Organising a wedding reception at home

[MrFrodo]

Has anyone here organised their own weddding reception on private land?

As of Sunday, the future Mrs Frodo and I are engaged to be married and we're looking to do something a bit special on a rather limited budget. The local options are, frankly, scary. One of the alternatives is to set a marquee up on my parents' farm.

I'm aware that's going to involve a lot more work than getting an prepaid package at a formal venue, but I'm curious to find out what exactly are the pitfalls. Has anyone else followed the DIY approach?

Farm is possibly a slightly grand term for what's actually a rather boggy, hilly small-holding in the arse end of nowhere, so the logistics would be, erm, interesting. But it would be a rather lovely place to hold it and it means we could actually decide what to spend the money on, rather than being forced to pay through the nose for things like corkage.

[MrFrodo]

joewilliams said:

It depends what you want really!

We had around 80 people in my parent's garden. I hired some marquees from a client (£80), borrowed a big-ass gas bbq from the local college (£0), chairs, tables & cutlery from village hall (£30), and got a portaloo (£80) & refrigerated trailer (£120).

Food was a load of quality sausages & burgers from a local butcher (£90) and booze cost something like £300 (ordered a few boxes of ale from the pub, bought cheapish supermarket wine).

Including various other miscellaneous bits, total for a good day was about £1000.

I wouldn't want to have done it any other way.

That's the sort of format I was considering if we were to take the DIY approach.

The local raft racing club has a marquee that it hires out for a pretty nominal fee. The Otter brewery is 20 minutes down the road and does a very nice line in kegs, while my dad is on the village fair committee with access to the mobile bar they use. A barbeque outside plus a table of nibbles and salad bowls in the marquee would do us nicely.

I know that's still far from trivial to organise, but my point is we wouldn't necessarily follow a formal sit-down format.

ewenm said:

Have you considered the halfway house of booking a local pub or restaurant rather than a big formal venue? It could make costs more manageable while still having the facilities all there.

This is another major option. We both like the idea of a rural theme, so a thatched pub somewhere with a field out the back or something would be good.

We haven't decided on a particular format just yet, but we're quite keen to do something different to the usual sports hall or social club options that you find at the budget end of the spectrum.

[MrFrodo]

Twincam16 said:

Then you'll need:
-A mate with a luxury saloon
-A mate with a band
-A mate who's handy with a camera

We're quite fortunate in that respect. My (future) missus is a professional musician and so are most of her mates, so we have more bands and PA systems on offer than we know what to do with. A friend of mine has a photography degree and a very nice SLR (which he's rather handy with). Another friend is starting a company making wedding cakes and has offered her services and we know a couple of people who might be able to lend a suitable wedding car.

Rather than getting half a dozen toasters and a couple of posh teaspoons that we're too afraid to take out the cupboard we're going to ask people to provide their services, irrespective of the venue.

[MrFrodo]

Landlord said:

Obviously, as a landlord, I don't recommend any of the above and actively recommend supporting your local pubs etc.

That is the other option. Although budget is a concern, the main reason is to avoid one of the usual souless 'function room' affairs. A nice little oak-beamed pub somewhere would do that well too and may be less hassle...

[MrFrodo]

I'm swaying towards the pub option, not least because there's an option that's still sort of 'at home'. Slightly disturbed by the prices people were charging up here I thought I'd ring the local pub in the village I grew up in to see how it compared. This is a 14th century thatched pub that regularly wins accolades for its food, directly opposite a picture postcard church - surely booked up or out of budget...

Actually turned out to be available all month and quoting the cheapest food/drink rates we've had from anywhere. They have standing capacity for twice as many people as we plan on bringing and a decent number of rooms on-site for guests. They don't advertise weddings parties as such, but seemed more than happy to do so.

I grew up within sight of that place and I even used to work there, so it's almost like having it at home. I can't help feeling that would provide the same rustic feel and the same picturesque environment as holding it on the farm without so much hassle (and it might even be cheaper).

[MrFrodo]

Jonnas said:

It is the venue and food that cost the money, if you can do them cheaply you are quids in. Alternatively, don't invite anyone........

I'd definitely agree with that as a general rule. Most places seem to charge a four-figure fee for hiring the venue following by a pretty hefty package per person for food and drink.

However, certain venues - usually bars or pubs - will give you the room for free if you're buying the food and drink there. That's the first bit sorted.

And using somewhere that doesn't advertise specifically as a wedding venue seems to help your money go a lot further for the second part.

The place we're thinking of is a very well regarded gastro pub. They gave a rough estimate of £25 a head for a three course meal (not including drinks, admittedly) and as little as £5 a head for an evening finger buffet depending on the menu. Wine was mentioned at £8 a bottle. Call it £15 a bottle for the toasts.

I know this doesn't cover everything, but as a rough guide for 30 day time guests and 80 evening guests, that's:

£25x30=£750 wedding breakfast
£15x(30/4)=£112.50 toasts at one glass per daytime guest
£8x(80/2)=£320 wine at half a bottle per evening guest
£5x80=£400 for a basic finger buffet in the evening

That's £1,582.50 for the basic catering. Okay, that's a baseline figure, but you could afford to double that and still be quids in relative to a lot of the souless generic wedding venues around here.

GreatGranny said:

Is your fiancee ok with having it where you grew up rather than where you live now or where her parents live?
Sometimes the bride likes to have it in her "hometown".

Good point. That is indeed the tradition (and her family live miles away to compound issues if we hold it in Devon). However, she's already said she doesn't want to hold it in her home town for personal reasons.

Our current home is almost exactly half way between the two, but it's basically just somewhere to live with no real emotional significance to either of us (beyond the friends who live there, but they'd be willing to travel). That really just leaves my home town, which we already escape to whenever the opportunity presents itself.

It's also tradition for the bride's parents to pay for everything. That's not going to happen either. More's the pity.

Edited by MrFrodo on Wednesday 10th October 12:15