Lack of Social life
Discussion
Don't know where is best to post this, so will probably get moved!
Apologies if it is a bit long winded, just ignore me if you want!
Over the past couple of weeks, I have realised that I have been missing out on a major part of life, and have been for a long time; having a social life. Somewhat of an epiphany maybe. For example there is pretty much only one person that I text and call on my phone, My OH. When i'm not seeing her, it is pretty much get in from work, fall asleep for a while, watch a bit of telly, read something and thats that. We live apart by an hour or so.
Apart from her I pretty much have a zero social life, most of the time I am quite happy with my own company, but having been to a couple of social events lately, and having had a good time, and people deliberately come over to me to talk to me, have fun, have a laugh or whatever, has made me think about what I have missed out on over the past decade or so. I only the OH for one or two days a week if we're lucky, so the rest of the week I need something there to occupy me.
Those of you that have met me and know me, will know that I am a huge introvert, I feel as I am a socially awkward person but whether I truly am? I sometimes struggle to keep conversations going, especially with people I don't know that well, lots of awkward long silences, where I', racking my brain on what to say, what do I do about that?!
I struggle to meet new people, and I just do not know what to say, and dislike it, so as a result I have shied away from social events. I have now realised this is a bit of a downward spiral, as I will never meet new people and become more social. I'm in no rush to go home most days, as what's there? Nothing really, so sometimes I just stay and chat or whatever, take my time to have a bit of company.
Someone I work with that I considered an extremely good friend, and probably didn't know that, has recently left and I don't know how to fill that gap. I don't know if her replacement will be able to fill her shoes. I will probably lose her as a friend, as I will probably fail to make an effort to keep contact, which as I will explain later, is one of my failures.
I also consider another close colleague to be an extremely good friend, and I doubt she knows it either. Her partner too, since day one here, I have considered a good mate. I have a small circle of colleagues that I consider good mates, but only a few I would want to socialise with, mainly the ones I work closely with.
Trouble is, I have always been terrible at keeping in touch, when I leave somewhere or someone leaves, ties are cut, so there's never any continuation of friendships, so from now, I am going to make the effort to stay in touch with people. Maybe part of me feels that once I have moved out of their life, why should I bother them with my problems or whatever, we all move on from time to time, why bring all that baggage with us, new places new mates? I don’t want to appear clingy or anything to them, be a parasite, so I do the polar opposite.
But now I realise that I am wrong with that, a good mate will always be a good mate, but I have not made the effort in most cases to be a good mate. Maybe it's a fear of rejection, if I don't ask someone if they want to go somewhere or do something, I cannot be rejected, so that's good! But then I end up not doing anything, as I have turned down invites to whatever in the past, so they don't bother asking any more, unless its a 'we really want you there' case. And then we all have a good time and I enjoy myself, we all have a laugh.
Sometimes I feel as I am too serious a lot of the time, so some people must think that I am a bit uptight, boring, sad, or whatever. I sometimes find it hard to loosen up and have a laugh, but, when I do, occasionally I come out with brilliant one liners that crack everyone up, or i'll do something that does the same, and when that happens that makes me feel good about myself, and I realise that I can have a good time, and that people do like me.
Trouble is I don't have a clue as to where to go, and how to meet new people, so i'm stuck.
So what do I do? How the hell do I meet new people? I feel stuck in a massive rut, without much way out, I don't want to have to rely on my small circle, or pressurise them, but I feel I need to change something. Even if it is just one night a week socialising somewhere.
Meh, I dont know. i'm just rambling now. I'll probably regret this later on, but then maybe it's got to be said. The first step to getting help is admitting you have a problem? I'm Dave, and i'm a socially awkward introvert. There. Said it. It probably doesnt help in the fact that I suspect that I have Aspergers.
Apologies if it is a bit long winded, just ignore me if you want!
Over the past couple of weeks, I have realised that I have been missing out on a major part of life, and have been for a long time; having a social life. Somewhat of an epiphany maybe. For example there is pretty much only one person that I text and call on my phone, My OH. When i'm not seeing her, it is pretty much get in from work, fall asleep for a while, watch a bit of telly, read something and thats that. We live apart by an hour or so.
Apart from her I pretty much have a zero social life, most of the time I am quite happy with my own company, but having been to a couple of social events lately, and having had a good time, and people deliberately come over to me to talk to me, have fun, have a laugh or whatever, has made me think about what I have missed out on over the past decade or so. I only the OH for one or two days a week if we're lucky, so the rest of the week I need something there to occupy me.
Those of you that have met me and know me, will know that I am a huge introvert, I feel as I am a socially awkward person but whether I truly am? I sometimes struggle to keep conversations going, especially with people I don't know that well, lots of awkward long silences, where I', racking my brain on what to say, what do I do about that?!
I struggle to meet new people, and I just do not know what to say, and dislike it, so as a result I have shied away from social events. I have now realised this is a bit of a downward spiral, as I will never meet new people and become more social. I'm in no rush to go home most days, as what's there? Nothing really, so sometimes I just stay and chat or whatever, take my time to have a bit of company.
Someone I work with that I considered an extremely good friend, and probably didn't know that, has recently left and I don't know how to fill that gap. I don't know if her replacement will be able to fill her shoes. I will probably lose her as a friend, as I will probably fail to make an effort to keep contact, which as I will explain later, is one of my failures.
I also consider another close colleague to be an extremely good friend, and I doubt she knows it either. Her partner too, since day one here, I have considered a good mate. I have a small circle of colleagues that I consider good mates, but only a few I would want to socialise with, mainly the ones I work closely with.
Trouble is, I have always been terrible at keeping in touch, when I leave somewhere or someone leaves, ties are cut, so there's never any continuation of friendships, so from now, I am going to make the effort to stay in touch with people. Maybe part of me feels that once I have moved out of their life, why should I bother them with my problems or whatever, we all move on from time to time, why bring all that baggage with us, new places new mates? I don’t want to appear clingy or anything to them, be a parasite, so I do the polar opposite.
But now I realise that I am wrong with that, a good mate will always be a good mate, but I have not made the effort in most cases to be a good mate. Maybe it's a fear of rejection, if I don't ask someone if they want to go somewhere or do something, I cannot be rejected, so that's good! But then I end up not doing anything, as I have turned down invites to whatever in the past, so they don't bother asking any more, unless its a 'we really want you there' case. And then we all have a good time and I enjoy myself, we all have a laugh.
Sometimes I feel as I am too serious a lot of the time, so some people must think that I am a bit uptight, boring, sad, or whatever. I sometimes find it hard to loosen up and have a laugh, but, when I do, occasionally I come out with brilliant one liners that crack everyone up, or i'll do something that does the same, and when that happens that makes me feel good about myself, and I realise that I can have a good time, and that people do like me.
Trouble is I don't have a clue as to where to go, and how to meet new people, so i'm stuck.
So what do I do? How the hell do I meet new people? I feel stuck in a massive rut, without much way out, I don't want to have to rely on my small circle, or pressurise them, but I feel I need to change something. Even if it is just one night a week socialising somewhere.
Meh, I dont know. i'm just rambling now. I'll probably regret this later on, but then maybe it's got to be said. The first step to getting help is admitting you have a problem? I'm Dave, and i'm a socially awkward introvert. There. Said it. It probably doesnt help in the fact that I suspect that I have Aspergers.
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff