Never thought this would happen to me...
Discussion
Sorry, it's another of those wife leaving me threads. Been married 13 years and have three adorable children (8, 6 and 4). Life's been tough financially since the company I worked for went down the pan in 2008. We had just had our 3rd child and we had also just moved house with a huge mortgage to boot. Then the company went tits up.
Since living in our new house I've had five different jobs while trying to make sure we have enough money to pay the bills.....which included nursery costs for two of the three children at that time. We have a great private school literally at the end of our garden which has a nursery attached to it so we put the kids there as it didn't cost much more than other nurseries. However, as the kids got older they simply went from nursery to reception.....and before I knew it three kids in private school at a cost of £3k a month. Hence why I've chased the buck for the last five years.
Despite all this we've manage to get through it (with some great help from my rich mate who's helped cover us for a few big costs in the form of a loan). To say it's been tough in the last five years is an understatement. However, my latest job is a dream job and going really well and the money's good so I saw some light at the end of the tunnel.
Then last week...POW!!!!!!!!!! My wife says' "we need to talk". Long story short, she feels I've neglected her over the last few years and not only that, she's been treading on eggs shells as I would bite at any little issue. She's right.....I probably have been tough to live with. Basically she wants out. I'm still in the denial stage but it does seem like it's over.
I love her immensely (always have and probably always will). I've just not been showing it and it seems she needed to see my actions. I can see her point but now here we are with my wife looking for her happiness resulting in turning the lives of 4 other people upside-down. Our kids love the family life....they're so happy with their mummy and daddy and now we're about to drop a bombshell on their little lives and it breaks my heart. Also, the thought of my future not involving my wife is tearing me apart.
My wife suggested a trial separation (which is odd given she's resolute that it's over). And this is the reason why I've posted my rumblings on here:
Do trial separations work? Are they a good idea?
Thanks for any advice.
Colin.
Since living in our new house I've had five different jobs while trying to make sure we have enough money to pay the bills.....which included nursery costs for two of the three children at that time. We have a great private school literally at the end of our garden which has a nursery attached to it so we put the kids there as it didn't cost much more than other nurseries. However, as the kids got older they simply went from nursery to reception.....and before I knew it three kids in private school at a cost of £3k a month. Hence why I've chased the buck for the last five years.
Despite all this we've manage to get through it (with some great help from my rich mate who's helped cover us for a few big costs in the form of a loan). To say it's been tough in the last five years is an understatement. However, my latest job is a dream job and going really well and the money's good so I saw some light at the end of the tunnel.
Then last week...POW!!!!!!!!!! My wife says' "we need to talk". Long story short, she feels I've neglected her over the last few years and not only that, she's been treading on eggs shells as I would bite at any little issue. She's right.....I probably have been tough to live with. Basically she wants out. I'm still in the denial stage but it does seem like it's over.
I love her immensely (always have and probably always will). I've just not been showing it and it seems she needed to see my actions. I can see her point but now here we are with my wife looking for her happiness resulting in turning the lives of 4 other people upside-down. Our kids love the family life....they're so happy with their mummy and daddy and now we're about to drop a bombshell on their little lives and it breaks my heart. Also, the thought of my future not involving my wife is tearing me apart.
My wife suggested a trial separation (which is odd given she's resolute that it's over). And this is the reason why I've posted my rumblings on here:
Do trial separations work? Are they a good idea?
Thanks for any advice.
Colin.
Grenoble said:
As an aside, she left you mentally 6 months ago, at least, sorry to hear it as it sounds like you have been putting everything in in terms of energy.
Longer I think. Sounds like maybe a couple of years. Wish she had told me how she felt back then. She says that I was so stressed with the work and our financial situation she didn't want to apply further stress. Wish she had!She still says that she regards me as her best friend which I respond by saying that's not a bad basis for a good marriage.
I'm not sure if there's someone else. I did think there was but I rather sneakily took a read of her Skype IM exchange with her sister (based in Sydney) and it only references my lack of intimacy and any kind of evidence of showing I love her.
I maintain this whole situation may say more about her than me (insecurity) which she accepts. But it doesn't really matter what I say or what logical argument I may put forward.....she's simply checked out! It's just so sad.
By the way, the suggestion was that I move out for the trial separation. We discussed whether it's a good idea or not but ultimately I fear that it's not. So here I am in the spare room and feeling really kind of blown away by it all. We're going to do our best to maintain normality for the kids while we try and work things out.
I suggested that maybe she's checking out of something much more than just me i.e all of the stresses she's experienced with trying to make sure she juggled the money we had to pay bills each week (she took care of all of that).
We did go and see a counsellor last week (not relate) and it was good but it seems she's just done that to placate me and give me time to get used to the idea it's over. She has agreed to see a psychiatrist though as she accepts there maybe a bigger issue. So, we agreed that we'll co-exist for the time being (for kids' sake) and, in parallel, she'll see the psychiatrist. I guess I'm living on hope that she'll recognise that I'm not the route cause of our problems and then give it a go again. I said to her tonight, "imagine going through with all this and then you realise 6 months or a ear later you made a mistake". That would be tragic.
Lots of great advice and words of wisdom on here....thank you. It's possible she may have another man but she's certainly denying it very well. I really want to believe her but I honestly have this constant niggling doubt. Either way, I guess it really doesn't matter anymore if she's left me (in her mind). There's no point me fighting the innevitable.
What really upsets me is to know (even if it's not immediate) that another man, at some stage, will be living with my kids and doing family stuff with them. It dawned on me last night that I've had my last Christmas as a family already. I wish I had known it would be our last together at the time and I probably would have savoured it more. It breaks my heart.
She's agreed to see a pyschiatrist in parallel with us managing an exit. I guess this will take time. We need to get the house up together and put it on the market and I think selling it will not be quick. I did say to her last night that once we're done and moved on we're really done and there's no way way back. She remains resolute.
I think i'm in the first stage of the classic stages starting with Denial. I understand Anger, Bargaining, Depression and finally Acceptance come next. I watched this short clip last night....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_Z3lmidmrY
Thanks for all your advice and understanding....
What really upsets me is to know (even if it's not immediate) that another man, at some stage, will be living with my kids and doing family stuff with them. It dawned on me last night that I've had my last Christmas as a family already. I wish I had known it would be our last together at the time and I probably would have savoured it more. It breaks my heart.
She's agreed to see a pyschiatrist in parallel with us managing an exit. I guess this will take time. We need to get the house up together and put it on the market and I think selling it will not be quick. I did say to her last night that once we're done and moved on we're really done and there's no way way back. She remains resolute.
I think i'm in the first stage of the classic stages starting with Denial. I understand Anger, Bargaining, Depression and finally Acceptance come next. I watched this short clip last night....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_Z3lmidmrY
Thanks for all your advice and understanding....
andyjo1982 said:
Does your wife work OP? It'd be a little more understandable if she's a stay at home mum and doesn't see much of you. Perhaps there could be other underlying issues like depression etc if she's not doing much with her life.
Otherwise, I can only echo other comments made. I've just seen my 11 year relationship end a few months ago (perhaps we should form a club?). Fortunately, we'd already sold our house and no kids, though I invested a lot of my money from the sale towards what is now her future abroad. Our relationship was probably over nearly a year before it actually finished, but I wanted to do everything possible to keep it going. Having been split for nearly 10 weeks now, I've realised we were different people, with different intrests and little in common. I have some great memories and experiences with the ex that I'll never forget, and its been bloody hard letting go.
Good luck OP, hope you come to some sort of amicable agreement for the kids sake. This is a great forum to post on, you will get some good advice, and as mentioned, there will be plenty here happy to listen on a private message.
She hasn't worked for 9 years but given our financial challenges and the youngest of our kids now at school she took the opportunity to return to work. She started her job in August last year but I fear this is where she's had the opportunity to see how her colleagues lead their lives so differently to hers. She told me last night that she feels she's missed out on having fun and that she's feeling older than her years (She's 37 and I'm 46.....she was 20 and I was 29 when we met).Otherwise, I can only echo other comments made. I've just seen my 11 year relationship end a few months ago (perhaps we should form a club?). Fortunately, we'd already sold our house and no kids, though I invested a lot of my money from the sale towards what is now her future abroad. Our relationship was probably over nearly a year before it actually finished, but I wanted to do everything possible to keep it going. Having been split for nearly 10 weeks now, I've realised we were different people, with different intrests and little in common. I have some great memories and experiences with the ex that I'll never forget, and its been bloody hard letting go.
Good luck OP, hope you come to some sort of amicable agreement for the kids sake. This is a great forum to post on, you will get some good advice, and as mentioned, there will be plenty here happy to listen on a private message.
When she was spending time with other mums and doing coffees and cake she was with like minded people talking about all things kids. Now she's at work she's seeing and hearing completely different lives and I think she sees me as someone preventing her from having that life. How she thinks she'll get this as a single mother with three kids goodness only knows.
Twincam16 said:
King Herald said:
Ahem, £3000 a MONTH in school fees????? Why not put the kids in normal schools and live a normal life. I'm pretty sure you would feel and be a lot more relaxed and easy to live with without having to stump up all that cabbage every month.
I suspect either the OP or his OH went to a fee-paying school themselves.I've found that if one or the other went they won't countenance the thought of sending their own kids to a state school, and it'll be a relationship-breaker if they aren't.
rufusgti said:
Ok, I'm going to come at this from a different angle, mainly because I don't think anyone else has.
To be clear, I don't have much experience with breakups and it seems lots of you do.
But. From what OP has said, his wife just Feels down and unloved. Women need to feel emotionally attached. You admit you have neglected her and that's not all your fault as you've been breaking your back for the family.
Is this not the time to fight for your marriage? You say you still love her. Prove it. It may not work but she is your wife.
I've known couples go through this, after affairs and pull through.
Is it worth fighting. Proving your madly in love with her?
Maybe not. Like I say I have little experience myself.
This is how I feel to be honest. It's just that the door seems completely closed at the moment. I'm not planning on doing anything just yet other than be very civil and make home life as comfortable for the kids as possible. I'm hoping we can take things forward rationally and if there's a re-discovery of what I mean to her then great. If not, then I have to accept it. It'll be tough but sTo be clear, I don't have much experience with breakups and it seems lots of you do.
But. From what OP has said, his wife just Feels down and unloved. Women need to feel emotionally attached. You admit you have neglected her and that's not all your fault as you've been breaking your back for the family.
Is this not the time to fight for your marriage? You say you still love her. Prove it. It may not work but she is your wife.
I've known couples go through this, after affairs and pull through.
Is it worth fighting. Proving your madly in love with her?
Maybe not. Like I say I have little experience myself.
t happens. I just never thought it would happen to me. She means the world to me. I'm not going to claim I'll change.....I am what I am and that is a pretty decent bloke who apparently is her 'best friend'. If something rekindles again because we're communicating then I'm happy. mister_ee said:
Has she got a sister?
Yes. She's a horrid person to the core. Nothing like my wife (my wife's lovely.....that's what makes this so difficult). I think she's at an inflection point (us blokes call it mid-life crisis). It's just that her actions could be so devastating on 4 other people's lives. I'm not sure if she completely understands just how much of an impact this whole thing will have.
She's got the psychiatrist appointment arranged now so I'm impressed she's doing that.....in my opinion that takes some guts!
Just read ABD's thread and seen my future played out. Wish I hadn't read it as I'm still in denial about my situation. I think my wife IS having an affair which really hurts because it feels like she's cheating on our lovely children as well as me. She categorically denies there's someone else. She sleeps with her iPhone and keeps going out with "the girls from work'".....not good signs.
The whole thing is horrid. Whatever the future holds I'm intent on making sure I remain civil and stay friends. It's so tough living day to day at the moment. I really am struggling to understand.
Thanks for all of the comments and advice on here. I have already ordered the book 'it's no big deal really' to try and make sure this has minimal impact on the kids.....so thanks for the poster who recommended that.
It seems some on here must have had some pretty bad experiences given some of the comments. I hope myself and my wife can manage things amicably. We're both rational people so there's a good chance.
The whole thing is horrid. Whatever the future holds I'm intent on making sure I remain civil and stay friends. It's so tough living day to day at the moment. I really am struggling to understand.
Thanks for all of the comments and advice on here. I have already ordered the book 'it's no big deal really' to try and make sure this has minimal impact on the kids.....so thanks for the poster who recommended that.
It seems some on here must have had some pretty bad experiences given some of the comments. I hope myself and my wife can manage things amicably. We're both rational people so there's a good chance.
julian64 said:
Of course the most likely situation is that your wife has been discussing her feelings about you with one of her friends and doesn't want you party to the conversation.
But PH being what it is you will be told with certainty your wife is having an affair, you will be given phone numbers of private detectives, and the various people on here that love a bit of intrigue will enjoy the thread while pretending to help you.
But I guess thats the internet, if you were serious about your marriage you wouldn't be posting details of it all over the internet in the first place.
Some valid points. In fact, when I confronted her today about the iPhone secrecy this is exactly the reason she gave.But PH being what it is you will be told with certainty your wife is having an affair, you will be given phone numbers of private detectives, and the various people on here that love a bit of intrigue will enjoy the thread while pretending to help you.
But I guess thats the internet, if you were serious about your marriage you wouldn't be posting details of it all over the internet in the first place.
Wrt me being serious about my marriage and posting on the Internet this is where you and I are at a difference. Firstly, with my three kids involved and my whole life about to be turned upsidedown I find it incredible that you can call my seriousness into question.....it's about as serious as it gets. Sharing as 'sym7' with some anonymity rather than as me (I don't use this profile name anywhere else) it has helped me immensely to share with strangers who I am unlikely to ever knowingly meet. An example of some help is the reference to the book "it's no big deal really" (which arrived today) with advice about how to manage your kids' stability during a marriage break up (should that happen). Other people's experiences help and I am rational enough to pick out the relevant, irrelevant and the obvious bitter.
Please don't question my seriousness again and I'm sure you and I will get along just fine.
Talking to strangers is a great help (that's inherent in counselling right?). I saw a counsellor today and referenced how sharing on PH was helping me and she said that there is no harm in doing that if I felt that it helped to share.
Remember this thread? So here's a brief update for anyone interested... (Good therapy for me too). My house sold today. Divorce papers submitted. Agreed alimony pending consent order. Found a house to move to and hope to complete early Jan. Wife moving to rented with the kids. I get them every other weekend plus Wednesdays. Have a girlfriend (completely unexpected) and am very keen. Lost over 4 stone in weight. Now feeling really good about myself again and sporting a 30" waist after nipping in at 40" at the time my wife said she wanted to leave me back in April. Been climbing mountains in the US and keeping my hand in in wales and Lake District too (broke my arm two weeks ago on a mountain so will make moving house a challenge in a couple of weeks).
I tell you....I'm actually smiling and looking forward to my future. Very strange to say that because it was looking pretty ste a few months back. Just really really apprehensive about not having the kids with me every day.....that's the only dark cloud but I guess I'll just get used yo the 'new normal'.
I tell you....I'm actually smiling and looking forward to my future. Very strange to say that because it was looking pretty s
te a few months back. Just really really apprehensive about not having the kids with me every day.....that's the only dark cloud but I guess I'll just get used yo the 'new normal'. SWAT78 said:
Same here. Glad that the past 8 months haven't turned you against all women, as does seem to be the case too often on the more Mumsnetty threads here...! Glad things are looking up - sounds like 2014 could be a great year.
Thanks. Just need to keep an eye on the kids and make sure all this doesn't impact them mentally too much. They seem okay at the moment but the big move out hasn't happened yet. That's to come in January. I feel so fking crap. I thought I was handling this okay and then pow! It hits me like a wet kipper. My wife moved out this weekend and I had the kids with me over at my parents while she moved 'her' stuff out. I dropped the kids off at her new house a couple of hours ago. The toughest thing I've ever experienced. That's it! My kids no longer live with me. It became so sudden in the end. I'm here in my house all alone, no pictures on the walls, no beds in the spare rooms and nearly all of the cupboards bare. I move next weekend. I feel so st I almost don't want to wake up tomorrow. I really didn't expect it to hit me this hard. I actually thought I was looking forward to the future (and posted as such in this thread a couple of weeks ago).
Please tell me it gets better because this pain is unbearable......I feel like ending the pain tonight!
king crap. I thought I was handling this okay and then pow! It hits me like a wet kipper. My wife moved out this weekend and I had the kids with me over at my parents while she moved 'her' stuff out. I dropped the kids off at her new house a couple of hours ago. The toughest thing I've ever experienced. That's it! My kids no longer live with me. It became so sudden in the end. I'm here in my house all alone, no pictures on the walls, no beds in the spare rooms and nearly all of the cupboards bare. I move next weekend. I feel so st I almost don't want to wake up tomorrow. I really didn't expect it to hit me this hard. I actually thought I was looking forward to the future (and posted as such in this thread a couple of weeks ago). Please tell me it gets better because this pain is unbearable......I feel like ending the pain tonight!
ZesPak said:
These threads are very sobering for us "young married" ones as well, seeing people that were happily married for over 10 years grow apart like that...
Sad to hear you're feeling st OP, is there anybody you can call to have a night/day out or something? I'd go for a ride with a friend/go carting/... something in that aspect to take my mind of things.
Maybe not the best thing to ask, but was she having an affair or is that still unresolved?
Sorry, so much has happened since I stopped posted for many months on this thread....I couldn't remember whether I mentioned the affair. Despite her denying anyone else's involvement I found out she was having an affair. The circumstances how I found out were quite extreme. It was back in may during one of the May bank holidays I had taken my kids away for the weekend to Snowdon and stayed in a really remote cottage north west of Snowdonia. After being out with the kids climbing the mountain all day Saturday we got back to the cottage and I put the kids to bed and was looking forward to sitting in front of the tv. Then I had this almighty pain in my chest which had me doubled up. The pain just wouldn't go. It lasted all night and I think I eventually fell asleep as dawn was breaking. When I woke I felt fine. So went out with the kids all day Sunday. Same thing that night happened but this time the pain was much worse. Monday I was fine again and drove back home. Wednesday morning I woke at about 4:00am with the same pain again and called 999. Ended up in cardiac (sp) ward and had all sorts of tests. My wife came to see me and said that the kids were being looked after by a teacher at their school. My second night in the hospital my wife made a brief visit and said the same teacher was looking after the kids again. When I got back home my kids said that the teacher (Mr. B) had a "sleepover".Sad to hear you're feeling s
t OP, is there anybody you can call to have a night/day out or something? I'd go for a ride with a friend/go carting/... something in that aspect to take my mind of things.Maybe not the best thing to ask, but was she having an affair or is that still unresolved?
The teacher is 26 and my wife 38. Basically he was shagging her in my bed, in my house with my kids in the rooms adjacent while I was in hospital having a suspected heart attack (turned out to be something to do with my liver and gall stones).
So, needless to say, I don't want this guy anywhere near my kids. The school sacked him. I wonder what his intentions are???? I suspect he'll be moving in with my wife shortly which is making my pain all the worse! Anyway....yes she was having an affair. One of the early posters on this thread said "women are like monkeys; they won't let go of one branch until they have hold of the next". How true.
discusdave said:
hi op
I'm going though the same thing now
married 16 years 3 kids 8,9,14
exactly the same thing was said to me about the trial separation ...
i am now in week 5 of said separation trying to make her "want me again"
our experiences in the build up was/is very similar to yours we are getting on better kids don't see the arguments but i do miss being there anyway.
i just wanted to say good luck
Out of interest, how's your situation looking now? Mine's pretty good. It's exactly a year since my wife shattered my life with her opening gambit of 'we're finished'. There was another bloke involved (12 years her junior). I've bought another house (converted barn...small but lovely) and I have the kids every other weekend and every Tuesday. As posted previously I also have a girlfriend who came into my life as a complete surprise and she's just great! So, other than the fact the this aI'm going though the same thing now
married 16 years 3 kids 8,9,14
exactly the same thing was said to me about the trial separation ...
i am now in week 5 of said separation trying to make her "want me again"
our experiences in the build up was/is very similar to yours we are getting on better kids don't see the arguments but i do miss being there anyway.
i just wanted to say good luck
hole of a bloke she's with is still around (pretty much moved in with her and my kids) the world looks like a brighter place. Sorry for bumping my own thread but this is the 1 year anniversary of my devastating news and things are just looking better by the day. Maybe this is a good message for anyone else just starting the same journey. I had advice coming to me in the early days where people said it would get better over time.....I was skeptical. But they were right. Happy Easter everyone!
On 21st April 2013 I started this thread. I was a few days into trying to get my head around the fact that my wife said it was all over. Everyone said she was having an affair and I refused to accept that she was. Someone used the analogy of women being like monkeys...they don't let go of a branch until they have hold of another. So, it seems, everyone was right and I was wrong.
Anyhow, I now live alone in my new place (a lovely converted barn). I have a girlfriend of over a year now who lives about 60 miles away with her children but we get together as regularly as we can and really enjoying having each other. I have my kids with me every other weekend and once a week during the week and they seem to be accepting the situation as normal now....thank goodness.
So, after all of this I can now report that today I opened a letter and it was the Decree Absolute. So that is the end of that chapter and now I feel so positive and excited about my next. If anyone else is just starting on the painful early stages of separation then please be aware that things do get better and there really is happiness beyond the emotion and pain you may be feeling right now.
Anyhow, I now live alone in my new place (a lovely converted barn). I have a girlfriend of over a year now who lives about 60 miles away with her children but we get together as regularly as we can and really enjoying having each other. I have my kids with me every other weekend and once a week during the week and they seem to be accepting the situation as normal now....thank goodness.
So, after all of this I can now report that today I opened a letter and it was the Decree Absolute. So that is the end of that chapter and now I feel so positive and excited about my next. If anyone else is just starting on the painful early stages of separation then please be aware that things do get better and there really is happiness beyond the emotion and pain you may be feeling right now.
I posted this almost 10 years ago but still feels like it was only a few months back. After my wife left me, I met someone else about 5 months later. We’re going to celebrate 10 years together this September. My oldest child was 8 when my wife left me, she’s now a young lady at 18 and shortly heading off to university. My boys are doing well too. So proud of all three of them.
As for my ex-wife; as predicted by so may, she was indeed having an affair and that was the reason for her leaving me. It turned out it was with my kids’ sports teacher. Lasted 2 years and he left her. A few weeks later, she got with someone else (moved him in straight away), lasted 4 years and then he left her. She then started dating someone else but he turned out to be a rather dodgy individual. She’s now living alone.
Just as covid struck, I tried to formalise our long-standing financial arrangements in the form of a court order so that my girlfriend and I could buy a house together. My ex-wife decided that she didn’t want to make it so easy and came after me for more money. £35K solicitors costs, 1 1/2 years of stress and a £60K out of court settlement and £1,650/month child support later….and now I’m free of her. This is despite having paid £1,500 a month anyway since our separation, 63% of family home equity to her (My equity went on keeping the kids in school….so I was left with nothing) and a further £188K private school fees until they were able to go to secondary school….and she still didn’t think she had taken enough from me.
Anyway, 10 years later…..so pleased to have my ex-wife in my rear view mirror and no more financial handcuffs. Looking forward to spending the rest of my life with my girlfriend (Hopefully, become my wife soon) and continuing a great relationship with my children. I can’t believe it’s been 10 years!
I re-read some of my early posts on this thread and some of the replies. I cringe when I read some of the things I wrote. So naive. If I could go back in time and give myself some advice, I would 100% advise to engage a solicitor and get the financials locked down immediately in a court order.
As for my ex-wife; as predicted by so may, she was indeed having an affair and that was the reason for her leaving me. It turned out it was with my kids’ sports teacher. Lasted 2 years and he left her. A few weeks later, she got with someone else (moved him in straight away), lasted 4 years and then he left her. She then started dating someone else but he turned out to be a rather dodgy individual. She’s now living alone.
Just as covid struck, I tried to formalise our long-standing financial arrangements in the form of a court order so that my girlfriend and I could buy a house together. My ex-wife decided that she didn’t want to make it so easy and came after me for more money. £35K solicitors costs, 1 1/2 years of stress and a £60K out of court settlement and £1,650/month child support later….and now I’m free of her. This is despite having paid £1,500 a month anyway since our separation, 63% of family home equity to her (My equity went on keeping the kids in school….so I was left with nothing) and a further £188K private school fees until they were able to go to secondary school….and she still didn’t think she had taken enough from me.
Anyway, 10 years later…..so pleased to have my ex-wife in my rear view mirror and no more financial handcuffs. Looking forward to spending the rest of my life with my girlfriend (Hopefully, become my wife soon) and continuing a great relationship with my children. I can’t believe it’s been 10 years!
I re-read some of my early posts on this thread and some of the replies. I cringe when I read some of the things I wrote. So naive. If I could go back in time and give myself some advice, I would 100% advise to engage a solicitor and get the financials locked down immediately in a court order.
vulture1 said:
Sym7 said:
I posted this almost 10 years ago but still feels like it was only a few months back. After my wife left me, I met someone else about 5 months later. We’re going to celebrate 10 years together this September. My oldest child was 8 when my wife left me, she’s now a young lady at 18 and shortly heading off to university. My boys are doing well too. So proud of all three of them.
As for my ex-wife; as predicted by so may, she was indeed having an affair and that was the reason for her leaving me. It turned out it was with my kids’ sports teacher. Lasted 2 years and he left her. A few weeks later, she got with someone else (moved him in straight away), lasted 4 years and then he left her. She then started dating someone else but he turned out to be a rather dodgy individual. She’s now living alone.
Just as covid struck, I tried to formalise our long-standing financial arrangements in the form of a court order so that my girlfriend and I could buy a house together. My ex-wife decided that she didn’t want to make it so easy and came after me for more money. £35K solicitors costs, 1 1/2 years of stress and a £60K out of court settlement and £1,650/month child support later….and now I’m free of her. This is despite having paid £1,500 a month anyway since our separation, 63% of family home equity to her (My equity went on keeping the kids in school….so I was left with nothing) and a further £188K private school fees until they were able to go to secondary school….and she still didn’t think she had taken enough from me.
Anyway, 10 years later…..so pleased to have my ex-wife in my rear view mirror and no more financial handcuffs. Looking forward to spending the rest of my life with my girlfriend (Hopefully, become my wife soon) and continuing a great relationship with my children. I can’t believe it’s been 10 years!
I re-read some of my early posts on this thread and some of the replies. I cringe when I read some of the things I wrote. So naive. If I could go back in time and give myself some advice, I would 100% advise to engage a solicitor and get the financials locked down immediately in a court order.
Reading just this post paints a picture to me that your wife:As for my ex-wife; as predicted by so may, she was indeed having an affair and that was the reason for her leaving me. It turned out it was with my kids’ sports teacher. Lasted 2 years and he left her. A few weeks later, she got with someone else (moved him in straight away), lasted 4 years and then he left her. She then started dating someone else but he turned out to be a rather dodgy individual. She’s now living alone.
Just as covid struck, I tried to formalise our long-standing financial arrangements in the form of a court order so that my girlfriend and I could buy a house together. My ex-wife decided that she didn’t want to make it so easy and came after me for more money. £35K solicitors costs, 1 1/2 years of stress and a £60K out of court settlement and £1,650/month child support later….and now I’m free of her. This is despite having paid £1,500 a month anyway since our separation, 63% of family home equity to her (My equity went on keeping the kids in school….so I was left with nothing) and a further £188K private school fees until they were able to go to secondary school….and she still didn’t think she had taken enough from me.
Anyway, 10 years later…..so pleased to have my ex-wife in my rear view mirror and no more financial handcuffs. Looking forward to spending the rest of my life with my girlfriend (Hopefully, become my wife soon) and continuing a great relationship with my children. I can’t believe it’s been 10 years!
I re-read some of my early posts on this thread and some of the replies. I cringe when I read some of the things I wrote. So naive. If I could go back in time and give myself some advice, I would 100% advise to engage a solicitor and get the financials locked down immediately in a court order.
Was probabaly a proper stunner
used to having her own way
never really had a career (obviously raising kids)
has now had a few failed relationships each getting worse by the looks of it
Will now spend her life with cats.
Wrong or a stereo type?
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