myself. But over 24hrs later I can't seem to stop. Luckily not back to work until Thursday. Should be better by then.

Right now I keep thinking of him alone in the Vets clinic and that cuts me up....he hated being alone. Maybe we should have brought him home and buried him in the garden? Main reason I didn't want that is we want to move in 18-24months and I didn't want him left there....I know he's not there anymore..its just in my head. We're getting him cremated and I hope I'll feel better when I get him home.

Really I just want to think of him without filling up....he brought so much into my life.

It does help to read peoples own experiences - the good side of this website.

Cheers

Barry+Catherine

[Craphouserat]

Jeebus - I think I'm doing well then I read more kind words for you lot !!

Thanks you all soo much - Catherine thinks typing things out about might make me worse but you guys are making me feel better.

Catherine is at work now and I'm on rest days - so this is the first day I've spent on my own since he died on Saturday. Normally when I'm on rest days and Cath leaves for the day Ozz would wake me by jumping on the bed for a few more hours of kip until the postman arrived when all hell would break loose and I'd then get up for the day !!

Today so far has been all too quiet - I've collected the post...cried like a baby simply because it was unchewed and didn't have to be wrestled out of the wee mans gob.

I have however managed to collect a lot of his things together, bed,towels and toys and put them in the loft. There's maybe the odd toy in the garden or under the bed still left...but thats about it. Just 15 minutes ago I decided to put my slippers on...an old pair from last year..had been put away for the summer. In one of them was an old chewed plastic ttoy, the ones you give them to help clean their teeth. I know it must have been missed when they were stored away..i do know this...but you wonder if hes sendoing a message to try make you laugh..which I did for a second befor e bloody crying...again !!!!!!!!!!

Please excuse the spelling etc...had a few tears typing. Thanks also for the hints about what to do with his ashes...very helpful so thanjks for those. I had thought of scattering on his fav walkway in some fields but I think I want him close by.

You've all been very kind - both myself and Catherine have read everything and we've really appreciated it.

THanks x

[Craphouserat]

riosyd said:

Some might think this a bit odd but it's what we wanted - Dino was cremated and his ashes are contained in a pod behind a photo frame (attached by magnets). Similar to this http://petributes.co.uk/featured/tribute-frame-pod...

I don't think thats odd at all...I will mention this to Catherine later...thanks for the idea.

[Craphouserat]

We think we may put his ashes in something small - I'm pretty much leaving it to Catherine - Ozz and her came as a package when I met her. Had a few people calling today to pass on condololencies etc meaning all of us have had a few tears again.


As alaways you have all been very kind with your words and sharing your experiences.

[Craphouserat]

Guys I promise to let this thread go very soo...I know it probably isn't doing me any good and you'll all be getting bored of it...at the end of the end I've just got to get on with it.

But Can I ask if the guilt every leaves? DO you just learn to live with it?

On rest days till I start my shifts again on Thursday - trying to keep busy - just done the housework which was very hard as OZz had a love hate relationship with the Vax and just hoovering had me choked up. Then washing the last of his paw marks from the flooring was another tear fest.

At the minute guilt id my overiding feeling...waht if we'd went down the route of trying him on a drip etc etc. I wish I could stop seeing him everywhere in this house.

Roll on Thursday - can't wait to start telling COps where to go again !!!!

[Craphouserat]

Thanks - I am sorry to bang on. These rest days just came at the wrong time I think - sitting alone is not so good for you at times like this.

I think I may be struggling a bit because I have a very small family - fell out with one set of grandparents before they died so did not give a toss when they died (please try not to judge that - long story) and I've not experienced much grief. My my other grandmother died I didn't really cry - I remember feeling a bit sad...but felt for my father mainly.

I married my wife who has a large family but virtually everyone is still going strong ( long may it reamin this way)..so what I'm trying to say is I have very little experience of grief.

Again - thanks for your thoughts/advice.

Barry

[Craphouserat]

Thanks riben.

I guess I am slightly better than a couple of days ago but I think I need to get back to work - getting 999's from desperate people will truly take my mind off things. I need to get back into the Control Room.

I can't believe how this affected me...I honestly thought Catherine would be more like this. She's still upset but can smile more than me...that's always been the case though !!

Cheers.

[Craphouserat]

bexVN said:

Yes they do ease off. I had guilt because I wondered if I should've had more tests done at a referral vets but my heart of hearts really knew that was clutching at straws, my vet whom I trust didn't think it was right and I did have a diagnosis of sorts.

There is always the what if question that we punish ourselves with but I don't believe for a minute that your vet would've agreed with your decision had they thought he'd be ok, they must've thought he was seriously ill.

Edited by bexVN on Tuesday 23 September 12:48

Yeah - she put her head in her hands when we told her what had happened when he became very ill. The guilt is obviously for having him put to sleep...but also i got in from my nightshift at 7am and walked him. The weather was crap and I was tired...I didn't appreciate the walk and just wanted my bed. I wish I had taken my time with him..then when I got home I went to bed...he then became ill. It was his last walk - I didn't appreciate him enough.

I trust my vet - he'd had problems for the past year - meds had stabilised him for the last 12 months but he was vommiting l=blood on his last day with us. Our vet said we'd done all we could and said others would have thrown the towel in before now.

Getting him home will hopefully make things better also.


Thanks for your words bex.

[Craphouserat]

keslake said:

Barry,

Don't you dare apologise for banging on!...that's what this forum is for and what makes this such a fantastic community. End of the day, we are all here for each other, Especially pet owners, so carry on adding to this thread whenever you feel the need mate.

I honestly don't know how i will cope when my boys time comes, i really don't.

Unlike yourself, i have had a whole load of grief on my life, lost my father at the age of 46 to cancer and he died in my arms at home weighing no more than 6 stone...2 days after my 19th birthday.

Then 6 years ago this last May my mother went down hill rapidly and i spent 3 days holding her hand in intensive care until she passed away...i had to deal with all of that on my own, including the funeral, probate etc and i honestly have no idea how i got through it.
Losing my Mum taught me how to let my feelings out, until that day i was the typical stiff upper lip guy, too ashamed to let anyone see me cry....not anymore.

I bought my boy 10 days after losing my Mum and he got me through it, hand on heart if it wasn't for him i wouldn't be here now, i owe my life to him.

Hopefully he will be around for me for a few years yet but when that day comes i will be seeking comfort on here as you are now so please rest assured, your postings are welcome as often as you feel necessary.

Thank you Kes.....thank you all very much.

Can't beleieve I've been a ph member so long and never used this section...easily the best-most helpful.

It means a lot to me...so thanks.

[Craphouserat]

mrmaggit said:

Just don't tell the rest

Us animal lovers get enough grief from the trolls without letting them know where we are.

Hopefully in the future i can repay some of the kindness shown to me and maybe I can help someone here in the future - I will be a regular visitor.

This morning I left the house and drove to my dad's. Gave him some pics of Ozz and then we went for a long walk with his two gorgeous Golden Retriever bhes. We spoke a lot about Ozz and what I may get in the future.

There were no tears...I was close but managed to spend the morning in the company of other dogs and speak about my wee terrier.

Even at nearly 40 you sometimes need your parents !!

[Craphouserat]

First day back at work since....no probs. Until the return home...jeez not having a hero's welcome just because you've been at work was hard to take.

Time to man up.....maybe once his ashes are home.

[Craphouserat]

The_Burg said:

Horrible decision. Had a few over the years. Our eldest grey really struggles some days others loves her life. Such a hard decision. At least our pets get the choice. Far worse our relatives where they get to the edge.


Currently legs are f@cked. Staggers about but so happy and bounces about when we get home. Looking at me know with her big brown eyes. Posted on here a few months back, but still she carries on. While she seems to love life we will carry on. The final decision is so hard.

It is. I've been back at work at few days now, forgot about him for a bit..because work is work and you have to get on....but my god the return home is hard. Tonight we'd been to shops before our return...when I put the bags down in the hall I seen him darting from one bag to the other to check what we had for him.

Ordered an Indian meal tonight trying to get on as normal...when the delivery came we still shut the lounge door to stop him attacking the poor delivery guy....even though there is no more barking.

The tears are drying up...until my wife asks what I think of the pictures of Ozz she has just ordered. Currently waiting to get his ashes back.

On a more positive and happy note we've agreed we will get another dog in the new year. We're seriously interested in a Lab...but that is for next year. We await a call from the vet to say he is ready to come home.

[Craphouserat]

We're getting to pick up his ashes and bring the wee man home today - hopefully this will help things a bit. I'm sure there will be more tears later on !

Managing to look at pictures and smile more though rather than just wanting to blubber !!

[Craphouserat]

Munter said:

That's a good thing I think

It is..thanks Munter.

Just been and picked the wee man up....no tears in vets thankfully. Not so on our return.

He was a wee man and there wasn't much in the way of ash...but i'm not sure what I expected.

Thanks to everyone for their words over the past 10 days or so...I can honestly say that this and other threads in this section have genuinely reminded me not all human beings are selfish uncaring creatures.

Some of you are quite nice

He's home...hopefully soon we can provide a great home for a rescue dog.

Thank you all so much.

Barry

[Craphouserat]

Jasandjules said:

It is awful recovering the ashes. I forgot to mention, you can buy picture frames with a section for the ashes, so you can have photos and the ashes.

Well done for knowing you will offer a rescue a home too.

Thanks for this - we're still looking at something for his ashes. We have managed to get some great pictures of him on walks in some frames and put them around the house....strange but for some reason we never had many pics of him up around the house when he was alive, plenty on phones/pc, but not much on the walls etc.

Miss him every day and think of him but things are a bit easier now - we will be looking seriously at rescue dogs when we come back from a short break later this months.

If anybody has some good advice about things to look out for/questions to ask please feel free to pass this on. I personally have never taken a rescue dog on but this is what we will be doing.

Barry

[Craphouserat]

CAPP0 said:

The vet is coming to our house this lunchtime for the last time....

They have already asked how we want Duffy back and that's a tough ask. The one thing which someone else with dogs told me they did was to put a suitable plant in a pot in the garden with the dog's ashes in there. Seems a nice idea and also means that if you move house you can take them with you. Alternatively, Duffy will be gong to the seaside, her favourite place.

Jeez - my heart goes out to you. I really mean that. Losing Ozz hit me harder than losing some relatives. The only positive thing for you here is that the vet is coming to your home - reducing the stress on the pet. We had to make a decision quite quickly at the vet and I felt guilty that my goodbye wasn't what it should have been. You have a proper chance to have to with your pet.

You've loved her and given her a good life and are now doing the best thing for her at the end of her life - try and take some comfort in that.

I feel for you...take care.

Barry