I'm worried my missus will kill us all
Discussion
I love my OH to death (excuse the pun), but some of the things she does are of serious concern.
In just the last couple of weeks examples of what has happened:
She put a couple of burgers under the grill then f
ked off to wash her hair. When I noticed the spitting getting a little bit loud and smoke filling the living room I decided to investigate and found the grill roof/element on fire and burgers burnt.
The same grill was again used later in the week only this time even though she had removed the food items cooked under it, she forgot to turn it off again almost setting fire to the kitchen and filling the living room with smoke.
Between these two incidents I had bought and fitted two long overdue smoke alarms, worried for the safety of our household, particularly our 2 year old son.
After the second grill incident she even commented it was good the smoke detectors had worked! Missing the point love.
Last week she was making a curry or something and left the spatula resting on the pan, next thing she's screaming for help and yup you've guessed it, the bloody thing was on fire and she's waving it around like a sparkler in the kitchen. ("I didn't think that a plastic spatula would catch fire like that" It was resting directly above the flame of the hob FFS!!
)
In addition to things like this she leaves the iron on unattended, mugs of hot liquid within easy reach (she's poured hot coffee onto the nippers head once already), kitchen knifes overhanging the work tops, pills/potions/creams lying around. I could go on. She obviously has unconditional love for our little one but I seriously can't help feeling it's only a matter of time before something really terrible happens
Whenever I try and approach the subject it seems to get played down, she sees the error of her ways but it never seems to change and I feel like i'm contstantly chewing at her (which in fairness I am, but for good reason!). She has many lazy tendancies, but is certainly not lazy.
I can't be the only one who has issues of this nature? My ex wife displayed many similar traits...
Any advice?
In just the last couple of weeks examples of what has happened:
She put a couple of burgers under the grill then f
ked off to wash her hair. When I noticed the spitting getting a little bit loud and smoke filling the living room I decided to investigate and found the grill roof/element on fire and burgers burnt.The same grill was again used later in the week only this time even though she had removed the food items cooked under it, she forgot to turn it off again almost setting fire to the kitchen and filling the living room with smoke.
Between these two incidents I had bought and fitted two long overdue smoke alarms, worried for the safety of our household, particularly our 2 year old son.
After the second grill incident she even commented it was good the smoke detectors had worked! Missing the point love.
Last week she was making a curry or something and left the spatula resting on the pan, next thing she's screaming for help and yup you've guessed it, the bloody thing was on fire and she's waving it around like a sparkler in the kitchen. ("I didn't think that a plastic spatula would catch fire like that" It was resting directly above the flame of the hob FFS!!
)In addition to things like this she leaves the iron on unattended, mugs of hot liquid within easy reach (she's poured hot coffee onto the nippers head once already), kitchen knifes overhanging the work tops, pills/potions/creams lying around. I could go on. She obviously has unconditional love for our little one but I seriously can't help feeling it's only a matter of time before something really terrible happens
Whenever I try and approach the subject it seems to get played down, she sees the error of her ways but it never seems to change and I feel like i'm contstantly chewing at her (which in fairness I am, but for good reason!). She has many lazy tendancies, but is certainly not lazy.
I can't be the only one who has issues of this nature? My ex wife displayed many similar traits...
Any advice?
Landlord said:
Errr, AFAIK she's no longer pregnant? Son is 2 and a half 
Muzzer79 said:
Not sure if serious....
My OH forgets stuff all the time - doors/windows open, straighteners left on, freezer door left open, steamer not filled with water, I could go on...
In one ear, out the other.
Deadly serious.My OH forgets stuff all the time - doors/windows open, straighteners left on, freezer door left open, steamer not filled with water, I could go on...
In one ear, out the other.
I didn't make mention of the windows and doors but since you say. Often if i've been out fishing the night or late home and she's gone up, I'll get home and find the house unlocked. The little boys room is downstairs quite near the front door and it just worries me senseless how lapse she is when i'm not there to check these things
It's as if it just does not enter the thought process at any point whatsoever.This is half the problem, i'm big enough to take care of myself but if anything happened to the little one through her, let's call it oversight, it would obviously cause major problems and I don't ever want to get to that point.
I really (obviously) have had very little success addressing these issues as they continue to happen.
Edit - i'm concerned for her safety as well
Edited by Baldy881 on Friday 26th April 15:30
roadman said:
fake it ..... get a load of fake blood, scream in pain, fall onto the kitchen floor with blood all over you.....scared for life wont be dangerous again
Ha, that makes me LOL. She also leaves stuff laying around in the most dangerous of places. Washing basket/shoes etc right infront of the main door into the living room for example. I'm always doing these pretend Benny Hill fake fall overs to make the point, she just tuts and rolls her eyes and the nipper pisses himself laughing, literally. Therefore this tactic does not get taken seriously, at all. Therefore I have stopped doing it.Pixel Pusher said:
Apart from you dealing with what has happened so far, and you raising your concerns with her, what "proper" steps have you actually taken to address the situation?
You're on a bit of a sticky wicket going to a GP for a referral because you're concerned for the safety of your 2 year old son.
No parent wants to admit that.
Like I say, she is a fantastic mother who really does care about our son. I don't know what I can do, but sure as hell can't be the only one in this situation as already highlighted by others on this thread, just easier when kids aren't involved. You're on a bit of a sticky wicket going to a GP for a referral because you're concerned for the safety of your 2 year old son.
No parent wants to admit that.
I try and talk about it often but of course it makes me out to be some wholesome never-puts-a-foot-wrong kind of chap which of course I am not. I'm not very good at compromise, I'm of the 'that's my suggestion, this is why (justification!), so that's the solution' mentality. Bloody minded you may say.
Sure there are things I see my arse about that I just need to chill out on, but also somethings you just have to do, like make sure toddlers are not in a position to harm, or be harmed...
theshrew said:
I came home one lunch to take the dogs for a walk to the house stinking of gas. Turns out Mrs had gone to work and left her lunch on the worktop. Somehow one of my dogs had jumped onto the worktop and must of turned the gas on the hob on.
I leave all doors windows open etc. I rang the kids to tell them not to go home.
Then i rang the Mrs to tell her, the responce i got was why did you leave the doors and windows open you should of just turned the extractor fan on FFS
No1 - I didnt want to blow myself up
No2 - The extractor fan was fitted before we bought the house it doesnt even vent outside lol
Woman = Idiots
I leave all doors windows open etc. I rang the kids to tell them not to go home.
Then i rang the Mrs to tell her, the responce i got was why did you leave the doors and windows open you should of just turned the extractor fan on FFS
No1 - I didnt want to blow myself up
No2 - The extractor fan was fitted before we bought the house it doesnt even vent outside lol
Woman = Idiots
However, I think you're being harsh on the missus. It was the dogs fault
Puggit said:
It's a female thing.
Yes but I'm after pointers in trying to address at least some of the issues, or should I fk all subtlety and start doing things like blatantly removing the hazards? The child devices I fitted a long time ago on the kitchen units work, she struggles with those. Fit those everywhere? (could pretend they're to stop our ever more intrigued son).
Last year when the little lad was in a different bedroom that got quite cold on a night we'd leave a small oil filled rad on, twice she'd poked her head in and thought it was a bit too cold so spun the dial 'a bit'. When I checked the room before bed he was slowly cooking equivalent to gas mark 5 I would guess at. When asked what the hell she was doing (I was mildy mad) she said it's because she didn't have her glasses on, couldn't see the dial and didn't want to turn the light on to disturb him
!! Light on = bad. Cooked alive = OK 
theshrew said:
She also has a talent for leaving her car unlocked on the drive. I was fed up of telling her about it so one night when she went to bed i moved her car down the road. Panic panic when her car wasnt on the drive in the morning - Did it actually make her learn from her mistakes ? Did it feck was unlocked again this morning when i went out to work.
Again, another problem I have (she's already had a Mini Cooper nicked when she lived down in Crawley, house left open, burgler in, nicked handbag and car keys then just drove off). I wonder if cable tying some road kill to her steering wheel then denying all knowledge about it when found may open her eyes a bit to the dangers of an unsecured vehicle?Thing is, when something does go wrong (which it does from time to time), she is SO upset, but the things that happen are so easily avoidable. I'm not the best at the whole sympathy thing!
Condi said:
In answer to your original question; while your life may well be in danger I think Im safe. Just dont invite me round for dinner.
She's ok when cooking a full on meal, it must focus her. She makes a good bit of snap!Only gripe here is that she leaves ALL the washing up to the end and the kitchen looks like a bomb has hit it, whereas (good old wholesome me
) cleans up as I go along, so that when you're stuffed and can't be arsed to wash up there's only the dining pots left to pop in the dish washer 
Interestingly, my mum shows none of the lackadaisical qualities my current bird and ex wife show, so I guess I've been formed in the same manner. Whereas the missus mum is very similar to the missus (worry) and also deploys lethal trip hazards and utter clutter whenever we are down at her gaff! Must be in the DNA.
Carthage said:
She just sounds tired. Maybe you could do more to help with your son, and in the house?
Strikes me that a lot of posters seem to expect their partners to do everything (like the poor soul who has to open and shut his own curtains to his own satisfaction)...
I do all the DIY, gardening, that kind of thing (of which there's plenty of). She does most (but not all of) the cooking and cleaning. Dangerously. Strikes me that a lot of posters seem to expect their partners to do everything (like the poor soul who has to open and shut his own curtains to his own satisfaction)...
I'm a VERY hands on father, I'd say child duties are equally split except she has an extra day off a week with him. Which i fully appreciate is hard work with a 2 year old.
jabbalon said:
Does she have a dog you can bum? I read this as a fool proof solution to some kind of dispute on PH a while back. She'd only have to catch you hunched double over the pooch with your jeans round your sweaty ankles once before the point was made. Hopefully.
What. The. fk. !!!!Edit, no dog but the cat is technically hers?
LOL, still here! Only a few hand bag, washing basket and shoe type trip hazards to negotiate over the weekend thankfully
), I also know she's finding it quite lonely but the dizziness traits stem from before meeting her, it's not something that has appeared in recent months.
She's a stressy type, can get quite negged out (I occasionally mention she's being pessimistic and she really no likey!). She's always making lists of things to do, then fogets things on the list. I challenged her about this and ended up saying 'you just like going to the shops don't you?' which is pretty much the correct analysis which she does not disagree with. She says her ideal job would be an organising role, I don't think she'd be very good at this. (She's been self employed a year and has already forgotten to submit a VAT return, albeit thankfully she made the payment just return not sent)
She will know I worry about sons (and households!) safety, but then I know it's mentioned and forgotten just as quickly. Issues are regularly included in our day to day chats. We've been together knocking on 5 years now, living together 4 and I can imagine how she lived before we met. Example: Living on own, takes a shower, shaves legs, leaves razor in shower. She's done that twice in our family house since little one around, once i've had to take a razor out of his hands!! I'm like "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING??" She's obviously not (thinking). I then tell her how bad it would be for him to cut his hands to bits on a razor before she realises how dangerous that was. She agrees, says it won't happen again, but then... 
Seriously, she is not an untidy person but doesn't particularly enjoy housework (which i can relate too). At the end of the day it's as if she's just never acknowledged the increased safety requirements of having a young child around. I'm into boys toys, gadgets, have fishing gear (bloody sharp hooks, line (hanging material!)) e cigs and their toxic juices, tools and so on to keep hidden/track of and yet I manage to do this 24/7 without fail plus keep the property secured as I know what could happen should these things get into the wrong hands or someone gets in.
The conclusion I always draw (and has been in our discussions) is that the reason I do what I do is that it is important to me and therefore it enters my thought process each and every day. The fact she doesn't always keep the house safe can only lead me to think that these things are not important and therefore not on her mind. Yet I know of course she thinks our sons safety is important and when we're out and about she's like a hawk watching and protecting him.
bexVN said:
I think just brushing it off as woman thing is being a bit simplistic.
I could accept that explanation for one or two of the mentioned incidents but there sounds like a catalogue of errors here.
Could she be stressed, does she work? Is she trying to fit too much into a day?
Have you told her that you are now starting to genuinely worry about your son's safety. Is the contention re another child distracting her more than either of you realise?
All above just thoughts abd probably have no bearing at all!
She works from home (yes, very scary), self employed . 4 days a week working, 1 week day to look after our youngster. The other 4 weekdays he's at nursery. She tells me she's busy (must be doing OK as I note her spending much more money these days I could accept that explanation for one or two of the mentioned incidents but there sounds like a catalogue of errors here.
Could she be stressed, does she work? Is she trying to fit too much into a day?
Have you told her that you are now starting to genuinely worry about your son's safety. Is the contention re another child distracting her more than either of you realise?
All above just thoughts abd probably have no bearing at all!
), I also know she's finding it quite lonely but the dizziness traits stem from before meeting her, it's not something that has appeared in recent months.She's a stressy type, can get quite negged out (I occasionally mention she's being pessimistic and she really no likey!). She's always making lists of things to do, then fogets things on the list. I challenged her about this and ended up saying 'you just like going to the shops don't you?' which is pretty much the correct analysis which she does not disagree with. She says her ideal job would be an organising role, I don't think she'd be very good at this. (She's been self employed a year and has already forgotten to submit a VAT return, albeit thankfully she made the payment just return not sent
)She will know I worry about sons (and households!) safety, but then I know it's mentioned and forgotten just as quickly. Issues are regularly included in our day to day chats. We've been together knocking on 5 years now, living together 4 and I can imagine how she lived before we met. Example: Living on own, takes a shower, shaves legs, leaves razor in shower. She's done that twice in our family house since little one around, once i've had to take a razor out of his hands!!
I'm like "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING??" She's obviously not (thinking). I then tell her how bad it would be for him to cut his hands to bits on a razor before she realises how dangerous that was. She agrees, says it won't happen again, but then... Seriously, she is not an untidy person but doesn't particularly enjoy housework (which i can relate too). At the end of the day it's as if she's just never acknowledged the increased safety requirements of having a young child around. I'm into boys toys, gadgets, have fishing gear (bloody sharp hooks, line (hanging material!)) e cigs and their toxic juices, tools and so on to keep hidden/track of and yet I manage to do this 24/7 without fail plus keep the property secured as I know what could happen should these things get into the wrong hands or someone gets in.
The conclusion I always draw (and has been in our discussions) is that the reason I do what I do is that it is important to me and therefore it enters my thought process each and every day. The fact she doesn't always keep the house safe can only lead me to think that these things are not important and therefore not on her mind. Yet I know of course she thinks our sons safety is important and when we're out and about she's like a hawk watching and protecting him.
fin racer said:
OP, you have my sympathies.
A delicate situation to be in. When you raise issue, is she completely oblivious or just defensive?
Good question! I find it quite hard to distinguish. I'd say she's defensive about being oblivious A delicate situation to be in. When you raise issue, is she completely oblivious or just defensive?
I said it earlier, I always feel a t
t because it's like i'm nagging at her all the time. Believe me, on a daily basis I get in from work and spend the first 10 minutes tidying around after her/the 2 year old without saying a word, it's quite obvious what i'm doing. If, say, the postie has delivered a parcel for her it's been unwrapped but the packaging is still laying around on the sofa, floor, kitchen worktop etc. Usually stays there for a couple of days until I get pissed off with seeing it and move it myself (doing the trash is definitely my job, that's quite clear!!). Same as you though, somedays I get home to an eerily tidy house, once a week or so.We had words about something a couple of nights ago involving her leaving s
t laying around and a typical response is that I do the same but she never mentions it to me. I say the same everytime 'tell me about it then and I can do something about it if it's something I don't realise i'm doing', i'd love to know!! But yet she won't mention specifics, ever. Suspect really, but not saying i'm perfect!! This paragraph could quite easily go in the 'things that annoy you beyond reason' thread She also doesn't flush the loo after a wee most times
No matter how many times I say it's not right and I don't really like it, it happens daily. I point this out, she says it's only in the night so as not to wake the boy. Rubbish! It's all the time. So I suggest should I take photographic evidence to support my claims?? I REALLY don't want it to get to that point, but often think that's what I need to do to make her realise she's doing it! Thankfully always flushed after a number 2, somethings you just don't need to see As you can probably imagine i'm quite easily irritated, but the dangers to my son and household remain whether i'm being an obsessive arse or not!
doogz said:
There's a difference between being a worrywart, and the missus burning the house down.
Thank you OCD is not:
Prizing a bic from a 2 year old
Seeing missus pour hot coffee on childs head (yet still insists on balancing wine glass/hot drinks on sofa arm like it's a circus act, often when child present)
Seeing your missus set fire to kitchen utensils/the kitchen
Turning radiator in childs bedroom up so high that i'm gasping for breath in his room when I go in to check on him before bed
Leaving codeine/steroid cream on the coffee table whilst young child plays in there and she cooks in kitchen
The not flushing the bog, things laying around, lights on, doors open isn't the end of the world, that I accept. Take the kiddy away and these are all dealable with items for most adults, but surely I have to try and prevent the dangerous situations that seem to appear all too frequently?
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