Advice from people separated with children.

[marky1983]

Hi guys
Just after a little bit of advice as to what to do.
I'm separated with a two year old and pay a fair sum of maintenance each month (quarter of my wages). Tonight I have seen my daughter and the ex has asked for even more money from me as she says she wants to send her to nursery two mornings a week. I have told her I already pay enough and what she gets is far more than what she needs per week.

She then played the guilt trip on me and now I don't no what to do. In my head I no I shouldn't pay more and that my daughter won't lose out but my heart is saying little one should go nursery and I might be stopping that.

Has anyone else had these problems and what was the outcome. Am I right to stand my ground or should I pay extra.

Just for the record I do obviously buy my daughter stuff and not just pay the maintenance and then leave everything she needs to come out of that money.

Thanks mark

[marky1983]

MC you could have just helped me big time. I been thinking so many things and her working a couple of mornings a week would cover that and probably not affect other money she gets.

[marky1983]

I was just going to say I can afford to do this at the moment as I have moved back home but am saving to get my own place again so the money isn't gonna be spare for long and I dont want the ex playing the same game in a few months when I can't spare the money. We made an agreement not to go CSS as she not entitled to much that way and I don't want my daughter losing out but obviously there is a line it has to stop at

[marky1983]

Ozone said:

Mark, will she stick to that agreement? My ex wanted 80% from me and i ended up going to the CSA to get guidance, they couldn't have been more helpful and i got a case worker assigned to me. The general opinion is that the CSA will rip you a new one but that wasn't the case for me. You can always call them for advice or go the their website for guidance you don't have to go through them when it comes to payments, i didn't, they just wanted proof of income and told me what i needed to pay and let me get on with it. I hope you get it sorted, the guilt trips can go on until your child is 18.

When we split there was a few arguments. She knows that I'm not afraid of going through courts and csa because the agreements we have work in her favour and if got messy she would come out worse off so it's in her interests not to take the pee. I wouldn't want to go that route and if it did then the money the ex would lose would be put in an account for when daughter is older. I have already forward planned for the worst cases. Wasn't expecting her to put this one on me though knowing she gets more than she is entitled to. I don't want to sound like I'm being selfish though but the way she put it is would I pay half the fee and the way I see it is I'm already paying it so indirectly I would be paying for the whole amount.

[marky1983]

K77 CTR said:

Have you missed the earlier post by someone stating that she's entitled to 15 FREE hours per week?

Should have replied to this earlier. This only applies to 3 and over and she just turned 2