My grandad died tonight.

[Butter Face]

I've never felt so empty in my life

Collapsed at home in the bathroom, my gran called the neighbours and 999 and paramedics spent almost an hour trying to resuscitate him but took him to hospital and they called it at 9.05pm

I'm truly truly gutted, my dad left when I was 6 months old, my grandad was my 'dad' and taught me about cars, women, right and wrong.

Any ideas on how to cope for the next few days would be appreciated, especially the funeral

[Butter Face]

Thanks for all the kind words everyone.

Amazing how all the 'what ifs' come out now, I was going to visit him today but didnt feel well earlier (I had an operation this morning) so put it off til tomorrow morning, what if I'd gone? What if I'd been there with him? Could I have done something to save him?

I know my whole family is saying the same thing, it's my stepdads birthday today so he and my mum were out when they got the call from my gran, what if they'd been at home (1 mile along the road) could they have saved him?

It's all hypothetical but it makes me angry that such an awesome man has gone from all of our lives

This is the first death close to home I've ever had to deal with and at almost 30 I thought I'd cope with it when it did happen but it's harder than I ever imagined

[Butter Face]

Cheers again for the advice, it really is helping my brain process it all.

My gran is ok, she was so worked up when we got there because she was upset she couldn't do Anything for him

The paramedics said his heart still had some electrical impulses but they just couldn't bring him round.

It was horrifying watching them try and bring him round for so long on the bathroom floor

I'm glad I got to see him in the hospital though, my family let me have a minute with him before we left and I told him how much I loved him, that I'll carry on being everything he's helped me to be. It all feels very numb at the moment, maybe it will sink in tomorrow.

I really want to sleep but just can't. I am the most emotionally stable member of the family, I just hope work is understanding that I might not be 100%, my manager knows how close we were though.

He was a big fan of Hank Marvin and The Shadows and Cliff, so there will be some of that played, maybe Apache (his favourite) as we're leaving the church.

The thing about my grandad is that he was always a joker, he just wanted to make people smile. He'd probably want to be buried in shorts and a Hawaiian shirt lets see if my gran allows it!!!

Just writing this down is really helping. I know it won't feel better overnight but I know he'd want me to keep my chin up and remember all the fun we had together

[Butter Face]

Cheers all for the comments.

I've been to my grans with the rest of the family this morning, we've all laughed and cried together.

Sorted out a few bits with the funeral director and decided he'd want to be cremated and then buried with his son who died at 17.

So many things to sort out and so many people to call!!

[Butter Face]

Luckily my gran has always dealt with the finances, she's worried about money though as gramps had pensions etc which need to be sorted.

I've already sorted his motability car to go back next week, at least that's something I can sort out.

We've sorted a few note things out for the funeral, he's being cremated and buried and then we'll have the wake at my mums house. We've decided no black clothes, he'd never want us to all turn up being morbid!!

I've really appreciated all of the kind words and advice, today has been easier than I expected.

[Butter Face]

The help on here has been brilliant, I'm really thankful for the messages of support.

My grab gave me gramps' St Christopher chain last night, she gave it to him for their wedding anniversary many many years ago (she can't even remember when) and he's worn it every day since. It's jn every picture of him and now it's around my neck where it will be for the rest of my life

The wife and I are off to pick up our new puppy and he will be called Billy (my grandads name was Bill) which will give everyone a laugh I'm sure.

Thanks again for the messages of support.

[Butter Face]

Thanks for the kind words

Funeral director rang today but no news fr the hospital as yet.

Gramps had a small bit of life insurance and grandma rang them today to be told that a company called 'Dignity' had 'first call' on the policy, quick phone call to them reveals that gramps had spoken to them a few months ago to start arranging funeral things always trying to be one bloody step ahead.

Quick explanation to them that we want to use a local funeral director (family friend) and they said no worries, just need to put it in writing. Phew! Gramps was just trying to help I suppose!

Bits like pension etc sorted, grandma will get some money, but not a lot so we'll just have to see what happens!

Hard work all this stuff!!

[Butter Face]

DavesFlaps said:

Firstly, OP, my condolencies.

Reading through the previous posts, it's apparent people deal with grief in very different ways but the message that's common throughout the thread is that the passing of time eases the pain.

My Dad died last week after a long illness and although I had convinced myself I was prepared for his passing, it hit me like a train. I've managed to keep myself busy organising things (the amount of stuff that needs to be addressed is incredible) and looking after my Mum, and I'm lucky to have the support of an incredible wife. I've been asked to say a few words at the funeral which I expect will be one of the most difficult things I'll ever have to do, but I'm determined to do it, for him.

Sorry to hear of your loss, it's not easy but I think you're doing it the same way as me

Just been talking to a chap in work who does tattoos, I've never thought about tattoos before but I partially think it would be a nice way to remember him. Grandma never let him have tattoos.

[Butter Face]

Yes I'm sure he did.

We only started saying it over the last few years so I hope he knew that I cared a lot for him

[Butter Face]

R1gtr said:

Start a new hobby, something you always fancied, do it as a tribute.

What a great idea

My granddad loved watches, he's got quite a collection (nothing expensive but some cool stuff) so I could carry on with that, He'd love it if I did that.

Thanks for that, it's just made me smile for the first time in a few days

[Butter Face]

R1gtr said:

Butter Face said:

Thanks for that, it's just made me smile for the first time in a few days

No problem mate, watches would be a great idea, give you something to pass on to your kids/grandkids too.
You could also take up mountain biking or something you always thought about, now is the time, the loss of a loved one shows that we have to follow our dreams and live our lives to the max.
How about a motorbike?

I think my gran would go mad if I got a motorbike and it's never really been a dream of mine tbh.

Maybe I need to think about what I want to do. He always made time to do stuff with me, drove me around the country to car shows, collecting parts for cars and lying on the floor in the pouring down rain fixing the gearbox on my old Mini (His favourite story was how he had rain running down his collar and out of his trouser leg )

I will speak to my gran about taking on his watches, she won't really want them and I'd wager there's a few he bought on ebay that she doesn't know about!!

[Butter Face]

hbzboy said:

Butter Face said:

R1gtr said:

Start a new hobby, something you always fancied, do it as a tribute.

What a great idea

My granddad loved watches, he's got quite a collection (nothing expensive but some cool stuff) so I could carry on with that, He'd love it if I did that.

Thanks for that, it's just made me smile for the first time in a few days

First of all OP deepest condolences. But be very wary of collecting watches it becomes addictive very quickly. Just check out the watch forum on here.

It was my grandfather and a Rolex that got me in my mess. Lol

Haha, don't worry I don't have the cash for Rolexs!

My grandad has some great pocket watches, he never used them, just liked to 'have' them. He was a silly bugger really

I keep getting these odd moments where I actually sit and think about him and the fact he's now gone and my brain just goes scatty, like I can't comprehend that I won't ever see him again. It's bizarre, I just can't seem to focus, then it's gone again; panic subsided and back into the real world. It's weird

[Butter Face]

Gran had a voicemail from the coroner today, gramps is going to have a post mortem.

They need grandma to call back tomorrow (not sure why) but they've said she needs to call first thing, possibly they need authorisation??

After that they've said they can release his body so we will be looking at the early/middle of next week for the cremation.

I know I've said it loads, but thanks again for all the support, you've all been ace

[Butter Face]

Just go back from my Grans. We met with the Funeral Director tonight, he's a damn nice guy, drives an Audi Q7 on 20's which instantly meant I liked the bloke.

All sorted for next Thursday, crematorium booked and he's taken one of gramps' favourite shirts for him to wear.

Gran has asked to visit gramps at the chapel of rest next Wednesday, mum will be going too but I'm a bit reserved about it. I said my goodbyes last Thursday and saw gramps in the hospital and said goodbye and he looked happy and like he'd just fallen asleep.

I'm worried that seeing him 'done up' and with all the prep work done it will be like looking at a waxwork? I mean, he'll have been dead almost 2 weeks by then!

It's his birthday tomorrow, going to mum's after work and we're having a BBQ in his honour which he would have loved

[Butter Face]

Well we had a little gathering for Gramps last night as it was his birthday.

Everyone had a laugh and a cry and some food and drink and we shared memories with each other.

I dropped his motability car back to work today and even cleaned it all up as he wouldn't have wanted it to go back in a state (it hasn't moved since last wednesday)

Grandma is sorting out death certificate etc on tuesday which is proving to be awkward as she needs his birth/marriage certificate and can't find them.

Is anyone reading any good with mortgages etc? They still have some money oustanding with aroud 3 years left to run, any advice on what would be the best way in dealing with it? Gran doesn't have the money to pay it off and it would break her heart to sell the house but she's afraid they won't remortgage when the term is up. Any advice appreciated

[Butter Face]

Well the funeral is tomorrow.

I decided to go with my family and see gramps at the chapel of rest today, it was weird.

He looked good, face was a bit bruised from when the post mortem was carried out and his facial muscles had started to sag a bit but he looked ok, peaceful.

Grandma spent some time with him alone and I was outside with tw funeral director who is an absolutely top class bloke.

Tomorrow will be a sad day but it will also help with the grieving process.

[Butter Face]

Thanks for the good wishes today.

It was a brilliant day, there was no black clothes, no prayers or hymns, just laughter, tears and remembrance. He would have been so proud.

My grandma was so strong, she cried of course like everyone else did and she went to bed this afternoon to sleep. I think it has finally hit her and she could sleep for the first time in 2 weeks.

My sister read a poem and it was brilliant, I wish I had had te courage to stand up and do it.

We spent the afternoon as a family in my mums garden drinking beer and had a BBQ, we left a chair empty for gramps as he would have been there in the middle with us laughing and joking.

[Butter Face]

My only advice would be to keep your head up, keep smiling and remember the good times.

It was very sad watching him go behind the curtain and thinking 'that's it' and the next time we'd see him he will be dust.

We've had such a great day renemberibg him, laughing, joking and being together and he would have been there alongside us drinking whiskey and eating burgers and it was like he'd never left.

[Butter Face]

Amazing how quickly 12 months goes by!

Doesn't seem real that a year ago today I lost my grandad, it's surreal how time really is a healer. I'm sat at my grandparents house by myself at the moment waiting for the family to come back from shopping so we can go leave flowers at the cemetery (in the rain, in July )

I do still think of him every day, I struggle to remember his voice sometimes, that's a weird feeling! But he's still 'with me' in a non spiritual sense every day (as unlike my family I don't really believe in 'better places' or heaven or whatever anymore) but the people you love go on in your memories of them.

Anyway, must dash, these flowers won't deliver themselves.

[Butter Face]

Thanks for the comments

Yesterday was a bit tough, emotions were running high but we ate well and had some alcohol. Grandma was very strong when with us but I imagine she was quite upset when she got home alone, I've rung her this morning and she's spending the day gardening and seems ok

Life goes one etc etc.