Help me with a poem
Discussion
A friend is turning 40 and I've been asked to write a small message for a scrapbook his wife is preparing.
I wrote down a few thoughts about him and us, which I'd like to translate into a funny poem. You lot are an imaginative bunch so I thought you could help!
Here's what I have so far:
The little brother he never had
The big brother I never had
Some people believe I might be an incarnation of his old self
He sometimes relives his past through me, and my liver mostly
A collection of Tuesdays festooned with acronyms
Always up for beer burger and bourboun
Always up for sushi sake and sake
Hazy harsh hangover Wednesdays
Occasional bouts of Tourette Syndrome
Rare weekend "free passes" from the misses used to catch-up on long lost time
Always there to share good times and commiserate bad ones
I wrote down a few thoughts about him and us, which I'd like to translate into a funny poem. You lot are an imaginative bunch so I thought you could help!
Here's what I have so far:
The little brother he never had
The big brother I never had
Some people believe I might be an incarnation of his old self
He sometimes relives his past through me, and my liver mostly
A collection of Tuesdays festooned with acronyms
Always up for beer burger and bourboun
Always up for sushi sake and sake
Hazy harsh hangover Wednesdays
Occasional bouts of Tourette Syndrome
Rare weekend "free passes" from the misses used to catch-up on long lost time
Always there to share good times and commiserate bad ones
Thanks all for the inspiration, I've taken a stab at it and unashamedly stolen some of your great ideas. Thoughts, comments and piss takes welcome!
(numbers at the end of each line are the syllables, something I noted down to check for good flow)
Together, the West End we conquer – 9
He relives his past through my liver – 9
My mate, I never thought he - 7
Would make it through to Fourty – 7
Burger, Bourbon and Beer - 6
Go down with a loud cheer – 6
Occasional Syndrome of Tourette – 9
In much trouble together we get – 9
The past, a sake-fuelled haze - 7
I’m sure they were happy days – 7
Hey, Saturday night fever – 7
This chap is a right Geezer! – 7
For a moment, let’s be serious - 9
Although sometimes he’s nefarious – 9
He’s a decent guy, like no other – 9
I’m proud to call him my Big Brother – 9
In Jose a true friend I found - 7
Happy birthday, it's your round! - 7
(numbers at the end of each line are the syllables, something I noted down to check for good flow)
Together, the West End we conquer – 9
He relives his past through my liver – 9
My mate, I never thought he - 7
Would make it through to Fourty – 7
Burger, Bourbon and Beer - 6
Go down with a loud cheer – 6
Occasional Syndrome of Tourette – 9
In much trouble together we get – 9
The past, a sake-fuelled haze - 7
I’m sure they were happy days – 7
Hey, Saturday night fever – 7
This chap is a right Geezer! – 7
For a moment, let’s be serious - 9
Although sometimes he’s nefarious – 9
He’s a decent guy, like no other – 9
I’m proud to call him my Big Brother – 9
In Jose a true friend I found - 7
Happy birthday, it's your round! - 7
Version 2 (loved the cursing bit, so Him):
Jose, to show I'm still caring - 7
Let me try something daring - 7
I've penned a quick verse - 5
Including the odd curse - 6
Because we all know - 5
How much you like swearing - 6
You
!
Together, the West End we conquer – 9
You relive your past through my liver – 9
And now that you are fourty - 6
Let’s be even more naughty - 7
Burger, Bourbon and Beer - 6
Go down with a loud cheer – 6
Occasional Syndrome of Tourette – 9
In much trouble together we get – 9
The past, a sake-fuelled haze - 7
I’m sure they were happy days – 7
Hey, Saturday night fever – 7
This chap is a right Geezer! – 7
For a moment, let’s be serious - 9
Although sometimes you’re nefarious – 9
You’re a decent guy, like no other – 9
I’m proud to call you my Big Brother – 9
In You a true friend I found - 7
Happy birthday, it's your round! - 7
Jose, to show I'm still caring - 7
Let me try something daring - 7
I've penned a quick verse - 5
Including the odd curse - 6
Because we all know - 5
How much you like swearing - 6
You
!Together, the West End we conquer – 9
You relive your past through my liver – 9
And now that you are fourty - 6
Let’s be even more naughty - 7
Burger, Bourbon and Beer - 6
Go down with a loud cheer – 6
Occasional Syndrome of Tourette – 9
In much trouble together we get – 9
The past, a sake-fuelled haze - 7
I’m sure they were happy days – 7
Hey, Saturday night fever – 7
This chap is a right Geezer! – 7
For a moment, let’s be serious - 9
Although sometimes you’re nefarious – 9
You’re a decent guy, like no other – 9
I’m proud to call you my Big Brother – 9
In You a true friend I found - 7
Happy birthday, it's your round! - 7
Edited by matrignano on Wednesday 23 July 17:40
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