My trip to the vets this evening
Discussion
45 mph in a GT-Four......
....with a cat that doesn't want to be there.....
Yearly booster time for the furry killing machine that I call a cat.
Joy.
So. Find the cat.
Find the catbox.
Find the cat again.
Introduce cat to catbox.
Cat goes in the cat box quietly (this should have been a warning to me)
Open door and place catbox in passenger footwell.
Shut door.
Run around to drivers side, jump in and start engine.
Cat mieows.
Select reverse.
Cat explodes from catbox like that thing from Alien.
Cat runs around car shedding fur.
Open door.
Cat escapes.
Go into house and find parcel tape.
Tape box up securely.
Find the cat again.
Catch cat.
Introduce cat to catbox.
Cat goes in the cat box with a hell of a struggle.
Tape up wounds in hands.
Open door and place catbox in passenger footwell.
Shut door.
Run around to drivers side, jump in (engine is still running).
Select reverse and get the car off the drive.
Cat rips through parcel tape like the hulk, scaring the crap out off me.
Car runs around the car in a panic drooling and shedding fur.
Open door.
Cat escapes. Again.
Go into house and find elephant tape. (I've used this stuff to stop kayaks leaking on white water)
Tape box up securely. Then use more tape.
Then think "sod it" and use the whole roll.
Find cat again.
Tempt cat using favorite treats.
Pretty much have to saw the cats legs off in an attempt to get him into the accursed box.
Take off gardening gloves (learning from my mistakes)
Open door and place catbox in passenger footwell.
Shut door.
Run around to drivers side, jump in (engine has now burnt half a tank of fuel).
Get the car turned around.
Cat still in box, meiowing pathetically.
Comfort cat while driving.
Get halfway to vet.
Pointy eared escape artist does it again. This time at 40mph.
Cat runs around the car in a blind panic drooling and shedding fur.
Avoid crashing the car by about 3mm. This is not good.
Options. Stop, open door to get out and lose cat.
Or, keep driving and risk cat scratching eyes out.
Elect to take the eye scratching option. Glasses should prevent serious injury.
Cat runs around car shedding unbelieveable amounts of fur.
People giving me really funny looks.
Furry Fangio ends up sitting on my lap with two paws on the steering wheel looking out of the front window.
I'd have taken pictures, but I was rather busy at the time.
People now giving me *really* funny looks.
5 minutes pass.
Get to the vet.
Park the car.
Somehow get the car back into the box.
Get into vets rather harassed.
Nice vet takes 2 minutes to check and inject the cat.
She then spends 5 minutes helping me reinforce the cat box to get home again.
Takes 2 of us to get the cat back in the box.
Get the bill.
Stop laughing and ask for the real bill.
Get the same bill.
Pick myself up from the floor.
Pay a ton of cash for the privilage of the cat being injected.
Return to car.
Open door and place catbox in passenger footwell.
Shut door.
Run around to drivers side, jump in and start engine.
Cat is silent.
Think uh-oh.
Leave vet.
Cat is silent.
Get halfway home.
Cat is silent.
Worry that cat is dead.
Get home safely.
Cat is silent.
Now really worried. Has cat escaped silently? Is cat plotting revenge?
Get catbox out of car.
Open cat box.
Cat saunters out, give me a "What?" look and wanders off.
I stand there like a gibbering idiot.
Cat lies in sun.
Open beer.
Drink.
Open second beer.
Get vacuum cleaner out.
Open third beer.
Clean cat hair out of car......
He's now next to me on the sofa with his feat in the air snoring contentedly.
As much as I love him, sometimes I wish he was a goldfish.
....with a cat that doesn't want to be there.....
Yearly booster time for the furry killing machine that I call a cat.
Joy.
So. Find the cat.
Find the catbox.
Find the cat again.
Introduce cat to catbox.
Cat goes in the cat box quietly (this should have been a warning to me)
Open door and place catbox in passenger footwell.
Shut door.
Run around to drivers side, jump in and start engine.
Cat mieows.
Select reverse.
Cat explodes from catbox like that thing from Alien.
Cat runs around car shedding fur.
Open door.
Cat escapes.
Go into house and find parcel tape.
Tape box up securely.
Find the cat again.
Catch cat.
Introduce cat to catbox.
Cat goes in the cat box with a hell of a struggle.
Tape up wounds in hands.
Open door and place catbox in passenger footwell.
Shut door.
Run around to drivers side, jump in (engine is still running).
Select reverse and get the car off the drive.
Cat rips through parcel tape like the hulk, scaring the crap out off me.
Car runs around the car in a panic drooling and shedding fur.
Open door.
Cat escapes. Again.
Go into house and find elephant tape. (I've used this stuff to stop kayaks leaking on white water)
Tape box up securely. Then use more tape.
Then think "sod it" and use the whole roll.
Find cat again.
Tempt cat using favorite treats.
Pretty much have to saw the cats legs off in an attempt to get him into the accursed box.
Take off gardening gloves (learning from my mistakes)
Open door and place catbox in passenger footwell.
Shut door.
Run around to drivers side, jump in (engine has now burnt half a tank of fuel).
Get the car turned around.
Cat still in box, meiowing pathetically.
Comfort cat while driving.
Get halfway to vet.
Pointy eared escape artist does it again. This time at 40mph.
Cat runs around the car in a blind panic drooling and shedding fur.
Avoid crashing the car by about 3mm. This is not good.
Options. Stop, open door to get out and lose cat.
Or, keep driving and risk cat scratching eyes out.
Elect to take the eye scratching option. Glasses should prevent serious injury.
Cat runs around car shedding unbelieveable amounts of fur.
People giving me really funny looks.
Furry Fangio ends up sitting on my lap with two paws on the steering wheel looking out of the front window.
I'd have taken pictures, but I was rather busy at the time.
People now giving me *really* funny looks.
5 minutes pass.
Get to the vet.
Park the car.
Somehow get the car back into the box.
Get into vets rather harassed.
Nice vet takes 2 minutes to check and inject the cat.
She then spends 5 minutes helping me reinforce the cat box to get home again.
Takes 2 of us to get the cat back in the box.
Get the bill.
Stop laughing and ask for the real bill.
Get the same bill.
Pick myself up from the floor.
Pay a ton of cash for the privilage of the cat being injected.
Return to car.
Open door and place catbox in passenger footwell.
Shut door.
Run around to drivers side, jump in and start engine.
Cat is silent.
Think uh-oh.
Leave vet.
Cat is silent.
Get halfway home.
Cat is silent.
Worry that cat is dead.
Get home safely.
Cat is silent.
Now really worried. Has cat escaped silently? Is cat plotting revenge?
Get catbox out of car.
Open cat box.
Cat saunters out, give me a "What?" look and wanders off.
I stand there like a gibbering idiot.
Cat lies in sun.
Open beer.
Drink.
Open second beer.
Get vacuum cleaner out.
Open third beer.
Clean cat hair out of car......
He's now next to me on the sofa with his feat in the air snoring contentedly.
As much as I love him, sometimes I wish he was a goldfish.
simpo one said:
Mr E, you must've been reading Alan Coren or 'How to Live With a Calculating Cat' by Eric Gurney, no?
Actually no. But it sounds like I should....
My biggest fear was that the beast would either scratch my eyes out, or end up in the footwell in the way of the controls.
As it was, he seemed much happier on my lap where he could see. Changing gear was tricky.
Today, I shall mostly be in second.
CarZee said:
sounds like you should get a proper cat box then matey 
This is a serious catbox. The problem is that it has a 4" hole in the top covered by a little hatch. The idea is you can open it so kitty can stick his head out and be comforted.
To my cat, it's a weak spot. The lock on the flap held. But the hinges the other side didn't.
I'm still not sure how he got through such a small hole though.
Harry Flashman said:
This is still one of the funniest things ever posted on PH. Brilliant.
Is said cat still with you, E?
The cat concerned was Tuscan, a farm mog with the brains of a daily mail reader. His favourite trick was to start fights with cars (moving cars), which he would invariably lose quite badly.Is said cat still with you, E?
It cost me a fair sum of money over 18 months and him a lot of damage (specifically his tail and his life). I was in China when I got the call of "we think we have your car here, he's been killed on the road".
I asked why they thought it was my cat, and the response was "well, it looks like your cat, it was hit 200m away from your house, it has no tail like your cat and the chip in its neck gives us your phone number....."
Right. My cat then.
Good cat. Stupid, hugely stupid, but good cat.
Waited until we moved somewhere with less traffic and then acquired Bonnie and Clyde. Clyde appears to be Tuscan Mk2, an affectionate highly stupid slut-cat. Who seems to not run out in front of cars. So there's hope...
That was probably more information that you (or anyone) wanted.
<edit 30 Oct 2013; Links to kitty pictures removed - google tags them as malware and I'm not sure why yet.>
Edited by Mr E on Wednesday 30th October 12:56
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