The pain of loss - how long?
Discussion
As most of you know I lost Jaz, my 17 year old Westie, almost two weeks ago
I cried pretty much continually for the first five days, with day five being angry and sad all at the same time.
Since then I've started to begin to be able to smile whilst rembering the great times we had together. BUT - there is this constant feeling of loss and feeling like all the joy has been sucked out of me.
I'm sure what I'm feeling is totally normal but for those that have been through this before let me ask, how long does this awfully raw and profound feeling of loss last for? Right now I feel like I'll never be happy again, even though I know that's not the case.
I cried pretty much continually for the first five days, with day five being angry and sad all at the same time.
Since then I've started to begin to be able to smile whilst rembering the great times we had together. BUT - there is this constant feeling of loss and feeling like all the joy has been sucked out of me.
I'm sure what I'm feeling is totally normal but for those that have been through this before let me ask, how long does this awfully raw and profound feeling of loss last for? Right now I feel like I'll never be happy again, even though I know that's not the case.
Well I've just picked up her ashes and that's started me off again. Don't think I'll be able to stop crying today!
Going to release her in the Thames in Pangbourne next week - that's where she was the healthiest and used to get up to her best fox poo rolling exercises
God this hurts so much!
Going to release her in the Thames in Pangbourne next week - that's where she was the healthiest and used to get up to her best fox poo rolling exercises
God this hurts so much!
Cheers CAPPO - I agree with what you say. For me, releasing the ashes is letting her go so she can enjoy the next chapter. I guess we are all different with this.
For me, this is the first loss of any kind as an adult, last was my Nan over 30 years ago, and I was totally unprepared for these raw feelings.
I will get another at some stage as the thought of not having a dog does not bear thinking about but there is so much going on right now - got an offer on my house on the same day I lost Jaz which was bizarre - that I need to get a little settled again.
Also, as Jaz was on so many drugs for the last 3 years I could not really expect anyone to look after her and have not had a proper holiday since 2005!! Me and Mrs Garyhun need to have some 'us' time and then we'll think about another little friend.
It's very therapeutic being able to post on here and share this stuff so thanks to you, and everyone else, for reading and replying. I'm feeling a little better already
Go hug your pets for me
For me, this is the first loss of any kind as an adult, last was my Nan over 30 years ago, and I was totally unprepared for these raw feelings.
I will get another at some stage as the thought of not having a dog does not bear thinking about but there is so much going on right now - got an offer on my house on the same day I lost Jaz which was bizarre - that I need to get a little settled again.
Also, as Jaz was on so many drugs for the last 3 years I could not really expect anyone to look after her and have not had a proper holiday since 2005!! Me and Mrs Garyhun need to have some 'us' time and then we'll think about another little friend.
It's very therapeutic being able to post on here and share this stuff so thanks to you, and everyone else, for reading and replying. I'm feeling a little better already
Go hug your pets for me
Craphouserat said:
Really sorry Gary - not been on here for a while so was unaware.
I felt the same for a long time after Ozz went about 9 weeks ago. I guess everyone is different but If I look at certain photos or think of him I sometimes get a bit teary. The feeling of loss is truly horrible - with me I had a lot of guilt. Still have because I've brought in a rescue dog....beginning to wonder if I've done that too soon.
You will get over these horrible feelings but it does take time - I couldn't talk about him too much to anyone for the first 3/4 weeks. Then it got slightly easier...but that was just me. Even today some regular dogwalkers see me with Archie and ask how he gets on with Ozz and I have to explain and fight back tears.
It will get easier - I am sorry for you - Its a crap time.
Cheers!I felt the same for a long time after Ozz went about 9 weeks ago. I guess everyone is different but If I look at certain photos or think of him I sometimes get a bit teary. The feeling of loss is truly horrible - with me I had a lot of guilt. Still have because I've brought in a rescue dog....beginning to wonder if I've done that too soon.
You will get over these horrible feelings but it does take time - I couldn't talk about him too much to anyone for the first 3/4 weeks. Then it got slightly easier...but that was just me. Even today some regular dogwalkers see me with Archie and ask how he gets on with Ozz and I have to explain and fight back tears.
It will get easier - I am sorry for you - Its a crap time.
Petrol Only said:
Glad your feeling a bit better Gary. Not trying to be nasty just add some perspective
I understand, but to be honest we're on an animal forum so am not sure why you needed to make the comparison with parental loss. Sorry for your loss 
Edited by anonymous-user on Wednesday 12th November 09:05
Lv2spd2 said:
As far as the releasing/scattering the ashes.
Remember you can only do that once, you can't take it back afterwards.
Not saying it is a bad idea, just make sure you are actually ready to do so before you do.
Thanks for the heads-up!Remember you can only do that once, you can't take it back afterwards.
Not saying it is a bad idea, just make sure you are actually ready to do so before you do.
For me, it signifies releasing her to another life and to a time and place when she was fit and well so it is a very positive thing for me.
I scattered Jaz's ashes on Saturday in the Thames at Pangbourne.
It was muddy as anything and I think she'll be laughing at me getting caked in mud just to give her a good send off, as this was the place she used to go to get covered in mud!
I said a few words, got a little teary, but it really helped to end that part of the grieving process.
I'm managing to have more happy thoughts and the pain, although still very strong, has more rounded edges these days.
See you in the next life Jaz!
Thanks for reading and take care everyone
It was muddy as anything and I think she'll be laughing at me getting caked in mud just to give her a good send off, as this was the place she used to go to get covered in mud!
I said a few words, got a little teary, but it really helped to end that part of the grieving process.
I'm managing to have more happy thoughts and the pain, although still very strong, has more rounded edges these days.
See you in the next life Jaz!
Thanks for reading and take care everyone
Boobles, unfortunately other people are not living through the pain of loss that you are, so sometimes they may do things entirely innocently that you may perceive as a slight to Chantry.
I went through a few 'incidents' in the days after I lost Jaz, which were especially bad on my angry day, and it would have been so easy to get really mad. Instead I tried to think if Jaz would have minded
All I can say is that your feelings are very raw right now and the littlest thing will be able to set you off. Try to stop yourself getting angry by acknowledging the possibility that your interpretation may not be entirely accurate because of the pain you are experiencing.
Obviously your sisters actions do seem totally out of order ...... but it, and other situations, may not be as they seem.
Also, think of Chantry tearing her a new one!!! It might help
I went through a few 'incidents' in the days after I lost Jaz, which were especially bad on my angry day, and it would have been so easy to get really mad. Instead I tried to think if Jaz would have minded
All I can say is that your feelings are very raw right now and the littlest thing will be able to set you off. Try to stop yourself getting angry by acknowledging the possibility that your interpretation may not be entirely accurate because of the pain you are experiencing.
Obviously your sisters actions do seem totally out of order ...... but it, and other situations, may not be as they seem.
Also, think of Chantry tearing her a new one!!! It might help
boobles said:
I do understand everything that is being said but she was there yesterday & witnessed his final hours & she also knows how he was around other dogs... He was scared of them & would whine if any approached him & she knew this. I am angry with the fact that although she knew all this, she still decided to bring in her own dog. I am going through the motions right now, one minute I am "ok" the next I am a mess. Knowing that I will never see him again or hold him is breaking my heart.
She's an idiot in that case!I really do understand every emotion you have right now and I feel for you. It will get better, trust me, but the pain along the way can be unbearable at times
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