3 yr old Son dressing up in girls costume
Discussion
My 3 year old son regularly wants to dress up as Rapunzel, complete with blonde hair band. My missus bought him the outfit from a Disney store some months ago after he had watched Tangled umpteen zillion times. I didn't approve!
This is a situation that is going to cause an issue, I can just see it. Call me old fashioned if you like, but i'm not a fan of this look and to be honest it makes me very uncomfortable. I'd just rather he didn't do this and her encourage him to.
My missus obviously has no issue whatsoever and has done other s
t like recently paint her pink nail varnish on one of his hands and bought him some other pretend jewellery.
I've aired my views and we've had a minor heated debated about it, but as expected she sees no issue and so I have to lump it.
I would imagine if I looked at a sample of 15 boys from his local nursery he won't be the only one (well I know he isn't the only one) but I suspect he's in a very small minority and I think why should my son be included in that?!
As I took him to my Mums today, again dressed in his pink frock (much to my disgruntlement), my missus said your Mum won't give a st, however arriving at her house she was clearly not enamoured with his appearance and we had a brief discussion where we both concluded it is odd.
I don't want my 3 year old son to be made paranoid about this as he won't understand it all, but I do think my missus shouldn't be encouraging this kind of behaviour either.
Is there a way forward?
This is a situation that is going to cause an issue, I can just see it. Call me old fashioned if you like, but i'm not a fan of this look and to be honest it makes me very uncomfortable. I'd just rather he didn't do this and her encourage him to.
My missus obviously has no issue whatsoever and has done other s
t like recently paint her pink nail varnish on one of his hands and bought him some other pretend jewellery.I've aired my views and we've had a minor heated debated about it, but as expected she sees no issue and so I have to lump it.
I would imagine if I looked at a sample of 15 boys from his local nursery he won't be the only one (well I know he isn't the only one) but I suspect he's in a very small minority and I think why should my son be included in that?!
As I took him to my Mums today, again dressed in his pink frock (much to my disgruntlement), my missus said your Mum won't give a s
t, however arriving at her house she was clearly not enamoured with his appearance and we had a brief discussion where we both concluded it is odd.I don't want my 3 year old son to be made paranoid about this as he won't understand it all, but I do think my missus shouldn't be encouraging this kind of behaviour either.
Is there a way forward?
TobyLaRohne said:
If i read this right the Mrs is pushing this on him?
No, he's 3. He sees something and says he wants it. She doesn't say no but buys him it regardless. There are times when you should just say no IMO. BTW,he has a knights outfit, Toy Story Woody outfit (which is gay in itself!), Batman, Skeleton, Power Rangers, Ninja turtle etc etc but the dress seems to be weapon of choice
HOLY fk!!
I was going to say that part of the problem is that my OH best mate also has a similar aged daughter. So trawling through her FB feed for a photo I can see the problem has gone beyond his own wardrobe!!
I've cropped his head off for privacy but rest unsured this is my son...
AS fkING TINKERBELL!!!!!
Comment on FB from OH "business as usual" !!!
FFS
k!!I was going to say that part of the problem is that my OH best mate also has a similar aged daughter. So trawling through her FB feed for a photo I can see the problem has gone beyond his own wardrobe!!
I've cropped his head off for privacy but rest unsured this is my son...
AS f
kING TINKERBELL!!!!!Comment on FB from OH "business as usual" !!!
FFS
Mr Trophy said:
OP, I would be the same as you, however, I would be sitting down Miss T and saying, this is not happening under any circumstances. Whilst I appreciate he's 3, it's still a no IMO of course.
I thought i'd made it clear that it was a no no, around me anyway. So much my surprise when I saw him kitted up in pink this morning!I would be lying if I said I didn't find it slightly amusing when she thought my Mum wouldn't care
(my poor Mums face)
Ari said:
Some Gump said:
Is there any chance that your missus really wanted a girl, and so she's imparting her will on him without realising it?
D'ya think..? 
pork911 said:
she's probably trying to lessen the effect on the household of OP's 'manliness'
Seriously mate, the problem is like I said, I can only imagine in a survey of similar aged children that it's a small minority who are subject to this kind of thing, so is it unreasonable that I'd simply rather he not be in the minority? 
MLH said:
OP,genuine question, how would you feel if years down the line your son turned out to be gay? (or transgendered, cross dresser etc...)
My younger brother always seemed a bit 'different' growing up. He was more interested in my little pony than action man, more Erasure than the latest 'in' music.
My father would try his best to keep him on the straight (excuse the pun) and narrow and would kit him out in the latest football kits, sit with him and watch 'manly' sports and action movies but needless to say in his late teens my brother came out as gay.
Surprisingly, both my parents were very supportive along with myself, family and friends. He's now settled with his partner and everything is fine.
I guess what im trying to say is that im convinced the signs start to show from an early age and no matter how hard you try to suppress them, change them, guide them they will inevitably find their own way in the end, a way that feels right to them.
Well yeh, he's 3. I would rather him do boys things (we have an Integrale in the garage, a fast bike parked next to it, I take him fishing and so on). It's not like he doesn't do boy things, cause he certainly does and takes an interest.My younger brother always seemed a bit 'different' growing up. He was more interested in my little pony than action man, more Erasure than the latest 'in' music.
My father would try his best to keep him on the straight (excuse the pun) and narrow and would kit him out in the latest football kits, sit with him and watch 'manly' sports and action movies but needless to say in his late teens my brother came out as gay.
Surprisingly, both my parents were very supportive along with myself, family and friends. He's now settled with his partner and everything is fine.
I guess what im trying to say is that im convinced the signs start to show from an early age and no matter how hard you try to suppress them, change them, guide them they will inevitably find their own way in the end, a way that feels right to them.
But i'd like to think I can guide him in the same way I was guided, that's not to say I am perfect (I was brought up well), but I didn't wear dresses (according to conversation with my mother this morning).
It's not all about him winding up gay, but it makes me uncomfortable and embarrassed taking him out and about wearing dresses. I'm sorry but that's just how I feel.
TobyLaRohne said:
El Guapo said:
Baldy881 said:
I've cropped his head off for privacy but rest unsured this is my son...
No way is that a picture of a 3 year old. Baldy is telling porkies. I can assure you that photo is my son aged 3 (who is 4 in October).Anyway, if I could make a comparison...
It's very similar in a way to how I feel about gays, lesbians, religion etc. I have ZERO issue with how other people wish to lead their lives that's their own business, but that does not mean I have to either accept or understand it. Each to their own and all that. As long as people do not push their views onto me I care little about what they do.
Referring back to my initial post, it's not about my son. He's 3, he's impressionable, so he'll take interest in whatever is put in front of him more often than not. In this case my missus has made wearing dresses and appearing feminine available to him. I do not agree with it and don't share her views.
I have tried to discuss, but as confirmed by allowing him to leave the house as he was this morning (to go to someone else who also does not share her views), it is clear that she is in effect pushing her beliefs, her desires for how he should behave onto others.
He has a healthy and varied range of interests, I'd just rather remove the interest in dressing up in female attire with little or no effect on him psychologically. But this is unobtainable as long as my OH disagrees with my views.
It's very similar in a way to how I feel about gays, lesbians, religion etc. I have ZERO issue with how other people wish to lead their lives that's their own business, but that does not mean I have to either accept or understand it. Each to their own and all that. As long as people do not push their views onto me I care little about what they do.
Referring back to my initial post, it's not about my son. He's 3, he's impressionable, so he'll take interest in whatever is put in front of him more often than not. In this case my missus has made wearing dresses and appearing feminine available to him. I do not agree with it and don't share her views.
I have tried to discuss, but as confirmed by allowing him to leave the house as he was this morning (to go to someone else who also does not share her views), it is clear that she is in effect pushing her beliefs, her desires for how he should behave onto others.
He has a healthy and varied range of interests, I'd just rather remove the interest in dressing up in female attire with little or no effect on him psychologically. But this is unobtainable as long as my OH disagrees with my views.
Some Gump said:
@ all these people frothing the moral high ground about gayness - you're assuming that cross dressing implies bum touching, which it doesn't. Can you not see the irony about you berating the OP for being prejudiced, whilst simultaneously showing prejudice yourselves?
It's one thing to play fancy dress, where the young lad may / may not end up wearing a princess outfit. It's another thing altogether to paint his nails, dress him in a frock and take him to grandmas. Whether you agree with it or not, wider society would generally view that as odd. It might suit some people on the internet to go on the moral rampage and decide that society would be a better place if traditional gender roles were not there - but they are. Do you really think the correct people to fight this are 3?
Some people are claiming that to make a thing of it might be repressing the kid, make him feel uncomfortable or whatever. I disagree. Gentle guidance from parents is caring - the 10% that will make his life a misery will be far, far less gentle. See what causes the biggest upset - a kind parent, or random strangers staring and making comments.
Anyways, the biggest issue I see from the initial post is not whether dressing up is odd, but more stress caused by the difference of opinion between parents, and the way his wife is exerting power by taking the lad dressed like that to HIS parents (as opposed to her own). IMO it's a "well I'm doing it, please try to stop me and see how we get on" type act. I reckon it'll be less than 10 minutes before someone trots out the old mysogeny line, but put it this way - if the boot was on the other foot and the OP was forcing his will on the Mrs, people would be (probably rightly) accusing him of trying to dominate his wife in some sort of 1960's "I'm the man and I'm in charge" way.
Thanks Some Gump, I actually read this It's one thing to play fancy dress, where the young lad may / may not end up wearing a princess outfit. It's another thing altogether to paint his nails, dress him in a frock and take him to grandmas. Whether you agree with it or not, wider society would generally view that as odd. It might suit some people on the internet to go on the moral rampage and decide that society would be a better place if traditional gender roles were not there - but they are. Do you really think the correct people to fight this are 3?
Some people are claiming that to make a thing of it might be repressing the kid, make him feel uncomfortable or whatever. I disagree. Gentle guidance from parents is caring - the 10% that will make his life a misery will be far, far less gentle. See what causes the biggest upset - a kind parent, or random strangers staring and making comments.
Anyways, the biggest issue I see from the initial post is not whether dressing up is odd, but more stress caused by the difference of opinion between parents, and the way his wife is exerting power by taking the lad dressed like that to HIS parents (as opposed to her own). IMO it's a "well I'm doing it, please try to stop me and see how we get on" type act. I reckon it'll be less than 10 minutes before someone trots out the old mysogeny line, but put it this way - if the boot was on the other foot and the OP was forcing his will on the Mrs, people would be (probably rightly) accusing him of trying to dominate his wife in some sort of 1960's "I'm the man and I'm in charge" way.
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