Sean Connery Joke (Vol 6)
Discussion
Well Volume 6 is now here, so to start it off.....
Three guys walk into a bar.
The first guy says, "I've got the smallest arm in the world."
The second guy, "I've got the smallest head in the world."
...
The third guy, "I've got the smallest penis in the world."
So the three guys go to the Guinness World Records.
The first guy comes back and says, "I really do have the smallest arm in the world!"
The second guy comes back and says, "Amazing, I do have the smallest head in the world!"
The third guy comes back angry and shouts, "WHO THE f
k IS JUSTIN BIEBER?!"
Three guys walk into a bar.
The first guy says, "I've got the smallest arm in the world."
The second guy, "I've got the smallest head in the world."
...
The third guy, "I've got the smallest penis in the world."
So the three guys go to the Guinness World Records.
The first guy comes back and says, "I really do have the smallest arm in the world!"
The second guy comes back and says, "Amazing, I do have the smallest head in the world!"
The third guy comes back angry and shouts, "WHO THE f
k IS JUSTIN BIEBER?!"
The Pope is told by a doctor that he is suffering from a special testicular disease that can only be cured by having sex. He must go through with this or he will surely die. The Pope says, "I have four conditions. The woman must be blind so she does not see me, deaf so she cannot hear me & mute so she cannot tell anyone of what we did."
The Doctor says, "& what is your fourth condition?"
"Massive tits."
The Doctor says, "& what is your fourth condition?"
"Massive tits."
Stunning Lady walks up 2 the bar. She signals the barman 2 bring his face closer 2 hers. Running her fingers through his hair she says softly "are you the manager?" He says "no"."Can you give him a message?" she asks stroking his face & allowing 2 fingers 2 slip into his mouth so he can suck them gently & sliding them seductively across his teeth & round his tongue
"Tell him there's no toilet paper"......
"Tell him there's no toilet paper"......
An elderly woman walked into the Royal Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.
After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office.
The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, '$165,000'.
The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money . The elderly woman replied that she made bets.
The president was surprised and asked, 'What kind of bets?'
The elderly woman replied, 'Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square.'
The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that.
The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, 'Would you like to take my bet?'
'Certainly', replied the president. 'I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square.'
'Done', the elderly woman answered. 'But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 '
clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness.' 'No problem', said the president of the Bank confidently.
That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet.
The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president's testicles were square.
The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.
The president was happy to oblige.
The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked
the president if she could touch them. 'Of course', said the president. 'Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure.' Â The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied, 'Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Royal Bank of Canada !'
After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office.
The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, '$165,000'.
The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money . The elderly woman replied that she made bets.
The president was surprised and asked, 'What kind of bets?'
The elderly woman replied, 'Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square.'
The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that.
The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, 'Would you like to take my bet?'
'Certainly', replied the president. 'I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square.'
'Done', the elderly woman answered. 'But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 '
clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness.' 'No problem', said the president of the Bank confidently.
That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet.
The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president's testicles were square.
The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.
The president was happy to oblige.
The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked
the president if she could touch them. 'Of course', said the president. 'Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure.' Â The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied, 'Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Royal Bank of Canada !'
A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.
He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.
The head monk, says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."
He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years.
Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot . . ..
So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing.
"We missed the R !
We missed the R !
We missed the R !"
His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, "What's wrong, father?"
With A choking voice, the old abbot replies, "The word was...
"CELEBRATE !!!" Â Â Â Â
He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.
The head monk, says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."
He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years.
Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot . . ..
So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing.
"We missed the R !
We missed the R !
We missed the R !"
His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, "What's wrong, father?"
With A choking voice, the old abbot replies, "The word was...
"CELEBRATE !!!" Â Â Â Â
I was in the pub on Sat night and noticed 2 large girls by the bar.
They both had strong accents so I said 'hi, are you 2 girls from Scotland?' One of them chirped 'it's WALES you fking idiot!!'
So i immediately apologised and said 'Sorry, are you 2 whales from Scotland?' and then the fun started!
They both had strong accents so I said 'hi, are you 2 girls from Scotland?' One of them chirped 'it's WALES you f
king idiot!!' So i immediately apologised and said 'Sorry, are you 2 whales from Scotland?' and then the fun started!
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