Popping the question

[MrFrodo]

In the not too distant future I intend to propose to my girlfriend. I have a date in mind for the proposal and thoughts have turned to the ring (or possibly rings).

My plan was to find the best ring I could afford - my budget is pretty tight - make an educated guess at the right size and then pop the question with it. That all seemed nice and simple.

Virtually everyone I've since spoken to, however, has waited until the engagement was accepted and then taken their fiancée to choose the ring together. Some have used a cheaper ring for token symbolism when they actually popped the question; some didn't even do that.

What do you lot think?

There's no way I'm doing it without a ring of some sort, so I guess it comes down to two options:

1) Make my best attempt at getting the right ring first time
2) Use a basic ring for the actual question and then go to purchase the 'proper' one together later on

In some respects I'm quite lucky my girlfriend isn't especially materialistic. Within reason, I can't see her objecting violently to any particular style and I guess you can get resizing done anywhere if needs be. Also, my slight concern about using two rings is that, however nice the second one is, it would be the first one that had the greater symbolic significance. If that always reminds her of the proposal (and I hope it would do) then wouldn't the second ring be a little redundant?

[MrFrodo]

The early consensus seems to be getting a single ring before popping the question.

I'll drop Nightmare a line, I guess this is more a question for him, but how long does it take to get a ring made up? Thinking about it, my intended date is only a matter of weeks away now. Eek.

[MrFrodo]

WhereamI said:

I really don't understand why you would buy it without her involvement, how do you know what she wants and since she's going to have to wear it all the time I'd have thought her view would be vital.

Quite a few people have said things to that effect.

I know all engagements are special and I don't mean any disrespect to people who've done this differently, but if it was me receiving the ring I think the significance of the moment would be more important than the aesthetics of the ring itself. I'm pretty sure my girlfriend would look at it the same way. She likes pretty things as much as the next girl, but she's never gone in for designer shoes or anything like that.

I know people propose with Hula Hoops and all sorts before getting a proper ring, but I can see her treasuring the Hula Hoop more than the ring if I did that! She's the sort of sentimental individual who still has the first Christmas cards we gave each other.

[MrFrodo]

Sonic said:

In all seriousness, my OH loves the ring that i designed with Howard because of the thought that's gone into it.

How long did that process take out of interest? It's occurred to me I don't actually have a huge amount of time. This isn't a spur of the moment thing, I've been thinking about it for years, but I have a particular date in mind and it's, erm, less than a month away now!

WhereamI said:

But the problem is that if she wants to marry you there is every chance that she'll say she likes it whatever she really feels about it. At the very least I'd say you need to arrange with whoever supplies it that you can take it back and exchange for another one if she doesn't like it.

I totally understand the logic, but I'm still not sure. I don't think she places a particularly strong emphasis on aesthetics. I think the emotional gesture will be a far more significant part of it for her so I'd like to get that wow factor when it actually takes place. I can't afford to buy anything impressive for the first ring if I have to follow it up with a second one.

anonymous said:

[redacted]

Sadly they don't get on at all well. I may well ask her mum, though, and as long as I can trust her to keep quiet I'll consult her on the ring.

[MrFrodo]

Right, I'm definitely going for presenting the main ring on the day.

I've got a couple of points of reference to estimate a ring size and I'm going to make sure the design is suitable for resizing if needs be.

I'm tending towards a rather traditional band design in gold with a solitaire diamond.

My principle remaining dilemma is whether or not to speak to her mum beforehand. They're very close and I'm worried she'd spill the beans! It's quite a secret to keep for the next month or so (I am aware of the irony of stating that publicly on the internet )

[MrFrodo]

andyjo1982 said:

Just read this thread through. Have I missed your budget? I too went nightmare, and went to his shop with the intention of designing one, but in the end, my budget wasn't really big enough and after and hour or so, I settled on a solitare diamond ring, which he done for a really good price.

If you're worried about the sizing, try and find a picture where she is wearing a ring on her right hand marriage finger, find the ring and take it with you to the jewellers. That worked perfect for me...

Yep, I've chatted to Howard about the budget. It's relatively modest, so I'm going for a simple band and the best diamond he can procure with the remainder.

For a minute I was worried I wasn't very observant, but I've been scouring the photo albums and she really doesn't wear rings very often. The only photo I've got for a reference point shows a ring on her second finger - maybe they can infer something if I get the size of that? I've also been intently comparing her fingers to mine and I reckon I need something about half way between my little finger and my third finger.

Still don't know whether to call her mum. Presumably ring sizes - no sniggering at the back - aren't really something they'd discuss anyway?

[MrFrodo]

nadger said:

Apparently if she wears a ring on the same finger on the right hand, the left hand is normally a size smaller (if she's right handed, otherwise if left a size larger!)

Worth knowing.

To be fair I made a bit of a faux pas earlier. I was measuring my finger for comparison and one of my colleagues pointed out I had the wrong hand. Glad someone pointed that out before the big day.

Got the venue where I plan to pop the question sorted out too. Reservation booked, champagne (metaphorically speaking) on ice.

Edited by MrFrodo on Monday 17th September 18:09

[MrFrodo]

Does anyone have a phone number for Howard?

Been corresponding by email, but I realise I don't actually have a number for him.

[MrFrodo]

Update:

She said yes.

The ring (provided by PHer Nightmare) was exactly what I wanted and she loves it. My covert finger measuring even worked out and the size was spot on.

[MrFrodo]

Gizmoish said:

MrFrodo said:

Update:

She said yes.

I always worry about how these threads will end

You think you were worried?

I was actually pretty calm until I started to get down onto one knee and ... well, then I sort of half fell off the chair on my way to kneeling! That apart, it went exactly to plan.