July 26th 2014. Day 17 at the Mental Health Clinic.
Discussion
As per the title.
Am being given a lot of freedom outside of around 7 - 9 hours of intense therapy of all kinds during the weekdays.
Saturdays and Sundays are downtime, played some Kerbal Space Program this morning. Have a walk in the woods with llamas planned for tomorrow.
Not sure what else to do.
Am not allowed to drink alcohol or take drugs - too bad, there's a huge festival going on in the town 2 clicks down the road that you cannot possibly go to sober.
Food is great, have turned vegetarian without regretting it. Never thought this would be possible. Considered myself an alpha male carnivore before and relished in the taste of meat and blood.
Also, vegetarians don't pass gas it seems. Can we end global warming by refusing to eat meat ?
Reevaluated my priorities tenfold.
Miss my son. Not going to see him for at least another 6 weeks, possibly 10. Little man is all I've got. Top priority as always, but difficult to be a father when you're 500km in what is, in the end, an asylum.
The therapists are amazing and the other patients are, for the most part very nice. For the first time in months, can confirm that I am closer to the ground than to heaven. Feels strange.
Some hot lasses here as well, though they wouldn't be here if they didn't have some hyper-advanced and evolved form of the crazies. Have to tread carefully. Most of my problems stem from the female kind of crazy.
Three things you can't run away from - yourself, the tax man and an ex-wife's wrath. Can feel this here too.
Anyone got any pointers as to how to spend the time when you're practically in isolation ?
Anyone got some dirty jokes that can take my mind off some of the boredom ?
Help appreciated.
Thanks.
Am being given a lot of freedom outside of around 7 - 9 hours of intense therapy of all kinds during the weekdays.
Saturdays and Sundays are downtime, played some Kerbal Space Program this morning. Have a walk in the woods with llamas planned for tomorrow.
Not sure what else to do.
Am not allowed to drink alcohol or take drugs - too bad, there's a huge festival going on in the town 2 clicks down the road that you cannot possibly go to sober.
Food is great, have turned vegetarian without regretting it. Never thought this would be possible. Considered myself an alpha male carnivore before and relished in the taste of meat and blood.
Also, vegetarians don't pass gas it seems. Can we end global warming by refusing to eat meat ?
Reevaluated my priorities tenfold.
Miss my son. Not going to see him for at least another 6 weeks, possibly 10. Little man is all I've got. Top priority as always, but difficult to be a father when you're 500km in what is, in the end, an asylum.
The therapists are amazing and the other patients are, for the most part very nice. For the first time in months, can confirm that I am closer to the ground than to heaven. Feels strange.
Some hot lasses here as well, though they wouldn't be here if they didn't have some hyper-advanced and evolved form of the crazies. Have to tread carefully. Most of my problems stem from the female kind of crazy.
Three things you can't run away from - yourself, the tax man and an ex-wife's wrath. Can feel this here too.
Anyone got any pointers as to how to spend the time when you're practically in isolation ?
Anyone got some dirty jokes that can take my mind off some of the boredom ?
Help appreciated.
Thanks.
Ki3r said:
Can I ask why you are in there?
A family friend is looking likely that they'll be sectioned some time soon if I'm honest.
If you would prefer to do it via email thats not a problem
.
You can ask, I have no problem talking about - the more is said about it, the more people might become aware, which might help prevent some suicides.A family friend is looking likely that they'll be sectioned some time soon if I'm honest.
If you would prefer to do it via email thats not a problem
. PTSD, eating disorder, hypersentivity, bipolar personality disorder, depression with suicide attempt. Got 8 weeks total, but 12 weeks is looking more the norm.
JulianHJ said:
Read some good books, play something like Civilisation V (I could lose days to that game), take up yoga, pilates, tai chi or similar...
Reading a lot about buddhism and spirituality, and CIV V is on my hard drive 
though KSP is my go-to game at the moment. Might get back to CIV soon though. Just one more turn, promise...Also got into meditating as well as Yoga, Qi Gong, therapeutic Karate, a lot of exercise (running, gym).
Oakey said:
Haven't you been in before? Or was that someone else?
Also, pretty sure vegetarians pass wind.
Wasn't me mate, my first time.Also, pretty sure vegetarians pass wind.
The farting thing was kind of tongue in cheek, though I really have to say the amount of wind passing has gone down most drastically (though also since I became lactose intolerant and stopped eating dairy a year ago).
littlegreenfairy said:
Take up knitting. It really does work to take your mind off a lot of stuff.
I suck at knitting, and no course is offered unfortunately 
Tribal Chestnut said:
Exercise, books and rainbow looms.
Check, check, and what are rainbow looms ??Thanks guys for all the kind replies!
Thanks for all the kind words gents, it really does help.
Kinda tells a lot about the world when I get more encouraging words from 'strangers' on a motoring forum than my friends and family back home.
I only have very limited access to the interwebs from here, so no buying on Steam or online games unfortunately, have to make due with what I've got installed now (KSP, CIV V, Tropico 4, Startopia, fricking Solitaire. Also, 100 posts a day in my 10 minutes of www every couple of days is going to be difficult
I agree that mental health, paricularly male, is oft underrated - I have always been told and taught that the man has to be strong and repress his emotions, guess where that got me.
Spare rooms here are sparse, and the waiting list is long, but they offer quite a few cool courses that I plan on taking up in the coming weeks (here until at least September 8th), have access to a drawing room where I can just go wild, and doing a lot of hiking in the Bavarian woodlands around the clinic.
I'll try to keep this thread updated every once in a while, though the weekend is very hard as there really is nought much to do.
Thanks again for all the kind words folks!
I really, really do appreciate them.
Kinda tells a lot about the world when I get more encouraging words from 'strangers' on a motoring forum than my friends and family back home.
I only have very limited access to the interwebs from here, so no buying on Steam or online games unfortunately, have to make due with what I've got installed now (KSP, CIV V, Tropico 4, Startopia, fricking Solitaire. Also, 100 posts a day in my 10 minutes of www every couple of days is going to be difficult
I agree that mental health, paricularly male, is oft underrated - I have always been told and taught that the man has to be strong and repress his emotions, guess where that got me.
Spare rooms here are sparse, and the waiting list is long, but they offer quite a few cool courses that I plan on taking up in the coming weeks (here until at least September 8th), have access to a drawing room where I can just go wild, and doing a lot of hiking in the Bavarian woodlands around the clinic.
I'll try to keep this thread updated every once in a while, though the weekend is very hard as there really is nought much to do.
Thanks again for all the kind words folks!
I really, really do appreciate them.
- *I'll try to take on knitting as it does seem to relieve stress a lot. I do masturbate occasionally and have gotten quite adept at it, so no more training required at that
Vaud said:
NeMiSiS said:
I thought Luxemburg was a radio station...ah well.
It is possible to drive through the country, blink, and miss it.Much nicer over the border in Germany, Belgium or France
Vaud said:
Adenauer said:
Best of luck to you, OP.
If you need anything German sending to you to help pass the time drop me an Email, I'd be happy to help
Ditto UK stuff. If you want some magazines to read, or newspapers, etc, just PM me.If you need anything German sending to you to help pass the time drop me an Email, I'd be happy to help
And God knows the Germans are good at risqué. Ti*ty mags are something else over here.
Adenauer, as man of impeccable taste, what would you recommend ?
Vaud, what pervy stuff can you get in the UK that us continentals can't get our hands on ?
Impasse said:
I'd be surprised if an MHC would allow sharps such as knitting needles, craft knives or even scissors on the ward, bearing in mind phone chargers are kept secure because of the (flimsy) leads.
There is arts and crafts though I am restricted to painting and drawing, due to my suicide attempt last year I am not allowed to use anything sharp (the kitchen knives here can't even cut through bread and before it's confiscated I thought I'd leave my Leatherman in the car).Weird since I didn't try to cut myself to death.
My phone charging cable is actually too short to hang or strangle myself, so no problem there.
CharlieCrocodile said:
Silly question - are you allowed to take in your own computer? My eldest was admitted (either that or be sectioned) in May and one of the first things he took was a laptop, might be worth asking anyway.
Charlie, not a silly question at all. I have brought my own laptop so can play video games, but no access to WiFi or anything - strictly offline stuff. I get to use the public computer here a few minutes every couple of days so I can take care of bank stuff and PH.NeMiSiS said:
Remember don't set any targets, release dates can change, home visits from your CPN or Crisis team are limited now.
I should imagine you are well past the 15min op's stage, but you will still be monitored even if you don't know it, your behavoral notes will be used to help you at a later date, or used against you depending on how you see it.
Be aware that your bi-daily meetings are structured to trigger certain reactions, these reactions good or bad are logged and examined.
It is common practice to be allowed 'out' on daily release for a given time, this is usually a week before the powers that be think you are OK to leave permanently, but you are usually released with conditions and support.
Try to keep away from the loonies, the hard core no hopers, they will tell you things you should never hear, and show you things you should not see, a few hours a day in the presence of these poor people will fog your mind for life. You will know these people and pity them, but if you are at a low ebb they will destroy you.
First release date was to be September 8th, this got moved to October 8th yesterday due to bad suicidal tendencies, so no illusions there. I hope to be out for my son's birthday in November, or at least be allowed (by the clinic and his mother) to visit him.I should imagine you are well past the 15min op's stage, but you will still be monitored even if you don't know it, your behavoral notes will be used to help you at a later date, or used against you depending on how you see it.
Be aware that your bi-daily meetings are structured to trigger certain reactions, these reactions good or bad are logged and examined.
It is common practice to be allowed 'out' on daily release for a given time, this is usually a week before the powers that be think you are OK to leave permanently, but you are usually released with conditions and support.
Try to keep away from the loonies, the hard core no hopers, they will tell you things you should never hear, and show you things you should not see, a few hours a day in the presence of these poor people will fog your mind for life. You will know these people and pity them, but if you are at a low ebb they will destroy you.
I miss the little man enormously.
I did notice that they try to trigger certain emotions and reactions, and if it helps, I'm ready to be a part of it.
I went to the clinic's gym and took it out on a punching bag yesterday, resulting in scratches on my elbows, knees and knuckles as well as a swollen hand - I told my therapist this and he's agreed that it wasn't to hurt myself, rather than to blow off steam, so at least I'm still allowed there (albeit with boxing gloves).
Other than that, I can't complain actually. Food's better than what I can cook up at home, most people are cool.
Though I do know exactly what people you are talking about, and most other patients steer clear of them as well.
Thank you again for all the support people of PH, and sorry if I didn't quote and reply to all the posts, I do read them all, but time is very short.
So short in fact I have to log off again.
Until next time.
Adenauer said:
I don't think it's right for the mods to have moved this into Health Matters, it's clearly a thread for the OP to have a daily catch up with banter and all that whilst he's going through a difficult time in a Mental Health Clinic.
I think it should be moved back into The Lounge, he's not asking for help, he needs support.
I think it should be moved back into The Lounge, he's not asking for help, he needs support.
ali_kat said:
Agreed!
ArsE92 said:
+50
Talk about sticking the boot in!
Talk about sticking the boot in!
NeMiSiS said:
I agree, shirley it should have been moved to Scale Models.
I agree with all of you, but if that's the way it is, then that's the way it is.Since there was a lot of talk about videogames, maybe it should be moved into that section as well ?
Or perhaps start a new section in the P&P about stamps as per Adenauer's last link (I was actually afraid to click on it!!)
And don't call me Shirley.
mug81 said:
Just thinking out loud, and if this is silly I'm sure I'll be told in a matter of seconds by fellow ph'ers- but if you can only get online for brief periods of time, would the scanning of EVO or whatever by myself and/or others and then sending it to your email so you can save it to the hard drive (thus being able to read it offline) be of any use to you? My work is so quiet I'd happily do that for you... As I'm sure would others here
PMed you mug81, thank you very much!!!!Edited by mug81 on Wednesday 30th July 02:00
Shout out to the mods for putting it back in The Lounge, thanks a lot guys!!!
If not, it might be down to the crappy ISDN internet connection - they haven't heard of DSL or whatever else there is here in the Bavarian mountains.
I did get an email from Vaud though, so if you wanted to mail me, that should work ?
As for #2, it's a good idea that's been suggested a few times, I've asked the caretakers if this is possible and if it involves, it's a no-go, if it involves glue, it's a no-go for us suicidals as we could attempt to swallow it...
there is access to drums and bongos though, so that's cool.
I don't know much about AC, but I will check out this album - even though we don't share the drinking problem (yet), this might very insightful.
I am writing silly poetry here and do keep a little notebook on me at all times into which I write my thoughts, but right now it's too chaotic to be put in a coherent text. If I find some emotional calm I might attempt to compile it all.
Thanks again for all the support lads, it really touches me!!!
mug81 said:
Haven't received anything..?
Sent another, did you get that ?If not, it might be down to the crappy ISDN internet connection - they haven't heard of DSL or whatever else there is here in the Bavarian mountains.
I did get an email from Vaud though, so if you wanted to mail me, that should work ?
oddball1973 said:
#1 Start to learn the guitar
Would love to learn the axe, but as SeeFive mentions, there is a good reason we're not allowed.- 2 Make a model (planes, tank, cars whatever floats your boat) - I can lose a whole day when I get the time to model
As for #2, it's a good idea that's been suggested a few times, I've asked the caretakers if this is possible and if it involves, it's a no-go, if it involves glue, it's a no-go for us suicidals as we could attempt to swallow it...
SeeFive said:
OP - I wish you all the best with your recovery and ongoing good health.
Good suggestion about learning the guitar except perhaps they may not let you have one fgiventhe alternative uses that could be made of thin metal strings.
However, an anecdote. A little known bloke called Vince Furnier had a serious drink problem many years ago. Clinics specialising in addictions did not exist in those days, so he was put into an institution where there were people with all sorts of illnesses and exhibitions of behaviour.
He observed the other patients and wrote an entire album of songs about the nurses, other "inmates" and his fears on getting out. That album is called "From The Inside" and Vince is better known as Alice Cooper. Maybe you may want to do something yourself along these lines, whether a diary, story or poetry/lyrics to be augmented with music when your return back to the mad world outside!
It's not a bad little album by the way, great titles like Serious, Nurse Rosetta, Jacknife Johnny and The Quiet Room, and some of the lyrics are quite amusing in retrospect of his situation. Not his most famous work, but a real insight to his stay getting fixed and probably worth a listen. "How You Gonna See Me Now" expresses certain fears on coming home, a very deep and emotional lyric. "School's Out" it most certainly isn't!
Although I do not envy your situation, I know that I would probably be doing something along these lines given the time and specific observation potential of folks that are probably a lot less fortunate than you or I.
Whatever you decide to do, make sure you take the time to enjoy it as best as you can, and it sets you up for something new and interesting to continue when you are back "On The Outside" again.
Good luck fella.
That's the exact reason I am not allowed a guitar, not even to take it to the woods and pass the time Good suggestion about learning the guitar except perhaps they may not let you have one fgiventhe alternative uses that could be made of thin metal strings.
However, an anecdote. A little known bloke called Vince Furnier had a serious drink problem many years ago. Clinics specialising in addictions did not exist in those days, so he was put into an institution where there were people with all sorts of illnesses and exhibitions of behaviour.
He observed the other patients and wrote an entire album of songs about the nurses, other "inmates" and his fears on getting out. That album is called "From The Inside" and Vince is better known as Alice Cooper. Maybe you may want to do something yourself along these lines, whether a diary, story or poetry/lyrics to be augmented with music when your return back to the mad world outside!
It's not a bad little album by the way, great titles like Serious, Nurse Rosetta, Jacknife Johnny and The Quiet Room, and some of the lyrics are quite amusing in retrospect of his situation. Not his most famous work, but a real insight to his stay getting fixed and probably worth a listen. "How You Gonna See Me Now" expresses certain fears on coming home, a very deep and emotional lyric. "School's Out" it most certainly isn't!
Although I do not envy your situation, I know that I would probably be doing something along these lines given the time and specific observation potential of folks that are probably a lot less fortunate than you or I.
Whatever you decide to do, make sure you take the time to enjoy it as best as you can, and it sets you up for something new and interesting to continue when you are back "On The Outside" again.
Good luck fella.
there is access to drums and bongos though, so that's cool.I don't know much about AC, but I will check out this album - even though we don't share the drinking problem (yet), this might very insightful.
I am writing silly poetry here and do keep a little notebook on me at all times into which I write my thoughts, but right now it's too chaotic to be put in a coherent text. If I find some emotional calm I might attempt to compile it all.
Thanks again for all the support lads, it really touches me!!!
guards red said:
Nothing much to add but best of luck mate. Hope the sun is shinning on you where ever you are.
Thanks mate, the sun is shining here, I'll try to get some of it as well mug81 said:
Email sent (I hope!)
mug81 said:
Just checked again, haven't received anything. Ping me a text, whatsapp of whatever on 07598 603864
Tim, got your email and replied just now, sorry mate I didn't access the internet yesterday, crappy and busy (in equal measures) day.Saved your number so I can harrass you with texts at impossible times
5potTurbo said:
Hey Marv,
I'm genuinely sorry to see this thread from you. Are you in Ettlebruck? I'm currently away, but back in Lux on 8/8, so if you need or want anything, I'm more than happy to get it and come by and visit you.
You have my (work) email - change the end to @gmail.com for my personal addy - and you've my mobile number already.
If you want some models to build, that can be arranged too, but I'd rather not visit the Gare area for some of Adenauer's ideas.
Drop me a line!
Russell
Oy Russ,I'm genuinely sorry to see this thread from you. Are you in Ettlebruck? I'm currently away, but back in Lux on 8/8, so if you need or want anything, I'm more than happy to get it and come by and visit you.
You have my (work) email - change the end to @gmail.com for my personal addy - and you've my mobile number already.
If you want some models to build, that can be arranged too, but I'd rather not visit the Gare area for some of Adenauer's ideas.
Drop me a line!
Russell
Not in Ettelbruck, was going to have to go there but spending 3 months being constantly monitored in a video room due to suicidal tendencies is not my idea of helpful therapy...
I'm in Bavaria about 430km away from Esch, nice to get a change of scenery and people!
Not allowed to build models, but I am very glad to have this thread to come back to catch up on some banter with real men (women-men quota here about 80-20, ain't as cool as it sounds).
How's the Fiesta doing ? Not missing the 5 cyl sound too much ?
The Lupo's off the road for the time being, no use keeping it registered and taxed if it ain't moving, but we do have to catch up on that drive
Glad you contributed to this thread my friend.
Sorry gents if I haven't been to this thread in a while, but I've been having a difficult few days.
Physically not doing too well, been bitten by a snake (damn right) which left half my left hand paralyzed for a few days, and Wednesday I had to go to the hospital again with a potentially broken thumb due to another patient not having the necessary hand-eye coordination when doing aggression therapy with bamboo sticks and hitting my thumb hard three times.
It's not broken though, it's just badly bruised, swollen and hurts like hell.
The stuff that happens here...
Not as easy as Kirchberg to get to but all the more beautiful
With something like bipolar you wouldn't recognise them as having a mental condition most of the time. They mentioned quite a lot of the people are smart/ creative successful people - as well as having negative effects some of the messed up brain stuff can also result in positives during other periods. For example one of the people I was talking to said that he'd relatively often met a member of one of the more famous music bands (in Norway) there.NRS, Scotty, I agree that it is not talked about enough in today's society, and most people back home wouldn't know us patients had mental illnesses because we are practically have to conceal them in public.
The worst are the days where you feel like absolute crap but still have to go out, do the weekly shopping etc, because society's conventions force little exchanges upon you like where you have to pretend to be well ('How are you?' 'Doing okay, thanks.') even though you're literally broken on the inside.
The clinic here allows you some freedoms which is great, I can't imagine being properly locked in a room for days on end will help anyone.
We have a lot of therapy but a lot of down time inbetween as well where we get to exercise, socialize and the like - this makes therapy more bearable even though we have to be careful not to try and do therapy on ourselves.
All in all, it's much more enjoyable than I'd thought, but in the end, it's a MHC full of depressed people.
I'm very glad this thread is getting some great input - thanks to everybody who has contributed so far, and to those who've 'only' read it without commenting.
I wish all of you a nice weekend and be back soon!
Physically not doing too well, been bitten by a snake (damn right) which left half my left hand paralyzed for a few days, and Wednesday I had to go to the hospital again with a potentially broken thumb due to another patient not having the necessary hand-eye coordination when doing aggression therapy with bamboo sticks and hitting my thumb hard three times.
It's not broken though, it's just badly bruised, swollen and hurts like hell.
The stuff that happens here...
5potTurbo said:
Bavaria? Holy moly!
Err, not quite so easy for me to pop by and visit then, huh?
Fiesta's going well, thanks, and yes, we do need to get out on that drive, so do let me know when you're back in LuLuLand.
Keep busy, and if you can get outside, get some exercise whenever you can.
Russ,Err, not quite so easy for me to pop by and visit then, huh?
Fiesta's going well, thanks, and yes, we do need to get out on that drive, so do let me know when you're back in LuLuLand.
Keep busy, and if you can get outside, get some exercise whenever you can.
Not as easy as Kirchberg to get to but all the more beautiful
The Crack Fox said:
Hello Marv, good on you for posting this, mental health issues affect so many people yet it isn't spoken about enough, particularly by blokes. Good luck in getting life back on track.
TCF, thank you very much NRS said:
StottyEvo said:
Reading this has slightly blown my mind. I've never really put any thought into Mental Health Clinics and who goes, so thank you for posting.
They sound like a great idea and it already sounds like it is giving you a lot of benefit.
Hopefully you can clear you mind and hopefully find peace
I'll be keeping and eye out for this thread, all the best.
Yeah, it's often very different from preconceptions that people have. Some places may be white coats etc., but where I was it was a bit like a hostel with your own room and the main doors were locked, plus what you have have is limited. A lot of the people would appear normal outside, just their head is screwed up due to the chemicals (often linked with stuff in their life). So it results in them being messed up and need to be checked up on for their own sake. Also they will have interviews every day to see how things are. This will also help diagnose you when you first come in. They sound like a great idea and it already sounds like it is giving you a lot of benefit.
Hopefully you can clear you mind and hopefully find peace
I'll be keeping and eye out for this thread, all the best.
With something like bipolar you wouldn't recognise them as having a mental condition most of the time. They mentioned quite a lot of the people are smart/ creative successful people - as well as having negative effects some of the messed up brain stuff can also result in positives during other periods. For example one of the people I was talking to said that he'd relatively often met a member of one of the more famous music bands (in Norway) there.
The worst are the days where you feel like absolute crap but still have to go out, do the weekly shopping etc, because society's conventions force little exchanges upon you like where you have to pretend to be well ('How are you?' 'Doing okay, thanks.') even though you're literally broken on the inside.
The clinic here allows you some freedoms which is great, I can't imagine being properly locked in a room for days on end will help anyone.
We have a lot of therapy but a lot of down time inbetween as well where we get to exercise, socialize and the like - this makes therapy more bearable even though we have to be careful not to try and do therapy on ourselves.
All in all, it's much more enjoyable than I'd thought, but in the end, it's a MHC full of depressed people.
I'm very glad this thread is getting some great input - thanks to everybody who has contributed so far, and to those who've 'only' read it without commenting.
I wish all of you a nice weekend and be back soon!
Usget said:
I'm someone on the outside, who (thanking his lucky stars) has not so far had any dealings with issues of this kind.
To me, the way you describe the place makes it sound like an open prison. You are locked up, allowed recreation within strict boundaries, etc. Do you find this to be the case, and if so, is it helpful? Because to my ears, it doesn't sound like it possibly could be.
I hope you take this the way it's meant - not in an insensitive way.
Usget, it might seem like an open prison, but the place in my mind I'm stuck in is worse - an open prison that is actually closed, if you get what I mean.To me, the way you describe the place makes it sound like an open prison. You are locked up, allowed recreation within strict boundaries, etc. Do you find this to be the case, and if so, is it helpful? Because to my ears, it doesn't sound like it possibly could be.
I hope you take this the way it's meant - not in an insensitive way.
The boundaries aren't actually all that strict, I exercise for 2 hours a day, 6 days a week and they actually do give us a lot of freedom and not every activity is supervised.
The illusion of actual freedom is well presented.
The prison without walls idea works well if you accept it, and I find that personally, I can use it to great effect - my thoughts are easier to keep in check if I'm kept in check, if that makes any sense.
NRS said:
That's in a way how it is. However it's not as bad as it seems though - at least for me. Generally if you end up in there you are really screwed up, so it's good that they look after you to stop you hurting yourself etc. For example now thinking about it suicide is completely stupid, yet for the time when I was there suicide seems to me like it would help friends and family, as although it would hurt them now I would make it far worse over my life by living so it was best to end it all. That's the kind of stuff your brain can make you think. And that's related to the chemicals, so by looking after you in those periods when the chemicals are worst it can be good. But it's getting the balance right - white lab coats and no contact would be terrible I imagine.
NRS, can only agree with what you say - I am trying to get it out of my head that suicide will make everything better for those around me, but I always try to explain that I want to kill myself not because I want to die, but because I don't want to live anymore.Thank you very much for your input to this thread!
Charvet said:
Hi Marvin I am going down to Zurich tomorrow, anything I can do? Do you need German stuff, PM me.
Salut Guy, thanks for the offer, but I wouldn't want to impose did you manage to find a car that suits your senses btw ?DJRC said:
Marv...how long are you in for? Im back in Munich in a cpl of weeks probably. Ill drop by and say hello if you want a chat with another f
ked up Depressive car nut. Im a fully paid up member of the funny farm brigade. I tend to avoid them by the wonderfully advanced treatment of wandering the streets screaming Im Not Dead Yet! Its worked so far
DJRC, that would be great, I'll be here for another 6 to 8 weeks so got all the time in the world - it's actually a bit further away from Munich though, in Franken in Oberbayern!ked up Depressive car nut. Im a fully paid up member of the funny farm brigade. I tend to avoid them by the wonderfully advanced treatment of wandering the streets screaming Im Not Dead Yet! Its worked so far f
ked up depressive car nut would be an awesome band name as well!SWAT78 said:
You're not allowed glue or guitar strings, but have access to snakes...?
Has learning (another) foreign language been suggested? Guess you're at least bilingual, but is Spanish or Mandarin an option, with a promise to yourself you'll visit South America or Asia as soon as you're able?
Realise that you're posting here mainly to get ideas for entertainment or some banter, and I guess it's cathartic as well, but I'm just another person wanting to say thanks - quite eye-opening for me, and I hope you achieve what you want / need to in there and can get back to something approaching normality soon.
Lots of woodlands around the clinic, lots of mice and squirrels wandering about so the predators are never far away SWAT hahaHas learning (another) foreign language been suggested? Guess you're at least bilingual, but is Spanish or Mandarin an option, with a promise to yourself you'll visit South America or Asia as soon as you're able?
Realise that you're posting here mainly to get ideas for entertainment or some banter, and I guess it's cathartic as well, but I'm just another person wanting to say thanks - quite eye-opening for me, and I hope you achieve what you want / need to in there and can get back to something approaching normality soon.
I am taking up Dutch as another language (will be my 6th language) as I am toying with the idea of moving to Amsterdam sometime when I get out of here and back into a stable rhythm.
It is very cathartic and it's awesome that so many contribute to this thread, I am in all of you guys' debts.
Anyways, this is it for today, as tonight I am taking a very nice, charming, intelligent and achingly pretty girl I met here out for a hopefully romantic dinner - I'll let you know how it goes.
Gents,
Sorry for the late update, but with the last few days rainy and stormy here the computers were constantly occupied and no access to the web was to be gained.
I had some dissociation experiences these last few days due to a very spiritual encounter with an elderly lady (I am no spiritual person but this cannot be denied) which feel like hallucinations or fever dreams and I just pass out. One of these experiences has led me to injure my hands gravely so a new problem has arisen.
The date with the young lady went exquisitely well and we are taking our time in getting to know each other before committing to a relationship (she is a patient here as well)
She has also spent the night, but a gentleman wouldn't kiss and tell now, would he.
Sorry for the late update, but with the last few days rainy and stormy here the computers were constantly occupied and no access to the web was to be gained.
I had some dissociation experiences these last few days due to a very spiritual encounter with an elderly lady (I am no spiritual person but this cannot be denied) which feel like hallucinations or fever dreams and I just pass out. One of these experiences has led me to injure my hands gravely so a new problem has arisen.
The date with the young lady went exquisitely well and we are taking our time in getting to know each other before committing to a relationship (she is a patient here as well)
She has also spent the night, but a gentleman wouldn't kiss and tell now, would he.
TheJimi said:
I'm conscious of offering "advice" as to stuff you should do when I'm clearly not on your position. This stems from coping with my best friend who has suffered from depression since his late teens (he's now 37
That said, Marv, I'd echo the suggestion of maintaining, or even increasing physical fitness.
Even doing a bunch of pressups every day would be help
Well done on the date btw, good moves!
That said, Marv, I'd echo the suggestion of maintaining, or even increasing physical fitness.
Even doing a bunch of pressups every day would be help
Well done on the date btw, good moves!
selym said:
Marv, do you get much opportunity for physical exercise? Giving yourself some targets, for example 5 and 10k times on a treadmill could be added to your routine.
Whatever you do, stay strong mentally and physically; best wishes from me.
Jimi, Selym,Whatever you do, stay strong mentally and physically; best wishes from me.
I exercise for 2 hours a day 6 days a week, exercise is aplenty
I've dropped 6kg since arriving here despite eating very well, and have become more lean and toned, so that's nice!Thanks for the good wishes lads!
Adz The Rat said:
How are you getting on Marv?
I have been reading this thread but sorry I haven't commented before, as frankly I couldn't think of anything constructive to say! I still can't, but I guess just general rambling and well wishes are better than nothing
What is the food like in the place?
Adz, general rambling is the way go I have been reading this thread but sorry I haven't commented before, as frankly I couldn't think of anything constructive to say! I still can't, but I guess just general rambling and well wishes are better than nothing
What is the food like in the place?
Food is very good, they offer meat for the carnivores and veggies for us differently inclined, and they also cater to any special needs (vegan, glucose, lactose, gluten etc).
Quality is very high, everything is bio and fair trade and it tastes nice!
Corpulent Tosser said:
I have nothing in the way of advise or help to give you but having read through this thread all I can say is I wish you well and hope you can be back with your son very soon.
CT
CT, thank you very much, this means a lot!CT
Eric Mc said:
Sounds a rather risky endeavour to get involved with someone who perhaps has personal mental health issues when you are striving to overcome your own.
Of course, you may be able to share your mutual burdens so there might be some positive aspects to it - but I wonder what might happen if she starts leaning too much on you for support - or vise versa.
Eric, thanks you for your concern, and I agree with you wholeheartedly. We talked about this as well and are well aware of the risks - we agreed not do be each other's therapists and leave that to the pros and instead focus on getting to know each other, we understand if the other needs some space or time to themselves, so in a way I think it might be easier for me to be in a relationship with another depressed person than with a 'normal' lady, as a person who doesn't suffer from the stuff we do will have difficulty understanding, coping and dealing with depression.Of course, you may be able to share your mutual burdens so there might be some positive aspects to it - but I wonder what might happen if she starts leaning too much on you for support - or vise versa.
We are very wary of leaning too much on each other as well as this might destroy the relationship that's only just blooming.
I hope you guys are all doing well and thank you for all the comments and keeping this thread going!
That's all for today, all the best lads!
Scored some more internet time now, yay, but this is going to be a quick one.
And it is truly grand of you to stick with someone suffering from 'the illness', it must have been hard on you and the relationship as well. I hope she'll get back into a more constant and stable position soon, even though it'll always be looming around her.
I wish you all the best, lad, also with you may or may not have repressed lmfao
Also I've heard that Shelly Cooper is a smelly pooper.
NRS, we both have told our respective therapists, our of fairness to them, the clinic and ourselves, and they don't disagree with a relationship. They know that it can both help and push back with a therapy like the one we're going through, and will help us keep an eye on things and intervene if necessary.
Both the lady and I have agreed to be completely honest with each other and our therapists, so that won't be a concern I hope.
Cheers guys, until next time.
ArsE92 said:
All the best Marv. Interesting thread and I'm glad you're sharing your experience with us. Also hoping for a speedy recovery for you.
Muchas gracias ArsE92!!RyanTank said:
<Very good input>
Ryan, no need for a DVD player, I've seen all The Sopranos, Sons of Anarchy, Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother, Breaking Bad (the best btw), and I didn't really get to play any games these last weeks as well - I keep myself occupied with myself, my physique more precisely, instead of delving into other worlds - I found this has helped me enormously.MarvGTI said:
<Stuff>
<Personal Story> And it is truly grand of you to stick with someone suffering from 'the illness', it must have been hard on you and the relationship as well. I hope she'll get back into a more constant and stable position soon, even though it'll always be looming around her.
I wish you all the best, lad, also with you may or may not have repressed lmfao
Also I've heard that Shelly Cooper is a smelly pooper.
NRS said:
MarvGTI said:
<Depressed people relationship stuff>
<very good advice>Both the lady and I have agreed to be completely honest with each other and our therapists, so that won't be a concern I hope.
Cheers guys, until next time.
NRS said:
I hope you didn't think I meant you shouldn't, just it's good to check to see how things can go. I know I wondered if a bipolar person was better, but from what I read online it's a bad idea. I imagine it's a bit different for depression "only" as it were though.
Duly noted and not taken in a way it wasn't meant to be Well I am bipolar, she isn't, but in a way she knows what she is getting herself into haha
speedysoprano said:
Disagree entirely, except for the point about what could happen if you lean too hard on each other for support. That's a danger, but then it's a danger in any relationship.
Everyone has issues. Everyone. In a variety of different ways, and an enormous range of severity, but still.
Spending time with someone who has been through something similar to what you have is a wonderful thing indeed. It's likely that you'll find far more acceptance and understanding.
I wish you all the very best, and genuinely hope you find your way through.
Sop,Everyone has issues. Everyone. In a variety of different ways, and an enormous range of severity, but still.
Spending time with someone who has been through something similar to what you have is a wonderful thing indeed. It's likely that you'll find far more acceptance and understanding.
I wish you all the very best, and genuinely hope you find your way through.
That was exactly our way of thinking.
Now, maintaining that is going to be the hard part, but that's what therapy can help with, right ?
Thanks for the words mate!
Eric Mc said:
speedysoprano said:
Disagree entirely, except for the point .....
Sounds like you don't disagree entirely then.....Of course there is always risk in relationships. The problem here is that both parties are quite vulnerable so the risk is higher, I would say.
I'm fairly cautious by nature. However, I do know that some people who suffer from certain types of depression can actually be higher risk takers than more "normal" people (whatever that means). It's part of their make up.
The risk is undeniable, but it's different (I hope) if you are actively aware of the risk. I am not much of a risk taker personally, never have been, and am fairly cautious, especially since being a dad, but sometimes you have to take a leap of faith.
If it feels right, why not accept that and go with the flow ?
If it goes tats up, fallout will have to be managed, but that would be the case with a healthy person as well. Here at least, we both learn ways to deal with ourselves and our respective problems.
NeMiSiS said:
Hello Marv,
What were your immediate thoughts when you heard that Robin Williams had taken his own life?
Sorry for the blunt question, but that is how it was posed to me, interested to see what you say.
Also you have never mentioned medication, or if you did I’ve missed it, what are you prescribed?
Have you tried C.B.T - Cognitive behavioral therapy, hypnotherapy or any other alternative therapy?
Ah well, enough interigation for today, keep your chin up, get plenty of sleep.....
NMS,What were your immediate thoughts when you heard that Robin Williams had taken his own life?
Sorry for the blunt question, but that is how it was posed to me, interested to see what you say.
Also you have never mentioned medication, or if you did I’ve missed it, what are you prescribed?
Have you tried C.B.T - Cognitive behavioral therapy, hypnotherapy or any other alternative therapy?
Ah well, enough interigation for today, keep your chin up, get plenty of sleep.....
I was actually saddened, he was a gifted actor with a cursed mind, and in the end, it got the better of him.
Well, gifted for the most part - when he was at his best, he was among the best, but he could be absolutely sh**e as well (Eddie Murphy style).
To be fairly honest, with his history of depression and serious drug abuse, it wouldn't have surprised me if it had happened sooner.
In the end, if a troubled person commits suicice it will not be down to being selfish, which is often something that is thrown at people who have tried to take their own lives (myself included) - selfish towards the people they leave behind, their unfinished business, etc.
Since my attempt, I actually find it selfish of others to want me to live when clearly I do not enjoy life and just want out. Don't get me wrong, I do not want to be dead, I just don't really want to be alive anymore. Big difference.
In Williams' case, I'm just glad he got it done properly, because the worst that can happen after a failed suicide attempt is to find yourself in a position where you cannot attempt it again (think paralized, in a coma, whatever).
Death can mean freedom from pain and suffering, and in his case, this is what he wanted, and this is what he got. No need to force a man to live if he's lost the will to.
Hope this answer helps and isn't too bleak.
I'm not on any kind of medication, I come from a family where addiction is a big problem and I am very respectful and scared of the medication's effect. Also, I've got it in my mind that if I take something to make me happy, I will be aware that my happiness is only due to the meds. Something like an inverted placebo effect perhaps ? It's as if I know that chemical happiness is not real, which may not prevent its effects but cause a whole lot of other problems to crop up.
My therapists agree to leave me off meds unless I attempt something again.
Also, some of the side effects are down-right scary. At 26 I am too young for some serious anal leakage, ya feel me?
I'm not into hypnotherapy or other forms of treatment where I feel that I have to surrender part of the control I have - I like to be in touch with myself (cue laughs) and be completely aware of what is happening, what is working and what isn't.
HDM said:
Marv,
I am very impressed with your honesty in discussing your situations, and tip my hat to you for doing so. As has been mentioned, Mental health is not a subject that is really discussed openly, although the recent sad passing of Robin Williams will hopefully bring some positive attention on the illness that is depression.
I notice you mention that you have access to percussion instruments, and would suggest that bashing away at a drum kit may be slightly better for your hands than the punch bag!
I wish you the very best in your journey, and hope that you will be re-united with your son as soon as possible.
Much love (in a manly way) and respect to you.
HDM,I am very impressed with your honesty in discussing your situations, and tip my hat to you for doing so. As has been mentioned, Mental health is not a subject that is really discussed openly, although the recent sad passing of Robin Williams will hopefully bring some positive attention on the illness that is depression.
I notice you mention that you have access to percussion instruments, and would suggest that bashing away at a drum kit may be slightly better for your hands than the punch bag!
I wish you the very best in your journey, and hope that you will be re-united with your son as soon as possible.
Much love (in a manly way) and respect to you.
Thanks for the compliment lad, and I started this thread hoping it would draw some attention to depression - it can be a male problem as well and doesn't always need to be drowned in alcohol or other substances.
That said, I do shmoke ganj from time to time at home as it helps me calm down before I go to bed.
Percussion and punching bags are out of the question as I've been running around with a broken thumb for the past two weeks and it's only been discovered today (well not entirely broken, I don't know the correct term in English - the bone is slightly fractured right below the nail).
Thanks for the love and right back at ya, but in a totally manly way! That's guy love, between two guuuuyyyys.
Anyhoo, signing off again, long day behind me, long days ahead.
I wish everyone the best!
Hi all,
Sorry for the long delay between replies, I had a very tough time with a lot of re-traumatizing going on, a few dissociating episodes and very strong suicidal tendencies.
So haven't been on the PC much.
I'm still here though!
I am now also on meds, which was one of the terms I had to agree to if I wanted to continue my stay in the clinic - I had simply become too unstable to go on without them, which I concur with.
So aside from the usual trouble, the meds took their toll as well, giving me sleepless nights (haven't slept in 4 days which my therapists are aware of and which will be addressed during a doctor's visit tomorrow) and generally wreaking havoc on my system.
I've also lost a lot of weight which worries the doctors, even though I eat healthily and regularly.
I'm slowly getting used to the meds though, so hope that the effects of getting used to them will wear off soon.
Thanks to all the people who have mailed me and given me the confidence to come back to this post, which I'll hopefully update more often in the future !
I hope you've all been all right and staying out of trouble!
Sorry for the long delay between replies, I had a very tough time with a lot of re-traumatizing going on, a few dissociating episodes and very strong suicidal tendencies.
So haven't been on the PC much.
I'm still here though!
I am now also on meds, which was one of the terms I had to agree to if I wanted to continue my stay in the clinic - I had simply become too unstable to go on without them, which I concur with.
So aside from the usual trouble, the meds took their toll as well, giving me sleepless nights (haven't slept in 4 days which my therapists are aware of and which will be addressed during a doctor's visit tomorrow) and generally wreaking havoc on my system.
I've also lost a lot of weight which worries the doctors, even though I eat healthily and regularly.
I'm slowly getting used to the meds though, so hope that the effects of getting used to them will wear off soon.
Thanks to all the people who have mailed me and given me the confidence to come back to this post, which I'll hopefully update more often in the future !
I hope you've all been all right and staying out of trouble!
Hi all,
I'm back, and apologies if I haven't stopped by as often as I was going to - there have been many new arrivals here at the clinic and the computers (2 rigs for 130 patients, go figure) were constantly occupied by those having to update their facebooks and twitters and God knows what.
I was astonished to see how many people on here, essentially are most of us strangers, care about this thread.
It sure does restore some hope !
As for updates, I'm already laying off my first meds as the doctors want to give me something stronger that will also help me sleep, so I'm prepared for a whole new set of side effects!
I had been given a first release date of 24/09 which has been pushed back another 2 weeks, so looking to go back by 08/10 now.
How has the collective of PH been doing ? Any new stand-out threads that one should read ?
I'm back, and apologies if I haven't stopped by as often as I was going to - there have been many new arrivals here at the clinic and the computers (2 rigs for 130 patients, go figure) were constantly occupied by those having to update their facebooks and twitters and God knows what.
I was astonished to see how many people on here, essentially are most of us strangers, care about this thread.
It sure does restore some hope !
As for updates, I'm already laying off my first meds as the doctors want to give me something stronger that will also help me sleep, so I'm prepared for a whole new set of side effects!
I had been given a first release date of 24/09 which has been pushed back another 2 weeks, so looking to go back by 08/10 now.
How has the collective of PH been doing ? Any new stand-out threads that one should read ?
NRS said:
Why not check out serequel - it's helped me sleep and the only side effects most people seem to get are a dry mouth. Nothing particularly amazing seems to have popped up sadly. Not sure if it's just me getting used to PH and finding it predictable to know pretty much everything that will be posted in a thread anyway/having seen it posted before, or if it's just not as good?
NRS,Serequel is not prescribed by this clinic - a fellow patient was taking them and had to get resupplied from her local pharmacist.
I am currently on 50mg of Citalopran, taking 25mg for the next couple of days until next Wednesdays when I'll start Mirtazipin 30mg.
I get what you mean mate, I'll browse the Lounge for a few more minutes and try to dig something up - the photoshop my friend and dog thread was hilarious!
RyanTank said:
Hey Marv! 
nice to get an update from you. I was away for 2 weeks and the only thread I was interested in looking back at was this one to see how you are doing!
Sadly the stty Mexican WIFI couldn't handle the forum so I never got on here 
Hang in there dude! embrace the cooler sidefects of the new meds (if there are any?) and just think, by the time you get out the weather will be changing and you'll get to use the full 'powahh' of the Impreza on the greasy roads
Or get yourself onto a track in the lupo and drive the tyres off it
Hi Ryan, nice to get an update from you. I was away for 2 weeks and the only thread I was interested in looking back at was this one to see how you are doing!Sadly the s
tty Mexican WIFI couldn't handle the forum so I never got on here Hang in there dude! embrace the cooler sidefects of the new meds (if there are any?) and just think, by the time you get out the weather will be changing and you'll get to use the full 'powahh' of the Impreza on the greasy roads
Or get yourself onto a track in the lupo and drive the tyres off it
Hope Mexico was treating you right, all I know is that Gus Fring is from there and you can score loads of chicas and tequila!
The meds have one cool side effect which is delayed ejaculation! Hey ho!
I took the 'preza to a muddy field in the rain a few weeks back and have some photos coming up if I can get them loaded to the computer here, and the Lupo is patiently waiting for me back home!
All the best mate!
Little update, nothing new on the continent.
Will start taking the new meds on wednesday, and leaving the clinic next week on the 24th.
Back in Luxembourg on the 28th as I will be spending a few days in Würzburg with the girlfriend (she lives there).
Disappointed by thetrash thread in the videogames section, that might have been a good one.
Will start taking the new meds on wednesday, and leaving the clinic next week on the 24th.
Back in Luxembourg on the 28th as I will be spending a few days in Würzburg with the girlfriend (she lives there).
Disappointed by thetrash thread in the videogames section, that might have been a good one.
HDM said:
Good news to read you have a release date, thetrash thread was anticlimactic, although I have to say, the "These pictures make my teeth itch" had me snorting coffee all over my keyboard!
http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&a...
You're killing me, I have minor OCD and this is making my toenails curl up!http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&a...
mini1380cc said:
I went from Mirtazapine 30MG which was really good for anxiety and it gives you a brilliant sleep. The flip side is you become rather apathetic to everything and feel pretty detached from reality. It also made me put on a tonne of weight, but that doesn't go for everyone.
I've just been moved to Citalopram and the tapering period was a nightmare with insomnia, cold sweats and the shakes. The Cit is now settled down but it isn't a patch on Mirtazapine.
The first day you take the 30MG Mirt, prepare for a LONG snooze.
I wish you the best, i know these meds take patience and are largely trial and error until the find the one for you. I've still to reach that point but hopefully you will find what you need from them soon.
Hi Mini,I've just been moved to Citalopram and the tapering period was a nightmare with insomnia, cold sweats and the shakes. The Cit is now settled down but it isn't a patch on Mirtazapine.
The first day you take the 30MG Mirt, prepare for a LONG snooze.
I wish you the best, i know these meds take patience and are largely trial and error until the find the one for you. I've still to reach that point but hopefully you will find what you need from them soon.
Edited by mini1380cc on Wednesday 17th September 12:42
thanks for your insight, they said I should take the Mirt tonight at 9pm while in bed already and that it would hit me hard, so quite anxious about that actually.
Good luck further on with the Cit, the tapering effects are bad enough but once you reduce your dose to move onto something else, it'll be the same all over again, but worse (for me at least).
Tonight's the night for me with Mirt, hopefully will be reporting back tomorrow with news of how it went.
Fingers crossed.
And here's the update, took the Mirtazapine at about half past ten last night, fighting sleep at ten, then I don't remember much till I overheard my alarm this morning and overslept.
Been walking through a haze all day, not really feeling any kind of emotion.
Nice for a change.
How's PH been doing today ?
Been walking through a haze all day, not really feeling any kind of emotion.
Nice for a change.
How's PH been doing today ?
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