Neighbours, their kids, the things you hear......
Discussion
Not normally one to post about neighbourly goings-on, least of all because of the plethora of "Set fire to their cat" style of responses, but.....
Situation is, next door is your typical nuclear family. Mum, Dad and two bin lids, aged three years and the other about three months.
Dad is a slightly cocky lad about town type although likeable enough, and works away a few days during the week. Hardly ever see the mum, but when we do she just seems stressed, tired, and totally dominated by the three year old. Lots of "Stop that", "Will you behave", "I've told you once now stop it" and "Put that down" etc.
From what I've seen, the little lad is a handful and a half. Yells at his mum all the time, deliberately stamps his feet round the house (the most annoying bit for us as we get to hear it
), and yesterday I caught the little s
t beating the crap out of our fence with a length of timber for no other reason than because he could.
Wow, that's what three year olds do, I hear you say.
Ok, so today, there was the usual game of "stamping up and down the stairs", followed by the daily ritual of "slamming my bedroom door until mum says stop" then more stamping up and down the stairs. This started the baby crying, which in turn set the mum yelling at the three year old, which in turn resulted in yet more stamping up and down the stairs, followed by a bedroom door slamming upstairs, then the sound of the mum sobbing her eyes out, with the baby still crying, for around half an hour.
Two issues here.......mum doesn't seem to be able to cope (and there's a less-than-year old baby involved) and their little st of a three year old is becoming a fking nuisance, for us as much as them.
So, say something (and to whom?), or just STFU and keep well out of it?
Got my own ideas, just wondered if I'm in line with the rest of PH/humanity.
Situation is, next door is your typical nuclear family. Mum, Dad and two bin lids, aged three years and the other about three months.
Dad is a slightly cocky lad about town type although likeable enough, and works away a few days during the week. Hardly ever see the mum, but when we do she just seems stressed, tired, and totally dominated by the three year old. Lots of "Stop that", "Will you behave", "I've told you once now stop it" and "Put that down" etc.
From what I've seen, the little lad is a handful and a half. Yells at his mum all the time, deliberately stamps his feet round the house (the most annoying bit for us as we get to hear it
), and yesterday I caught the little st beating the crap out of our fence with a length of timber for no other reason than because he could.Wow, that's what three year olds do, I hear you say.
Ok, so today, there was the usual game of "stamping up and down the stairs", followed by the daily ritual of "slamming my bedroom door until mum says stop" then more stamping up and down the stairs. This started the baby crying, which in turn set the mum yelling at the three year old, which in turn resulted in yet more stamping up and down the stairs, followed by a bedroom door slamming upstairs, then the sound of the mum sobbing her eyes out, with the baby still crying, for around half an hour.
Two issues here.......mum doesn't seem to be able to cope (and there's a less-than-year old baby involved) and their little s
t of a three year old is becoming a fking nuisance, for us as much as them.So, say something (and to whom?), or just STFU and keep well out of it?
Got my own ideas, just wondered if I'm in line with the rest of PH/humanity.
At face value it sounds pretty normal really. You'd have to be more involved with the family to know if the mother is just doing what mums do or if she's seriously finding it too much.
To go round and complain or pass judgement without having any idea of what kids can be like or without getting to know the mother better they'd probably tell you to Foxtrot Oscar!
To go round and complain or pass judgement without having any idea of what kids can be like or without getting to know the mother better they'd probably tell you to Foxtrot Oscar!
Lemmonie said:
Leave her alone, sounds like she is doing a good job.
Eh? Spending the morning having a screaming/door slamming/foot stamping contest with a three year old is doing a good job? And I'll happily leave her alone when their three year old's antic no longer intrude quite so much in to our lives. I know, I know......how very selfish of me As others have suggested, plan is to have a chat with the dad, probably over a beer.
I cannot contribute anything useful, but I do find these parenting threads interesting.
I'm not a parent so it's hard for me to understand all this, but I can't tell if its pot luck or parenting style that determines the mischief level of children.
I asked my mum about it recently and she said that on the whole, myself and my brother were extremely well behaved and there were very very few 'go to bed early' type incidents over the years.
Yes, we cried and threw the tantrums over things when really young, but she said we never went though any of that "if you slam that door one more time you are going to bed.... RIGHT THAT'S IT! BED!".
If we were told to stop doing something we stopped doing it right then and there for fear of "when your father gets home".
Maybe our parents just got very lucky with us.. And then again maybe they were those old fashioned parents that you just didn't fk with?
I guess I'll find out when I have children
I'm a bit of a softie, but I'll tell you what, my girlfriend would run the house like a motherfking German prison guard 
I know one thing though, I've watched friends have children recently and they are bloody hard work even when they do behave all the time. So my hat is off to anyone raising children.
I'm not a parent so it's hard for me to understand all this, but I can't tell if its pot luck or parenting style that determines the mischief level of children.
I asked my mum about it recently and she said that on the whole, myself and my brother were extremely well behaved and there were very very few 'go to bed early' type incidents over the years.
Yes, we cried and threw the tantrums over things when really young, but she said we never went though any of that "if you slam that door one more time you are going to bed.... RIGHT THAT'S IT! BED!".
If we were told to stop doing something we stopped doing it right then and there for fear of "when your father gets home".
Maybe our parents just got very lucky with us.. And then again maybe they were those old fashioned parents that you just didn't f
k with?I guess I'll find out when I have children
I'm a bit of a softie, but I'll tell you what, my girlfriend would run the house like a motherfking German prison guard I know one thing though, I've watched friends have children recently and they are bloody hard work even when they do behave all the time. So my hat is off to anyone raising children.
phil1979 said:
Have you got kids, OP?
How does that make an iota of difference? Never understand it as a defence in the unruly/noisy/pesky kids scenario.As my neighbours don't have a motorbike, I take it I can tell them to do one if and when I rev the b
ks off mine outside their front door? After all, what would they know....they haven't got one.phil1979 said:
Crossflow Kid said:
How does that make an iota of difference? Never understand it as a defence in the unruly/noisy/pesky kids scenario.
As my neighbours don't have a motorbike, I take it I can tell them to do one if and when I rev the bks off mine outside their front door? After all, what would they know....they haven't got one.
It's not a defence in the unruly/noisy/pesky kids scenario; it's about empathy and how you would approach a stressed new mother.As my neighbours don't have a motorbike, I take it I can tell them to do one if and when I rev the b
ks off mine outside their front door? After all, what would they know....they haven't got one.blindswelledrat said:
If you had kids of your own you would know that you described every family in the world with two young children.
Once you have done this, it is amazing how noises of other kids that used to bother you stop bothering you even one tiny bit.
No matter how strict a parent, a childs default state is to be loud and experiment with naughty stuff. 80% of any conversation with a child that age is telling it not to do stuff.
In short- it is in your own interest to accept that as the norm and that both parents are spending every minute of every day "trying to do something about it" already hence there is not one iota of difference you could make by saying anything.
How do you know both parents are spending every minute of every day trying to do something about it? Besides, trying to do something and actually achieving something are very slightly different, and whilst I can sympathise with their efforts, the apparent results are less than endearing. After all, I'm "trying" to be the next James Bond.Once you have done this, it is amazing how noises of other kids that used to bother you stop bothering you even one tiny bit.
No matter how strict a parent, a childs default state is to be loud and experiment with naughty stuff. 80% of any conversation with a child that age is telling it not to do stuff.
In short- it is in your own interest to accept that as the norm and that both parents are spending every minute of every day "trying to do something about it" already hence there is not one iota of difference you could make by saying anything.
And how do you know what we're experiencing is "normal" without actually experiencing it yourself?
I'm aware of what kids will do and what they're like at certain ages, because although we don't have any there are some of varying ages in the family.
What comes echoing through the walls, day in, day out, is not "normal".
And please just stop with the "If you had kids you'd understand" thing.
Edited by anonymous-user on Friday 23 August 17:45
surveyor said:
blindswelledrat said:
Crossflow Kid said:
phil1979 said:
Have you got kids, OP?
How does that make an iota of difference? Never understand it as a defence in the unruly/noisy/pesky kids scenario..
Once you have done this, it is amazing how noises of other kids that used to bother you stop bothering you even one tiny bit.
No matter how strict a parent, a childs default state is to be loud and experiment with naughty stuff. 80% of any conversation with a child that age is telling it not to do stuff.
In short- it is in your own interest to accept that as the norm and that both parents are spending every minute of every day "trying to do something about it" already hence there is not one iota of difference you could make by saying anything.
So anyway, over the last few weeks the heated discussions we have little choice but to listen to through the walls have included choice phrases such as:
"You do absolutely fk all round the house"
"You lazy fking cow"
and
"Yeah? Well I don't wanna be in this fking marriage either"
Then, last night, two police cars outside at midnight, then this morning a plain clothes chap knocks on our door......
"Hello, I'm DC Plod.....we're just doing some door to door enquires regarding an incident next door. Did you.....'hear'....anything?"
"What sort of time?"
"Well the incident was around 21:30 but......did you hear anything leading up to that point?"
"Last night specifically, or in general?"
"Either......"
"Well, no idea if it's the type of incident in question but since you ask, they have lots of errr......heated discussions......once a week at least, without fail.....and we're treated to every word of it"
"Hmmm, I see, could I take your details please? We might need to get in touch"
Just normal family life you say?
"You do absolutely f
k all round the house""You lazy f
king cow"and
"Yeah? Well I don't wanna be in this f
king marriage either"Then, last night, two police cars outside at midnight, then this morning a plain clothes chap knocks on our door......
"Hello, I'm DC Plod.....we're just doing some door to door enquires regarding an incident next door. Did you.....'hear'....anything?"
"What sort of time?"
"Well the incident was around 21:30 but......did you hear anything leading up to that point?"
"Last night specifically, or in general?"
"Either......"
"Well, no idea if it's the type of incident in question but since you ask, they have lots of errr......heated discussions......once a week at least, without fail.....and we're treated to every word of it"
"Hmmm, I see, could I take your details please? We might need to get in touch"
Just normal family life you say?
randlemarcus said:
Make sure you are totally honest with the nice policemen. Unless you saw an ambulance last night, it's probably the wife getting her pre-emptive "ooh, he hits me" divorce strategy in place. /cynicmode
Why does there have to be an ambiwlans involved before it's deemed serious?To be honest, I couldn't care less who's taking chunks out of who, as long as this episode shuts them the f
k up.Edited by anonymous-user on Sunday 9th February 17:18
So, on we stagger.....
The dad has definitely buggered off for good and came to collect all his stuff this week.
Since he's been gone the older of the two kids (circa 5yo) has degenerated in to a destructive delinquent about whom the mother doesn't give a toss. His only mode of play seems to be smashing stuff up. Every time he's out in the garden it's noticeable that he's alone, and he just beats things with a broken broom handle.....the garden furniture....his bike.....our fence.....When the cat appears, he chases after that, not in a "Com'ere and have a hug" way but in a "I'm gonna rip your fking head off" way, actually growling at the poor creature. All the toys that get flung over the fence by accident are broken or damaged.......
So sad, and no doubt bigger problems down the line......
The dad has definitely buggered off for good and came to collect all his stuff this week.
Since he's been gone the older of the two kids (circa 5yo) has degenerated in to a destructive delinquent about whom the mother doesn't give a toss. His only mode of play seems to be smashing stuff up. Every time he's out in the garden it's noticeable that he's alone, and he just beats things with a broken broom handle.....the garden furniture....his bike.....our fence.....When the cat appears, he chases after that, not in a "Com'ere and have a hug" way but in a "I'm gonna rip your f
king head off" way, actually growling at the poor creature. All the toys that get flung over the fence by accident are broken or damaged.......So sad, and no doubt bigger problems down the line......
rufusgti said:
Crossflow Kid said:
Last year he about "about" three.
Now he's circa 5
Shall we say four and be done with it?
Now he's circa 5
Shall we say four and be done with it?
Ye, lets be done with it shall we. Your ongoing commentary on the breakdown of a family and it's effect on a 4 yr old boy is making you look a bit callous. What business is it of yours to post on the internet? Ok, you started off asking for advice which is fair enough. But what you actually did was absolutely nothing, except to post snide opinions and judgments on a 4 yr old and his mum.
my advice would be to get a life of your own.
king forum.Christ on a bike there are enough other domestic issue threads on PH that this one is just another blip on the radar.
And how do you know I did nothing? Just because it's still going on doesn't mean I haven't had words already, does it? Maybe I have spoken to them, nothing's occurred and that's why the "commentary" is ongoing.
And I have a life of my own, one which is being all too frequently interrupted by the shouting, stamping feet and general misbehaviour of a small child seemingly bereft of any parental guidance.
But yeah, sorry for clogging up your personal interweb forum thingy. Shan't do it any more.
Edited by anonymous-user on Sunday 20th April 21:40
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff