Fair Divs

[snood]

Hello Agony Aunts,

I've a divorce upcoming and we're living separated under the same roof. This isn't a matter of choice for me.

She's locking me downstairs but using the kitchen, which is in 'my' bit. I've a small bedroom with ensure shower room.

I don't intend to pay half of the household bills any more. She has the posh dbl bed, Sky TV/home cinema and big bath. Also, fat, freeloading stepdaughter is here, troughing the food for which I pay half, and using heating, bedding, shower, etc.

Can anyone help with my mathematical blind spot? She has exactly twice the floor area. Do I pay 1/4? A 1/3rd?

She locks me out 'cos she " doesn't feel safe". Do I put a bolt on the kitchen door because there are knives and she's an alcoholic? Or is that just childish?

Thanks, gents

[snood]

joebongo said:

1/3.

She has two apples and you have one apple. That makes 3 apples in total.

HTH and best of luck in all seriousness it must be awful.

Too right it is. Thanks

[snood]

Purity14 said:

Whats the end game OP?

We both want the house and she won't accept my offering her the business (holiday flat, worth about £110K plus £10K a year and rising). I haven't the dosh to buy her out but I can prove how much my family put into the house (£213K plus). If she tries to fight that, it'll look pretty black for her in court. She came to me bankrupt and paid very little into the marital pot. So, even though she owns half the house and flat, I have a sting.

The grounds for divorce are unreasonable behaviour - three years and more of drunken, psychological abuse and controlling, plus the foulest of mouths.

[snood]

B17NNS said:

Strap a pair on lad. If she doesn't want to be in the same building as you I'm sure she knows where the door is.

Well, she's gone out. So I've moved into the 2/3 of the house she'd taken. So, she'll find the door locked on her tomorrow - should be interesting. Cue still more shrewery, methinks.

Incidentally, I'm seeing a solicitor in about a week's time. She's been threatening me with what, 'her solicitor' says for a week.

[snood]

OK folks,

I've moved back downstairs, with my stuff. 'Her' lock is still in place and functional but I have put a bolt on the kitchen door. She told me she'd been carrying a knife (fruit knife) on the advice of a counsellor! To be honest, if she's tanked, I don't trust her around knives.

I also put this to her...

I have 1/3rd of the house so I'll pay 1/3rd of the bills.
I can't access Sky TV so I'll stop paying for it.
We each get our own food, as she's pickier than me and is feeding the stepdaughter a lot.

The response was, 'all this is in the hands of my solicitor'.

Feminine logic.

By the way, I have her flagged up with the police 'cos I thought she'd deliberately damage my stuff. She's also know to 'Let Go', a local domestic violence outfit. She's thrown stuff at me and smashed a glass or two near me. I'm not a pussy but the verbal/psych abuse is serious.

[snood]

irocfan said:

I rather suspect the police would be interested in that line of reasoning... IIRC there is NO valid excuse for carrying a knife (though obviously IANAL)

Ah well, she told me she was carrying the knife. It was just mentioned and now it was under her pillow, not carried. And I've deliberately unplugged the fridge upstairs now.

[snood]

No, mate. She claims I've unplugged the fridge. In fact, I took the microwave off the top of the fridge last night. If that happened to pull the plug (v. unlikely) I didn't notice.

In wife world, this means I deliberately unplugged it. It's a typical, baseless accusation. In return, the hit the power switch on the TV I was watching downstairs. I just said "subtle" and "mature". She's locked the door now.

[snood]

irocfan said:

Oh, that's soooooo right. And funny, thanks for the grin

[snood]

Oakey said:

Why haven't you phoned the police to inform them she's tooled up and threatening you?

Because it's all smoke and mirrors. She told me after the event and AFAIK, she's not equipped now. Might be a different story under oath.

[snood]

Biggriff said:

You are going to get rogered senseless by her solicitor. FFS get some advice tomorrow. Take action to protect your finances as well. Make sure she can't borrow money using your name/details.

Her kids don't sound like dependants despite her protestations so as long as you play it calm (suggest you keep a diary) as you might need to rely on it in court.

On the house funding issue and your parents can't you get old bank statements or transaction details?

Thanks, Biggriff.

Why be scared of her solicitor? I doubt I'll be summonsed by this person for giving the Mrs half a house and half a business. I've an appontment booked, for the free 30-minute consult, on the 4th Sept.

I've already acted re. money. Come tomorrow, she'll no longer be a signatory on the business account, which is in my name and always was. The joint 'transfer' account is overdrawn so there's only about £20 to steal. I'm also seriously overdrawn but have changed my online banking passcode and password.

Her 'kids' aren't dependents, any more than they're kids (30 & 34). One is on benefits up to the eyes, the other's on welfare/friends handouts in the US. I do, however, keep a detailed diary and have carefully logged all her abuse over the past four years or so. I even have a recording of her inviting me to "shut up and fk off." Nice.

I've also lots of info on the house funding - it was Mum who did that, Dad died in '81. I've every bill, for the purchase of the house, solicitors' fees, moving costs and about £26K's worth of 'improvements', all funded by my family.

[snood]

Rude-boy said:

Many people change when they get married. Some because of the new state of mind that they are in, some because they wish to adapt to be a bit more like their partner, some because people do change over time and some because now they can drop the pretence at normality they have been keeping up for the last few years and feel safe to be the batst mental man/woman they are.

Yep, best-ish behaviour until the band of gold went on. Ratbag since.

[snood]

Bit of what goes around comes around today. She now wants to cancel Sky TV, "because I have it at my daughters." Well she's going to the 'States, with SD, to see her other offspring - flying on 9/11! I'll simply get a Sky card then.

Also I got, "I've got you flagged up with the police." For what? I've no idea, never touched her, allegations notwithstanding. But it was sweet to say to her, "I did that 3 weeks ago, when I thought you were going to smash up my stuff in a drunken rage."

She also got the news that she can no longer access the business account, which is, as I said, in my name. Apart from a couple of frosty e-mails, nothing. She's sulking.

The irony is that she's just turned 60 - she isn't eleven, FFS.

[snood]

Oh dear, another mathematical blind spot.

She has a bank account and so do I. We have a joint account and a business account. here's wot I did...

1: Stopped her accessing the business account, which is in my name. The funds in it are joint, once it's in the black.

2: Changed password so she can't see my personal account.

3: Today, I had the joint account frozen - she'd used it to take her daughter out to lunch and had two deliveries of shopping, to daughter's flat. We normally pay food/house bills half and half. I ain't contributing to another household.

4: Moved the household direct debits to my personal account.

OK, I have 1/3 of the house so I'll pay 1/3 of the household bills and buy my own food. I'll draw from the business account but how do I make it fair, given the funds are joint?

EG: draw 2/3 of the household direct debits?

I don't want to cheat her but it looks like I'd be taking 2/3 of my own half.

or...do I simply deduct before sending off her share & keep a running total if it goes overdrawn again?

Help?

[snood]

SpeedMattersNot said:

This attitude does seem very immature. Cut your losses, try to be squeaky clean because I've read my fair share of horror stories on her and the media and it doesn't go well for the blokes I'm afraid.

Edit to ask - are you drunk?

No, I'm teetotal - have been for 30 years.

[snood]

olly22n said:

Stop being a tt.

You should know by now the rules of engagement. Kiss good bye to half. Don't fk about by not paying in the meantime either.

Suck it up, pay her what she is due and start again. Your life will be better for it.

Good luck.

Thanks for the 'Good luck'

Just to clarify, I'm looking at these:-

Personal account £877 0verdrawn

Joint account £493 overdrawn

Business account £508 overdrawn

Her personal account £no idea, well in the black before she changed her passwords.

Being low paid, we share working tax credit, I just made my claim single and as separated. But on the 11th, she and daughter are flying to the 'States for 2 weeks, at a cost of about £1,000, and she's taking £1,800 'spending money'. Incidentally, I don't have a Bentley or the drive or a Rolex on my wrist.

She's making me lose the house and the business, has deliberately fked my application for a firearms certificate (hobby shooter), has locked me out of 2/3 of the house, isn't paying into it and now expects me to fork out half towards her subsistence at the daughter's address, and pay half towards their jollies. BTW, daughter's benefits outstrip what were receiving as a couple and the government also pays her mortgage.

Who should be sucking it up? I think I've done enough of that.

I've had good advice from the solicitor this afternoon and have listened - it was her suggestion to freeze the joint account - fast. I know a court may not take too much ntoice of who bought what but this decision is based on both sharing and needs.

My plan is to sell both properties, split the proceeds and never darken one another's doors again. But solicitor says her money should be in the 'pot' as much as mine is. She needs to realise that a court fight will just line the lawyers' pockets.

And I'm immature and a tt? Just deeply upset and fuming.

[snood]

Funny...it's all gone quiet.

Just a little update. I received a letter from her solicitor today - I'd been warned it was due.

The gist was that I'm intimidating her...

'You locked her out of the house, she had to climb in through an open window.'

Reality: I left to go see a film after my firearms certificate interview - she'd seen the firearms officer an hour before I did. I slam locked the door as usual and I didn't even know where the deadlock keys was. I left the window open as I knew she was en route, on foot. Too pissed to unlock the door? I'll never know.

'You deliberately left pictures of rifles out in the kitchen.'

Reality: My good friend Norman from the rifle club printed these out for me. I'm locked out down in the kitchen/end room. Go figure.

'You unplugged the phone so she couldn't use it.'

Reality: On replacing the phone after using it, I must have dislodged the phone plug from the microfilter...she plugged the phone back in last, it obviously didn't click lock properly. BUT the phone and plug are on her side of the living room door, the one she locks.

Anyway, this lot was followed by a threat about an occupation order. Seems she's instructing the sol/r to draw up a divorce petition. Too late, my petition was sent, recorded, today, with a note about the copy of the marriage certificate (£23.40 on priority - she has the original (for her solicitor) and won't return it.)

And tonight, she turned up with daughter and they're kenelled upstairs. She's been downstairs two or three times - not a word has passed her lips. It's a relief.

As I say, go figure.

[snood]

El Guapo said:

How long have you been married to this woman? I see 4 years of abuse mentioned but not the number of years of marriage.
Was the house yours before the wedding?
What about the rental property?
There are many other questions. She is not necessarily entitled to 50% of everything, but you have to play this game with a straight bat.

keep posting? Stop posting? Make up your minds

El Guapo...

We've been married just over 10 years. She left former husband and came over from the US in 2003. I used to know her back in the mid-70s - Friends Reunited is to blame.

The house was acquired after the sale of my Mum's house. So, Mum bought it and gave it to me. Like a complete knob, I made it joint owned with the Mrs. Ditto the flat.

My plan is to point out that all a court fight is highly likely bring is the same outcome as has been mooted all along - a 50/50 split. She can't have the house - her offer is too silly. I cn't buy her out so we sell up and split up, period. Apart from lining other pockets, court involvment could lead to a compulsory auctioning of assets - peanuts time.

So, the petition is at the court, the copy marrige cert will be on its way next week.

She and SD fly to the 'States to see SS next week. It's her choice to fly on 9/11 - nothing whatsoever to do with me. On her return, she'll find a nice surprise, in the guise of my divorce petition for her response. She won't like what's on it but every 'ground' is 100% true and verifiable.

Stay tuned for the next exciting instalment of Snood vs Snood